So I binge-watched this show in a day and a half, and the midseason finale has me wrecked. I am addicted, and I can't wait until it comes back on! In the meantime…here is what wouldn't leave me alone through the last few scenes of the episode. I know it's been done a dozen times already, but here's my take ;)

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True Leader

Bellamy couldn't bring himself to look at her as she walked past him to slip through the open gate. He knew that if he did, he'd probably end up grabbing her wrist and refusing to let her go. Nothing about her plan sat right with him, but he knew that Clarke had to do this. For herself, for Finn, and for her people. Their people. He didn't look to her until the gate had closed between them. He heard Abby's worry and fear, but he couldn't bring himself to care. She was partly to blame for them having to sneak to the dropship…she was partly to blame for Clarke risking her life to plead for their friend's.

A soft murmur from the crowd behind him drew Bellamy's attention back to his partner, and the breath seized in his chest for a moment. Indra was holding a spear to Clarke's abdomen, and the slight hunch to the blonde's shoulders belied her pain. He couldn't hear their exchange, but the air didn't leave his lungs again until the Grounder commander granted Clarke audience, forcing Indra to step back. Clarke then steps up to Lexa, and Bellamy wants nothing more than to be at her side. In a short time, they'd gone from despising each other, to being able to communicate with nothing but a look. Neither would openly admit it, but they relied on one another to lead their little band of delinquents.

Grief began to creep into his bones the longer they talked; it was clear the Grounder leader was not going to budge, and Bellamy knew Clarke was not going to follow Raven's suggestion and put the entire camp in that kind of danger. They would lose Finn, a brother despite the incident in the village. Clarke would take it harder than probably any of them, including Raven.

He watched as she rushed to the bound teen, barely reacting when Raven voiced her confusion. Clarke kissed Finn, and she shifted so that her body blocked her right hand from view. Sudden clarity struck Bellamy, and his eyes drifted shut for a moment. Images of the day she protected him from having to take Atom's life, the day she ended his suffering, flashed across his mind as the description of the Grounder's punishment for Finn played in his ears. She was going to save him from an agonizing end. Clarke, all of eighteen years old, was the true leader they all needed her to be.

The rebel clenched his jaw. Finn's body slowly sagged, and Clarke's seemed to do the same, the weight of her grief settling onto her shoulders on top of the weight of the world that already sat there. A collective gasp echoed throughout both camps as Finn's death was revealed, and Indra prepared to attack until Lexa declared the conflict over.

The raw agony he could see on Clarke's face was echoed in the wail that tore from Raven beside him. Instinctively, Bellamy caught her as she collapsed, holding her close as they both slid to the ground. His chest ached as he stroked Raven's hair. They'd lost another one of their own…they'd lost one of their core team, and his death would resonate through each of them for a long time. It had every chance of tearing them apart…in that moment, Bellamy vowed to not let that happen. He would give every ounce of himself to keep Clarke from crumbling under her guilt, to keep Raven from becoming lost in her pain, or taking her grief out on Clarke.

It took Clarke several minutes to make it back to the Ark camp, her face blank and body stiff. Bellamy felt the moment Raven changed, and was able to tighten his grip on the mechanic even as she pulled him to his feet. She struggled fiercely against his hold, but Bellamy turned her so that their backs were facing Clarke as she passed. "Raven, Raven stop!" he growled in her ear. "I know you can't see it now, but she helped him. She did the only thing that she could for him. You need to calm down," he pleaded. "Wick!" he shouted, relieved when the man in question appeared in front of him almost immediately. "Take her back to her tent, stay with her." He returned his attention to Raven. "Hey, we will get through this, do you hear me? All of us, together. We can't fall apart…Finn wouldn't want us to turn on each other now."

"Don't talk to me about what Finn would have wanted," Raven growled, shoving Bellamy away and storming towards her tent. The rebel sighed, running a hand through his hair and turning to look for Clarke. He was greeted with the shellshocked stare of Abby, who apparently finally realized that her daughter was no longer a child. He shook off the thought, reminding himself that it was not the time for him to focus on his frustration with the Ark leaders, namely Clarke's mom. The fact that the woman in question was staring at him and not consoling her daughter meant that Clarke had pushed her away.

In an instant he knew where she was, and he brushed past the Chancellor without a second glance. When he found her, nausea turned his stomach. She was tucked against the wall of the Ark, facing Raven's fence, staring at her hand with a blank look on her face. Raven's knife teetered in her lax fingers, blood glistening in the distant torch light. Finn's blood.

"Don't do that to yourself, Princess."

"That's what he called me before…before I…"

Bellamy stepped around to face her, and gently took the knife from her. His free hand cradled her jaw, lifting her face so that she couldn't keep staring at the blood. "Clarke, hey, look at me, okay?" Slowly, her distant blue gaze met his. "Don't do this to yourself. You are not responsible for this, do you hear me?"

Her head jerked to the side. "Lexa…she said that he died for me. She…she was right. He was looking…for me. He snapped…over me. I failed him…this is my fault." The dead look in her eyes, pale pallor of her skin, and flat tone of her voice terrified him. Bellamy threw the knife to the ground and gripped her face in both hands. She felt cold and clammy, and didn't react to his touch.

"You couldn't control the darkness in him, Clarke. It's not your fault that he gave in to it. You brought him back, and he gave himself up to save us." Clarke's eyes began to shimmer, and grief flooded them. Despite her pain, Bellamy couldn't help the moment of relief that she seemed to be coming out of her shock.

"I did this to him, Bellamy. Oh my God I killed him! I…I promised Raven he'd be okay!" She swayed in his grasp, and he shifted his hands to grip her elbows to keep her on her feet. "I'm…I'm a monster." Tears finally spilled over her lashes, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"No. You freed him, Princess…you saved him from being tortured and gave him a merciful death. You are not a monster…Raven is hurting too and she doesn't know where to direct that. She'll understand once she can see past that. We will get through this. Together."

Clarke looked back up at him and gave a reluctant and tearful nod. Bellamy gave her a weak smile before pulling her forward to press his lips to her forehead. The gesture seemed to break her resolve, and her entire body shook with her first wrenching sob. He tucked her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her tightly, resting his chin on the top of her head as she continued to grieve. His own pain finally started to fully sink in, and he let the tears fall unchecked. He would be strong for his friends and the rest of the camp tomorrow. For now, he would rely on the bond and partnership he'd forged with the fierce young woman in his arms, giving strength and comfort and drawing the same as well.