A/N: This is dedicated to a special friend who was always by my side, she may not have been human, but she was always with me even when I was an idiot. I could not stop thinking about it, so I wrote to vent and I'm better now. I'm still sad, but now I'm stop crying. But it's still difficult.

RIP:

Biba 25/4/2015,

Luppy 28/9/2015

I am so sorry

I was an awful owner

After some time I notice you was just years from dying

I didn't know you was going to die today

I am sorry for saying Shut up

You was barking in the morning

I was angry you keep barking

I said it, because you always did that in the morning

I didn't know

I had though you was going to still be here

I was gone for some hours

I didn't even see you

I was gone and when, I come back, just to know you wasn't here anymore

The last thing I said to you was shut up

I didn't even petted you or saw you

And now you are gone for real

I am trying to not cry and failing

Thinking you are in a better place

I wish I could have a last chance

To say sorry, to hug you, to pet you

I had though if I was more distant

I couldn't miss or cry or feel sad

I tried to minimize the pain of losing you

I am sorry

For so many years you was by my side

I tried

I didn't know this was the last day

You didn't deserve it, I ignoring you

You was by my side for 15 years

But I was an idiot, I was foolish

The only thing I did was regret, I never know it was going to be like this

Did you barked because you was in pain?

I am afraid to ask this and that someone could say Yes

I should have petted you one last time, said Thanks for being my family

Thanks for just being here

To look at me and make me smile for just following me around

I was worried you was going to leave me

And yet I can't stop the tears from falling

Thinking of the happy moments

I know I don't deserve you

I am regretting trying to distance myself

It doesn't matter, I will miss you

I don't remember a time I didn't have you

I think I was 3 or 4 years old, only a photo of us was the proof

I will try to stop the tears and think you are in a better place now

I can't hug you now, I can't pet you now

The last thing I said to you was Shut up

I should have hugged you

I didn't even was here to say Good bye

You must had be barking to call me

I am sorry, I will try to smile at the photos of us

You was the oldest, I still didn't expect you to die today

I am sorry, I disappointed you

I could have playing more with you

Now I can only hope to have made the best decision

Dying home is better when a unknown place?

I hope one day we will meet again

You was one of the best friend I could ask for

I doubt another pet could live as much was you did

I was always hope we could be together for more years

But I always knew it was impossible

I can't forgive myself for ignoring you

I had though you was barking because someone was in the roof of a neighbor

I hope you had fun living with us

I hope you know who much I love you

You always will be on my hearth and on my memories

I am sorry for telling you too late

Good bye my friend, thank you for staying by my side for so long I hope we can play again another day.