Richard Castle showed up at Kate's door, and was surprised to find Lanie standing on the other side. She was wearing the same expression on her face that he heard in Ryan and Esposito's voices the time or two that they briefly talked over the past week.
"What are you doing here?" She stood in the doorway, not inviting him in, and not concealing the displeasure in her voice.
He started to explain that he needed to talk to Kate, that the writing thing was not working out the way he had hoped. He was even going to mention that the Gina thing worked out even less spectacularly. He was going to tell her that he missed his daughter, who was probably having way too much fun pretending to be a college student. He even missed his mother, who seemed to be completely in control of her professional and personal life for once. Nobody much needed him, and all he could think about was how much he needed to see Kate. Of course, he didn't actually get to say any of those things, because Lanie stopped him with her glare after the first words were out of his mouth.
"Is she here?" He shifted from one foot to the other.
"She's here." She didn't offer any more.
"Can you tell her I'm here?" He was getting impatient, and kind of tired of everybody giving him a hard time. He thought they would be happy to see him. They threw him a party when he left. He didn't get it.
"If you are here to drop some of your tired innuendo, or to give us a play by play of your misguided ex wife sex, I don't think she is interested. At. All."
"What? I'm not. . ." He peeked over Lanie's head, but didn't see Kate anywhere. "Is there a problem?"
"Are you serious? You. . ."
Just then, Kate came out of her bedroom, dressed casually in jeans and a halter top, and carrying her bag and jacket. She stopped abruptly when she saw him, glancing away a moment to compose herself. "Castle, bad timing. We were just heading out." She commended herself silently for concealing the tremor in her voice. She turned to Lanie. "Are you ready?"
Kate picked up her keys from the table, and they both brushed past Castle, who was still standing in the hallway. She pulled the door closed, and they left him standing there without another word.
"Hey, Castle. Is summer over already?"
Castle looked at Detective Ryan carefully, trying to detect any hostility that might be directed at him. "No. I just. . . I just came from Beckett's actually."
Ryan stepped aside, and offered a silent invitation into his apartment. He felt sorry for the guy. He couldn't help it. "Yeah? How did that go?"
"Apparently, you know exactly how it went. Do you know why?"
He noticed that Castle looked like he was in shock, or at least in a deeply confused state. "Are you serious, man? You don't know?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
Ryan looked at him seriously. "You need to stay away from her. She's had a rough week, and I imagine you popping in and out all summer, is not going to help things. Go back to the Hamptons. Write your book. Figure things out with Gina, or whoever you have found to keep you company this week."
"So. Just to clarify. You are also pissed at me."
"We stepped up to the plate for you, man. All of us. We told her you were interested. We told her to go for it. We told her you cared about her."
"What? Why would you do that? She's with Deming. I mean, I do care for her, but why would you do that, and what makes everyone think I don't care?"
Ryan just shook his head. "We did it because we care about you too, and we thought you would be good for her. I hope you are just pretending to be this clueless, because . . ." He looked at Castle again, carefully this time. "You really don't know, do you?"
"Know what?" His patience was wearing very thin.
"She dumped Deming, the night you left, before your party. She dumped him for you, because she knew it was screwing things up between the two of you. She was about to tell you how she felt, then Gina showed up. Gina. Seriously. What is up with that?"
He was quiet for a long time. He thought he was doing the right thing by leaving. She was with someone who made her happy, someone who would not let her down. He was stepping down because, even he didn't know if he could be that guy for her. He wanted her to be happy. He prefered that she be happy with him, but he could see that Deming was better for her. He only brought Gina around to let Kate know that he had moved on, that he would be ok, that things would not be awkward or uncomfortable between them. Gina got it. Gina knew he was good at playing games.
"You alright?"
"I really messed up."
"That you did, Bro. That you did." Ryan clapped him on the shoulder, going for reassuring, but showing more of the pity that he felt for him.
Castle looked hopefully for a moment. "I can fix this. You can get her to talk to me. You and Esposito. You would do that for me, right?"
Ryan looked very unconvinced. "I don't know. I don't think that is such a good idea right now."
"You know I wouldn't hurt her, not intentionally."
"Where's Gina? The two of you looked very friendly." He cleared his throat. "I mean, from what little I could see from the conference room window."
"I honestly do not know where Gina is. She left the morning after we arrived. It was a mistake."
"I'm sorry, man. You're on your own with this one."
"No, hey, I understand." He backed toward the door. "I'll figure it out. She can't ignore me forever, right?"
"I wouldn't be so sure." He hesitated for a minute, and then went against his better judgement. "Castle. I'm not going to put in a word for you this time, but if you want to talk to her, I might have overheard that she and Lanie are going to that little bar down from Lanie's apartment tonight. Just, don't tell her we talked. OK?"
He stood in the corner of the bar watching them for a few minutes. They each had a drink, Lanie's almost empty, Kate's barely touched. Lanie was telling a story with more animation than he had ever seen her muster. Kate was laughing at her ridiculous gesturing, and looking slightly embarrassed that she seemed to be drawing an audience from the nearby tables. Castle didn't miss that she seemed to be spending more time glancing down at her untouched drink, than paying attention to what Lanie was saying.
He waited for his chance to slip into the booth as soon as Lanie excused herself to track down their drinks. "Hey. I noticed you were all alone."
She looked up at him, not at all surprised to see him. She wasn't even surprised by his lame pick up line. "What are you doing here?" The sadness in her eyes struck him immediately, and he was momentarily speechless.
"I want to set things right. I want to apologize for handling things badly. I had good intentions. I just didn't have the right information to work with."
She slid over to the end of the booth, getting ready to leave. "It doesn't matter. I also made a decision without having all the information I needed. I am seeing things much clearer now. You are a coward. I never really saw it before, but things don't go exactly as you plan, and you run. You can't stand being alone, even for a weekend, so you shack up with your ex wife? What, all of the women you can actually stand being around were busy?" She started to stand up, and he closed his hand around hers.
He forgot that she actually had a lot of time to think about this. "You have it all figured out." He pulled on her hand, and she settled back on the booth. "You are forgetting one important factor. Deming. You were together. You were with him. As much as I hate to admit it, he is a good guy. He would be good to you. He is the one that you don't have to worry about relationship hangups, or getting your heart broken. He is the safe choice. So I was prepared to accept that, because it seemed like he was your choice, and you were happy with it, with him. So, yes. I bowed out, maybe not exactly gracefully, but I bowed out. It's all I could do, because staying, and watching it play out in front of me, is not something I could do."
"You could have let me know."
"When? After I witness one of your public displays of affection in the precinct, or after you lied to me about working when you were going away for the weekend? This is complicated, and I don't know how to handle it any more than you do. I don't want to hurt you. That was never my intention. I was looking for some space, that's all. Gina did not stay. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but it didn't take us very long, in that very small car, for us to figure out that we very much did not belong there together. So, I took her home the next morning, and she has been riding me long distance about the book, the way it should be."
She tilted her head, and really looked at him, trying to figure him out. "What do you want?"
"I want us to figure out how we can be together. It doesn't have to be now. I know I have to prove myself to you. Hell, I have to prove myself to myself. I don't know if I am any good at long term, but that's what I want. I'm not expecting you to take the proverbial plunge right away. I can be very patient. We have a lot to learn about each other. That's what I want for now, for us to understand each other better. What were you going to tell me, before I left?"
She looked down into her drink again. "I was going to apologize, for being a coward, for hiding from you with Tom, for choosing what's safe, and not choosing what my heart wants." She tried to smile, but it was not convincing. Tears were welling in her eyes. "I rushed into it. I didn't think it through. The truth is, I don't know if I can let down my guard that much."
"We have time, and I have faith. Look at us. We are actually talking about it. That's progress. Small steps, we'll get there. We'll find the courage, and the trust, and the things we love about each other, and the little things we'll just have to live with. It doesn't have to happen tonight, or this week, or this year. We'll know when we are ready."
They both looked up at the same time to see Lanie looking down at her hand clasped in his, their close proximity, their whispered words, and the tears in Kate's eyes, and maybe even a little in Castle's. They saw her roll her eyes, and put her hand on her hip. "Girl, we talked about what you were supposed to say when he showed up here. He and his sweet talk were supposed to be out on his ass. We both know you could do it. Do you never take my advice?" She rolled her eyes, and headed for the door. "Don't worry, I'll take a cab home." She tossed a smile and a wink over her shoulder as she left.
A/N:
There! I feel better now. Kind of....
I better keep reading more happy ending Season Finale stories until I am completely reassured that everything will be OK next season. It's going to be a long summer.