Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim and I don't own the song Missing. Jhonen Vasquez owns IZ and Evanescence owns Missing. But I'm sure you already knew that.
Rating: PG-13 for language, some dark, angsty implications and mild slash.
Okay, on with the story....
Missing
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Everything was at a stand-still.
Or so it felt.
Dib sat at his kitchen table absently looking out the window into the gray skies of late fall weather.
When was the last time he went outside? When was the last time he 'had fun' with somebody?
Or did he ever have a friend to begin with?
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
Even if he did, it doesn't matter now.
That person left years ago. In fact, if Zim saw him he probably wouldn't even recognize his old antagonist.
He was much, much taller now and he wasn't a big-headed little kid anymore.... He was a skinny, pale adult.
In fact, he was a college student.
But that didn't matter. He was failing all of his classes. Not because it was too hard for him; he could pass if he wanted. He could even pass with flying colors if he wanted because he's that smart.
But he didn't want to. There was nothing inside him that wanted to.
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
The raven-haired boy walked upstairs and into his room, not thinking about it, as usual.
He didn't know were Gaz was. And his dad...
Yeah right.
But Dib knew that he was in the big house alone, thinking. That's probably been one of his favorite pastimes.
Either that or some of his little "habits" that he's kept on since he was, say, 13 or 14.
Like the one he's doing right now, not really giving much lean way for any part of his conscious as he quickly pulls out the foot-long knife under his bed wrapped in a red blanket.
Dib held up the smooth, shiny knife and saw the reflection of himself.
This only made him want to do it more.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
"SHIT!!"
The college student cursed more at himself than the pain.
But, just like every time before, he watched with fascination as the crimson blood quickly surfaced out of his left forearm.
In fact, it's starting to flow a little too fast....
Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Dib got up and ran to his bathroom. He quickly turned the facet in his sink and simultaneously plucked a wad of tissues.
The ebony-haired boy had gotten himself into another predicament yet again. Come to think of it, he really didn't have to cut quite that deep.
Even still, he knew the only person he could blame was himself.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck....."
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
"ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" He screamed as his monitor crashed to the floor.
Zim knew he shouldn't have bothered to watch stupid earthlings. He knew it.
As he sat at the command table of his ship, he wondered if someone was going to barge in any minute, asking what all the commotion was about.
But the only other being that he talks to anymore is an insane robot, who wouldn't know the difference between a blood-curling scream and the sound of laughter.
It doesn't matter. The once-short alien was far superior to any earthling, and even better than most Irkens.
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
But now he knew he was only fooling himself when he said that.
Nobody ever listened to Zim to begin with. He was just... A joke to everyone. Something entertaining to laugh at.
That's when the green alien decided to leave everything behind.
He left Earth, went back to Irk to trade in his Voot-Runner for a decent-sized space ship, and left with no intentions of returning to his home land either.
He'd just figure that he'd be better off not serving the Tallests anymore; that he and GIR would be much happier just cruising out in space, maybe visiting neighboring planets once in a while.
....Right?
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
But now the Irken realized that you can get away as far as millions of galaxies from your problems, but they're still very much right with you.
Every. Single. Day.
Zim got up and kicked away pieces of the monitor over to the side. Maybe he should've thought before he punched it. Oh well. He had his usual gloves on, so it didn't hurt his hands.
But it hurt so much more to watch Dib deliberately hurt himself for the umpth-teenth time.
Ever since he left he used his monitor to broadcast earth via satellite, and he could watch whoever he wanted this way.
He didn't care if there was a war brewing between countries. He didn't even care if humans have found out about Irk.
For some reason, he found himself only watching Dib.
Why has he always been on his mind so much since he left? What is the terrible gut feeling that won't go away?
Somehow, Dib has made himself a very important person in Zim's life.
Come to think of it, he never really hated Dib at all.
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Oh sure, he hated it when he foiled his plans. And he hated when he thought he was truly exposed for being an alien, and he hated it when Dib constantly stalked him.
But he didn't ever hate him. In fact, although he would never admit it, he had a deep, hidden respect for the human.
Respect for his determination, respect for all his perseverance, respect for his common sense (that obviously none of the other earthlings had), but most importantly....Respect for acknowledging his existence.
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
"Unnhh...." The boy with glasses whimpered as the throbbing pain from his left arm seemed to refuse to leave him.
Dib was sprawled out on his bed, feeling a bit faint from the pain.
But also feeling wonderful, even if he has done this a million times before.
But sometimes, Dib wish he was living for something else other than that pain. Because after awhile....
He can't even feel the pain anymore.
"Pitiful, stupid human!!!"
The boy with scythed-hair jumped up, not wanting to believe his ears.
But somehow, there stood Zim in his bedroom doorway, looking just the same as when he left years ago.
"Zim?"
"Sleeping, are we?" Zim asked sarcastically. "Pathetic!!! You will NEVER be able to stand in the way of my plan THIS time!!"
"W-what plan?"
Dib tried to ask, but just as he did Zim spunned around and ran out of his room, laughing maniacally while doing so.Dib jotted to the hall. "Zim! What plan? Answer me!!"
He yelled as Zim paid no heed and kept on jogging down the stairs and through the front door, slamming it behind him.
Dib didn't even reconsider his actions as he ran down the stairs as well. Somehow, the house seemed kinda big....
Dib swung open the door to see Zim making his way through the Membranes' front lawn.
"You won't get away with this, ZIM!!!"
Zim didn't even bother to respond or look back as he headed into the neighborhood streets, running at full force.
"Zim!!" Dib yelled again.
But the Irken just kept running.
For some reason, Dib got a bad feeling in his stomach.
"Zim!! Wait!! Come back!!!"
But the green alien just kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller in the paranormal investigators' view.
"Zim??!" The young boy panicked. He tried to run after him, but at this point, he wasn't able to. He was stuck running in place, almost like trying to run underwater.
No....No!! He can't go like that!!
"ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!!!"
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Dib awoke to the feeling of something wet on his pillow.
These are..... Tears?
When was the last time he cried? When was the last time he got to chase Zim around like that? Why does he have to come back to him in dreams like that? Why couldn't he just forget about that troublesome alien?
Why?
"He....Never cared about me....." The raven-haired boy whispered aloud to himself.
"Or he.... Never would have left...."
Darkness enveloped Dib as he laid there.
Alone.
Isn't something missing?
"Dib, I....."
The Irken lowered his antennas staring at the shattered glass that was once the monitor not too long ago, as though looking at pieces of the Dib-human.
But he knew his words would not be heard.
Zim stood up out of his chair;
"I am an Invader!!" He proclaimed aloud to no one in particular. "Once I abort my mission, it is deplorable to ever go back."
The green alien slowly sat back down in his chair.
"I......"
Zim kept his eyes fixed on the space ships' floor, under the command table.
"I should have never left him."
Isn't something...