Of Power and Passion
Alicia wasn't jealous of Celeste. Not jealous jealous, anyway, she insisted to herself as she stood outside the door to the hotel room in which their medical malpractice mediation had dragged on for days. She smoothed her burgundy dress and tried to shake the discomfort simmering down in her stomach.
She wasn't jealous, she thought, she was angry. Yes, angry. Angry that another lawyer would try so shamelessly to manipulate her. Anger, that was better. Easier to handle, easier to account for. She was angry as a lawyer, as a professional, she tried to convince herself. She wasn't jealous, as a… what? A lover? A girlfriend?
She shook her head and bit the inside of her mouth.
Alicia had enjoyed the acting, when Celeste had smugly taunted, "Will and I got together, we had a productive session, that's all…" But after Alicia left the room with a purposely piteous, "Excuse me," the quick smile that she allowed herself faded fast as she fought the urge to cry.
Alicia did not like this feeling. It unsettled her. It dragged back up to the surface the torture of betrayal and disloyalty that she had spent the past two years trying tirelessly to submerge.
But even more worryingly, it made Alicia feel vulnerable – too dependent on him, too controlled. She was not supposed to feel this much investment, she thought, this much... anything.
She knew that Will wouldn't hurt her – she knew that he had fallen fast for her and fallen gratefully into their… thing. But she had trusted unconditionally once before, written trust into vows and into law. And when the headlines rolled as her life fell apart, she felt as if the world laughed at her – how dare you be so stupid as to trust so much, so blindly?
For his part, Will knew that Alicia was scared to trust him. Though they never discussed it as candidly as he wanted to, he took every opportunity to communicate his affection – he was free with his loving words, he always left his phone in clear sight and unlocked, and whenever he was able to spend a night with her, he held her tight until she fell asleep.
But he was scared, too. When he held her at night, he wanted to soothe her, sure, but he locked her into his embrace because he thought that if he didn't let go, then maybe she wouldn't leave, she wouldn't run.
And now Celeste was getting to her, he could see, and he felt both anger and fear. He was scared that Alicia would feel hurt, but scared to death that she might pull back and away from him. He did not know what he would do if she did. He was too afraid to think.
So, he reassured Alicia, explaining Celeste's game with the cold rationality of a chess player outwitting an opponent. He kept his voice cool and calm and level and tried to convince them both that everything would be ok.
Later, when everyone else had left for the afternoon, Alicia returned to the mediation room to finish up strategy with Will. She paused outside the door, trying to control her mutinous feelings. She wasn't jealous. He didn't control her.
She walked into the room and locked the door behind her habitually – a gesture that had grown second nature through their spree of hotel rendezvouses.
Will, perched on the end of the bed, looked up and smiled. He had been waiting for her.
"Hey baby," he said softly, his eyes feasting on the purple red dress that hugged her form. She looked so striking and serene, that as he looked over his magnificent woman he stirred with longing.
How did she do this to him? He thought. How was he so powerless to her that she had merely to walk into a room and gently flip a lock for him to burn with yearning want?
"You did great earlier, the mediator is totally on our side," Will said, as she walked to him.
"I'm glad. Think we'll wrap this up by tomorrow?" She asked, leaning down for a quick kiss.
"I think so," he said, pulling her up onto his lap. She straddled him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I'm sorry about your weekend…" he continued.
"I'm not…" she said, dropping her voice low and kissing him again. As his hands roamed over her back, waist, and thighs, she ground her hips into his lap, back and forth, and felt him hard and wanting.
She broke the kiss and moved her hands to his chest. Looking into his eyes, she undid his tie and opened his top few buttons, leaning to kiss his neck.
He sighed with pleasure, but catching sight of the files spread out over the room, he frowned.
"We can't have sex here," he said.
Alicia didn't say a word. She glanced over at the locked door. Then, holding his tie, she leant in to kiss him once more, slowly this time, the tips of their tongues tracing soft circles over one another.
Distracting him with the deep kiss, Alicia pulled Will's wrists back gently behind him and knotted them together with his tie. He wriggled in mock complaint, but he couldn't free his arms. She pulled back, still straddling him, and grinned.
"You're right, we can't have sex here," she said. "I guess I…" she paused, leaning her face close to him. She tipped him back on the bed so that he lay flat on his back under her, with his arms bound beneath him. "I guess I'll have to make do like I do all the other nights I can't be with you," she purred.
Hovering over him, she hitched up her dress, pulled off her panties and knelt back astride his lap. His mouth fell open as she ran her hands up her thighs.
He tried to speak but he could only watch, rapt, as her fingers crawled upward, climbing closer to her core. She moved tantalizingly slowly and he stared, spellbound.
She moaned as fingers found flesh, and as he watched her, his erection strained painfully against his tightening pants.
He gulped and squirmed beneath her, desperate for his hands to be where hers were, desperate to touch what she was touching, and desperate to be the one making her feel what she was feeling.
She slid her fingers up and down herself, rocking her hips against her hands and throwing her head back.
He wanted to bite down onto her exposed throat and pin her and fuck her, but he couldn't move. She was driving him so fucking crazy and he had to lie there and writhe and pant and watch and wait. It drove him mad, having no control, and yet it was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, he thought.
Her hips lingered all the while just inches above his hardness. "God Alicia," he cried, needy and earnest.
"This is what I do Will, when we're apart," she said. He groaned and she continued: "And I think of you, and I think of your touch and all the things you do to me, until… until I can't take it anymore and…."
She moaned as she carried herself to climax and Will watched enthralled and starving for her as her whole body grew rigid with sensation.
As she came down from her high, she smiled, almost shyly, while he pulled his arms frantically at the restraint.
As she slipped her hands under his back and deftly untied him, he grabbed for her – but she caught his wrists. He needed her so badly he would have fucked her in the middle of the lobby, he thought, but she gently took each hand in her own, and, meeting his eyes, she shook her head, saying, "Uh uh."
With him still on his back, she placed his hands by his sides and moved her hands over his thighs and to his zipper. Will burned with desire. Alicia smiled as she knelt between his legs. She pulled down his pants and boxers, and she parted her lips.
She wasn't giving up control quite yet. She placed one palm flat onto his stomach to hold him in place, while she wrapped the other around him – he felt so hot and heavy in her hand. She curled her fingers tight around him and his exhales fell into desperate moans as she slid her grip up and down his length.
She paused, waiting for him to look at her, and - as their gazes locked - she moved her open mouth to float an inch above his tip. She felt him clench in her hand, and - satisfied with the reaction she was getting from him, satisfied by the strength of his need for her - she wrapped her lips around him and took him into her.
His eyes clamped shut as his body was overwhelmed by the feel of her warm mouth holding him. Her tongue played over his cock and god, he was close already. He pushed his head back into the bed and surrendered to the feel of her, moving over his length with her lips and tongue.
She felt him getting near and she withdrew her mouth and loosened her grip. From the edge that she had taken him to, his body tensed in protest. He wanted to grab her head and push her back down but he would never dare, and so he balled his hands into fists and with knuckles white he cried out, "Alicia…"
She loved the pleading on his face and the power that she had. He called her name again - "Leesh," he begged - and she ran her tongue over her top lip.
"Baby," he cried, imploringly, and he groaned as she sunk her mouth down around him once more, squeezing tight with her hand and working over him hard and fast. She took him back to the edge and, relaxing her throat, she took as much of him in as she could, and he cried, "Fucking god…" and pushed his fingers lightly into her hair as he exploded into her.
His breathing was jagged and labored as he came down, sight and sound coming slowly back to him, as she swallowed him down and lovingly kissed at his length while he softened in her hand.
"You…" he tried, but he couldn't get a sentence out just yet and so he pulled her up so that she lay on his chest. They were both clothed from the waist up and naked below. He tangled his legs with hers, needing the feel of her bare skin on his.
He hadn't been able to touch her since she climbed onto his lap, and he ran his hands over her arms and back to hold her close to him now.
"I… you… my god," he breathed before holding her face for a long and deep kiss.
They almost fell asleep like that, so settled in each other's arms, but there was work still do to. After a while they got dressed and inspected one another's presentability like giddy children guarding a secret.
He walked her to the door with a pang in his chest even though he knew that he only had to get through a few hours before she would be back with him.
"Still on for dinner? I booked a table at Le Fontaine." He said weaving his hand into hers as he prepared to kiss her goodbye.
"That sounds perfect," she said, smiling so widely that her cheeks hurt. Her excitement hurt too, though. He made her too happy, she thought. Too much was on the line…
As he pressed a soft parting kiss against her mouth, and flipped open the lock, she pulled his hips into hers and moaned into his mouth. Holding their bodies together she ground against him, wanting to see if she could….
"I… you… really?" he asked as she pushed her crotch into him and re-locked the door.
She met his eyes – her gaze both a challenge and an invitation – as she unzipped his fly and reached into his boxers. Her eyes bore into his soul. She felt a rush of power as he could do nothing but stand passively and look back at her as she elicited the reaction from his body that she wanted.
He stood at her full mercy as his blood rushed to where she held him, making him throb sorely once more with need. He swallowed hard.
She was controlling him, and he loved it and he hated it.
Dizzy with lust he gritted his teeth. "You want this?" he choked.
She said nothing but instead opened her mouth and licked her lips so slowly, so seductively, that he had had it. He was in charge now.
He grabbed her arms and flipped her roughly around, pulling her hips back into his groin so that she had to bend forwards and put both hands against the door to steady herself. He put a daring hand on her back to keep her bent over as he used his other hand to yank her skirt up around her hips.
Impatient, he quickly pulled down her panties and used his knees to push her thighs apart as she moaned, throaty and low. With his fingers he felt for her, and he found her so ready that he licked his lips in anticipation.
He lined himself up against her and slid the head of his cock up and down her opening. Two could play this game, he thought, as he teased her. She sighed in protest and pushed her hips back hungrily for him. But he held her tight in his hands, his fingers pressing hard into the soft skin of her hips.
He continued to rub her clit with the tip of his shaft before pulling back and pushing into her suddenly, fast, hard and deep.
He moaned at her tight, hot wetness wrapped firm around his needy cock, and she gasped at the feel of him thrusting mercilessly into her.
She took it, and she loved it, and she grimaced at the unbearable ecstasy of the length of him slamming into her over and over and over.
He reached around so that his right hand found her clit, and he rubbed her to the rhythm of his strokes.
"Will…" she cried, gratified, and the sound of his name from her lips made his pace quicken.
As he rubbed her, he felt her get close, and he quickly pulled his hand off of her.
"…Please" she breathed, desperately.
Now she needed him, he thought. Now he felt powerful.
Frustrated, she brought her own hand to where his had been, agonized at his teasing. He grabbed her wrist and pressed her palm back against the door, holding his own hand over hers.
"I don't think so…" he growled.
When he thought he had made her wait as long as she could bear, he began to move his fingers over her again, harder this time, more insistent. She sighed in relief and moaned as he rubbed her clit while his thrusts hit her deep inside.
"God Will, just there… God, yes," she sighed frantically as he pounded into her.
His fingers rubbed firmer and faster, desperate to feel her come, to make her come.
"Oh god… don't stop baby… don't…"
He felt her walls clamp down tight around him, as tight as her fist had been minutes earlier, and as she moaned out his name while she shook with pleasure, her climax tripped him into his own, and they came together hard and blindingly.
As he came his knees buckled slightly and he fell against her, holding her back flush against his chest and panting into her neck.
They stayed still for a while, joined together and bent over, silent and reeling from the things that they made one another feel.
They had played this game before, each heady with their control over one another.
Alicia figured it was a tie. But as shivers ran up and down Will's entire body, and as his chest thumped out his love for her, he knew that this was a game he would always lose. He needed her, all of her, and he was at her mercy. She owned him and controlled him and he loved it and he hated it. But he knew she would always win.
They pulled apart and kissed one another, both submitting to desire and passion and powerlessness.
Quickly straightening out their clothes once again, Alicia kissed Will softly on the cheek.
"I gotta go," she said.
There was that pang again, he noticed. "Now?" He asked. He had wanted to sit with her, or lie with her, just for a little while, after the intensity of the last few minutes.
"Yes, I… I have dinner plans with a very handsome lawyer, and I have to go and get ready. It wouldn't be polite to keep him waiting for me."
He couldn't help but grin. "Ok baby, see you at seven," he said.
As she slipped out of the door, he stared after her, and thought, "I will always be waiting. I will always be waiting for you."