"Itachi, you're an idiot," declared Uchiha Fukurou as she walked into the Uchiha estate, Sasuke carried on her back, to see her first brother, and the middle child of their family, slicing his sword through their father's stomach.
"Hermione nee-san?" Itachi asked, surprised. He had thought she was still away on that mission at that school of hers on the other side of the world. She was undercover as Hermione Granger, keeping an eye on Harry Potter. For the sake of her mission's success, the family had started calling her by her cover name, so that she would respond to it naturally, though she had removed the wig and contact lenses that helped her to blend in with the students of Hogwarts, her own black eyes and short cropped black hair revealed once more. He hadn't expected her return for at least another month due to the wizard war she was fighting in, by which time he had hoped to have vacated the village – he really didn't want to face her if she was mad at him.
"Hello little brother," she said, smirking, even as she took in how bloody the fifteen-year-old was, and the cooling corpse of their father, the figure of their mother cowering in the corner of the room, clearly trapped in a genjutsu she was not well-trained enough to escape. "So, what high-up bastard ordered you to kill the clan?"
Itachi swallowed. This was why he had wanted to be away before Fukurou got back. She was too smart, the true prodigy of the family. He was considered gifted because she had taken the time to teach him, and Sasuke was on his way to being considered a prodigy as well for the same reason – though because of her long-term mission, Itachi had been trying to keep up the lessons in her absence. Between ANBU and their father, he hadn't been doing a very good job of it.
"Uchiha Madara and Danzo of ROOT..." he mumbled, unable to look his older sister in the eye.
Fukurou shook her head, sighing in shame and hoisting Sasuke into a higher, more comfortable position on her back once more. "So it's just you, me, Sasuke and Kaa-san left? Apart from the old bastard?"
Itachi nodded.
"It didn't occur to you even once that conducting genocide, even on orders, could get you labelled as a missing nin?" Fukurou asked, moving closer and, putting Sasuke down, took the bloody sword from Itachi's hand.
He didn't respond. Not a good sign.
The eldest Uchiha sibling pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit that had annoyed their father, but always meant that she was thinking.
"You at least activated your Mangekyo Sharingan as a result of this mess I hope," she said, not opening her eyes.
"Hai."
"Well, that's something at least, and remember to use it only sparingly, don't want you going blind. Let Kaa-san out of it, she's the only one left in this family with any idea how to cook more than one dish apart from rice or instant, and I'm hungry," she said, letting her hand down. "I'll figure out how to tell the Hokage and ... I'll have to alter Kaa-san's memory." Fukurou fixed a patent Uchiha glare on her brother. "I don't like that I'm going to have to do that Otouto."
"I am sorry Nee-san," Itachi said, bowing before her wisdom.
"What are you sorry for, Itachi? It is important that you know what you did wrong, that way you will know how to avoid doing it again," Fukurou instructed gently, laying a hand on her brother's shoulder while Sasuke stood by them.
"I am sorry I let myself be talked into doing something as bloodthirsty as this, and I am sorry you and Sasuke had to see it."
Fukurou nodded, made her brother's hold each others hands, and had them follow her while she inspected what Itachi had done.
"You've been very professional about this Itachi, that at least is in your favour," she said when her inspection was done and the three siblings returned to their mother, who was still cowering in the corner of the room where she had been when Fukurou and Sasuke returned home.
Released from Itachi's genjutsu, Uchiha Mitoko's eyes widened and she gave a rattling breath, relaxing. When Fukurou put her hand to their mother's neck, searching for a pulse, she found none. Their mother's heart had stopped.
"I'd say that was an 'oops', Otouto, a very big 'oops' indeed," Fukurou stated, standing up. "Oh well, time to see the Hokage."
Itachi attempted to run, only to be halted by his older sister's hand grasping his belt.
"Oh no you don't, Itachi. You're going to face the consequences of this and beg forgiveness for being too trusting of an Elder of our clan. Come on Sasuke-chan, you too. Ibiki-sensei is probably going to want to make sure we're all still psychologically capable of being Konohagakure shinobi after coming home to this sight," she said, smiling, though it was a slightly creepy smile.
~oOo~
"Fukurou-san, I did not expect you back in my office so soon," Sarutobi said, looking up from his paperwork in surprise. "Itachi-san, Sasuke-san, it is good to see you as well."
"I'm afraid it isn't, Hokage-sama," the eldest sibling stated sadly. "My Otouto, Uchiha Itachi has been victimised in my absence. Manipulated by an Elder of our clan, Uchiha Madara, and ROOT director Danzo, Uchiha Itachi was made to believe that his own clan was a threat to the village's safety and then instructed as an ANBU to remove the threat. I arrived at the Uchiha compound in time to witness the death of our parents. We three and Madara are all that remains of the Uchiha clan. I wish to formally request the full exposure of the actions of Madara and Danzo, and full pardon for Itachi provided he can pass a psychological evaluation by Ibiki-sensei."
Sarutobi sat wide-eyed as he took in this very delicate information that had just been rattled off by the greatest prodigy the Uchiha clan had ever offered as though it were a simple mission report. At last, he nodded.
"The three of you are to see Ibiki in one hour. Until then, you are to get yourselves examined, and go through your annual physical at the hospital, wait in the lobby when that is done. Ibiki will collect you from there. I will deal with these two personally," Sarutobi said, growling at the idea that someone else was giving out orders in his village.
The three Uchiha's nodded, and the eldest ushered her two brother's towards the door.
"Fukurou-san? You will not be able to stay on the Uchiha estate until the full investigation is complete, which could take a while. What will you do in the mean time?" Sarutobi called just before she exited his office.
"With your permission Hokage-sama, can this be discussed after my evaluation?"
The Sandaime nodded and waved her out of his office.
~oOo~
"Fuu-chan, what are you trying to do to me?" Morino Ibiki asked, a tired smile slipping onto his face at the sight of the young woman who had once been his favourite genin.
"Sorry Sensei, but Itachi needs his head examined, and I thought it would be a good precaution to get all of us checked out together," she answered happily, almost too happily for someone who had returned home to find one of her brother's removing his sword from their father.
Ibiki shook his head at the eighteen-year-old girl who had been his apprentice all those years ago, back when she had been a miracle child to rival Hatake Kakashi. The two had been separated only by two years, but due to the disparity between their areas of genius, as well as the condition of their families, they had needed to be treated very differently. Ibiki suspected his apprentice of having a crush on the silver-haired genius, but he hadn't ever been given the chance to prove it. He smirked to himself. Psychological evaluation included romantic interests sometimes, perhaps he'd finally get an answer from his favourite prodigy... about her favourite prodigy. First things first though.
"Uchiha Itachi," Ibiki said, turning his attention to the middle child. "Please, step into my office, and kindly do not activate your bloodline ability at any time during the interview."
"Wouldn't dare sir," Itachi answered. He had heard the horror stories of Morino Ibiki, and his sister's enthusiastic recounts of lessons under the man, besides this interview was for his own good.
Fukurou taught Sasuke a few minor genjutsu for the hour that Itachi was in with Ibiki, and then when her brother's switched places, she quizzed Itachi on how their old man had been behaving himself without her there, growling quietly at the way he continued to compare his children to the one before, setting Itachi up on an impossible pedestal and ignoring Sasuke, all the while demanding more of both of them without putting forth any more effort than to compare them to her own success and order them to meet it at the very least.
When the eight-year-old emerged from Ibiki's office, sucking on a lollipop, Fukurou smiled and told her brothers to go to Training Ground 1 and work on their aim with various distances and moving targets, promising to meet them there when she was done.
"How did they come out sensei?" she asked, taking her seat in the chair opposite his, leaning back comfortably in the chair designed for discomfort, as her instructor sat in his own and looked at her over laced-together hands, his elbows on his desk as he considered her now.
"They are both heavily conflicted, Fuu-chan. Itachi knows he did his task well, but he also knows that he should not have done it. Sasuke will miss those of his family who are gone, and wants to cling to those who are left, even though one of them is the reason the others are gone," Ibiki answered.
"Figured as much," Fukurou said, resignedly. "More scars on the shinobi, but ones that can't be seen. I'll work on them, they haven't broken too badly I think. A little love, a little glue, the last Uchiha's won't be perfect, but we'll be the best damn patch-job I can manage."
Ibiki laughed at the girl, her fighting spirit, her need and want to care for her family and those around her. "I'm sure you'll all be fine. But this isn't a review Fukurou, it's your turn, and I'm going to use the opportunity afforded me by right of psychological evaluator to get all those sneaky little answers from you that you were always finding ways around when you were my apprentice."
"Oh no!" she said, blushing slightly and hiding her face in one pale hand. "Don't say you want to know about my love-life!"
"I want to know exactly that, my dear Fuu-chan. A healthy social life is important for any well-balanced person. You're not a kunoichi twenty-four seven after all. So, we'll start easy, and then I'll work my way up to the juicy bits, alright?"
"Oh Kami!"
"How many hours a day do you train in taijutsu?"
"Warm up is a quarter-hour, then two hours training, then a quarter-hour cooling down. I also dedicate one hour to ninjutsu, a half-hour to genjutsu, and I spend any extra time on logic puzzles and strategy games to keep my mind sharp – about a half hour."
"That's not very much," Ibiki commented, surprised. He'd had her at physical training from sunrise til noon every day, then mind-games, code breakers and poisons until dinner, sometimes keeping her from her family over night to work on extra fields of study, or assigning her scrolls to memorise by the next morning.
"I've been on a long-term mission at a school with civilians whose idea of sport is whizzing around on flying broomsticks, and caught up in a man-hunt. Most of them are panting heavily just from running to their classes. I made bunshin to do my homework for me when I was at the school so that I had time to train, and since then I've trained in any moment I could get to myself. I worked myself as hard as possible in my circumstances sensei, I promise."
"Ah, your long-term mission. Undercover. Had you made friends with the students at this Hogwarts place?"
"Only as appropriate. The target, Potter Harry, his best friend Weasley Ron and his family, a nervous boy called Longbottom Neville, and a few others. They are idiots, with exception of Weasley Fred and Weasley George, older twin brothers of Weasley Ron. These two have genius potential and put it to use in a ... truly unique way," she answered, smiling sardonically at the memory of those two. Hermione disapproved of them, not because of their rule-breaking, but because they applied their genius in a way that seemed illogical to her, though she quietly thought that since those two opened up that shop, she would definitely become a regular customer, and not just for their joke candy. Though all future journeys would be as herself rather than as the Hermione Granger that they knew. It would probably be a good idea to see if they were able to do mail-orders. She smiled at the thought.
"Have you developed a romantic inclination towards any of your charges?"
"No. The Weasley boys are handsome, but generally foolish, even the genius twins. Potter Harry is too self-obsessed, though he doesn't entirely realise it, and it is not helped by Weasley Ron's open admiration of him, even when they are arguing. A Krum Victor expressed an interest in my person last year, but I did not return it beyond polite friendship. I faked my death before returning."
"Any romantic interests in Konohagakure?"
"Sensei," she whined, wanting to not answer that one.
"Fuu-chan," he mimicked, teasing, but refusing to let it slide.
She huffed, crossing her arms defensively. "Yes, but if you think I'm going to spill who then you've got another thing coming."
"Aw, I'm upset that you don't trust me enough to tell me Fuu-chan," Ibiki wheedled happily.
"Trust has nothing to do with it. Next question, Sensei."
"Did I really raise my apprentice without a sense of humour?" Ibiki lamented dramatically for a moment.
"If you had brought me up without a sense of humour, do you really think I would have made all of you medical supplies pink that time?" she quizzed back, grinning deviously.
Ibiki shook his head. "Alright, next question. What was your initial reaction to seeing Uchiha Sasuke when you returned earlier today?"
"He was just leaving the Academy. I snuck up on him and scooped him up in my arms, tickling him and telling him to be more aware of his surroundings. It was so good to see him again. I missed my brothers while I was away on my mission."
"And when you returned to your family estate?"
"Itachi was just killing Tou-san," Fukurou closed her eyes. "Tou-san was never the easiest to get along with, obsessed with having prodigies for children. Part of me was relieved that I wouldn't have to hear him going on about being the very best ever again. Another part of me lamented that I would never get to hear him say good morning to me, or watch him as he took tea with Kaa-san. As a shinobi, I was proud of my brother for performing such a clean kill, but I was still shocked that he was killing Tou-san. I'm the big sister though, and Itachi has always looked to me for guidance. I don't think either of my otouto's are really leaders, not initiative takers. It took me barely a second to figure out that someone had tricked him into doing it."
Ibiki nodded, and continued the interview.
~oOo~
Fukurou watched her brothers throwing their kunai at the targets. Itachi was hitting nine out of ten, but Sasuke was only making five out of ten, and neither of them were hitting their targets dead centre anything like as often as they should have been. Both of the boys were distracted, but her youngest otouto should not have been doing that poorly. She called him over to her and studied his stance and technique, correcting it and telling him to try again.
"Much better," she said, smiling and ruffling his short hair when he hit his target right in the centre.
"Hermione nee-san, what will happen now?" Itachi asked, stopping his own practice to give his older sister his full attention.
"Ibiki-sensei has delivered his report to the Hokage. We are to immediately return to the Hokage's office," she answered, picking up Sasuke and settling him on one of her shoulders, making him wrap his arms around the top of her head while she held onto his legs.
~oOo~
When the three Uchiha's entered Sarutobi's office, he was reading Fukurou's completed mission report, the psychological evaluations open upon his desk. Morino Ibiki and Hatake Kakashi were also in the office, standing at ease.
Fukurou forced herself to remain calm and not blush at the sight of the man two years older than herself, and to keep her mouth shut rather than demand the reason for his presence. She knew she would be told, or he wouldn't still be here.
"Uchiha Itachi. You have committed a crime. Your psychological evaluation has proven, however, that you had believed your actions to be under my orders and for the good of the village, or you would not have done it. Your loyalty to your Hokage and village is noted, and your ability to obey orders despite finding them extremely distasteful has made you an excellent ANBU agent. It has been decided, however, that for the sake of your mental health, you will be given special jounin status, allowing you to work independently unless your Hokage personally requests otherwise. Am I clear?" Sarutobi said, locking his eyes on Itachi.
"Hai, Hokage-sama," Itachi answered.
"Uchiha Fukurou, your mission report, and the letter from Snape Severus regarding your conduct, is both very thorough and most pleasing. Congratulations on your successful mission, and I am sorry for the circumstances you returned home to. You are hereby formally recognised as the head of your family, depleted as it is. Until the Uchiha compound is cleared by ANBU investigation squad B for habitation, and properly cleaned, Hatake Kakashi has offered the Hatake compound for your use," the Hokage continued, eyes locked on the young woman as he gestured to Kakashi.
"It's been empty for years, and I figure I owe the Uchiha family a few dozen favours," Kakashi explained casually when three pairs of black eyes snapped to him in surprise.
"Thank you Hatake-san," Fukurou said, nudging her brothers as they continued to gape in surprise.
"Ah, thank you Kakashi-senpai," Itachi said.
"Thank you Hatake-san," Sasuke echoed.
Sarutobi coughed to get their attention again.
"I want nothing said about this from any of you until the investigation is complete. Sasuke, you're not to tell your friends in the academy about this, alright? Every one will be told a comprehensive, if censored, story soon enough," the Hokage said, getting confirming nods from everybody before dismissing them.