The Horrible Rocky Late Late Night Picture Show
by
SpiritStream17 and Voodoo Fighting Weasel
SS17 and the Hyena's Note: We have prepared the most weirdest fanfiction in the world. Call us the Insanity Twins, cause we both hate the Rock, and we love Sandman, and anything with INSANITY. Also, in the brackets is where the crowd comes in, which is you, and shouts it outload. Kinda like Rocky Horror. ^_^ Now sit back, relax, and read the insanity. :)
Quote the Twins, INSANITY FOREVERMORE!
Molly:
Michael Rennie was ill
The Day the Earth Stood Still
But he told us where we stand. {"On our feet" while standing}
And Flash Gordon was there
In silver underwear, {"It was gold!"}
Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. {"Outta sight!"}
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong.
They got caught in a celluloid {echo "sexual"} jam. {"69"}
Then at a deadly pace
It Came From...Outer Space. {echo "It sat on where... Janet's face?"}
And this is how the message ran: {"Freeze!"}
Spike:
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X {"Sex Sex Sex Sex!"} will build a creature.
See androids fighting Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Wuh uh uh oh o-o-oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
Molly:
I knew Leo G. Carrol
Was over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills. {"Lick it, Bitch!"}
And I really got hot
When I saw Jeanette Scott {"When I saw Janet's Twat!"}
Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.
Dana Andrews said Prunes
Gave him the runes
And passing them used lots of skills. {"YAY, skills!"}
But When Worlds Collide, {clap hands "BOOM!"}
Said George Pal to his bride,
"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"
Like a...
Spike:
Science fiction, double feature
Doctor X {"Sex Sex Sex Sex!} will build a creature.
See androids fighting Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
Wuh uh uh oh o-o-oh
At the late night, double feature, {"Rocky Horror"} picture show.
I wanna go {"NOT!"}
Wuh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, {"Rocky Horror"} picture show.
By RKO,
Wuh oh o-o-oh {echo "Boring oh o oh!"}
To the late night, double feature, {"Rocky Horror"} picture show.
In the back row, { front row: "Fuck the back row!" while flipping them off}
{ back row: "Fuck the front row"}
{ "Fuck all the rows!" }
Oh oh o-o-oh
To the late night, double feature, {"Rocky Horror"} picture show! {"Finally the show!"}
[Spike and Molly are sitting in a dark room, lit by candles only.]
Spike: Welcome to our strange tale. {"Goodie."} Let us take you on a strange journey, if you will allow... {"Hell no."}
Molly: Please? {"We said Hell no, bitch!"}
Spike [frustrated, breaking character.]: Aw, Molls, you spoiled my creepy intro!
Molly: Gee, I'm sorry Spike... why don't we just get to the show?
Spike: Okay. {"YAY, movie."}
[A huge monster truck pulls up to a large eerie looking mansion in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas. Out of it into the night comes a couple of Alliance members. Austin, Lance Storm, The Dudleys, Rhyno, and Booker T. Then a black and red car with the WWF logo on the front parks next to it. Out comes Kurt, The Rock, Jericho, and the Hardy Boys. Each one looks at each other eviliy]
Austin: What the hell are you doing here Cry-Baby Kurt?!
Kurt: I was about to ask you... you... NON-MILK LOVING BAD MAN!
Austin: Sorry excuse for a bitting remark.
Kurt: *whimpers* Sh-sh-shaddup Austin...
Rocky: Alright you bunch of jabroni's, since we don't know where the hell we are, we might as well take a good night's rest in that haunted mansion and I don't give a blue hell if you want to follow the Great One or not. Cause the Rock is going to go into that mansion, get into a bed, and layeth the Smackdown on anyone who dares distrub my sleep. IF YOU SMELL! WHAT THE ROCK! IS---
Booker T: --- WHAT THE BOOK! Is cooking.
The Rock: My line you jabroni...
Austin: Whatever, I just want some rest so I can kick Kurt's ass in the morning.
Kurt: STOP PICKING ON ME YOU BIG MEANIE!
Matt: Jeff?
Jeff: Yes Matt?
Matt: This is going to be a long night....
Jeff: I agree Matt, I agree...
[Storm and Booker T grab the Alliance's bags while Jericho grab the WWF's bags. They all walk up to the mansion to see if anyone was inside. Kurt was going to knock on it, but Austin decided to slam on it with his feet. Suddenly a old man at about 4 feet came out, really old looking... and somewhat familier.]
Old Man: What do you want?
Austin: We want in the house, a bed to sleep, and we leave in the morning. Got any rooms?
Old Man: Why not, we would love company... my name is Riff Raff, yours?
Rocky: Looks like this jabroni doesn't watch television, doesn't he?
Kurt: My name is Kurt Angle, the leader of the WWF!
Austin: I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin, the damnest leader the Alliance has ever had!
Jeff and Matt: Hardy Boys.
D-von and Bubba: Dudley Boys.
Austin: And that's Storm and over there is Y2J and right next to me is the human catchphrase machine, the Rock.
Rocky: Shaddup Austin...
Riff Raff: Yes, yes, indeed, come in, come in my friends...
[Riff Raff gets their baggs and lead's the team upstairs to a huge room. The Hardys, Dudleys, and Y2J get the top bunks, while the others get the lower bunks. Austin takes a seperate bed, and so does Kurt. The Rock... he took the most perfect one, that looked like royality. Riff Raff then settled down their bags, and once he closed the door, everyone was asleep. Except for one "electrifying" man.]
Rocky: Oh what a glorious bed for the Rock, the Rock loves this bed. And now the Rock shall slumber...
[Once Rocky lays on the bed, it cracks into millions of pieces. No one heard the crash, since everyone was dead asleep. The Rock mumbled to himself, grabbing himself a pillow and blanket. He then laid down on the floor, covering himself with the blanket, and falling to sleep. Little did he know that evil creatures were in the night... and they didn't like people with the name... The Rock. Hehehehe...]
[The Rock is snoring very loudly, and very annoyingly, when something splashes on his face. The Rock sits up, sputtering.]
Rocky: What in the blue hell?! Hey… The Rock says… this tastes like Ice Tea…
[The Rock looks beside him and sees a tall glass of Iced Tea sitting there]
Glass of Iced Tea: The name's MR. T! Not ICE TEA! That's that sumbitch rapper boy…
The Rock: Who… excuse me, the Rock forgot his manners… WHAT… IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU!!!
"Mr. T": I'm a glass of iced tea, fool! What the hell did you say was your sad assed name?
The Rock: Did you just call The Rock's name… sad assed? WHO IN THE BLUE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? You're just a glass of talking ice tea! And you can take your objections to the Rock's name, turn 'em sideways, and stick 'em straight up your candy ass!
"Mr. T": I told you, fool, I'm not Ice Tea! I'm Mr. T! And I'm a glass of tea, man, I ain't got no ass to shove 'em up! And if I did, it'd be LEMONY! Not none of that candy shit…what you trying to give me hemroids and shit, fool?!
[The Rock stares at Mr. T.]
"Mr. T": And another thing, what's your obsession with Blue Hell? Hell ain't blue! I been there, fool! I pity the fool who's as misinformed as you! You one sorry sumbitch, you know that?!
The Rock: The Rock cannot believe he's being dissed by a talking glass of Iced Tea possessed by the soul of Mr. T…
Mr. T: You damn straight I am!
[The Rock stands up, starting to walk out of the room.]
The Rock: The Rock thinks that this is a load of horseshit. The Rock needs fresh air.
Mr. T: Hey fool! I ain't done wit you yet!
The Rock: The Rock says you are now, if you smell what the Rock is cooking!
Mr. T: Fool, you ain't cooking nothing! Get your ass back here…
[The Rock ignores Mr. T and leaves the room. Standing outside the door, he is faced with a long, seemingly never ending hallway.]
The Rock: The Rock doesn't remember this being here when we got here…
[He shrugs and begins walking down the hall as ominous, b - monster movie music begins to play. The Rock begins to hum his theme song. Suddenly, a panel opens in the wall and a very sharp carrot whizzes past the back of the Rock's head. The Rock turns around, but sees nothing.]
Rocky: The Rock thinks that The Rock should stop being so paranoid, because nothing is out to get the Rock, except for that evil iced tea glass…
Mr. T (voice over): I TOLD YOU FOOL! I'M MR. T! NOT ICE T!
[The Rock looks around, eyes widened in fear, to find the source of the voice. He doesn't, and instead takes off running down the hall. He stops as another sharp carrot shoots out of the wall, nearly hitting him in the nose. ]
The Rock: What in the Blue Hell!!!
[He begins to run as more carrots shoot out at him. He manages to avoid most, but as he nears the end of the hall (yes, it really does end) one of the carrots catches his sleeve, pinning him to the wall. Another pins his other sleeve. Two more pin the legs of his pants. The Rock gets a terrified look as a panel of carrots opens in the wall opposite him, all very sharp, and all aimed at the Rock, and one in particular is aimed straight for the People's Jewels. The other's slide back, and the People's Jewels Carrot is about to fire…]
Molly: Hold on a second! {"And it's the best part!"}
Spike: Huh?
Molly: This is family programming! We can't show this! {"Who gives a shit?!"}
Spike: But… it's a part of the show! We have to! {"YEAH! CUT OFF HIS DICK!"}
Molly: I'm changing the script… {"SLUT! and a statement to prove it"}
[Spike sighs as Molly quickly hops into the chair of the desk in the nice, dark, candlelit room and hurries to type at the laptop conveniently sitting there.]
Molly: There! Finished. {"Wee."}
Spike: Aw, Molls, you're so resourceful… you're prepared for anything!
Molly [grinning]: Anything? {"SLUT!"} [Spike catches on and smiles at her, beaming]
Spike [under his breath]: I hope…
[Spike kisses Molly. Molly kisses him back. She pulls away as realization dawns that they're still onscreen.]
Molly: Ladies and gentleman, we now return to your regularly scheduled program… {"YAY, program."}
[She presses a red button on the table and continues kissing Spike. From over her shoulder, Spike waves goodbye.]
[The Carrots that were pulled back in the panel fire off, making a profile of the Rock against the wall, and the Carrot pointing at the People's Jewels pulls back into the wall. The Rock screams like a girly man and pulls off the wall, running away, down the hall. His shirt is torn.]
[The Rock spots a door at the end of the hall. He sighs in relief.]
The Rock: Thank the Greatness of me…
[As he reaches for the door, two monkeys and a weasel appear in front of it, stopping him.]
Monkey #1: STOP!
Monkey #2: What he said!
Weasel: sigh. You heard 'em.
The Rock: Who in the Blue Hell are you?!
Monkey #1: I'm Monkey #1, and I'm EVIL!
Monkey #2: I'm Monkey #2, and I'm what he said!
Weasel: I'm weasel and I got lost on the way to the Ice Cream stand.
[The Rock and Monkeys stare at her.]
Weasel: Okay, bye bye!
[She disappears]
Monkey #1: Anyway, we're here to keep you from going through this door!
Monkey #2: Yeah!
The Rock: The Rock says… why?
Monkey #1: 'Cause… um… 'Cause… um… 'Cause!
Monkey #2: Yeah! 'Cause! You tell him #1!
Monkey #1: Sorry, Rock, but stuff that is dangerous and we don't know about is behind this door. YOU MAY NOT ENTER!
Monkey #2: Yeah, so please don't take this ass kicking personally.
[The two Monkeys attack the Rock, tearing at his shirt and hair and biting his ears.]
Monkey #1: We are evil amazing ear biting monkeys!
Monkey #2: Yeah!
[The Rock throws the Monkeys, screams like a little girl, and runs.]
[As the Rock was almost relieved of almost near were the guys were, evil beavers slithered out of the sides of the house, bitting on the Rock's toes. Rocky screamed even worse than a little girl, and ran into the room. This awoke everyone, except for Kurt and Austin.]
Jericho *raising eyebrow*: Hey, Rock... what the hell are you doing?
Rocky *in small voice*: The plane, the plane...
Storm: If I can be serious for--
Jeff *stuff's Storms face in a pillow*: Oh shut up Bud Bundy wanna-be.
Matt: Guys, this ain't like the Rock. I mean look at him! He's shivering under a blanket, rocking back and forth, his clothes are ripped, his toes are bitten, and... [takes out a carrot from Rock's pants]... there is this carrot...
D-Von: Testify! He's right ya all! [pricks his finger on the carrot] Damn! It's one sharp sucker!
"Mr. T": You damn right sucka!
[Everyone turns around to see a tall glass of ice tea in the middle of the room, with gold jewelery on it, an afro, and a mustache. By then everyone's eyes went as wide as saucers.]
Rocky: EVIL ICE TEA DID IT! EVIL! EVIL! EVIL I SAY! EVIL!!! [hides more in blanket]
Jericho [looks at Rocky then the Ice Tea]: Okay... who thinks that Rocky has gone crazy say I.
All: I!
"Mr. T": Listen you foo's! This place is runned by this maniac guy named Riff Raff and he's trying to kill us all; I'm here to help you guys. Call me Mr. T, NOT THE KILLER ICE T! You foo... I mostly know all of you, especially the wimp underneath the covers there!
Rocky: I'm a little tea pot, short and stout...
"Mr. T": See what I mean... but you... who the hell are you, foo'? [Mr. T looks at Booker T]
Bookter T: My name is Booker T, SUCKA!
"Mr. T": YA FOO'! EVERYONE IS TRYING TO COPY MR. T! Well I pity the foo who copyrights my name! And you foo' are one of them!
Rhyno: Now everyone should just chill out... pardon the pun Mr. T.
"Mr. T": Nothing taken foo'.
Rhyno: Think about our leader guys, and the scum of the WWF leader, what would they say? We should stick together and defeat this Riff Raff guy!
All: Yeah!
Jericho: And I think we should all make a plan, but what?
Hardys: HUTTLE!
[As everyone huttles together, two superstars that everyone supposedly thought that they were asleep, were walking out of bed. Their eyes were closed, but both knew where they were going. One said, "Milk," and the other said, "Beer." Before anyone knew it, they were out of the room, slamming the door behind them. No one didn't even notice.]
Riff Raff: Ah yes my pretties... try to foil my plan of ridding professional wrestling forever, it won't work. For once I bring your precious leaders to my side, you will understand the true power of... [takes off his costume] GREMMIE! THE GREMLIN! [does the pinky thing and Mr. Biggelsworth comes out, doing the same] MWAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! MWAHAHAHA--*cough, cough* Dammit, where the hell did I put my Surge...
[As the WWF/Alliance group try to come up with a plan, Kurt and Austin wander together, sleep walking trying to find their beer and milk. Without even knowing, they walked over a pit of purple, evil, live Crabs that wear tap dancing shoes, almost near the kitchen. These crabs followed them into the kitchen, their claws snipping. Flying green lepoards were on the top of them, while cheery walnuts, ribbiting like frogs were on the shelves of the kitchen, waiting to pounce. Kurt and Austin simeltaniously opened the refigerator, grabbing milk, cookies, beer, and hot dogs. Once Kurt drank his milk and Austin's his beer, they finally woke up, but at the wrong time...]
Kurt: Uhh... Austin?
Austin: Yeah Kurt...
Kurt: What I would give for your Monster Truck right now...
Austin: I know Kurt, I know...
[Screams of Austin and Kurt filled the house, finally making everyone break the huttle. Everyone looked around to see who screamed, and then Jericho noticed the most vital thing...]
Jericho: AUSTIN AND KURT ARE GONE!!!
All: So?
Jericho: HELLO! WE HAVE NO LEADERS NOW AND ROCKY IS INSANE NOW!
Rocky: Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care, Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care...
All: Oh yeah... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Booker T: WERE DOOMED! WERE DOOMED!
Rocky: HELP ME! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!! [Rhyno gores him]
Rhyno: God that felt good.
Storm: Guys... were not out of the blue yet...
[Blue alligators and pink and green spotted girraffes guarded the door to get out of the room. They looked really evil looking, and scared the crap out of everyone.]
Booker T and Rocky [both holding each other, screaming like little girls]: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MOMMY!!!!
Storm: IT'S THE END! AND I'M BEING SERIOUS!
Jericho: Awww shut the hell up with your lame jokes Storm, at least let us die with catchphrases from a true comedian!
Bubba: WASSUP EVERYONE! SAY GOODBYE TO THE PLANET!!!
[Before they knew it, two figures sliced and diced the animals into millions of pieces with their big metal thingies. Into the light they came, and no one couldn't believe it.]
All: AUSTIN AND KURT SAVED OUR ASSES?!
"Austin": Kurtonian, do you know this Austin and this Kurt?
"Kurt": No Austin of the Bravehearts, I do not.
"Austin": Shall we destory more evil?
"Kurt": Indeed we shall, indeed we shall! HAHA!
[As Kurt and Austin run down the hallway with their swords and other metal thingies, everyone is dumbfounded.]
"Mr. T": Aww you foo's, that's easy to explain, they got possesed by heroes of long ago that died here!
All: Oh...
Jericho: So now they are ranging lunatical heroes that destory evil beings?
"Mr. T": Exactly.
[Everyone is silent for a moment or two.]
Rhyno: Well, that's fine with me, anyone else?
[cut to Spike and Molly's study den thingie… still lit by candles…]
[The desk has been cleared off, and Spike's lying down on the table, a towel around his waist. Molly is massaging his shoulders.]
Spike: Mm, that feels good… a little lower…
Molly [looking at camera]: Uh, Spike… the camera's here… we're supposed to be doing the show now… {"Duh, bitch!"}
Spike [gulps]: Gack!
[Spike holds the towel tightly around his waist, grabs his clothes, and hides behind a screen conveniently placed behind a chair to get dressed.]
Molly: Right, the commentary… anyway, our heroes are trapped… what will they do? {echo "what will they screw?!"}
Spike[poking head over the screen]: Molls, that's the wrong show. {"Yeah, we ain't in no prono movie!"}
Molly [blushing]: Whoops, I knew that… let's just watch the show… {"Hello!" "Duh!" "Where's the ice cream bar anyways?"}
[Back to the scene in the house of Chaotic Evil]
Mr. T: You suckas!
Booker T[Still hugging the Rock and whimpering]: H - H - H - Hey, that's my line… Sucka…
Mr. T: Aw, shut up, you foo', you probably pissed your pants anyway. You all are suckas 'cause all you gotta do is call 1 - 800 - Stop The Evil Hotline
Everyone: Oh…
Mr. T: Well? What're you waiting for? Use this conveniently placed telephone to call 'em! Don't be foo's!
[Lance Storm dials the number on the suddenly appeared telephone.]
Operator: Hello, you have reached the 'Stop The Evil Hotline'. If you are being chased by a stamped of jungle animals, press 1 now. If you are locked in a house with a mass murderer, press 2 now. If you are locked in madman's house with a glass of possessed iced t giving you directions on how to stop him and your leaders have been possessed by dead people, press 3 now…
[Lance presses three.]
Operator: If the iced t has the persona of President Lincoln, press 1 now. If it has the persona of Butthead, press 2 now, if it has the persona of…
Lance[to everyone else]: You guys get out of here, I'll stay on hold and get help…
Everyone: Right!
[Everyone but Storm runs out of the room.]
Operator: If it's taken on the persona of that annoying Carrot Top guy from those Collect commercials press…
[Lance sighs]
[The members of the Alliance and the WWF, carrying Mr. T, and dragging Booker and Rocky, are running down the endless hall.]
Rocky: Ahhh! The COLORS! ALL THE COLORS! WHY DO THEY SPIN?!
Jericho: Right…
Matt: It's okay, Rock, we'll get you through this…
[Suddenly, a panel opens in the wall, and flamingo is thrown out of it. It hits Jeff Hardy in the head. Jeff sneezes.]
Jeff: Oh doh! I'm allergic to flambingohs!
Matt: Great…
[Another panel; another flamingo. This one hits Rhyno in the head. He grabs it and it attacks him viciously.]
Rhyno: Not just flamingoes… angry flamingoes. Wearing… golf visors. And… Florida Golf shirts?
Buh Buh: You mean Florida Gulf.
Rhyno: Nope. It says Golf.
D - Von: We got angry golf playing flamingoes, here!
[More are thrown from the walls as the superstars run down the hall.]
Rock: LET THE BODIES HIT FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOOOOORRR!!!
Jericho: That's it, we've all got a death wish!
Booker T: Mentos! THE FRESH MAKER! Santa? WEEEE!
Rhyno: IT'S TRUE! IT'S DAMN TRUE AS KURT WOULD SAY!
[Finally the flamingoes are gone, and everyone stops. Suddenly they heard something crack underneath them. They then notice that they floor leads down to a pit of evil tabby cats.]
Jericho: On the count of three, everyone runs Stage Right.
Rhyno: What's Stage Right?
Jericho: Three!!!
[Everyone follows Jericho, Matt and Jeff carrying the poor insane Rocky and Booker T. However, a duo wasn't that fast enough.]
D-Von: TESTIFY!!!
Bubba: GOODBYE WORLD....!
Jericho *turns around*: DUDLEYS!!!
[Jericho dives to catch their arms but it's too late, they go into the darkness, their screams fading away. Silence fills the place, as everyone can't believe that the Dudleys are gone. Jericho gets up and then goes up to the front.]
Jericho: Come on guys, we gotta get the hell out of here before all of us are dead!
Everyone: Right!
Jericho *as he's leading everyone, whispering*: Goodbye Dudleys...
[Meanwhile, with Lance Storm on the telephone...]
Operator:... if your ice t is possesed by a creature from Mars, press 4894, right now. If your ice t is possesed by the members of Drowning Pool, press 4895, right now. If your ice t is possesed by Justin Timberlake and annoying you with N*Suck songs, press 911 right now...
Lance: When will the madness end...
Operator:... if your ice t is possesed by the most unlikely person on this entire freakin' list of famous people which would be Mr. T...
Lance: FINALLY! What number?!
Operator:... you have reached the wrong number then. Please call 1-800 My-Ice-T-Is-Possesed-By-Mr-T-And-I-Think-That-I'm-About-To-Die-In-This-Scary-House-And-My-Leaders-Are-Possesed-By-Dead-People Hotline. Thank you and Have a nice day.
Lance: I don't believe it... [hangs up] and after all that! Grrr... I better find the guys...
[Before Lance knew it, he went through a trap door, his screams heard all the way to where the guys were.]
Rhyno: NO! They got Lance now!!
Matt: Who do you think they might go after next?
Jeff: I don't chow *achoo!* Damn this culd!
Rocky and Booker T: OHLAY! OHLAY OHLAY OHLAY! OHLAY! OHLAY!!!!!!!
Jericho: Let's all hope that they are next.
All: Right.
[Cut to Molly and Spike's den. Molly is consoling a bawling Spike.]
Molly: Spike, it's okay, they're gone… and you hated them, anyway…
Spike: But… But… they were my brothers! Even if I hate their guts and they put us through tables and they suck they're still my… BROTHERS! WAHHHHH! {"CRYBABY!"}
Molly[getting sad, too]: Oh, Spike… I'm so sorry… how can I make you feel better?
Spike [sniffling]: I don't know… maybe… a … kiss… {"We said we ain't in no porno movie!"}
[Molly grabs Spike's face and plants a big wet one. Spike gives the camera a thumbs up over her shoulders.]
Molly: Feel better? {"No, bitch!"}
Spike [catching his breath]: Oh yeah… we should get on with the show. {"YAY, show."}
Molly: Oh, Spike, you're so brave… even after your loss you want to keep the show going... {"DUH, bitch!"}
Spike [shrugging]: You know what they say, Molls... the show must go on.
[Cut to: the WWF/Alliance people, still in the hall.]
[Suddenly, trap doors open underneath everyone but Rhyno, Matt, and Jericho. The wrestlers disappear out of sight.]
Jericho: Shit! Now they're gone, too!
Rhyno: Now it's just the three of us…
Matt: Good to see you can count.
Jericho: We have to see if we can find Stone Cold and Angle and get out of this house alive…
Rhyno: Okay… let's go.
[The three head off, continuing to look for Angle and Austin]
[Back at Spike and Molly's den. Spike and Molly are making out of the couch, totally ignoring the camera. Suddenly, a trap door opens in the ceiling. Buh Buh and D - Von fall into the middle of the floor. Several angry orange tabbies follow, bouncing off of Buh Buh's belly. The cats disappear.]
[Spike and Molly gasp. Spike runs forward and grabs his brothers in a big hug.]
Spike: Buh Buh! D - Von! You're not dead! {"If they were, we'd have no movie!"}
[They shove Spike away.]
Buh Buh: Of course we're not dead, you little idiot! {"We like you!"}
Molly: Hey, don't talk about him like that!
D - Von: You shut up! {"We like you too!"}
Spike: Hey, don't you talk about her like that!
Buh Buh: Do we have to start this again! Look, Spike, what's going on?
Spike: We barely know any better than you!
D - Von and Buh Buh: Huh? {"We don't like you."}
Molly: See, we were just sitting in Spike's locker room, minding our own business…
Spike: … having a private conversation, when we found out someone had taped us talking about it…
Molly: … and they blackmailed us into hosting this thing, and they said if they didn't, they'd play the tape of us talking on the Titantron… Spike: And that's how we ended up here.
Buh Buh: What, exactly, did they tape you guys talking about?
[Molly and Spike both blush.]
Spike: Well, see… Molly was talking about her WCW days, and about how she still had the old outfit… and, well… I just told her how much that outfit turned me on… and she said she'd wear it if I wanted… and I said I'd be too busy looking at her to concentrate on my matches… and they taped it and threatened to show it… {"PORNO ALERT! PORNO ALERT!"}
[Buh Buh and D - Von look at each other.]
D - Von: Should you slap him or should I?
Buh Buh: I think we both should.
D - Von: Right.
[Buh Buh and D - Von simultaneously slap Spike on the back of the head, knocking him over. Molly helps him up again.]
Buh Buh: You two prudes! Like that's really blackmail worthy! {"YAY, worthy."}
Spike and Molly: Hey!
D - Von: Who was blackmailing you, anyway?
[Spike points past the camera]
Spike: Him.
[Kane waves from behind the camera.]
Molly: And him.
[She points to Undertaker, sitting in a chair marked 'Producer'.]
Spike: And her.
[Spike points to Sara, sitting in a chair marked 'Director'.]
[Buh Buh shakes his head.]
Buh Buh: Weirder and weirder… {"And everything is fucked up too!"}
[Suddenly Storm's scream comes and he accidentally lands on Sara's lap. When he lifted his head, his lips kissed Sara's cheek, making Sara slam him on the face. And that prompted a very angry husband.]
Taker [looks at Lance evily]: Kane, make sure that you keep rolling footage, the Dudleys take them to the Final Stage Room, along with Rocky, Booker T, and Storm, once I'm done with him, and make sure everything keeps going. [walks off into a room called "The Little Room of DOOM! that rains upon your little head!"]
Sara: Okay, Kane once everything is done, cut that part out with the Dudleys and Storm dropping in. Dudleys, Spike and Molly, try to escape and you'll be feeling what Storm is getting. {"YAY, getting."}
[As Storm's screams fill the studio, and simultaniously all of them gulped, Kane nooded to the Director, rolling film still. It then cut to where Jericho, Rhyno, and Matt were running away from The Grim Reeper and the guy from Scream.]
Jericho: You guys do know that this is a cheap-shot at trying to exceed Scary Movie in a very eerie and f'ed up way!?
Rhyno and Matt: DUH!
Jericho: BUT ITS REAL THIS TIME!
Rhyno and Matt: DUH!!!
Jericho: Is all you can say is DUH?!
Rhyno and Matt: DUH!!!
"Mr. T": OH SHADDUP YA FOO'S I SEE SOMETHING UP FRONT!
[Jericho looks through his pocket and takes out the Iced Tea possesed by Mr. T]
Jericho: Your still here?!
Mr. T: Duh ya foo's! Now come on and let's get the heck out of here!!!
[Before they knew it they reached a large 15 foot door, with a gold plated bull in front. Before Jericho could open it, it started to talk.]
Bull Guy Dude: Before ye enters the final challenge of the quest...
Matt: THIS WAS A QUEST?!
Rhyno: I feel faint...
Bull Guy Dude: ... you must answer this riddle at your best.
Jericho: Okay, first people get kidnaped, then talking ice t--
Mr. T: THAT'S MR. T!
Jericho:... okay, whoever wants this over with say I. All: I!
Jericho: Alright you Bull Guy Dude, give us the riddle junior!
Bull Guy Dude: For only one with the power cannot open thee, you must do it as one, trio of three.
[Everyone stands there dumbfounded, but then Rhyno went up to the door and put his hand through the keylock.]
Jericho: What the hell are you doing you buck-tooth bahemoth, and I don't mean Stephanie!?
Rhyno: I saw this on an episode of Reboot. Come on, put your hands through the keyhole and press down on it.
[Jericho and Matt comes over and is ready to press. Once they press it the door opens and they walk inside.]
Matt: For once Rhyno did something smart! How did you know?
Rhyno: It's easy! One can't do it alone, so together as a trio we could do it, duh.
Jericho [sarcastic]: How original...
[Green flames light the room as the trio looks around. Before they knew it, someone took Mr. T and smashed him to the ground, making everyone gasp in horror. Evil laughter was heard throughout the place. The bodies of the Dudleys, Jeff, Rocky, Booker T, and Storm hanging motionless by ropes in the air of this chamber.]
Jericho: What kind of sick bastard would do this to them?!
Rhyno: DUH! Riff Raff idiot, that's what Mr. T told us... before he... went away.
Matt: Come on guys, we have to save the others!
[Laughter like Dr. Evil's ran through the place, and out came Gremmie, throwing down his Riff Raff costume on the floor below them. Jericho went ballistic, Matt and Rhyno trying to hold him back.]
Jericho: JACKASS! You tricked us! Your one of those PTA members trying to get rid of the WWF and WCW and ECW!
Gremmie: How persistent of you Mr. Chris Jericho, indeed I am. My real name is Gremmie, a gremlin of the PTA. And I was sent here to destroy the greatest wrestlers in the WWF and Alliance. So far I have gotten rid of The Dudleys, the great Rocky, whom went completely crazy, along with his insane parter Booker T, Lance Storm... and your little brother Matt... Jeff Hardy.
Matt [now Jericho and Rhyno trying to hold him back]: YOU ARE SICK MAN!!! I'LL KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BROTHER!!!!!
Gremmie: How can you? You have no powers! I am the great Gremmie of the PTA! NO ONE CAN STOP ME! MWAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[Jericho fell to his knees, believing Gremmie that they couldn't do anything. Matt just tryed to keep on thinking up a plan of how to get them out of this mess, and Rhyno just looked up at Gremmie like he was a madman. Suddenly two figures came out of nowhere, taking down the bodies of the wrestlers with their swords, making their prone figures fall down on top of a bed that came out of nowhere. The trio went to check up on them, and noticed that they were still alive.]
Austin: Good save Kurtonian!
Kurt: As of you Austin of the Bravehearts!
Gremmie: What is this?!
Jericho: I believe it's called a rescue!
[Team Rocket's song comes in the background]
Austin: Prepare for trouble!
Kurt: And make it double!
Austin: To protect the world from devisation!
Kurt: To unite all people's within our nation!
Austin: To denounce the evil's of war and hate!
Kurt: To destroy anything wrong on our dinner plate!
Austin: Austin of the Bravehearts!
Kurt: Kurtonian of the Roman Empire!
Austin: Guardians of Goodness, fighting everyday and night!
Kurt: Surrender now or pay the price!
Austin and Kurt: And you know we're right!!
Jericho: Did I just hear right?
Rhyno: Team Rocket's motto... their style...
Matt: Maybe we shouldn't have asked...
[Kurt jumped over to where Gremmie was and they started sword fighting about 20 feet in the air. Austin jumped down, and walked over to were the trio and the other wrestlers were.]
Austin: All of you must leave here quickly; I and Kurtonian will destroy this evil creature from millions of years ago. You see, I am Austin of the Bravehearts, Stone Cold Steve Austin's ancestor from the Roman Empire. I was a Gladiator, along with Kurtonian; we were the greatest fighters, but Gremmie killed us by tricking us. He killed all our friends, and then me and Kurtonian. If you didn't know, Kurt Angle is his descendant.
Jericho [sarcastic]: What gave it away... [Matt elbow's him in the gut.]
Austin: I can understand, ironic that their names are like ours, and that Gremmie would hit now, the anniversary of me and my friend's deaths. See, there was a PTA back then in Roman Times, and they have made way back into this time. While me and Kurtonian hold of Gremmie, get your friends out of here. We will be transporated to another time soon. Don't ask why, their is no time to explain. Hopefully your leaders will return.
Rhyno: HOPEFULLY!?!
Austin: I'm sorry, I have barely any time to explain left! Hurry and leave now!!
[The trio didn't waste anytime, grabbing the rest of the gang and heading the hell out of the mansion. In no time they all found the exit, ramming through it like a herd of bulls. They all fell to the ground once they were far away from the house. Green light emmited from the place, engulfing the place. Before anyone knew it, the mansion was gone, like it was never even there. Everyone was motionless, well, except for the one's that were already motionless. Jericho, Rhyno, and Matt looked were the mansion was, wondering if Kurt and Austin made it.]
Rhyno: I SEE THEM! I SEE THEM! Their alive!
Matt: Rhyno, you idiot! It's two birds, you might as well be Rocky screaming, "The Plane! The Plane!"
Rhyno: Seriously! Not up there you dope! Over there! Come on!
[Jericho and the others ran over to were Rhyno was pointing. Sure enough, Austin and Kurt were lying on the ground, motionless.]
Jericho: Oh no, do you think their dead!?
Matt: Good for Austin, bad for Kurt. [Rhyno smacks him upside the head.]
Rhyno: You idiot.
Jericho: I can't check a pulse! Rhyno! Matt! Help me out here!
[Rhyno started slapping Kurt to wake him up while Matt did the same to Austin.]
Jericho: OH YOU IDIOTS! I'll give them CPR.
[Before he could even do that, Austin and Kurt woke up.]
Kurt and Austin: Damn do I have a headache... wait, where's my beer/milk and my hotdogs/cookies?!
Jericho: Forget the cookies and the hotdogs guys, don't you remember what happened?
Kurt: All I remember is that we were about to be attacked by these strange creatures...
Austin:... and then we end up here with these mondo headaches.
Rhyno: Austin, you won't believe it, but you guys were possesed by your ancestors and they saved us all!
Austin: Yeah, right guys.
Kurt [sarcasticly]: Tell us another...
Rhyno [helping Austin up]: Seriously! I ain't lying to the leader of the Alliance!
Jericho [helping Kurt up]: It's true, no pun intended Kurt. Rhyno is right!
Matt: Oh you guys should have seen it, your ancestor Austin was the great Austin of the Bravehearts, like this former noble gladiator guy and he was really cool with a sword! And Kurt! Your ancestor was this gladiator as well, and you and Austin were possesed by them and it helped out the others from being killed by this gremlin from Roman times called Gremmie!!!
[Austin and Kurt were near the cars, Matt, Jericho, and Rhyno with their hands on their hips.]
Rhyno, Jericho, and Matt: Don't you believe us?!
Austin and Kurt: When we see a talking Ice Tea guy.
Mr. T: Hey! I'm still here guys! I'm a lemon foo'. HEY FOO'! YEAH! YOU! MILK BOY! Get me out of the ground ya foo!
[Kurt and Austin look at each other and Kurt picks up the lemon. Matt, Jericho, and Rhyno run over to see the lemon.]
Mr. T: I can't stay for long, just that I say that you foo's turned out to be great heroes.
Jericho: Well, that's great to hear--
Mr. T: But your still foo's! HAHA! Talk to your descentants later in another million years!
[Mr. T was no longer in the lemon. Kurt dropped the lemon, and then he looked at Austin, and then both looked at the trio.]
Kurt and Austin: So we were...
Trio: Yep.
Kurt and Austin: And they saved...
Trio: Yep.
Kurt and Austin: And this is all...
Trio: Yep.
Kurt and Austin: No one's gonna believe us.
[They walk towards the cars, Kurt dumping in his unconcious men, Austin dumping in his unconcious men.]
Matt: Well, at least we had an adventure.
Rhyno: True.
Jericho: And Mr. T said... he'll be talking to our descentants... in... another million years...
Kurt: So that means Gremmie isn't dead?
Austin: Guess so.
Matt: That's right! Cause Austin of the Bravehearts told us that he just took them to another dimension.
Rhyno: So that means... in another million years, OUR descentants will have to go through this... AGAIN!
Jericho: Must have used the Time Warp to do that...
[Matt and Rhyno both look at Jericho weirdly.]
Matt and Rhyno: No more Rocky Horror Picture Show for you.
Jericho: It's addictive dammit!
Matt: Right...
Rhyno: Uh-huh...
Jericho: DAMMIT GUYS! Grrr.... humph... shut the hell up...
[While that was happening, Kurt and Austin had gotten what was left of their luggage, and put their team members into their cars. They both looked were the mansion was, and then they went up to each other and shook hands.]
Austin: Good job Kurt.
Kurt: Maybe we should be thanking our ancestors.
Austin: Well, since your his descentdant, it's kinda like it.
Kurt: Same to you.
[Rhyno gets into the monster truck, while Jericho and Matt get into the WWF truck, both are still yelling at each other that Time Warp sucks but Jericho insists that Rocky Horror rocks ass! As Austin and Kurt depart, Austin grabs his arm and pulls him close to tell him something secretly.]
Austin: You ever tell someone that we worked together, you die.
Kurt: Same to you.
[Austin then gave him a Stone Cold Salute and Kurt gave him the American Salute. They then drove off down the road, and then their seperate ways. However, before they could leave one mile from the place were they stayed at, cops got in their way. Everyone came out to see what was wrong. Everyone then couldn't believe who came out of one of the cars.]
Sara: And cut! Beautiful shot at the end Kane, beautiful. You are that damn good!
[Kane comes out of a tree that appeared out of nowhere with a camera.]
Kane: Thanks Sara, sorry guys, but you were all apart of a TV show.
[Everyone looks at each other and then Kane.]
Everyone: WHAT?!
Taker [comes out of a cop car]: It's true, and Sara directs it. With this first movie, we'll have so many viewers, we'll kick the crap out of Britney Spear's reign and Survivor!
Austin: Well, at least that's a good reason.
Kurt: Same here.
Jericho: Did the other guys know about this?
Sara: Sure did! Those trap doors led into the room where we were filming. We gave them ether so they could be that lifeless. They'll be fine in the morning. But Austin and Kurt, god, they surely stole the show. Especially Rocky and Booker!
Taker: We thought nothing was going to happen until we saw everything unfold. You guys are the best actors. And Austin, Kurt... god, Kurtonian and Austin of the Bravehearts!? Priceless guys, priceless.
[Everyone was as silent as stone, Sara, Kane and Taker wondering what was wrong.]
Sara: You did... plan that... and with the Gremlin and the PTA... right?
Everyone: No...
Taker: So that was...
Everyone: Yes...
Sara: Even the possesed Mr. T...
Everyone: Yes...
Taker: Everything...
Everyone: Yes, duh...
[The group then looked were the house had dissappered, now knowing that everything was real, and they got it on tape. But everyone would just be known as a crazy movie.]
[Cut to Spike and Molly in the same candle lit room, both holding hands, wanting this damn thing to be done now.]
Spike: Gosh, Molly… this means… there really was a creature threatening all of our lives in this house. {"No shit, Einstein."}
Molly: Yeah, there was, Spike… {"DUH, bitch."}
Spike: We could have died! {"Your idiots, we hate dumb people!"}
Molly[looking fearful]: I know!
Spike: Oh Molly! {"SLUT!"}
Molly: Spike! {"ASSHOLE!"}
[The two hug each other, kissing.]
[The Dudleys suddenly drop into the room. Buh Buh pulls Spike off Molly, vice versa with D - Von.]
Buh Buh: You two make me sick… all your lovey dovey crap… {"YAY, crap."}
D - Von: Come on, Spike, we know you're the youngest, but when you gonna grow a pair? {"What the fuck is a pair?!"}
Spike: Don't worry, D - Von, I already have… Buh Buh, I've been wanting to do this since you stole my baseball when I was five…
[Spike slams his fist into Buh Buh's face, knocking him to the ground, unconscious. Inspired, Molly slaps D - Von, so hard he falls down beside Buh Buh.]
Molly: We did it it, Spikey!
Spike: Molls, I've asked you not to call me that in public…
Molly [her voice low and sultry]: Well… we're not in public anymore… {"PORNO ALERT! PORNO ALERT!"}
Spike [ groaning as Molly kisses his neck]: Thank… you… god… {"When will the madness end!"}
[The screen fades to black. Suddenly, everyone who's been in this fic comes onto a stage lit with blue and purple lights. Music begins to play, and they begin to sing… and everyone dances, doing the moves that the music describes (you knew it was coming…)]
Spike: It's astounding;
Time is fleeting;
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely...
Molly:
Not for much longer…
Spike:
I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the time-warp
Thinking of those moments when
My Brothers would hit me …
And that void would be calling…
Everybody:
Let's do the time warp again!
Let's do the time warp again!
Storm, Dudleys, Hardys:
It's just a jump to the left
(everyone jumps)
All:
And then a step to the right!
Booker T, Rhyno:
With your hands on your hips…
All:
You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again!!
Molly:
It's so dreamy, oh fantasies free me.
So they couldn't see us, no not at all.
In another room, with innocent intentions...
Well secluded, we could see all.
Spike:
With a bit of a mind flip …
Molly:
We're all in the time flip…
Spike:
And nothing could ever be the same…
Molly:
We're spaced out on our love sensation…
[Molly pretends to swoon into Spike's arms]
Spike[nearly drooling over Molly]:
Almost like we're under sedation…
All:
Let's do the time warp again!
Let's do the time warp again!
Rock:
Well, I was just a - walking down the hall having a think
We had to escape and had an iced tea we couldn't drink
Talking tea a - shook me up, took me by surprise
And it was the soul of Mr. T who made him wise
Talked to me, and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, and I felt so deranged…
All:
Let's do the time warp again!
Let's do the time warp again!
Austin:
It's just a jump to the left
Angle:
And then a step to the right
Austin and Angle: Put your hands on your hips
All:
You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Jericho:
Good god we've all gone stark raving mad!
[Meanwhile, in another Dimension]
Kurtonian: Those decendents of ours...
Austin of Bravehearts: Chips of the ol' block, eh Milk Toga Man?
Kurtonian: I told you once, I'll tell you a million times, don't call me that!
Austin of Bravehearts: Well, another million can't hurt.
Kurtonian: Grrr... Austin of Bravehearts...
Austin of Bravehearts: Hehehe...
[Everything fades to black as the ending song plays.]
Spike and Molly:
Science fiction
Double feature.
Gremmie is gone but
Is back in a million years. {"Not a sequel!"}
Thanks to the ancestors of
Austin and Kurt {"This movie was fucked."}
Evil has gone
Leaving everyone stumped. {"YAY, stumped."}
Wo, oh, oh, oh. {"PORNO ALERT!"}
At the late night, double feature, {"Rocky Horror, bitch!"}
Picture show.
I want to go, {echo "I want to leave!"} oh, oh, oh.
To the late night, double feature, {"Rocky - oh forget it!"}
Picture Show. {"It's the end, first one out get's a Mamba bar!"}
[Everyone runs out shouting, "MAMBA! MAMBA! MAMBA!"]
Send all love-letters to respectaustin316@aol.com and thehyena@teenagedirtbag.com. Hehe. ^_^