"ED"FELLAS 2
Money, Power and Jawbreakers
Jimmy, uneasily, stood at the entrance of Eddy's house, the resonating rings of the doorbell he pressed were accompanied by a slow opening of the front door that revealed Double D standing in the doorframe, "You're late." he calmly chastised.
"Oh, I…uh, got sort of caught up with something. Is…uh…Eddy here?" Jimmy stammered.
"'Don' Eddy is expecting you in his office." Double D gestured from Jimmy to come in, and the fluffy-haired boy nodded then entered inside Eddy's house.
Double D walked Jimmy through the hallways of Eddy's house up to the door of Eddy's room, opening it then signaling for Jimmy to go on ahead.
Walking in, Jimmy observed the new surroundings in Eddy's room that far differed from his former furniture; the newly placed dark, shag carpeting, black draperies and scarlet painted walls all accumulated a business-like aura that circulated around the large desk in the middle of the room that held Don Eddy, himself.
Ed stood, with his arms behind his back, as a stoic-faced bodyguard behind Eddy's chair while Eddy chatted on the telephone at his desk, "…nice talking with ya, Fat Tony, maybe sometime me and the boys can head to Springfield and do business, ciao."
Eddy hung up the telephone, reclined in his chair and looked at the nervous Jimmy who stood in front of his desk, "Jimmy, my boy, how can I help you today?"
Jimmy cleared his throat, "Well, uh…lately, there's been some differences between me and Sarah. Ever since the fight we had last week, we haven't been talking. Although now I'm willing to apologize, Sarah has gotten accustomed to hanging out with Johnny and Plank, in the meantime, as a substitute for me! I'm afraid now she no longer wants to be my best friend anymore, at least while Johnny and Plank are around."
Eddy yawned, "So, what do you want me to do about it?"
Jimmy's face turned solid, "I want you to take Johnny out the picture so I can get Sarah back."
Eddy rubbed his chin, "You know there will be a fee?"
Jimmy nodded, took out his piggy bank and a hammer from his left and right pockets, respectively; placed the piggy bank on Eddy's desk then smashed it open with the hammer, revealing a messy pile of cash and coins.
"$200 dollars, two months worth of allowances including some birthday money, all in advance." Jimmy grinned.
Eddy smiled back, "Well, well, looks like we have a client."
Johnny hummed, as he swung leisurely on the swingset within the Cul-de-Sac's playground. Plank had been leaning against one of the swingset's iron railings when he spoke to Johnny in their own telepathic bond,
"What's that Plank? You're sensing danger? Where?" Johnny inquired of his wooden friend.
At that moment, the Eds arrived, wearing their usual expensive suits and matching hats. Double D and Ed stood on opposite sides of the swingset while Eddy sat on the swing next to Johnny, pulling out a cigar, lighting it then puffing it right in front of him,
"So, Johnny boy…whatcha doing here all by yourself? Waiting on someone?" Eddy asked.
Johnny nodded, "Sarah is supposed to be meeting me here in the next five minutes."
Eddy took another puff of his cigar, "Ya don't say? Well, I hate to break the news to ya, Johnny boy, but Sarah won't be meeting with you today."
Johnny was puzzled, "But why? She was gonna help me and Plank plant some Coconuts."
Eddy grinned, "Ed, heard what Johnny said? Looks like he and Sarah were fixing to spend some quality time with each other."
Ed jutted out his lower lip, "I don't like the sound of that, mister!" Ed, walking over in front of Johnny, bellowed while puffing out his chest.
Johnny looked at Ed then Eddy and Double D before he started laughing.
"What's so funny there, chum?" Double D asked with a malevolent tone.
"Just the way you guys look." Johnny replied.
"What makes us so funny? What makes me so funny?" Double D raised an eyebrow.
Johnny shrugged, "I-I don't know, just the way you're acting."
"So you're saying I act funny now? Tell me, is this funny to you, wiseguy? " Double D brandished a Desert Eagle from inside his jacket making Johnny scared.
"Holy mackerel! Calm down, Double D!" Johhny yelled.
"But you said I act funny! Tell me guys, am I acting funny to you?" Double D asked his fellow cohorts who shook their heads in disagreement.
"No, no, I meant it as a good funny." Johnny defended.
"Good funny, how? SNL funny? Dave Chappelle funny? Jack Black funny? Jerry Seinfeld funny?"
Johnny shrugged again, "I don't know…Seinfeld funny?"
"So now you're calling me Jerry Seinfeld? I'm some sort of comedian who shouldn't be taken seriously, now, huh? Especially with a gun loaded with full metal jackets, is that what you're saying?"
"NO! No, I-I…uh-uh…help me out here Plank?" Johnny exclaimed nervously.
"Oh, so now its Plank that wants to try and disrespect me!" Double D pointed his gun at Plank and pumped the wooden carving full with bullets.
"PLANK!" Johnny screamed as he quickly rushed off the swing to pick up the bullet-holed piece of wood that he claimed as a best friend, "He…HE'S DEAD!"
Eddy, who had been amusingly watching the whole conflict, got off the swing and walked over to the crying Johnny, "Sorry for the loss there, Johnny boy, but I'm afraid that's business for ya, you see, a certain client of mine has ordered that you stay clear of Sarah and anything else related to her, that includes Ed too. As much as I don't like the little twerp myself, business is business, and I recommend that you heed my word unless you want to end up like your buddy there. Capisce?"
Johnny nodded and the Eds walked away from the mournful scene.
"Great work on the Mafioso attitude, Double D. It was a real departure from your usual brainy self." Eddy smiled as he and his companions walked down the sidewalk.
"Yeah, I've been studying and practicing from the book for quite some time now, I figured since this is my job, I might as well be very good at it…" Double D replied, "…I also noticed that you've been working on your Italian with that little 'capisce' back there."
Eddy shrugged, "Yeah, I've been picking some up."
"Are Mozzarella and Pepperoni Italian words?" Ed asked Double D.
"Well, technically 'yes' but they're only names for those certain Italian foods, Ed."
"Oh…" Ed responded, "…then is Spaghetti an Italian word?"
"Give it a rest, lumpy." Eddy sneered as he reached into his pocket, pulled out his BlackBerry, then dialed a series of numbers, "Hey Jimmy, it's done…yeah…uh huh…yeah…bye."
Eddy put his BlackBerry back into his pocket and smiled, "Anyone up for two or three dozen Jawbreakers?" he smiled.
Double D cleared his throat, "Well, Eddy, now that you mention Jawbreakers, I feel that its time I told you that our Jawbreaker scam is beginning to wane a little bit, very slowly but surely. The kids are wanting something new besides Jawbreakers all the time."
"Whaddya mean? Kids don't ever get tired of Jawbreakers." Eddy retorted.
"Well according to our marketing profits, business hasn't been the same as it used to be. We need to have a solid foundation that will give us total control of the Cul-de-Sac." Double D verbalized.
"What about making money on hits?" Eddy asked.
Double D rolled his eyes, "We've only done one so far, Eddy, besides the three of us cant always be concerned with making money by 'whacking' somebody otherwise we wont have time to build a strong syndicate."
"So what do you suggest that we do?" Eddy inquired once again.
"Well according to Chapter 12 of Mr. Soprano's book, our syndicate will have to expand its services first so we can establish more than one way of making money and gain a total control of the Cul-de-Sac." Double D replied.
Eddy jolted, "You mean we got to hire somebody?"
Double D nodded, "Not just anybody, Eddy. Remember, the Mafia is a silent and illegal organization, we're going to need some real rough and tough hands to help us out with a lot of our dirty work."
Eddy rubbed his chin, "Have anyone in mind?"
Double D sighed, "Actually, I do. But I don't know if we're going to like it."
"You Eds are so cute when you drive a hard bargain." Lee Kanker smiled as she and her sisters sat on the opposite side of their kitchen table within their trailer home while the Eds sat on the other side, keeping a hostile distance.
"Will you do it or not?" Eddy asked impatiently.
"Of course we'll do it, after all, we love it when a man plays 'Godfather'." Marie Kanker grinned.
"Hey, hey, hey! No funny stuff." Eddy frowned and snapped his fingers as a signal to Double D and Ed to pull out the guns that they carried.
"Is that a Desert Eagle and Glock 22? We never knew you boys had a taste for Smith and Wessons." May Kanker snorted.
Eddy gave a surprised grin, "Well…looks like you girls really know your stuff. Maybe this wont be such a bad idea after all, ever handled real guns before?"
Lee Kanker scoffed, "All the time, each of our daddies are ex-convicts, you know, so we get to use some of their old guns that they keep in our mama's closet from time to time."
Eddy nodded, "Alright…" Eddy motioned to Double D, "Double D, fill them in, will ya?"
Double D cleared his throat, "In the Mafia, there are several ranks of authority, but since we're not too big of an organization as of yet, you three girls will be our Soldati,or 'Soldiers', in the Cul-de-Sac, Ed and I will remain as Capos, or 'Captains', while Eddy be situated as the Capo Crimini, or 'Don' of the whole syndicate. Your weekly pay will $120 to be regularly keeping the kids in the Cul-de-Sac in check and perform some of our hits when we need them."
Eddy looked at the Kanker Sisters, "Comprende?"
The Kanker Sisters smiled, "Deal." They spoke in unison.
So, with a new hand to enforce their power in the streets of the Cul-de-Sac, the Eds kept themselves to the business parts of their Mafia organization. They created tabs for the kids to buy Jawbreakers on one day and pay back later with interest.
However, the new method caused a stir amongst kids like Rolf, who was late with his payments one day and received the penalties due. The next day, he arrived in Eddy's office, escorted by the Kanker Sisters, with a bag of money, a bruised eye and broken arm.
Then, to solve the issue amongst the majority of the kids and the monotonous Jawbreaker scam, the Eds displayed their power once again by buying out the neighborhood Candy Shop with some of the remaining revenues from the Jawbreaker scam and then selling the sugary and highly addictive candy of the Candy Shop on the streets of the Cul-de-Sac amongst the kids at inflamed prices alongside their venerable Jawbreaker scam.
The results of their venture emerged as three large and prominent houses standing out in the place of Ed, Edd n' Eddy's former homes within the Cul-de-Sac and strengthened ties with many of the Mafia bosses in the area, placing Eddy as a well-known Godfather in Peach Creek and amongst other crime bosses.
After receiving a call from Eddy one day, Kevin was asked to meet at Eddy's house to discuss their old partnership that originally aided in starting the Eds Jawbreaker scam and their ascent to wealth and crime.
As usual, Double D catered at Eddy's door and led Kevin down the new corridors in Eddy's much larger home and into his room/office. There, Eddy sat, reclining in his in the seat at his desk in the center of his room and smoking a cigar while Ed stood stoically behind him.
"Hey there, Kev…" Eddy smiled, "…take a seat."
Kevin, apprehensively, observed his surroundings before he reluctantly made his way to the chair in front of Eddy's desk, "So…uh, what's up, man?"
Eddy paused for a moment by puffing his cigar; "We're in the big leagues now, Kev. Can you believe it? Candy is worse than Cocaine amongst these kids in the Cul-de-Sac, whole allowances, birthday money, parent's credit card numbers, the kids will do anything to get just a lick of it."
Kevin grunted, "Uh…congratulations dude?
Eddy nodded, "Thanks, but you know Kevin, now that I'm in charge of such a business, I have to make sure that I have tight loyalties, especially when it comes to those I associate myself with."
Kevin raised an eyebrow, "What're you talking about?"
Eddy puffed his cigar, "You know what I mean, Kev…you see, an inside source of mine has been telling me that lately you've been receiving some calls from a certain Mafia family, seems like they want in on the same scam that I'm doing."
Kevin shook his head, "No way, man. Whoever told you that is a complete liar!"
"Really…?" Eddy puffed his cigar, "Then maybe I should bring my 'inside source' to tell us personally."
Eddy snapped and Nazz, wearing a black dress, stilettos, long earrings and a frizzed ponytail, walked out from behind Eddy's window curtain.
"Nazz?" A surprised Kevin inquired.
"Why don't you tell him what you heard last week, Nazz, when you were spending time at his house?" Eddy smiled as she walked over to his desk.
"Well Eddy…I heard Kevin talking with a certain 'Big Fat Paulie' about giving off a secret shipment of Jawbreakers for a certain amount of money." Nazz replied.
"Hmm…Big Fat Paulie? You don't mean the same Big Fat Paulie from the same family that's rivaling us?" Eddy gave a counterfeit gasp.
Kevin began to sweat profusely, "S-She's ly-lying Eddy! I-I promise!"
Eddy nodded silently and looked at a trembling Kevin, "Don't worry Kev, I ain't mad at cha. We'll just clear up this situation and make sure it never happens again, right?"
Kevin gulped and nodded, "Right."
"Don't worry Kev, I'm not going to hurt ya. Ed will just take you outside and talk with you about how I want to solve this problem…" Eddy looked at Ed, "…right lumpy?"
"Righty-O, bucko!" Ed smiled then walked over to Kevin, "Let me show the way, chum."
Kevin glanced at Eddy, who gave a warm smile that Kevin received as a sign of relief. He then stood up and walked with Ed over to the clear screen door in the back of Eddy's room that opened up to his backyard. Ed held the door while Kevin went on ahead, but, while Kevin had his back turned, Ed reached for a shotgun that rested on the nearby wall beside the screen door.
"Back in a sec!" He cried before going outside and shutting the screen door behind him. Four shots rang out followed by a quiet period of five to ten seconds before Ed came back into Eddy's room, "Done, boss."
"Good job, burr-head." Eddy smirked.
Nazz, meanwhile, walked up to Double D, who had been standing in front of Eddy's room door the whole time and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "How ya doing there, smart guy?"
Double D blushed a little bit, "Uh…well, you know…"
Eddy laughed, "As much as I'd like to see you flirt more with your new girlfriend, Double D, we've got business to take care of."
Double D nodded and looked at Nazz, "You mind…?"
Nazz shook her head, "Not at all."
Double D held the door open for her as she left the room, but midway through her walk in the hallway Nazz looked back and saw the Eds for one last time as the door slowly closed, symbolizing the new solitude which the Eds faced to the outside world not too much unlike their former solitude they faced during the times of their lower social status but one that came with the achievements of their long awaited goal…
Money, Power and Jawbreakers.
THE END
All influences and innuendos from various scenes and situations of the movies GOODFELLAS, THE GODFATHER PARTS I-III and THE SOPRANOS, not to mention the names of a few minor and short-lived characters from THE SIMPSONS and FAMILY GUY are now, therefore, DISCLAIMED from Parts 1 and 2 of "ED"FELLAS