CHAPTER 1
He stares at the lifeless body of a woman who not long ago carried a healthy baby girl within her. Her husband weeps at her bedside for the loss of a wife and mother. It is one of the many heartbreaking tragedies that occurred at Grey Sloan during the years he has been here. You try to save a life every waking moment but when their body can no longer hold for them the best you can do is let the family know and give them time to a goodbye.
The closest he ever came to losing someone was when his friends were shot and killed not long ago. It hurt and he couldn't fathom the difficult transition. He didn't think he could if April hadn't been there. She was always the tough one. He knew she hurt but she kept both of them going. She was his lifeline during the aftermath of the shooting. She held is hand for support while at the funeral. Even Lexie didn't know how he was feeling. Yeah they were dating at the time while she temporarily broke things off with Mark. But he did not let her in and he did not feel comfortable sharing those with her.
April was the only one who kept him sane even after that. Now as he looked back, she was the first person he called when he needed to talk or vent. She was the first person he shared all of his not so happy memories. She was the first girl, woman really, for just seeing him as him and not the Avery name. She called on him when she needed to. He found a friend in her and a confidant. She was always there since the moment he met the annoying intern. That was then. He no longer finds her annoying. That was what made her an endearing human being once you spend enough time with the red head.
When they had slept together back in San Francisco, he'd thought then that it was a onetime thing. It certainly was a bit awkward between the two of them at first. But he began to see April in a different way. More than a friend. More than just a confidant but someone who knows him for who he is. But she left after the plane crash happened, back to Moline with her family. It wasn't until a few weeks later that he saw her at the attending's lounge talking to Bailey, Karev, and Grey. He was glad that Dr. Hunt brought her back to Seattle. He didn't know if he had enough guts in him at the time to do so.
As they spent the following weeks together, he was positive that it was not just about the sex anymore for him. His feelings for April grew but he was too afraid to mention it to her. He was not sure if she had felt the same way. When he finally let her know of it days later she closed down on him. Then the pregnancy scare happened. They were not both prepared for it. He knew the chance of it happening was there. But she seemed relieved that she wasn't indeed carrying their child as if it was such a bad thing if she did.
Then Stephanie and Matt stepped in to their respective lives. They each went their own daily lives but still all working together at the hospital. Meredith Grey had asked him a few weeks ago if Stephanie was his person like Derek was hers. He could only look at her in silence. She knew who was and still is his person. She had told him to let Stephanie go and that it was not fair to the both of them that he was clearly still in love with April.
He consoled the husband one more time before leaving the room. He needed to think and in peace. He had to let April know. He was not one to give up easily. Especially on her. He could not live on regret if he didn't at least tell her that he loves her unconditionally.