Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds and intend no copyright infringement.
~ written for mummacass, following her prompts, thank you very, very much for all your reviews! ~
For reasons rather complicated to explain, Erin Strauss had ended up babysitting Jack Hotchner for the afternoon. For reasons even more complicated to explain, Spencer Reid had turned up at her doorstep, too, and was currently in the process of repairing her refrigerator.
"He's holding a doctorate in engineering, Erin. He'll have it up and working again in no time", Rossi had told her while dropping both of them off at her place. "No need to waste money on a mechanic."
Did Rossi know that today was a "danger day" where she, thanks to the sad anniversary she was facing, was at more risk than usual of falling back into perilous behavior patterns? He knew her well. Was this his version of providing distraction?
She had to admit, between the doctor dismantling her 3500$ refrigerator on the kitchen floor and Agent Hotchner's son expecting a somewhat child-oriented afternoon program, it was working well.
However, trust Dave to up the ante even more.
"Where do babies come from?", Jack asked between a glass of milk and his second chocolate chip cookie.
Erin hoped she had misheard him.
"Uncle Dave said he don't have a clue and to ask you!"
Dave, you bastard.
"Well…", she began and then let the sentence trail off, pretty much at a loss.
"Actually, there are quite a few options to answer that particular question", came Spencer Reid's muffled voice from behind what once had been her state-of-the-art fridge. "Depending on age and emotional maturity of the child you can choose between various alternatives…"
Erin knew, whatever she answered, it wouldn't stop the agent from reeling off all possibilities, most likely sorted by country of origin and prevalence.
"There's the classical approach that involves the use of fairy tale elements and anthropomorphic phenomena – a stork brings the baby to the expecting mother, the baby grows in the garden, among the cabbage…"
"And here we go…", thought Erin.
"There's the more scientific-oriented approach of explaining conception by using the example of bees and flowers…"
Jack was still looking expectantly at Erin over the rim of his glass of milk. He had the same unrelenting stare his father used in interrogations or when he was defending his team. One thing was for sure - he would not let go.
"Of course you could also simply tell him the truth. There are some really good books on the market, I'm sure the bookshop half a mile down the road offers a decent variety… Where are you going?" Reid looked up from behind the fridge, noticing that the Section Chief was apparently in the process of leaving the house, along with Jack.
"Not to the bookshop." Strauss loudly closed the door behind her and Jack. A short time later Reid could hear her SVU drive off.
… … …
"What's that?" Frowning, Rossi inspected the box Aaron Hotchner had placed on his desk.
"With regards from our Section Chief." Hotchner shook his head. "You just had to push her buttons, didn't you?"
"Keeping her occupied is the key, Aaron. What is that?" Rossi lifted the box' lid.
"Rabbits?"
"Tarzan and Jane. Jack chose the names. Strauss would like to inform you that Jack now knows how babies are made and that you, since you don't seem to have a clue, are going to learn how to deal with the consequences of babies being made."
Rossi stared at the rabbits for a moment, then rocked back in his chair. "Oh no."
"Don't even think of turning the litter into Coniglio con Fiori di Zucca once they're of age… Jack is looking very much forward to becoming an uncle to Tarzan and Jane's babies…" The Unit Chief retrieved a cigar from the inside of his jacket and handed it to his friend.
Rossi couldn't help but laugh. "Damn fine retaliation she came up with. She's still there, Aaron. We haven't lost her. She'll make it."
And if the prize for that now renewed hope was that he had to deal with a dozen or so baby rabbits in the coming months, ah well, he was fine with it.