**(Note: I re-read this piece, and decided to fix some typos and whatnot. Nothing special. What follows is an updated version.)**
Saw this otp prompt on tumblr, and had to do it for these two asshats. One-shot.
" Imagine Person A of your OTP dying from a gaping chest wound. Person B is frantically trying to stop the bleeding when Person A's eyes flutter open and they whisper faintly, "My eyes are up here, asshole." "
...
"What'sthat, Janet? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of your flawed opinion."
Jack snatched the magazine out of Janet's hands, pushing through the swinging door of the kitchen, and headed towards his bedroom.
Janet heaved an aggravated sigh, and followed Jack on pursuit.
"Honestly, Jack, I don't know why you bother trying to tell me otherwise,"
At that moment, Terri opens the front door, after a long shift at the hospital, and spots Janet yelling something at Jacks closed bedroom door.
"What you want isn't in need here, it's what I want, and what I want is for you men to learn how to satisfy us women, the right way!" Janet gave a final nod at her strong point, and turned toward her own bedroom.
Before Terri can process what she just heard, Jacks door flings open. "Well, why don't you come out here and tell me what is it you so desperately need from men! Or better yet, why don't you show me, while you're at it!" Jack shouts into Janet's and Terri's bedroom.
"Jack Tripper, I outta slug you!" Janet threatens, marching right up to Jack.
Jack begins to speak for himself, when Terri cuts in between the bickering friends.
"Guys, what the hell is going on? What's all this talk about 'satisfying women'?" Terri questions in confusion.
Janet shakes her head, and starts toward the couch. "Nothin', Terri. Jack and I were just having a small disagreement."
"Small? Sounded like you guys committed murder."
"Oh, there will be a murder soon, you can count on that," Jack winks at Terri, "but for now, Mrs. Woman Of The Year over here is too stubborn to listen to a word I say."
Janet rolls her eyes at Jack, and starts flipping through the many different channels on television. Terri sits down next to her.
"What's the argument?" Terri asks, looking between Jack, who stayed idly by the kitchen door, and Janet, who remains concentrated on the tv screen.
"It's this dumb magazine article Janet showed me in the kitchen." Jack says, holding up the magazine for Terri to see.
She grabs the magazine and reads the title of the article out loud.
"'How to get men to notice the new you.' Well, what's wrong with that?"
Janet stares shockingly at Terri, and points to the rest of the article.
"Terri, it's a 'how to' on how to get guys to notice your new bust!"
Terri gives a disgusted look, and tosses the magazine aside. "Yuck!"
Jack rolls his eyes. "All I'm saying is I don't mind having a girl use this on me, you know what I mean." Jack cracks his knuckles and smiles.
"Whatever, Jack, you think whatever you wanna think, I'm heading out." Janet stands and walks to get her jacket from the coat hack.
"Oh, Janet, c'mon, why don't we put this behind us. It's just a stupid article, I don't really think all girls need new bust jobs to get my attention. There are many different shapes and sizes, and I think they're all beautiful." Jacks eyes downcast toward Janet's chest, then quickly looks Janet straight in the eye, hoping she didn't catch the glance.
"My eyes are up here, asshole." Janet's voice full of venom.
Jack flinches and tries for a quick apology, but Janet's already out the door, going who-knows where. He follows her out, and attempts to get her attention again. Janet ignores him, as she makes her way down the sidewalk, and turning a corner. Jack tries catching up to her, but is stopped by a very happy Larry.
"Hey, Jack-o! I have news to tell you! I finally got a date with the Romando twins! How about that, ay pal?" Larry slaps Jack on the back, expecting praise, but is met with annoyance.
"Not now, Lair, I gotta talk to Janet," before finishing his sentence, the two friends hear a violent scream, and someone in all black roughly shoving past them.
"What was that?" Larry asked in concern.
"I don't know, lets see," Jack quickly turns the corner, and stops dead in his tracks upon seeing Janet on her back, in a pool of blood, a few feet away.
"Oh, my god, Janet!" He rushes to her side, and cradles her head on his lap, brushing the dark locks out of her eyes.
Larry settles beside him, and mutters something about calling for help before getting up and running off.
"Janet, Janet, can you hear me? Can you hear me babe?" Tears begin flowing out of Jacks eyes, as he stares at the knife wound on her chest. He frantically tries to stop the bleeding, as Janets eyes flutter open.
In a hoarse voice, she whispers, "My eyes are up here, asshole."
Jack merely smiles, as the sound of an ambulance can be heard from a distance.
...
Spoiler alert: she lives. Obviously she does, or else there would be no Jack and Janet!
I have an unhealthy obsession with the show, specifically these two, and I have not written a fanfic for them. Maybe I should. Any thoughts? I'm not all that great, but I try. I literally just winged this piece, as you can probably tell, but whatever. It was a lot funnier in my head. Anyways, conclusion is, Janet gets better, they catch the sicko who did it, and Jack proposes a month later. They marry in the fall. Thanks for reading, and maybe keep a lookout for my potential JackET fic coming soon. :)