Disclaimer: I do not own victorious
Chapter 1: Heart Failure
What the fuck! I look like shit, feel like shit, and act like a total ass to everyone; it's fucking retarded. Everything about my life is completely upside down and I can't do jack shit about it.
I'm not proud of the person I'm becoming. Hell, I wasn't even proud of the person I was before, but this is worse. This person I see in the mirror disgusts me to no end. From the hollow eyes to the lifeless skin tone, I've completely turned into a monster. At least now I'm just like everyone else though. Yea, imagine that...the infamous Jade West happy to be like everyone else; to be part of the in-crowd. Funny...so fucking funny.
It's started a little over three months ago really. That day changed everything.
(flashback)
"Senior year baby!" Cat screamed at the top of her lungs. Her arms flagged above her as we sped down the highway in my dad's convertible. Vega erupts in giggles which happen to sound particularly annoying to me.
"Vega?"
"Yes, Jade." She all but shouts over the wind.
"Why the fuck are you here?" I practically growl at her. It's not that I hate Vega, I just find her to be so annoying. She's either stealing my roles or acting like a complete idiot. She's almost as dumb as Cat is.
"Jesus Jade it's been a year and a half! I know we don't get along but come on! What did I ever do to you?" She demands, clearly bewildered by my dislike of her.
I only laugh at her misery and drop the entire conversation; I'm just not in the mood to argue with the crazed brunette.
After about a minute of my silence she finally figures out that I don't have anything to say to her. With a bit if a humph she flops back into the passenger seat, gazing to her right like nothing happened.
Technically nothing really did happen, I just put her peppy ass in a rightful place. For some reason she's got a damn stick up her ass because she can't be everyone's best friend. That's the thing I've noticed about Vega; if she's not stealing the spotlight, she's seeking the acceptance of some random soul. Pathetic. She's nothing more than pathetic.
Allow me to explain; I firmly believe that people should not seek to be desirable to other people. It's just fucking wrong; it's also why I'll never change myself to fit any standard. It's absolutely pointless if you lose yourself along the way. Eventually you'll end up as some cracked out whore who doesn't understand anything.
A high pitched "Jade!" rips me out of my previous thoughts.
"Fuck Cat, what!"
"Oooooh you said a bad word." Cat teases while she points at me from the backseat like a five year old. I can see the smile on Vega's face appearing.
"First off, I'm trying to fucking drive and second stop acting like were in the second grade. What do you want?" I bark, hopeful to get this over with as soon as possible.
"André called, he said there's a party tonight in the hills. I think we should go!" She babbles excitedly.
"Whose going?" I ask raising a skeptical eyebrow. I'm all for parties, but whoever shows up better be chill.
"Basically everyone from HA and whoever they invite."
"Oh so it's one of those parties." I boost with a mischievous grin.
Both Cat and Vega reply with a "yup", popping the P to just piss me off.
The rest of the ride back from the beach is pretty normal. There's idle chatter between Cat and Vega, and I occasionally add a comment or two. I drop the pair at their respective houses and head home to prep myself for the night.
Around 9, Beck picks me up.
"Hey babe." He greets with his typical sexy grin. If I didn't see him every damn day, I would still go weak at the knees like the first day I met him.
"Hey Beck." I reply back, very cool, very relaxed.
"Hiiiii Jade!" Cat buzzes as I enter the cabin of his pick-up. I acknowledge her with a curt nod and take a seat next to Beck. We pick up the remaining members of our crew and head to the party.
When we get there the party is just picking up. The entire house-more like a mansion- is alive with slightly buzzed teenagers.
"Robbie go get me some punch, please!" Cat requests the minute we enter the house. Robbie disappears along with André and Beck.
"So what do we do now?" Vega inquires over the blaring music.
"What the fuck do you think Vega! We're gonna get wasted and grind on strangers!" I snap back. Although I was completely harsh, Cat found my statement to be very funny. Honestly she's only giggling because she knows it's true and she's done it a dozen times.
"Dammit Jade I was just asking." She retorts. She looks down in embarrassment, which causes me to smile. It's just funny to me.
"Whatever Vega." I purr with a triumphant smile.
Once the boys return we quickly down our illegal beverages and scurry to the dance floor. With alcohol pumping through our veins we let ourselves go and follow the music.
Around 11:30, Vega leaves the floor along with Cat and André. Robbie is quick to follow.
"Where are they going?" I inquire to Beck.
"Does it matter?" He states with a sly grin. Skillfully, he lowers his head and indulges me with his lips. He tastes like cigarettes and mountain dew; something that really should work, but it's oh so addicting.
"Ah yo, Vega left." André calls over the music, disturbing Beck and I from our passionate activities.
"Why do I fucking care?" I snap, absolutely irritated. Beck places a hand on my shoulder and looks down at me. There's something in his eyes. He's planning something; something crazy and cunning.
"Fuck yea! Now the real party can start." Beck calls back with a mischievous glint in his amber eyes. And that's when he brought out the gear.
(Back to the present)
It was the first time I ever did a hardcore drug. Sure I had smoked weed, but who hasn't. He encouraged me to do it too; everyone did. They said I would feel better and I did. It was the first time I was numb, yet fully aware. At the time it was amazing, and then I came down from the high. I felt fucking terrible; all I wanted was to feel that high again. So I did it again, and again, and again. That's why I'm here now. Standing in the girl's bathroom, looking in the mirror, contemplating if I should do this again.
"Just do it." I whisper to myself. I've gone from the strongest bitch in the school to being a pathetic shell of a person who is desperate for drugs. Why did this happen?
"Why?" I ask myself this every day. Why? Why? Why?
"Fuck it." I plunge the needle into my forearm and waited to feel the pain slip away into nothing-ness. Everything fades as the poison circulates through my body. Slowly I extract the needle and dive into pure bliss.
I don't notice her until it's too late.
"What the fuck Jade!?"