Disclaimer: I'd like to say I own Rurouni Kenshin *sighs* but I don't
*sighs again* but I still can collect the movies, some posters, and maybe
even a sakabatou. So plz do not sue me 'cuz you won't get ne money out of
me. So w/o ne further ado( I hear dat alot) here's my fic. Plz review.
*Crowd cheers*
Jerry Springer: Welcome to another edition of the Jerry Springer show! The topic of today's show "Men Who Lose Control". Let's meet today's guest.......Kenshin Himura!
Guards: Hey, no weapons on stage!
Kenshin: Oh, shut up! *sits in a chair*
J S: Now tell me how have you lost control?
Kenshin: To put it simply I have girls fighting over me and there isn't enough sake(Japanese beer) to calm my nerves!
J. S.: Sounds like a real problem.
Kenshin: You better believe it!
J. S.: Let's bring out the girls, Tomoe and Kaoru!
*in background* *girls screaming and cussing*
Guards: You're wanted on the stage!
Tomoe: *punches guard* shut up! We're going!
Kenshin: *sees Tomoe* I thought you were dead
Tomoe: I was, but IceDragon432 gave Hades this blonde-haired girl instead, so I could live
Kenshin: What in the world is she thinking?
Tomoe: Heck, if I know!
IceDragon432: Hey! *walks on stage*
Tomoe and Kenshin: Oops!
J. S.: *sweatdrops* I...uh..... would like to finish this so I can go home!
IceDragon432: Fine, you whiny baby! *goes backstage*
J. S.: I'm not a whiny baby
IceDragon432: *shouts from backstage* Just get on with it!!!!!
J. S.: Ahem *clears throat* Now what's the problem?
Kenshin: Um...*gets cut off*
Tomoe:*cuts Kenshin off* You see, I was originally married to Kenshin who killed my fiancé
Kenshin: Which I didn't know until l she told me.
Tomoe: Shut up! I'm trying' to tell the story here
Man in the crowd: Hey baby, you're rough!
Tomoe: Hey, you haven't seen me pissed off yet so watch it!
Man: Whatever you say!
Tomoe: Don't try me!
Kenshin:*holds Tomoe back* He's not worth your time.
Man: B******! You don't know who you're dealing with!
Kenshin: You don't either! I'm Battousai the man-slayer Kenshin Himura!
Man: B.B.Battousai! Yikes! *runs away screaming*
Kaoru: I thought you stopped killing.
Kenshin: I did, but he doesn't know that!
J. S.: This has got to be the most interesting show ever. Tomoe, would you mind continuing before we lose anymore of the audience?
Tomoe: Of course not. Well, as I was saying we were married and I left to keep him from getting killed, but he like any loyal husband followed me. But as I tried to save his life he killed me trying to kill my father.
Kenshin: That's where I got one of my scars.
Tomoe: I originally meant to kill you, but giving you the scar was the best I could do.
*crowd sniffles*
J. S.: Where does this Kaoru come into play?
Kenshin: After I became I wanderer, I became a border at her dojo
Tomoe: Which she beats the crap out of him even when he isn't doing anything wrong like complimenting her cooking which tastes like s***
Kaoru: It does not!
Tomoe: Well, it wouldn't to you, you hoe!
Kaoru: *grabs Tomoe's hair* Take that back!
Tomoe: B****! *flips Kaoru off*
Kenshin: Tomoe, don't get carried away!
Tomoe: Don't worry. I won't
J. S.:*sighs* Why does this always happen on my shows?
IceDragon432: Because people can't act like this anywhere else, so they do it here
J. S.: That might be the case. Well, it's getting kind of boring. Guards!
Guard: *grabs Kaoru* Ok, sweetie let's go!
Kenshin: Sano?
Sanosuke: I wanted to be on the show and this was the only position open, so here I am
IceDragon432: Just do your job!
Sanosuke: ok. *drops Kaoru*
Kaoru: Ouch!
Sanosuke:*flexes muscles*
Girls in audience: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!
IceDragon432: *smacks Sano* Save that for later! Now do your job!
Sanosuke: Awwwwwww! Oh, ok! *picks up Kaoru*
Kaoru: What are you doing?
Tomoe: My thoughts exactly!
Sanosuke: Doing my job even though I have no clue what that is!
IceDragon432: *smacks head* When is he going to get it?
Sanosuke: What do you mean?
IceDragon432: We assigned you as a guard and what do guards do?
Sanosuke: Um..... I don't know
IceDragon432: No more sake!
Sanosuke: You can't do that!
IceDragon432: Just watch me!
J. S.: Why do I feel like an outcast?
IceDragon432: It seems like you can't handle this show anymore, so I'm taking over. Go back to hiding under the table!
J. S.: That's not fair! *hides under the table*
IceDragon432: So before we lose anymore control and all hell breaks loose, tell me which girl do you prefer?
Kenshin: Let's see the girl that beats the s*** out of me or the girl that loves me
Kaoru: I do not beat the crap out of you
IceDragon432: Let's see about that! Roll tape! *tape doesn't roll* Ahem! I said Roll tape! *Episode 5 plays*
*People on tape* Kenshin: No, I actually like Kaoru's cooking a lot. It's tastes better each time I eat it!
Sanosuke: You're not supposed to get used to it. Ahhhhh!
Kaoru: *throwing veggies* If you don't like it then don't eat it's not like you're paying for the food anyway, you freeloader!
Sanosuke: I quit fighting for money so I'm broke. Don't be so stingy!
Kenshin:*gets hit with veggies* Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai **gets hit with a bucket*
*tape ends*
IceDragon432: See how cruel she is! And she didn't even say sorry!
Crowd: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Kenshin: *looking dazed and confused*
Tomoe:*nudges Kenshin* Wake up!
Kenshin: What did I miss?
Tomoe: I think Kaoru is about to be kicked off the stage
Kenshin: Why?
Tomoe: 'Cuz I think she upset IceDragon432
Kenshin: That's not a good idea
Tomoe: Shh! I know!
IceDragon432: I think the crowd has decided that Kaoru is bad person in this situation
Kaoru:*chokes on tears* I'm not the bad person her
IceDragon432: *sighs* She's really giving me a headache!
Kaoru: It's your fault!*grabs Tomoe and chokes her*
Kenshin:*grab Kaoru* Get off her, Kaoru!!!
Kaoru:*kicks Kenshin in the nuts* Leave me alone!!
Tomoe: B****!!! *throws Kaoru on the floor*
Sanosuke: Now this is funny!!
IceDragon432: In any case, we got to stop them before they kill each other, although, that would be an interesting thing to see
Kaoru:*pulls out a knife* Die! * slashes Tomoe's arm*
Tomoe: *screams in pain* Kenshin!!!
Kenshin: *pulls out reversed-blade sword* I prayed that I would not have to do this *flips blade*
Kaoru: K...K..K...Kenshin!
Kenshin:*eyes glow orange* Good-bye *slices her*
IceDragon432: What a dramatic ending!
Sanosuke: My thoughts exactly. I never thought he'd actually do that
IceDragon432: Same here
Kenshin: *gets next to Tomoe* I'm here *bandages her wound*
J. S.: Now see what you have done you got blood on the brand new carpets!
Kenshin:*eyes still glowing orange*Don't make me kill you too!
J. S.: *whimpers* Ahhhhhhhhhhh! *runs away*
IceDragon432: Nice job, Kenshin!
Kenshin: *puts sword back into sheath* I thought so too!
IceDragon432: I guess that raps it up! Could someone please remove her body before it stinks the place up?
Guards: *grumbling* Who does she think we are? *picks up the body and carries it out*
Sanosuke: That was really interesting!
Kenshin: *kisses Tomoe*
IceDragon432: Kenshin? *giggles* I'll just leave them alone. Well, that's all for today. See you next time!
Sanosuke: Wait!!! We got to do this right! *clears throat* BL...Bl...Bl....Bl.....Bl.. that's all folks!
IceDragon432:*puts a hand on forehead* Oh, God! I need an aspirin!
How was it? Weird, huh? You're probably right!
*Crowd cheers*
Jerry Springer: Welcome to another edition of the Jerry Springer show! The topic of today's show "Men Who Lose Control". Let's meet today's guest.......Kenshin Himura!
Guards: Hey, no weapons on stage!
Kenshin: Oh, shut up! *sits in a chair*
J S: Now tell me how have you lost control?
Kenshin: To put it simply I have girls fighting over me and there isn't enough sake(Japanese beer) to calm my nerves!
J. S.: Sounds like a real problem.
Kenshin: You better believe it!
J. S.: Let's bring out the girls, Tomoe and Kaoru!
*in background* *girls screaming and cussing*
Guards: You're wanted on the stage!
Tomoe: *punches guard* shut up! We're going!
Kenshin: *sees Tomoe* I thought you were dead
Tomoe: I was, but IceDragon432 gave Hades this blonde-haired girl instead, so I could live
Kenshin: What in the world is she thinking?
Tomoe: Heck, if I know!
IceDragon432: Hey! *walks on stage*
Tomoe and Kenshin: Oops!
J. S.: *sweatdrops* I...uh..... would like to finish this so I can go home!
IceDragon432: Fine, you whiny baby! *goes backstage*
J. S.: I'm not a whiny baby
IceDragon432: *shouts from backstage* Just get on with it!!!!!
J. S.: Ahem *clears throat* Now what's the problem?
Kenshin: Um...*gets cut off*
Tomoe:*cuts Kenshin off* You see, I was originally married to Kenshin who killed my fiancé
Kenshin: Which I didn't know until l she told me.
Tomoe: Shut up! I'm trying' to tell the story here
Man in the crowd: Hey baby, you're rough!
Tomoe: Hey, you haven't seen me pissed off yet so watch it!
Man: Whatever you say!
Tomoe: Don't try me!
Kenshin:*holds Tomoe back* He's not worth your time.
Man: B******! You don't know who you're dealing with!
Kenshin: You don't either! I'm Battousai the man-slayer Kenshin Himura!
Man: B.B.Battousai! Yikes! *runs away screaming*
Kaoru: I thought you stopped killing.
Kenshin: I did, but he doesn't know that!
J. S.: This has got to be the most interesting show ever. Tomoe, would you mind continuing before we lose anymore of the audience?
Tomoe: Of course not. Well, as I was saying we were married and I left to keep him from getting killed, but he like any loyal husband followed me. But as I tried to save his life he killed me trying to kill my father.
Kenshin: That's where I got one of my scars.
Tomoe: I originally meant to kill you, but giving you the scar was the best I could do.
*crowd sniffles*
J. S.: Where does this Kaoru come into play?
Kenshin: After I became I wanderer, I became a border at her dojo
Tomoe: Which she beats the crap out of him even when he isn't doing anything wrong like complimenting her cooking which tastes like s***
Kaoru: It does not!
Tomoe: Well, it wouldn't to you, you hoe!
Kaoru: *grabs Tomoe's hair* Take that back!
Tomoe: B****! *flips Kaoru off*
Kenshin: Tomoe, don't get carried away!
Tomoe: Don't worry. I won't
J. S.:*sighs* Why does this always happen on my shows?
IceDragon432: Because people can't act like this anywhere else, so they do it here
J. S.: That might be the case. Well, it's getting kind of boring. Guards!
Guard: *grabs Kaoru* Ok, sweetie let's go!
Kenshin: Sano?
Sanosuke: I wanted to be on the show and this was the only position open, so here I am
IceDragon432: Just do your job!
Sanosuke: ok. *drops Kaoru*
Kaoru: Ouch!
Sanosuke:*flexes muscles*
Girls in audience: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!
IceDragon432: *smacks Sano* Save that for later! Now do your job!
Sanosuke: Awwwwwww! Oh, ok! *picks up Kaoru*
Kaoru: What are you doing?
Tomoe: My thoughts exactly!
Sanosuke: Doing my job even though I have no clue what that is!
IceDragon432: *smacks head* When is he going to get it?
Sanosuke: What do you mean?
IceDragon432: We assigned you as a guard and what do guards do?
Sanosuke: Um..... I don't know
IceDragon432: No more sake!
Sanosuke: You can't do that!
IceDragon432: Just watch me!
J. S.: Why do I feel like an outcast?
IceDragon432: It seems like you can't handle this show anymore, so I'm taking over. Go back to hiding under the table!
J. S.: That's not fair! *hides under the table*
IceDragon432: So before we lose anymore control and all hell breaks loose, tell me which girl do you prefer?
Kenshin: Let's see the girl that beats the s*** out of me or the girl that loves me
Kaoru: I do not beat the crap out of you
IceDragon432: Let's see about that! Roll tape! *tape doesn't roll* Ahem! I said Roll tape! *Episode 5 plays*
*People on tape* Kenshin: No, I actually like Kaoru's cooking a lot. It's tastes better each time I eat it!
Sanosuke: You're not supposed to get used to it. Ahhhhh!
Kaoru: *throwing veggies* If you don't like it then don't eat it's not like you're paying for the food anyway, you freeloader!
Sanosuke: I quit fighting for money so I'm broke. Don't be so stingy!
Kenshin:*gets hit with veggies* Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai **gets hit with a bucket*
*tape ends*
IceDragon432: See how cruel she is! And she didn't even say sorry!
Crowd: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Kenshin: *looking dazed and confused*
Tomoe:*nudges Kenshin* Wake up!
Kenshin: What did I miss?
Tomoe: I think Kaoru is about to be kicked off the stage
Kenshin: Why?
Tomoe: 'Cuz I think she upset IceDragon432
Kenshin: That's not a good idea
Tomoe: Shh! I know!
IceDragon432: I think the crowd has decided that Kaoru is bad person in this situation
Kaoru:*chokes on tears* I'm not the bad person her
IceDragon432: *sighs* She's really giving me a headache!
Kaoru: It's your fault!*grabs Tomoe and chokes her*
Kenshin:*grab Kaoru* Get off her, Kaoru!!!
Kaoru:*kicks Kenshin in the nuts* Leave me alone!!
Tomoe: B****!!! *throws Kaoru on the floor*
Sanosuke: Now this is funny!!
IceDragon432: In any case, we got to stop them before they kill each other, although, that would be an interesting thing to see
Kaoru:*pulls out a knife* Die! * slashes Tomoe's arm*
Tomoe: *screams in pain* Kenshin!!!
Kenshin: *pulls out reversed-blade sword* I prayed that I would not have to do this *flips blade*
Kaoru: K...K..K...Kenshin!
Kenshin:*eyes glow orange* Good-bye *slices her*
IceDragon432: What a dramatic ending!
Sanosuke: My thoughts exactly. I never thought he'd actually do that
IceDragon432: Same here
Kenshin: *gets next to Tomoe* I'm here *bandages her wound*
J. S.: Now see what you have done you got blood on the brand new carpets!
Kenshin:*eyes still glowing orange*Don't make me kill you too!
J. S.: *whimpers* Ahhhhhhhhhhh! *runs away*
IceDragon432: Nice job, Kenshin!
Kenshin: *puts sword back into sheath* I thought so too!
IceDragon432: I guess that raps it up! Could someone please remove her body before it stinks the place up?
Guards: *grumbling* Who does she think we are? *picks up the body and carries it out*
Sanosuke: That was really interesting!
Kenshin: *kisses Tomoe*
IceDragon432: Kenshin? *giggles* I'll just leave them alone. Well, that's all for today. See you next time!
Sanosuke: Wait!!! We got to do this right! *clears throat* BL...Bl...Bl....Bl.....Bl.. that's all folks!
IceDragon432:*puts a hand on forehead* Oh, God! I need an aspirin!
How was it? Weird, huh? You're probably right!