Emotionless, but I still Care
It's not my fault that I shut everyone out. If I didn't, It'd be worse. It'd have to be. Then I know that it wouldn't last, and it wouldn't be as painful. I can't help the way that I am.
They all thought I was arrogant, a snob, too good for them. I wasn't any of those things. It only seemed that way. I never had many friends when I was little. But I had Elle, and that was all that mattered, right? When she left, what was there to look forward to? Nothing. So I'd wait. I knew that Elle would come back for me. I loved her and she loved me. What else did I need?
I got older, and eventually, I had to go to school. So I was moved from the orphanage to Balamb Garden, to get and education. Elle wasn't with me anymore, and I was scared. I made good enemies with Seifer. But everyone else, I kept low contact. And they assumed I was a snob. I'm not a snob. I just don't want to be hurt.
Rinoa, a name I'll never forget. It seemed that whenever she speaks, all sounds cease just to hear her beautiful voice. All time stops just so she can be heard. But I can't show her I care about that. If I lost her, if I could not here her voice, my world, my life would crumble. It seems ever since she came along, my heart hangs in the balance of her existence. She, and no other, can understand the pain that I have felt. She is the one who can heal all my wounds, restore my faith in love. To open my heart to her, it seems so easy. But I can't. I've stopped caring.
Why do they call me their friend? After I've shunned them, after I have ignored their problems? I truly care, but it hurts too much when they go. And I know they will go, once I start to care. But is it more painful to lock up my heart, or to free it, and love again? It's a hard decision to make. I've opened my heart once, it ended in sorrow.
I can't remember the last time I've loved someone deep enough to show it. And something inside me wants to so badly. Should I give in? If I don't, will my heart be lost forever in a cold, and un-loving sea? Will I turn out to be so bitter, that I shall never be able to love again? It's scary to think about. I wouldn't ever want to lose Rinoa, or any of my friends for that matter. I don't have Elle's hand to guide me now…
"You look so cute sleeping like a baby." Rinoa squeales, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"I wasn't asleep." I tell her. She giggles. What was so funny?
"You were talking in your sleep." She looks amused. "But I'm not telling you what you said." She giggles. I frown.
"Yes?"
"Well, I was wondering, your highness," she says, bowing a little. What is she doing? "If you would show me around Garden. That is, if it is alright with your highness?" I guess she wants to take a walk. I suppose I'll play along.
"Sure." I agree. She clasps her hands together with pleasure.
"I knew your highness would except." She says excitedly. I shake my head and get up from my bed, where my deepest thoughts take place. My deepest concerns. And with all my concerns resurfacing, I am still greatful I can hear Rinoa's voice.