Disclaimer: I don't own it. You could have figured that out.
Author's notes: Just a one shot that I came up with when I was feeling humorous.
Funny
It's really not that funny. I really shouldn't have laughed. I mean we're talking about my best friend going through a break up. But you would have laughed too. It's kind of hard not too.
It started like a normal night. Mimi was working, and as much as I love the way that she moves, I was kind of tired, so I stayed at the loft, screwing around on my guitar. Mark was going to meet his girlfriend. Her name: Andrea. She likes people to call her Drea, so I always call her Andy to piss her off. It was pretty funny to watch her get mad. Her face goes all shades of red. Even Mark laughs when I do it. Anyway, she had been Mark's girlfriend of seven months, and he was going to surprise her at her apartment. Andrea had been on a business trip and was getting home that night. They were supposed to just meet up the next day, but Mark decided to be all romantic and surprise her. And that is where things went downhill.
Mark came back into the loft at nine. I knew this to be a bad sign because he had only left at eight. "Hey." I tried to be social with him, because we hadn't hung out in a long time. I had Mimi, and he had Andrea. We had tried going out together once, the four of us, but that didn't work out well. For some reason Mimi and Andrea hated each other. However the resulting cat fight was entertaining. "How's Andy?"
"She looked pretty happy." He didn't. Mark looked like someone who had just seen their childhood pet run over. This was an attitude I recognized. An attitude that I had seen brought on by Maureen, so I basically knew what had happened. Poor Mark. Whenever he found a girl he really liked something always happened to screw it up. Now I had to wait for him to explain what it was this time. "I walked in on her with someone else."
Oh fuck. Sometimes people really piss me off. Seriously. The one guy in our group who's really going to live a full life, and he can never find someone special to share it with. "I'm sorry man." I volunteer as he takes a seat on one of our old chairs. I set my guitar aside because I'm ready to listen. He can use a good talk. I can tell. He likes those. "Did she have anything to say for herself?"
Then he leaned back, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah." I thought to myself that this ought to be good. That maybe I should sic Mimi on Andy; she had kicked her ass last time. Because she clearly hurt Marky. "She told me how it had been going on for four months, and that she was planning on breaking up with me tomorrow." He informed. This made me pretty mad. Four months is a pretty long time to just keep cheating on someone. "Then she introduced me to her…friend."
This was worse. That's called rubbing salt in someone's wounds. "Did you hit him?"
"No." He muttered, looking away. I could tell he was starting to get embarrassed. That always happened when we talked about him. It's childish, but that's Mark.
I gave him my best pointed look. "Grow a pair. If a guy steals your girl, you're supposed to pop him one." I'm always trying to make him more of a tough guy so he wouldn't get beat up on all the time. He's always ignoring me.
"Her name was Michelle."
This time I wasn't sure if I heard correctly. "What?"
"You heard me." He looked back. "Andrea was cheating on me with a woman."
And that was where I laughed. And I know it was wrong of me, but it just sort of came out. He glared at me. "I'm sorry." I did my best to sound sincere, but I think the slight grin on my face gave me away. "Look I really…I'm not laughing at you Mark." I tried to explain…get a straight face on, and all that crap that Mark's into. "It's just that, this is the second girl that's left you for another woman." I swear that I wasn't trying to rub it in for him. But it was true.
"Fourth." He turned away again.
"Excuse me?" I sputtered there. I had been swallowing and his statement caused me to choke on my own spit.
He turned back and his cheeks were bright red. That's what made me feel bad. "Andrea is the fourth girl who's discovered that she's a lesbian while dating me."
I lost it. I mean come on. Four girls. They all date Mark, they all decide that they're into women. It was wrong. Mark was hurting and I was laughing. But I really couldn't help it. I hadn't had a good laugh in a while. "Who are the other two?" I asked subduing myself. Laughing was not gonna help.
"Nanette Himmelfarb, and Mary Jane something or other." He really looked kind of upset about the whole thing. Which in turn made me upset for two reasons; one was because Mark was upset, and the other was because he was failing to see the humor of the situation.
And then it hit me. "Wasn't Nanette when you were fifteen?"
"Yes." He mutters. I know I've touched a nerve, but I keep going.
"You were converting them when you were fifteen?" Maybe this was the wrong approach.
He gave me the look again. "Roger…"
"I'm sorry." I apologized, yet again. I was losing the battle for a straight face. And don't think that I wasn't trying to be sympathetic, it's just, I've never had this problem. The pretty boy front man just doesn't just lose his girls to other girls. "Who's this Mary Jane girl?"
He sighed. "As it turns out she met Nanette."
Oh god. He just keeps handing this stuff to me. "You've got to be kidding me." Seriously. Not only did his first girlfriend ever, find out she was a lesbian, the next one started dating her. I really didn't want to laugh.
"I wouldn't kid about this Roger." I could tell he was losing his patience with me. And then I realized that his camera was in front of me. And I couldn't resist. I picked it up. "What are you doing?" And then I turned it on. "Roger turn that thing off." He warned me.
Naturally I ignored him. "Zoom in on Mark." I narrated just as he would. "Who has discovered that he does not serve as a boyfriend to women, but as their final checkpoint in realizing that they are lesbians." And that was when he grew a pair. He hit me. It wasn't enough to hurt me, but it stunned me long enough for him to rip the camera out of my hands, and to retreat to his room.
It's really not that funny. I really shouldn't have laughed. But what can I say? I'm an ass. And four women. You can't tell me that you wouldn't have laughed at that.