Disclaimer: I do not own TVD or any of the characters, they belong to their rightful owners. This is wrote for non-profit purposes only.

I woke up, so to speak, in a hospital room. The confusion didn't last long; unfortunately I've seen it too often to not know what was happening to me. I was in transition. But all I was able to do was register the facts pretty fast. What I couldn't do was care about any of it. I was utterly numbed. With the same numbness I noticed Stefan and all of his emotions regarding the situation. It was quite obvious; they were there plastered on his face. Despair, that was what Stefan was feeling, unending sadness. And then I realized he was preparing himself to say goodbye to his love. He was sure I didn't go through it. That was the obvious conclusion; the last two years of my human life were a perpetual struggle to avoid the undead life. During this time I made my position quite clear often enough. So why Stefan's surrender made me feel so mad? Wasn't I ready to give up, to just sit and wait for death, the real, final death? Maybe I was, but Stefan's certainty was an extra pressure, like if I choose to go through transition I was betraying my old self, his Elena. There was something small in me ready to surface, a desire to fight, to live, to survive. I decided to ignore it. All this thoughts lasted merely a fraction of a second, barely enough time for Stefan to realize I was awake and forcing a frail smile. I forced one myself. I began to concentrate on the glass is half full part of this situation; I had almost a day to say goodbye, to have some kind of closure with my friends, with Jeremy.. In that instant the door swung open and Damon entered which reminded me of our last conversation, I let him go, I choose Stefan when I thought that they will die, but they were still alive, and that was a reason to rejoice. Even though I let him go, he came back to me, I wish I was surprised but I wasn't. Something inside me knew Damon wasn't one to go away just because someone says so. He was stubborn and fierce.

"So this was stupid, we escaped all kind of supernatural disasters and you end up dead in a fucking car crash."

"Damon", Stefan said with disapproval.

"What, Stefan? It's the bare, ugly, anticlimactic truth."

"Nevertheless, this is not the moment to point it out." Stefan continued with underlined anger.

"Well, I'll stop it then but I will remind Elena for the rest of her undead life that this was stupid."

The final line left Stefan and I in a silence filled with sadness, sorrow and all this fucked up emotions. Damon looked at us puzzled for a moment then putting two and two together he became outraged, he came so close to me that I almost flinched, it was painfully visible that anger was building inside him bigger and bigger.

"No fucking way Elena, no fucking way. You listen to me you're not going to do this to me; you're not going to play the saint card, the "I don't want to live this way" card. An undead life is better than no life. No way. I won't let you." I could see him trying hard to keep control over his emotions; it was taking all his strength.

" Damon, I…" I was trying to say something sensible, to make him understand that it was my choice, that he should accept it, but I couldn't. Maybe because I didn't had so much conviction in my decision, maybe because I wanted someone to fight for me, for my survival, if I wouldn't let myself fight for it.

Seeing that I was unable to talk, Stefan jumped in, trying to do the honorable thing, to defend my free will and so on.

"Damon, is not about you, is about what Elena wants, it's her life, her morals, her choice, so you have nothing to say about it."

"Oh, here you got it wrong little brother, everything that concerns Elena is about me, especially her survival because, you see, I love her"

"Damon, you still hadn't learned what love is all about, is about letting the one you love make their own decisions and support them through it"

"Oh stop with the teenage magazine's bullshit, you sound like a cheesy front page article in Cool Girl or something. I'm done with all this preaching about love and how is right and wrong to love. I love Elena and I want her to be alive. End of story. And I would stop at nothing to make sure that's the way it will turn up. You both can be sure of this."

"And I will stop at nothing to prevent you from doing something stupid." Stefan punctuated making clear that he was ready to fight. Their enraged gazes spoke volumes.

Looking at the two of them ready to once again oppose each other for me, for what they thought was best for me, the small part inside of me who wanted me to keep going, to feed, to live, to be, suddenly surrendered and went quiet. I realized that if I finally die they would be able to be brothers, to stop with this ridiculous grudge, with this preposterous, never ending war between them and finally be there for each other for the rest of their existence. But if I chose to become a vampire I will for ever be between them, I will forever keep them apart, even if I were to leave them both, they will never let go. Looking at it from this perspective everything appeared clear. I mustered all my courage and said with determination.

"Stop it, both of you, now. I don't have time for this childish behavior. I don't want any of you to fight my battles; you have done it enough when there were battles to be fought, now it isn't any left, is just goodbye. And for now, I want some time with Jeremy, so I will go home."

And with that I left them there in the hospital unable to offer something more for the time being. I needed my brother.

On the way back home I used my new found speed and to my utter surprise I found it to be exhilarating and suddenly I was eager to test more of this abilities. I always thought that if I were to be in this position I would want in my last day to do just normal human things; and now to discover that I wanted to see what would be to live like a vampire it was confusing. I didn't engage in this trail of thoughts much longer because I had things to do, to say goodbye, to leave some words of wisdom, some final requests, and some final advices.

Looking Jeremy in the eyes and telling him that I decided not to turn was the singles difficult thing I had to do in my life. It felt so unfair. After all, he lost everyone in his life, his parents, his family, his girlfriends, and he was still so young. He clung to me, he cried, he told me to reconsider, he became angry, he demanded, he finally accepted it. I loved him even more for fighting for me, but I was relieved that he capitulated because I simply couldn't argue for one minute more for my impending demise.

We sat together, talking about our childhood, laughing softly from time to time, crying in silence every now and then. I told him I wanted him to try and not get bitter; to not let all this loss he suffered in the past two years to prevent him from enjoying his life. I demanded him to live for the both of us. And to do it all without sorrow. He nodded. After a couple of hours I asked him if he could leave me alone for a little while, he reluctantly accepted. I wouldn't ask that from him if I didn't need a little bit of time to try to figure out how to say my farewell to Stefan and Damon. With Stefan was bound to be sad and heartrending, and I needed so much emotional strength for this, but with Damon it was going to be the hardest final fight to make him to let me go, and all the while trying to preserve in him the humanity I saw surfaced in these years. I needed a moment to think, to breathe, so I went in my room.

As I climbed the stairs I felt something unusual, my nostrils flared, my mouth became dry , my throat was preparing for something, my gums started to hurt and I felt a very powerful pull towards my room, I speeded up and almost run through the door. There was Damon with an unreadable expression but I couldn't force myself to pay him more attention, in this room was something else I needed to find, I didn't exactly knew what, although I had a good guess. And sure enough on my pillow there was a bag of blood. For a split second I couldn't stop from thinking that it was like a chocolate bar on a hotel pillow, but it was so much more. It surpassed all the human cravings I used to have, it was all consuming and it blurred my ability to formulate even a simple thought. I knew I had to run from this room if I wanted a chance but instead I snatched the blood bag faster than a human eye would have noticed and just like that I felt my teeth extending. That was it; it was just me and the blood. But right when I was ready to take the leap I heard Damon's sigh of relief and all of a sudden it wasn't just me and the hunger, the need. It was also Damon and Stefan, and my previous reason, my desire to extract myself from this tangled equation so that the two of them could have each other. I threw the blood onto the walls of my room and I jumped through the window. As I ran I started to get angry with Damon, how could he do something like that? Basically he had tried to set me into a trap. How could he? As I felt my resent grew stronger I run into something solid, the hit making me fall backwards. It was Damon. And if it was possible he was angrier than I was.

"Are you stupid or something?" he was so cold, he didn't pleaded, he was just determined.

"Right back at you Damon. How could you try to set me up like that? You didn't learn nothing from the last time you feed me your blood? What would have happen if I would have drunk the blood?"

"What would have happened? It's very easy Elena. You would survive, you would be alive, you would be pissed as hell with me and eventually, after a century or two you will get over it."

I open my mouth to say something, but he stopped me.

"Wait, I didn't finish, you might even hate me forever but I could live with it if you only live. It's that simple Elena."

"But what if I ended up hating myself Damon? What if I would hate the person that I would become? Could you live with that?"

"Oh, stop being overdramatic Elena. I accepted your decision to never turn, to live your life as a human being, even though my entire soul screamed for having you forever on this earth, mind you, not for me, just on this earth. But I conceded in this department, because there was a life to be lived. Now you died, and you lived so little. You have a chance to live still and I would do everything for you to not throw it away. You see Elena, we all yarn for our humanity, and you saw that, and maybe that's why you're not eager to make the transition. But there is another side of this story also, every single one of us enjoys being alive too, and no matter the obstacles, the struggles we face we keep the fight. So should you. Even my saint brother, no matter the darkness he went through he still hanged around in this world. And guess what? He then found you. He found love."

"But it's so final, such a final decision, Damon."

"Oh, sweetheart, hate to break it to you but so is death."

"But... I would be a …."

"You can say it, it won't hurt my feelings, a monster. I thought that once about all of us, but as you go along you can notice more the layers of it all, it's not so black and white, you will find to appreciate the grayness."

"I don't think that I can, Damon. I don't have it in me."

"Elena I find myself tempted to disagree, but I won't. And I will give you that, if someone would be able to keep their light through all of this, through the undead life, that would be you."

It was harder and harder to keep tight to my resolution, I wanted badly to give up, to walk on Damon's path, I felt on to the grass and I started sobbing softly, all the events of the day catching up with me. It was too much. Damon came next to me and embraced me. I relinquished in this embrace that was not at all sexual but only comfortable, so comfortable. He kissed my forehead so light, that it was almost like the touch of a feather. And despite the turmoil of the situation or maybe because of it, I felt a hunger inside me that had nothing to do with blood, a hunger for the man beside me, the one I let go off only hours before, and with that hunger another one arise, a hunger for life, for the possibilities that could appear with said life. It only made it worse, and my tears started to multiply.

" Silly girl, there is no reason to cry, I will let you in with a secret, the only truly final and tragic decision you could make would be to die. If you turn you could end it anytime, if you despise it is enough to take a sun bath without protection and kabom, problem solved. After a few millenniums I could stake you myself because sometimes you are pretty annoying, you know that, don't you?"

A laughter escaped my lips and I was in awe as to how Damon managed to make me laugh in such a moment, but more important what he said made total sense, and the little voice inside me that told me from the moment I woke up in the hospital to fight, to survive, was getting louder and louder. I wanted to turn, I wanted to see if it was a life I could live, I wanted to be with Jeremy, Caroline, Bonnie and Matt. I wanted to not leave Stefan. I wanted so badly to not leave Damon. Maybe he noticed my change of heart because a smile of triumph appeared on Damon's face. And watching his beautiful eyes lighting up with hope I remembered something crucial.

"Damon, I can't. I'm sorry but I can't. I don't want to live forever between the two of you, to be for the rest of the time the one thing that separates you, that makes you fight. I can't. I'm so tired. And that's my final decision so please let us enjoy our farewell."

He rose to his feet and brought me up with him grabbing my shoulders. I was startled by his sudden movement and also by the excruciating pain that his eyes held.

" Don't do this to me Elena, don't do it, please have a soul, when Alaric died…oh, God, I never experienced a loss like in that moment when I realized you died, I thought I suffered in the last two century, it was nothing, a joke compared to what I felt today, and when I found out you had vampire blood in your system, you can't imagine the relief, the bliss. When I thought I would die today I consoled myself knowing that you would live on. You already chose Stefan, and I'm fine with it, I don't care, alright I might care, but it's nothing compare to you being alive. I will leave town, I will leave the two of you alone not bothering you with my presence, it doesn't matter Elena as long as you are alive. But don't you dare give up."

He started to cry. For God sake Damon was crying and I was crying and all was such a mess. I didn't knew what to say, he said so many heartfelt things, and I didn't knew what to say back so I said the truest thing I could.

"I don't want you to leave, I want for you two to be brothers; I don't want to stand between you."

"Alright, I won't go anywhere, I'll be there and Stefan and I will be just peachy, trust me. Don't you see? You could have it all. Just feed, dammit, just feed." He pleaded now, I made Damon to plead, to beg. What have I done to this man?

I was starting to give up, to submit to Damon's will, such a strong will. And just when I wanted to say yes to all of it two things happen simultaneously, I felt feeling unbelievable sick, and Jeremy approached us in a hurry.

Damon knelled and hovered above me, anguish all over his face.

"What's wrong with her, Damon?"

"She's dying. It's happening so fast, we don't have anymore time, Jeremy I need you to follow my direction and be calm. I'm gonna cut your wrist and you will let her drink from you, when I will stop her you will run back home and stay in there. Did you understand?"

"But she doesn't want to turn." Jeremy almost cried, torn between his desire for my survival and his desire to respect my will.

"You listen to me, she wants to turn even if she doesn't yet know it, she would have turned if she had a little more time, trust me, we don't have time to spare on nonsense." And with that last word he split Jeremy wrist and tiny little drops of blood appeared.

Until that moment I was a silent witness to all that was happening, unable to gather the strength to say anything, but the thought of drinking from Jeremy, of maybe hurting him, of killing him in the haze of hunger pumped through me a doze of adrenaline which made me able to riposte. So I yelled.

"No way, Damon please, Jeremy run..." and I struggled against Damon's iron arms. I saw in Jeremy eyes the doubt; he most likely thought that I was fighting against the idea of being a vampire. Little did he knew that it was all that I wanted. In that instant I truly wanted to go on living, I wanted to turn, oh God, so badly, I was only afraid of hurting my brother.

With my struggle Damon's pressure grew stronger, my frail fight received only more determination. I realized pretty fast that I couldn't win; he was resolute about winning this match so that the battle could go on. So I surrendered, for the first time in my yet human life, I utterly surrendered to someone else willpower and I was astonished to find it quite liberating. In the second before the first drop of blood hit my lips I realized how close I was to the real death, to the finality of it all. Let me tell you something, people often say that love can change people, I think it's true, it can make you see things clearer, it can make you want to be better. But being on the verge of death, literally, not just in danger, that's what can change a person. Because all the walls you build up for yourself crumbles down, all the masks you wear for your benefit, for everybody's benefit fades away and you're left just with the bare truth. Do you want to know what my truth was? I'm gonna tell you, regardless of all my bullshit about doing the right thing, about sacrificing myself and all that, I wanted only two things: to live and love. And I couldn't care less of anything else. Of the people I hurt, of right and wrong. That was my truth. Shhhh.

And I drank from Jeremy wrist with the power of my new revelation but, too soon for my desire, Damon yielded me away from my source of nourishment. I began to fight him trying to drink more, but he was no match for me.

"Jeremy run" I heard him.

After a few moments Jeremy was nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be smelled, no longer a temptation; after a few moments I was starting to feel so much better; after a few moments I realized that Damon was rocking me back and forth in his arms like a mother would do with her infant. After a few moments I realized I wasn't going to die, I would live forever. I raised my eyes looking into Damon's. And I knew what he saw in my eyes: undying gratitude.

"It's all going to be alright Elena, I promise you." His voice was so gentle, so reassuring. I must confess I believed him.

As I felt the power of life, of undying life, gathering inside me, I pushed outside Damon's arms and rose to my feet.

"So, tonight I died." I told him bluntly.

"So, tonight you were born." He replied almost mockingly.

I half smiled.

"I'm confused Damon, I don't know what to do. I have a thousands concerns, how will I manage the hunger, what will I drink, what about high school, how long can I live in Mystic Falls…."

"Shh, slow down Elena, you don't have to think of all of this now, tonight. And you're not alone; basically you have more vampire friends than humans, so chill out. I'm gonna help you all the way through and so will Stefan."

Hearing his name made me flinched. I remembered that he most likely waited for me to come around and say my finale goodbye. How will he deal with my transformation? This was the most stupid question ever, he loved me, he would be glad, of course. Still, something inside me told me that he might be disappointed of me, and I hated myself for thinking that, and I almost hated him for giving me reasons to think that. I was starting to feel that intensity in emotions that everybody talked about regarding vampires. Damon snapped me out of my haze.

"Elena, it will be alright, I promised you, I will leave the two of you alone."

I looked at him puzzled; what was he talking about? He misread my reaction; he thought I was worried about him and Stefan. He wanted to leave, to leave us and that was unconceivable.

"No, Damon, you promised that you won't leave me, twice, the last time tonight."

"But you said you are letting me go."

He got me there, he was right, merely hours ago I told him I was choosing Stefan and setting him free. I couldn't explain it, I was not able to find a logical argument to make myself clear, because nothing was clear for me, I felt inside me a ball of tangled emotions. So I did the best next thing, as I learned in the last few hours, I let myself surrender to the naked, primal truth and I blurted it out, without concerns for wrong or right, or common sense for that matter:

"I did let you go, but I didn't meant outside the town."

It was silly and childish and cruel. Yes it was cruel, the worst kind of cruel, but it was all the truth I had in that instant, so I said it. I waited for Damon's anger, for his perplexed look but all the answer I received was a very powerful laughter.

"Oh, Elena, I wouldn't dare leave the city you reside in. It's too much fun around you. Now let's get you back to the boardinghouse, you will have a few difficult days ahead of you so you better have a good night sleep at least. And I should go meet Bonnie and ask her to do a magic ring. You know so you could enjoy your more daily activities, like barbecuing, just not yourself."

"No Damon, I want to sleep in my own room tonight, please. I need a connection with my human life."

"Sweetheart, it's not safe, Jeremy is there."

He noticed my hurt expression and continued. "Wait, no big deal, I have an idea, I will bring Jeremy along with me to Bonnie, and then he will sleep in the boardinghouse, and I will call Stefan to come and stay with you. It's quite easy, everything is once you made the right decision, you see?"

I smiled "I did, didn't I?"

"Of course you did, this that means that you won't hate me for centuries to come?"

"I thought we established that earlier, Damon, once I didn't jumped to your throat after you fed me Jeremy's blood, dick move by the way, feeding my own brother to me."

"Hahaha, watch the vocabulary young lady, just because you're a monster now it doesn't mean you should talk like one. And by the way, Jeremy was never in any danger, I had it all under control, and you must admit it, it turn out quite poetic, your family connection revived even in the undead life."

"You're stretching it Damon, let's go home, I'm quite tired."

"Your wish is my command."

"It would be a first."

"When your wish is the right one it's always my command."

Author Note: Seeing as this is my first fan fiction ever and my very first fiction in English, I would love it if you would be kind enough to give me some feedback via reviews so that I can use the criticism to improve. Thank you very much for reading and I promise to keep the updates flowing.