Author's Note: The cover image was given to me, so major props go to the original artist.
Prompt: In order to subtly intimidate hostile nations, Elsa creates the legend of a top-secret Arendelle superspy: Finn Rejder. She asks Punzy and Eugene to visit and help with creating his story. Anna and Eugene get into the story-making. *Way* into it. Hilarity ensues. To the point that Punzy and Elsa have to team up and talk them down/bail them out.
As is usually the case, this is slightly different from the prompt, but I had an idea and had to run with it.
From Arendelle With Love
"Your mission – I suppose that would be the term, God knows why – will be to – and here I am quoting directly from the description as written by my idiotic council…"
Elsa cleared her throat, snapped the paper so that it stood up straight, and began.
"Firstly, to establish the character of a 'Finn Rejder'. He is to be a man with a mysterious past, with dubious but extensive financial assets, no known next of kin nor romantic interests, with vast experience with many cultures and places, thus allowing him to blend in to the background. His parentage is unknown though he is a native of Arendelle and is known and loved by the city. Though he has been offered leniency for his crimes before he prefers a life of solitude and adventure; whether he roams near or far his heart remains in Arendelle and to its people and queen, despite numerous attempts by others to buy his skills."
"A lot of loyalty for a hired spy," she muttered, and resumed reading.
"Secondly, to establish the skills of said Rejder. His cunning is second only to his incredible charm – oh good Lord – and he shakes with one hand while keeping the knife poised in the other. With a series of disguises he could be anyone and anywhere, a thief who slinks through the shadows-"
"Can I have a cape?" Eugene piped up, beaming.
Through gritted teeth, Elsa managed to say, "…I…suppose there is nothing that suggests you cann-"
"Awesome! No no no; keep going, please." He flapped his hand at her, encouraging her to continue.
"Very well," she said, and her eyes skimmed over the previously read lines until she reached the point where she'd left off. "–a thief who slinks through the shadows. He is equally at home running across rooftops and dodging pursuers as he is mingling with the nobility. Their secrets, lies, correspondences; all of them are laid bare before him with but a few words. There is no fortress he cannot break into, no code he cannot crack, no damsel he cannot woo, and 'NO GENTLEMAN EITHER'?!"
Elsa stared down at the page, stunned. She slowly looked up at Eugene. "My entire council is in love with you," she said in a daze.
He shrugged as though used to it, his familiar attempt at a flirtatious smile smeared across his lips. "Finn Rejder has that effect on people." He tapped the top of the page. "Keep reading, I love this. I mean," he said, in as serious a tone he could muster, "I need to know the part I'm playing." He glanced to the side briefly and then back at her with wide, innocent eyes. "No, really."
Elsa took in a deep breath, marshalling the last of her strength, and lifted the paper again. "Thirdly, to establish the weapons set of said Rejder. He is to be skilled in the use of knives, acrobatic and graceful with both sword and…pan." She paused to glare at the paper for a moment. "…pan, a master rider as befits his name, capable of opening any lock be it through forgery or lockpicking. And in the pursuit of knowledge of a more personal nature, he utilizes his greatest weapon, The Smol-"
Elsa dropped the paper, clutching her head with both hands.
Eugene was laughing as he picked it up, flipping it over to read. "Did they seriously list The Smolder as one of my many weapons? I didn't know they were so forward thinking. I like these guys. They're smart."
"Have I mentioned that I agreed to sign this under duress," Elsa mumbled without looking up from her desk.
"Multiple times."
"Well I did. Agree to it under duress, I mean. Great duress. Incredible duress. A duress so distressing it was impossible to endure. Several duresses, actually."
He gave her back the paper, one eyebrow lifting as a sign he was unimpressed." Anna and Rapunzel sighed at you for an hour."
She thought back to the combined weight of their enormous, watery eyes and shuddered. "There is no need to repeat what I just said," she responded testily, "Mr. Fitzherbert-"
"Prince Eugene of Corona, now," he reminded her. She, in turn, reminded herself that Eugene was actually very sweet at heart when he wasn't being a smarmy little prick in league with the people who were already running her into the ground.
"…yes, that, especially since I'm fast developing a headache." She gripped the paper tightly in both hands, determined to see this to the end.
She skipped the line with the weapons set, though. He'd gotten the general idea, and that was the whole point of this stupid affair.
"Lastly, to use both of the above to intimidate rival spy networks into believing they may be compromised at any given time, thus ensuring that they remain embroiled in rooting out possible double agents instead of gathering evidence. The nation of Arendelle thanks you in advance for your labor and extends its sincere belief that the character of Finn Rejder will be an asset to us both. Your volunteering of services is greatly appreciated and will be noted happily."
She set the paper down and laced her fingers together over it, only slightly pleased that this was over with, knowing that the worst was yet to come.
He was stroking his goatee, one hand on his hip as he thought. "Do I get paid?"
"Good morning, Elsa!" Rapunzel supplied brightly as she pushed the door open with her hip. Elsa looked up from her papers to chuckle as her cousin maneuvered a tray over to the desk.
"Oh, did I miss breakfast?" she asked, nodding down at the series of small pastries, cakes, and set of mugs placed next to the steaming pot of coffee. Her dim mood, lowered as it had been by a terrible nightmare about a man in an extravagant, showy cape trying to be dashing as men and women alike swooned all over him, was shifting rapidly to pleased, if tired, at the presence of her cousin and the well of energy and optimism she brought with her wherever she went.
"Nope!" Rapunzel said as she dragged a chair forward with her foot. Her bare foot. An odd habit, but Elsa was hardly one to criticize others for their eccentricities. "I just thought we four could have something to nibble on while waiting for the others."
"Four…?"
Kristoff took that moment to walk in, carrying a sack filled with carrots. All of them had a nice coating of dust and dirt on top, and one side of his mouth was bulging as he crunched on the one in his other hand. There was a little splotch of spittle on his lower lip, and odd as it seemed the only thought Elsa had upon seeing it was that she could only hope that it was his own saliva. She'd seen Anna and Kristoff exchange kisses after he'd been sharing a carrot with Sven one too many times.
The reindeer himself had his front half through the doorway before a watchful Kai grabbed him by the harness and pulled him outside with a gruff "no animals in the queen's office" that had Sven whining in a way that reminded Elsa of a certain younger sister. Though she felt for the reindeer, who always wanted to be a part of everything, she had to agree with the manservant; animals did not belong inside.
Sven evidently disagreed, because through the closed door she heard him plop himself down as Kai let out an exasperated noise and strode quickly away.
Elsa began apologizing for Anna's absence, early in the day as it was, but Rapunzel just waved her hand as she sat down. "It's no big deal, I mean, Eugene's out being 'Finn Rejder', so he's not going to be here for a while, either."
Elsa's stomach sank at her words. "He's…he's already out there?" She had hoped that maybe she could convince him to take things slowly, but the fact that it was – she glanced at the clock, unsurprised to see it read 7:15 – so early in the morning meant, as she had feared, his enthusiasm for the venture had outstripped his sense.
Kristoff was laughing under his breath as he peered out the window. "Oh, he's out there all right."
Against her better judgment, Elsa rose and came over to the window, looking out. The morning sun reflected off the waters of the fjord, so she had to squint against the glare, but she could still make out the bustle of the docks. It was filled to the brim with sailors and cargo and large, ornately carved ships that belonged to ambassadors from afar and the rougher, hardier ones as piloted by merchants. Yet, though she was examining the docks closely, she could not see Rapunzel's husband, and she allowed herself a glimmer of hope that perhaps he had decided against this silly charade.
Her hope was quashed when Rapunzel pointed out a barrel beside one of the ships. Every so often it moved, lifting itself up as boots shuffled forward and dropping down quickly several seconds later. Elsa sighed, rubbing her forehead.
"I think he's trying to sneak onto the Spanish ambassador's ship," Kristoff murmured before snapping off an enormous hunk of carrot and tossing it into his mouth.
Rapunzel snorted. "I think he forgot to give himself eyeholes, because that-" here she pointed to the side "–is the ambassador's ship. The one he's trying to get on is just a merchant vessel."
"Good eyes," Elsa remarked. The three of them stood together at the window, watching silently as the barrel made its way up to the gangplank in fits and starts with none the wiser.
Kristoff, who had by now started on his second carrot, swallowed and said, "So should we tell him that's the wrong ship?"
Rapunzel said, while tucking her hair behind her ears, "We probably should," at the same time Elsa said, "Oh, I think he'll be fine." She had brought a cup up to her lips to cover a small smile. "Besides," she added, "wouldn't the dreaded Finn Rejder know how to escape a floating fortress – excuse me, a ship?"
The barrel, which had by now secured a safe position beside the ship, had settled in and was sitting stationary. Sailors twirled other barrels up the gangplank with practiced hands while the dockmaster shouted orders at their backs. Judging by their expressions the barrels were heavy, probably weighted down with fish stuffed between layers of salt to cut down on the smell. Though they were used to it, she could well imagine 'Finn Rejder' being quite unhappy with his little scheme.
"I…guess we'd be revealing him if we tried to stop it," Rapunzel said, though she didn't look happy with that train of thought.
"Isn't that the point?" Kristoff said around a mouthful of carrot. "He's supposed to be a well-known spy."
"Yes, but not well known because he got caught, well known-because…" Rapunzel trailed off, frowning, as she came to the realization Elsa had had a day ago: the best spies are the ones that no one knows about. Renown was to spies what light was to cockroaches. "Wait…why are we doing this again?"
"Don't ask me," Elsa said, shrugging as she turned away from the window. There was a small chocolate cake on one of the many plates that had Anna's name written all over it; she snagged it and set it aside. "I absolve myself of this entire situation." She sat down with a groan; her attempt at sleep had left her with a backache; and leaned back into her chair, intent on returning to actual work.
Rapunzel chuckled ruefully and leaned against the windowsill. "Sorry. I guess we should've thought that through before we asked you…but he seemed so excited to play Flynn – sorry, Finn Rejder again."
Elsa made a humming noise as she sipped her coffee. There were a few reports littering her desk; several were about the ships currently being readied for sailing. Most of the merchant ships were trading in lumber, but a few were shipping fish. And since only the latter were shipped in barrels, she could see why he'd confused the cargo for the ambassador's ship with the barrels that were to be traded.
"Does Finn Rejder have an accomplice?" Kristoff asked from the window.
The queen frowned. "A what?"
He pointed down at the docks. "There's another barrel that's heading for…oh. Oh no."
Kristoff was never one to exaggerate. Now concerned, she rose and moved towards the window. This time she focused upon the second barrel much more quickly. She peered at the bottom, where the feet were moving too fast for her to make out.
"I don't see what the problem is-"
Her words died in her throat when the top of the barrel popped up and a very familiar splash of red hair became visible before disappearing under the lid.
Rapunzel had one hand pressed to her lips, her eyebrows invisible beneath her bangs as the three of them watched, with mounting horror, the barrel being loaded onto the ship. "Oh no."
Elsa, who by now had moved well beyond cursing her council in her mind and was now actively engaged in dreaming up schemes to have the lot of them stripped of their rank, banished, and then excommunicated for good measure, swiveled on one heel and yanked open the door.
Kai, who had been trying to wedge the end of a wheelbarrow underneath the rump of an obstinate reindeer, looked up.
"Kai," Elsa said, in a voice that was clear, calm, and completely in control, so much so that his eyes widened, "would you happen to know where my sister is?"
"Of course, your Majesty," he said, speaking slowly, as though she might leap forward and bite him if he said something wrong, "she went off with his Highness, the prince of Corona earlier this morning. They said they had work to do."
"Ah. I see." She brought her hands together in lieu of strangling something. "Well, I think we had best send a message down to the-"
"The ship just pulled out!" Kristoff called.
Elsa jerked her head around. "It WHAT?" was all she was able to say before Rapunzel, leading a stunned Kristoff in one hand, grabbed her as she bolted forward.
"Come on, we've got to catch them!"
The queen's pleading to her cousin to get her to slow down fell on deaf ears as the woman dragged the two of them by their elbows down the hall and through the courtyard, running quickly for someone barefoot on cobblestones.
Now that the commotion was over and done, Sven yawned in Kai's face and then stood nonchalantly. Flipping his tail at the servant, he trotted off, leaving clods of dirt in his wake.
Kai sighed. Never a dull moment. Not anymore.
He supposed it wasn't really that bad.