First ever fanfiction in English, first ever fanfiction on Austin & Ally, first ever story that I published on . Whoa, that's a lot of pressure. I would love some feedback :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Austin & Ally.
A Lovers' Agreement
Austin Monica Moon was not the kind of guy who gets nervous. He was outgoing, relaxed, fun. He was confident, knew that he was talented and had a huge fan base to prove it. He'd performed in front of thousands of people, met huge celebrities and always managed to be his cool, collected self. But here he was now, running away because of her.
She scared the hell out of him.
He stopped in the middle of the food court, letting out long and heavy breaths, trying to make sense of what had just happened. One moment he was mad at her, more than he'd ever been, and then they'd sung that song, and he'd found himself unable to look at anything but her big, brown eyes. Suddenly it had hit him just how familiar their warmth was, and just how indispensable it was for him to see her smile not just every day, but every moment. Every second. He'd barely even heard himself say his lines, because he already knew what was going to happen next, and the thought alone was too great to ignore, too majestic to even comprehend in such a short amount of time. So he didn't think, and just kissed her, just like the script said. Except that the script had been quickly forgotten as soon as their lips had touched and her hands, still holding the microphone, had wrapped around his neck. At once, nothing existed but Ally Dawson, his songwriter and partner, his best friend, and the only girl who he'd never been able to truly get out of his head.
He'd been aware on some level of the scene being over, but it had been as if she'd cut all ties between his brain and the rest of his body, and he'd just kept holding her and kissing her for as long as it felt right, which could have been forever, for all he knew.
They were obviously not angry anymore after that, but they'd still felt the need to apologize, so they did. And hearing that she'd always be there for him and that their partnership was the best thing that had ever happened to her had just made him want to kiss her all over again. He probably would have, if Trish hadn't interrupted, causing the whole world to crash down on him again. So he just remembered blathering some excuse and rushing the hell out of there.
He brushed his sweaty palms against his jeans and shook his head in hope that some of the multitude of thoughts tangled in his mind would just tumble out to leave him some room to breathe, to understand.
He was barely aware of the few people still hanging out in the mall who sent him curious looks, more because of his vampire-makeup than his distressed expression. He felt his heart beating everywhere in his body at once, his cheeks flushing, and realized that his hands were covered with sweat once again, and he just felt like cursing.
Why did she have such an effect on him?
They'd tried to be together, and they'd failed. They had agreed that staying friends was gonna be the best solution, the most logical one. That their careers and their friendship were too important to be jeopardized by the intense feelings and the awkwardness that came with starting a new relationship. He knew, he'd made the decision with her. It still made sense, because their situation hadn't really changed since then. Maybe that was part of the problem, his feelings had stayed the same as well. They were actually stronger, if possible. His heart beat stronger and faster whenever she was around, his stomach dropped as if he'd just jumped off a building. It was more than butterflies, more than excitement. It was the way he'd felt just before performing in New York City on New Year's Eve. It was the pure joy you can only feel when your dreams come true. And if it made sense when you were about to play in front of a billion of people all across the world, it felt absurd when it was about just having her around. About hearing her laugh, or sing, or just tell one of her nerdy stories. About watching her writing lyrics into her songbook or making her blush with a smile.
It made no sense and it scared him, because now they had kissed and he couldn't stop thinking about it.
"Austin?"
He jumped, quite literally, then turned around, a tense smile stretching on his lips.
"Ally!" he exclaimed, maybe with a little too much emphasis, "I thought you'd gone home," he added shortly after.
"Yeah, I was going to," she answered, smiling nervously as well. "But then I thought maybe you'd want to talk about—you know—the kiss?"
Austin dropped his gaze on the ground as he nodded a couple of times.
"Right. The kiss," he repeated, slowly.
They exchanged a brief look, then they both sat down at one of the tables in front of Mini's. Neither of them said anything for a while. Austin had his hands joint in his lap and stared at them intensely for a while, then he cleared his voice, but Ally ended up breaking the silence first.
"I wasn't just—it wasn't just for the movie," she said.
He nodded again.
"Singing that song brings back so many emotions, you know? I think I just—got lost in the moment."
"Yeah, me too," agreed Austin, "it was like a really clear flashback."
"Yes! Yes, exactly," he smiled, noticing how excited she was that he got what she was saying. "That night was very special to me. Honestly I didn't really think that acting it out again would be just as electrifying," her smile faded slightly as she blushed, and lowered her gaze for a second while nervously pushing a strand of her hair away from her cheek. "I'm sorry, maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing."
Austin shook his head vehemently. "Ally, are you kidding? It was the night you overcame your stage fright! It was a big deal," he reasoned.
She smiled, her face turning a brighter shade of pink. "Actually, I wasn't just talking about the performance."
For a second he was confused. What else could she have been talking about? When it hit him, he felt almost stupid for not getting it right away, but the feeling was almost immediately washed out by a sudden rush of adrenaline through his whole body. He felt his expression brighten up, and his lips curving into a smile without any conscious order from his brain. She was talking about their kiss.
"Oh," he simply said, adjusting his posture, happiness still plastered all over his face.
Ally let out a small giggle, which he found to be the most adorable thing ever, and started fidgeting with her necklace.
"When we kissed at my mom's book release party—it was just as incredible and awesome as singing on stage for the first time," she admitted.
It had been the same for him, kind of. The rush he felt when he was with her, he'd only ever found while performing on stage for huge crowds. It felt just as amazing as getting famous had. He wanted to tell her that, but didn't really know how. She was the poet, the songwriter. She was the one who knew how to explain and talk about feelings. He was afraid to mess up, to get confused and lose his train of thoughts. And if he told her, he wanted it to be perfect, magical. He wanted her to remember it for the rest of her life.
"I guess I just didn't want the flashback to end," she said eventually, with a quick shrug.
"Me neither," he agreed, a bit more seriously than she'd expected. "Everything you said—I feel the same way."
She smiled, somewhat relieved, but he realized he wasn't finished.
"Ally, I still like you," he said, almost too fast, and her expression let out her surprise. "I know maybe I shouldn't, since we've agreed to just stay friends, but I do, and it kills me that I can't be with you."
They looked at each other, and the air filled with the tension of their silence. He started wondering if maybe she was waiting for him to say more, if there was something he should've added. His mind was literally blank, and the pit in his stomach felt heavier every second that passed without her saying anything.
Eventually she opened her mouth, but nothing came out, and by the unspoken pain he could read in her eyes, the terror that she might not feel the same way as him at all hit him like a bullet.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he mumbled, trying to hide his feelings with a forced, uncomfortable laugh.
She shook her head. "No, Austin-" she grabbed his forearm and searched his eyes to lock them in hers. She paused for another ten seconds, then a faint smile broke her lips. "I like you too. So much it's driving me crazy."
He hadn't even noticed he'd been holding his breath since she'd said his name until he finally exhaled in relief at her words. He started to smile, but stopped himself when he realized that the sadness hadn't yet left her eyes. "What's wrong?"
"It's just—your first national tour is coming up, and my career is finally taking off," her hand slid from his arm to his wrist, and finally into his own. He squeezed her fingers, hoping to give her the courage to finish her sentence, and at the same time terrified at the idea of what she was about to say.
"We need each other now more than ever. Not just for us, but for our music." He lowered his gaze, but she tighten the grip on his hand to call his eyes back on hers. "I do want to be with you, Austin, but I'm not sure we're ready yet. We weren't three months ago, and it almost ruined everything. What if we can't just go back this time? I can't risk losing you now."
She made terrible sense. He hated it.
"So we should keep waiting?"
She nodded, and he found somewhat reassuring that at least she looked just as sad as he felt.
"For now," she added, after a pause.
He couldn't help but smile, and mindlessly started playing with her fingers, still tangled between his.
"And you promise me we will try again?" he asked.
Her giggle reached her eyes as she nodded, and he couldn't help but find her beautiful. The most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. "I promise. I'm not going anywhere."
"Good," he laughed.
His chest felt warm now, as he caught her playful smile. He wasn't going anywhere, either, but he figured she knew that, somehow. She always knew just what he was thinking, after all. He pretended not to notice that they were still holding hands, hoping that she wouldn't either, and she'd keep letting him draw invisible curls on her skin with his thumb. She did the same, not at all eager to let him go.