Lily paced back and forth across the small living room in the flat she shared with James and Sirius. She should have been out with Marlene and Dorcas, celebrating her last night of freedom. That's where James was, with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, at his "stag party"-the irony of the name had been heartily appreciated by all involved. Instead she was trying not to dissolve into a full-blown panic attack. She had no business getting married; she was only nineteen for Merlin's sake. Weren't there laws against this sort of thing?
She studiously avoided looking into the room she and James had been sharing since June. She didn't want to have to renew her lease with Dorcas and Marlene only to break it in three months, so she had taken up James's offer to move in with him. It would be like practice, he had told her with a grin. She had giggled and kissed his cheek. Now she couldn't even think about it without feeling sick.
They weren't ready, how could they be? Just three years ago she would have gladly attended his funeral and thrown the after party. And tomorrow she was supposed to become his wife? She sank to the floor, and put her head in her hands fighting down the hysterical sob she could feel forming in her throat.
Suddenly, the front door flew open Lily could hear hurried footsteps trailing into one of the bedrooms. The footsteps stopped and then slowly returned to the living room. Lily looked up and met Sirius's confused and slightly frightened gaze. He was holding a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand, clearly the reason for his hasty return.
"What?" she demanded, but the question came out more like a croak.
"Everything okay?" Sirius inquired, slowly placing the bottle of alcohol on the coffee table as if she were an animal he was afraid of startling.
"Can't you tell?" she asked, her voice cracked and a quick sob escaped before she could stifle it.
"Er, well, no…" he glanced longingly at the front door, obviously wishing to escape through it. After a glance back at his best friend's fiancée, he made a decision and sat down on the couch, dragging her up to sit beside him. "Now, what's the problem?"
"It's-it's just-" she started, and then stopped as sobs racked her body. "Ja-James and th-the wedding," she had to stop to blow her nose. "I don't know if I wa-want marry him," she sobbed. She suddenly realized what a picture of a bride she made, crying to the best man about whether or not she should marry the groom. "And I'm a terrible person!" she cried, feeling more miserable than she had in years.
"Shh, Lily, Shhh," Sirius tried to calm her, rubbing her arm awkwardly, but couldn't stop the feeling of dread and panic that was settling in his stomach. James would be crushed if Lily backed out. "Why are you questioning whether you and James should get married?" he asked, hoping she could provide him something to go on, some way to convince her that marrying James was the right thing.
"I-I don't know," she hiccoughed. "Everything just happened so- so fast." She looked down, wringing her hands in her lap.
"Fast?" Sirius asked, thrown for a moment at how Lily could find any part of her and James's courtship fast.
"Yes!" She shouted, distressed. "It feels like yesterday I was hoping he would catch scrofungulus and get sent to St. Mungo's!"
Struck by a burst of inspiration, Sirius stood up and turned to Lily. "Stay here, I'll be right back," he instructed her, rushing back into his bedroom. When he emerged a minute later, he was carrying a large bowl-shaped stone. He set it on the coffee table in front of them, and turned back to Lily. "This was supposed to be your wedding present," he frowned. "But it looks like it may be of more use to you now."
"A pensieve?" she asked, looking Sirius in confusion.
"Very good, Evans, ten points to Gryffindor," she smiled sardonically at his teasing tone. "Unfortunately, the pensieve is on loan. This," he pulled a small vial out of his pocket, "is your gift."
He pulled her to her feet, guiding him to stand beside him in front of the stone bowl. Carefully, he uncorked the vial and poured its contents into the pensieve, allowing them to swirl for a few moments before taking her hand. "Ready?" he asked, waiting for her to nod before they both leaned headfirst into the pensieve.
They landed softly in a familiar location. "The Hogwarts Express?" Lily glanced around. Sirius nodded, guiding her into a nearby compartment that held three dark haired boys and a small redheaded girl.
"That's us," Lily observed, walking with him into the small compartment. They arrived in time to watch eleven-year-old Lily pull a young Snape out into the hallway, slamming the door behind her. First year James and Sirius called taunts after them, laughing at their own cleverness.
"She was cute," James noted with a just a touch of regret in his voice. "Rubbish taste in friends, though."
"Maybe she'll end up in Gryffindor, too," little Sirius suggested, trying to cheer up his new friend.
"Maybe," James answered hopefully.
The scene shifted, and suddenly they were in the dungeons at Hogwarts. Only a year or two had passed, judging by their relative sizes. Younger James and Sirius roared in laughter as Snape's potion suddenly exploded out of his cauldron, coating him thick green goo. Little Lily turned to glare at them before moving to help Snape clean up.
"You don't have to-" Snape protested angrily.
"I want to," Lily silenced him with a look.
"Did you see his face?" James laughed, clutching his side. Younger Sirius did a dramatic reenactment, sending James into hysterics. The period over, Slughorn released them all before thanking Lily for helping to clean up the mess. She nodded before hurrying to catch up with her fellow Gryffindors.
Adult Sirius and Lily followed their younger selves as they made their way out of the classroom and trekked up to the seventh floor to the Gryffindor Common Room. Almost as soon as they had entered the room, Lily turned on James and Sirius.
"That was uncalled for," she chastised them. "It wasn't funny, you know how much he cares about potions."
"Yes, that's why we did it," James shrugged, as if this was obvious and he didn't understand why she would question it.
"You embarrassed him in front of his favorite professor and his head of house," she pointed out, growing angrier by the second.
"I'm glad that you can appreciate how well thought out this was," James smirked at her.
She shook her head at him and frowned. "You could be nice if you just tried."
James frowned in return. "Not to a Slytherin." Lily gave him a disappointed look before turning and walking up the staircase to the girls' dormitories. James walked over to where his friends were watching the exchange.
"Tough break," Sirius said, patting James on the back.
"I don't understand why she likes him so much," James groaned, pulling his hair in frustration.
"Maybe you should just try being nice to him," Remus suggested, ignoring Sirius's incredulous look.
"I don't think it's possible," James told him, frowning. He laughed humourlessly,"I doubt she'd notice even if I did. The only time she looks at me is when I'm doing something to hurt him."
The scene shifted again, though this time they stayed in the same place. Lily could only tell that a few more years had passed by looking at the Marauders who were gathered around the fire late at night.
"Lily knows," Remus told them, his face serious.
"Merlin," Sirius gripped his hair, looking panicked. "What should we do?"
"I don't think she'll tell anyone," Remus told them. Sirius shot him a disbelieving look. "Don't, Sirius. I know Lily, and she's not someone who would go blabbing about it to the whole school."
"Does she know about us?" Peter asked, even more panicked than Sirius.
"Not everything, but I think she has it at least partially figured out. She knows you were down there for a reason when you rescued Snape," Remus told James.
"I knew that would come back to bite us in the arse," Sirius grumbled, glaring into the fire. "Well, what do you want to do?" he asked James.
James seemed to think for a minute, looking around at his friends and considering his options. "I'm going to tell her," he spoke quietly.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Sirius demanded. He looked like he was considering punching James.
"She's going to figure it out anyway," James justified himself, still calm but clearly growing frustrated with Sirius's protestations. "This way we can at least explain ourselves- tell her why…" he trailed off, thinking. "If she knows we're not doing it just for the sake of doing something illegal, I think she'd understand," he told them, glancing at Remus.
"You really trust her that much?" Sirius questioned him, watching James's face intently for any sign of doubt.
"Yes," James said, more confident than Lily had ever heard him before. "Completely."
The scene dissolved, and when it had reformed itself, she and Sirius were standing on the grounds of Hogwarts. She felt a lump in her stomach as she remembered this day. Her younger version was sitting at the edge of the Black Lake with Dorcas, Marlene, and Mary. She could still remember feeling James Potter's eyes on her, though now she could actually see him watching her. She almost rolled her eyes as she watched him show off with his snitch and continually mess up his hair; thankfully, he had outgrown those habits by seventh year. She was surprised that she felt a pang of warmth as she watched him doing those things that she had hated so much. She decided to chalk it up to nostalgia.
She and Sirius stood silently beside each other and watched the scene play out once more. They chose to stand back, not particularly desiring to hear the exchange. Fifth year James and Sirius stood up and jogged to catch Snape as he walked back towards the castle. James called out to him, and Snape had his wand ready before he even turned. Sirius watched a little shamefacedly as the scene unfolded.
Snape was now on the ground, soapbubbles pouring from his mouth, when Lily watched herself approach the scene. Her expression was furious, even as James's became extremely pleasant and cordial with her. Snape was back on his feet while James had been distracted, and with a flick of his wand a large gash appeared on James's face. She inched closer, against her better instincts, listening to their conversation one more time.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" she shouted, wand out.
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," James pleaded.
"Take the curse off him, then!"
James sighed before turning back to Snape and doing as she asked. "There you go," he told Snape, who was struggling to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"
There was a palpable feeling of shock around the crowd that had gathered. Lily's own face looked dumbfounded at this turn of events.
"Fine," she said coldly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."
"Apologize to Evans!" James's roared, his wand raised threateningly.
"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily rounded on James. "You're as bad as he is…"
""What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a you-know-what!"
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."
Lily cringed at the look on James's face as her fifth-year self stormed off, ignoring his calls to her. Sure, he deserved it. It probably did him good to hear it, but the look on his face made her feel guilty four years after the fact nonetheless.
"What is it with her?" James asked, trying to sound casual but failing miserably.
"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," Sirius explained unapologetically.
"Right," James said, his face furious, "right-"
"Why are you showing me this?" Lily turned to the older Sirius standing beside her.
"Context," he shrugged.
The scene dissolved and reformed back in the Gryffindor common room. Judging by the Marauder's clothes, it was later the same night. James was watching the portrait hole in rapt concentration while Remus and Sirius played Wizard's chess on at a table nearby. Peter was watching the other two, cheering when one of them made a particularly clever move. The common room was otherwise deserted.
James jumped when the portrait swung open and Lily walked in wearing her dressing gown, a despondent look on her face.
"Lily," James rushed over to her, a pleading look on his face. "Look, I'm so-"
"Don't" she held up a hand to silence him and shook her head. "Just…don't." She put her hand down and walked over to the spiral staircase that led to her dormitory. She paused briefly, but then continued up the stairs without looking back.
James sat in the couch and leaned his head back, his hands covering his face.
"I take it that could have gone better," Remus said sardonically, glancing up from the game in front of him. He moved to take a seat beside James and Sirius and Peter followed.
"She hates me," came James's muffled voice, his hands still covering his face.
"Isn't hate just misguided love?" Peter piped up from his spot in the chair. James moved his hands to throw Peter an exasperated look.
"Look, Prongs, as lovely as Evans is, maybe it's time you dropped this little…whatever this is," he sighed deeply. "I mean, it's been years, Prongs, years, and she still thinks you're dirt," James threw him a partially angry but mostly just depressed look. "Sorry, mate, but it's true. I think it might be better for both of you if you just tried to move on with your life. Date some other bird, there are plenty who would be willing to go to Hogsmeade with you."
James nodded, "I should do that." Sirius looked shocked that James had agreed with him so easily. "I just don't know if I can," his face fell and the dejected look returned.
"Look, the year's almost over. Just take the summer to get over her and try to move on," Sirius advised him. "I'm not saying it'll be easy, but just try," he patted James's shoulder and then stood up. "I think I'm going to bed."
Remus and Peter stood to follow his lead, but James remained sitting. "You lot go on, I'll be up soon." James's gaze was focused on the fire, and he seemed to be thinking intently about something.
The three of them looked at each other, considering what they should do. Sirius finally shrugged, and led the way up to the boys' dormitory.
When the scene reformed, not even a year had passed. Remus was sitting on his bed, studying. Sirius and Peter were engaged in a game of exploding snap when James entered the room. He dropped his bag beside his bed before joining Peter and Sirius on the floor.
"How's Amelia?" Sirius asked in a teasing tone, shooting a knowing look at James.
James grunted noncommittally, an odd look forming on his face. He looked almost guilty.
"Things still going okay?" Remus asked, looking up from the parchment he had been writing on. James merely shrugged, pretending to be absorbed by Sirius and Peter's game.
"I'm thinking about breaking up with her," James spoke quietly after a beat of silence.
"What?" Sirius asked, looking perplexed. "I thought you two were getting along great."
"We were," James started, looking pained. "I mean, we are. It's just…"
"She's not Lily," Remus finished for him.
James glared at him, "I didn't say that."
"No, but you were thinking it," Remus corrected him. "We're not blind, we can see that you and Lily have been getting along well lately. Well, getting along better, at least."
"Prongs," Sirius sounded almost pained. "Please tell me you aren't throwing away a good thing on the very unlikely chance that Evans will realize she's in love with you." Sirius leveled a stern gaze at him.
"I'm not," James started, sounding frustrated. "It isn't fair to her."
"To who?" Peter asked, looking confused.
"To Amelia!" James shouted, "Or to Lily! Or to me, for Merlin's sake!" He stood up and began to pace. "I took your advice," he looked at Sirius. "I did my best to get over Lily. I gave up on the whole idea, and I found someone else. I thought that the feelings were going away, honestly I did, but they're not."
"So what, you're just going to be celibate for the rest of your life?" Sirius questioned him.
James groaned, "I don't know!"
"I think you should break up with Amelia," Remus spoke up. "You're obviously not over Lily, and it'll just end up hurting more people if you keep going on as if you are."
James nodded, looking slightly relieved to have someone on his side. "Am I stupid?" he asked no one in particular.
"Yes," Sirius said, shaking his head at his best mate.
The scene dissolved once again, and suddenly they were standing in the stands at the quidditch pitch.
"It's been awhile since I've seen it from this angle," Sirius muttered absentmindedly. He looked out to where his seventeen-year-old self was hovering in the air, looking for bludgers to knock at Hufflepuff's players.
It was the first game of the year, and Gryffindor was up one hundred and forty to thirty. Sirius had become confortable in their lead. He spotted a stray bludger and knocked it toward the Hufflepuff seeker who seemed to have spotted something in the corner of the pitch. He was so distracted by his task that he failed to notice that another was flying toward James as he zoomed toward the goal post, quaffle in hand. The crowd gasped as the bludger hit James in the side, nearly knocking him off his broom. He managed to hold himself up, took aim, and scored. The Gryffindors cheered loudly, and Lily spotted herself not far away, looking concerned but cheering with Remus and Peter nonetheless.
"All right, James?" Sirius called over to his best mate.
"Never been better," James grinned, looking over at Sirius just as the other boy's eyes widened. Before Sirius could move, a bludger hit James square in the back of the head, knocking him out cold. Sirius managed to grab James by the back of his robes before he fell, but lost his grip about twenty feet from the ground, dropping James the rest of the way. The game paused while Madame Hooch levitated James off of the field on a stretcher. Lily saw herself push her way out of the stands and down the stairs. She knew where she had been going, but she couldn't follow. This was Sirius's memory, so they were forced to stay and watch the rest of the game, which didn't last long when the Hufflepuff seeker caught the snitch.
Lily and Sirius followed the seventh year version of Sirius as he rushed off the pitch and up to the castle, Remus and Peter close behind. When he arrived, Lily was already sitting beside James, watching his face. She didn't look up when they gathered James's bed.
"He hasn't woken up," she told them, still not looking up. "Madame Pomfrey thinks he has a concussion and possibly a sprained ankle and broken arm. She gave him a potion for his head, but she's waiting until he wakes up to see about the arm and leg."
Remus only nodded, taking a seat beside her. Sirius gazed at her suspiciously.
"Not to be rude, but why are you here?" he asked, his tone contradicting his words.
She looked up, her eyes blazing. "I didn't want him to wake up alone," she snapped, though it looked like she wanted to say something else.
"Well, we're here now," he told her pettily, pulling up a chair and crossing his arms.
"Yes, you're right," Lily muttered quietly. "I guess I should get going…"
"You can stay," Remus said, glaring at Sirius. "I'm sure he'd be happy if you did."
"No, Sirius is right," she nodded toward him. "This isn't my place." She looked thoughtfully at James's face for another moment before walking out of the hospital wing.
Remus looked ready to tell Sirius off, but a movement from the bed distracted them. James's eyes opened and he groaned.
"Have a good nap, Prongs?" Sirius asked, his tone light, though relief was obvious on his face.
James merely groaned in response, grasping for his glasses, which were lying on the table beside him. "Did we win?" he asked, glancing around at his friends' faces. "I'll take those expressions as a 'no.'" He slammed his head back against the pillow, before gasping in pain and clutching his head.
"Only by forty points," Peter tried to reassure him. "That's not hard to come back from."
James nodded, but didn't seem convinced.
"Lily was here," Remus told him, watching his face carefully.
"She was?" James asked, suddenly in a much better mood. "Where is she?" He looked around as though they were hiding her somewhere.
"She had to leave," Remus said, though he gave Sirius a dirty look.
"Oh," James said, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Well, hopefully Poppy will let me out of here soon, so don't worry about staying here for my sake."
"I should get some work done," Remus muttered apologetically.
"Well, go on then," he shooed them out good-naturedly.
Remus and Peter got up and then looked at Sirius. "I'll be out in a minute," he told them, silently begging them to leave. Remus shrugged, pulling Peter with him. As soon as the door closed, Sirius looked at James with a serious expression.
"Don't ask me why I know this and don't argue, but I think you should ask Evans out again," he told him, not an ounce of humour in his voice.
James gave him a questioning look. "Haven't you been the one telling me to stop pining over her and find some other bird?"
"Yes, I know what I said," Sirius said impatiently. "I was wrong, but I'm right now. Ask her out, she'll say yes."
"How do you know she will?" James asked, his eyes suspicious. Lily's heart ached when she heard the vulnerability in his voice.
"What did I say about arguing?" Sirius asked, rolling his eyes. "Just do it, okay?" he said, walking out of the hospital wing.
Lily looked at Sirius as if she was seeing him for the first time. He merely gave her a small smile and shrugged while the scene around them shifted back to the apartment the three of them shared. The state of the kitchen and lack of real furniture told her that this was before she had moved in. James and Sirius burst in after a long night spying for the Order.
"I don't see why we can't just kill them," Sirius griped, throwing himself down into a chair that should have been outside on a patio.
"You know what Dumbledore said," James chastised him, though his face said that he agreed with Sirius more than he was willing to admit. He seemed to consider something for a moment before speaking again. "So, I've been looking at some places…" he started.
"Why, what's wrong with here?" Sirius asked, looking around their apartment with satisfaction.
James shrugged, "I was thinking about getting a place in Godric's Hollow."
"Godric's Hollow?" Sirius looked confused and said the words with some distaste. "Isn't that a little… family-style?" Sirius looked at James who only raised his eyebrows. Realization seemed to dawn on Sirius's face.
"I want to ask Lily to marry me," he stated, watching for a reaction.
"Why?" Sirius asked, still looking confused.
"I love her," he laughed slightly breathlessly.
"Okay," Sirius drawled. "Anyone who's been within a twenty foot radius of you since you were thirteen could tell you that. Why do you want to marry her right now?"
James ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes. "This war…we don't know what's going to happen. We could be dead tomorrow for all we know!" He took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know how much time we have left, and I plan on spending that time living the way I want to. I want to marry Lily. I want to have a house with her and have kids with her. I want to give her a life."
"I think that makes perfect sense," Sirius finally spoke.
"That's good," James said, grinning. "Because you're going to be the best man. Assuming she says yes," he suddenly seemed worried.
"She will," Sirius said, completely certain. "I trust her."
Lily looked at Sirius with tears in her eyes. He put an arm around her before quietly shushing her. "There's one more thing you need to see."
They were standing in a skeevy bar Lily had never been to before; Lily noted that Sirius was wearing the same clothes. Her eyes widened, realizing this memory was from the same night. Sirius walked with four drinks in his hand to a booth in the corner, where the three other men had clearly already had more than enough to drink.
James had a look of amazement on his face. "I still can't believe she said yes."
"Yes, yes, neither can we," Sirius said impatiently,
"I still think she might have been imperiused," Remus quipped, earning himself a sharp elbow from James.
"I just never thought… Even when we were dating, I kept waiting for her to come to her senses. I'm marrying Lily Evans!" he exclaimed, raising his arms in celebration.
"Sit down, Prongs, you're disturbing the peace," Sirius chastised him.
"What do you think she's doing right now?" He asked, his eyes glazing over.
"Probably getting on the next train to Lisbon to get away from you, you lunatic," Sirius told him, shaking his head.
"She's going to be my wife tomorrow," James told them, as if it were new information.
"Yes, and we're all very sorry for her," Sirius deadpanned. He looked at Remus and Peter, frowning. "Prongs is drunk off his arse and the firewhiskey is far too expensive here."
"We can go back to my place," Remus suggested. "I haven't any alcohol, though."
"It's fine, I've got a bottle," Sirius nodded. "I'll meet you all there."
Slowly, the memory faded away, and Lily closed her eyes as she felt herself getting pulled up and out. When she opened them, she was standing back in the apartment with Sirius beside her.
He looked at her, sizing her up with his eyes. "I don't think I need to tell you what I think you should do," he said. All she could do was nod.
Before he could react, she grabbed him a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered. "Your gift was perfect."
Thank you for reading! Please be kind, and leave a review!