Archnemesis
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos.
One Shot
Farrah, the white-haired lioness heroine Persiana, was perched near the window in the Watchtower, looking out into space. She sighed,
"I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored."
The feline then thought it would be fun just to prowl around on all fours for a bit before going on a mission. She trotted out of her room and began to explore.
Balancing perfectly on a railing, Farrah walked for a while until she saw Flash, in the rec room, flipping through the channels at super-speed. He sighed,
"I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored."
Farrah jumped on the top of the couch, shrugging,
"So, you're bored too, huh."
She complained,
"Dammit! Why can't the bad guys attack already? I wanna fight."
Wally nodded,
"I know that feeling. I mean, I really want to take on one of my villains."
An idea formed in the speedster's head,
"I've got this prank book I've been saving for just such an occasion."
Farrah shrugged,
"Might as well."
Later…
The duo's first prank was one Farrah had thought up of. They watched as Carol Danvers, the heroine Miss Marvel, was going to take a shower. The white-haired cat grinned,
"Watch this. Get the camera ready."
Flash got into position and waited.
In about ten seconds, there was a loud, ear-piercing shriek from the shower room and Miss Marvel emerged, naked, covered in what appeared to be blood.
Guy Gardner said out loud,
"Holy crap! She looks like something out of 'Carrie'!"
The other heroes began laughing hysterically. Carol clenched her fists and roared,
"FURBALL! I KNOW IT WAS YOU! WHEN I FIND YOU, YOU'RE DEAD!"
Flash and Persiana both looked at each other. The furry heroine said,
"We should go."
The two got away to torment someone else.
Their next stop was the hanger. Flash took out spray paint and sprayed the words,
"El Flasho was here!" (1)
He was careful not to get any paint on the Batplane.
Farrah blinked,
"Uh, Flash?"
The speedster said,
"Yes?"
"You are aware of what you just put up there, right?"
The Flash looked up for a moment, then shrugged,
"People will think it's me. Because I am…EL FLASHO! THE FLASH!"
Persiana said flatly,
"I'm picking the next prank."
Ten minutes later…
Farrah and Wally snickered. The feral grinned,
"This is going to be good."
Aquaman's voice could be heard,
"WHO PUT ALL THIS CANNED TUNA IN MY ROOM?"
The two heroes laughed themselves silly.
Thirty minutes later…
Superman, Batman, Hawkgirl, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman had called a conference in the main meeting room. Diana was covered in pink slime from walking into her room on the Watchtower. Superman had his cape smelling like an odd mixture of tuna fish and cherry soda, and there was a big bite mark in the middle of the cape. Hawkgirl had woken up from a nap and found herself covered in thick honey barbecue sauce. Green Lantern had a green Afro glued to his head, and, somehow, the song 'Saturday Night Fever' was playing everywhere he went. Batman had cake batter all over his cape, and no one is quite sure how this happened, but a Jack-o-Lantern was on his head, in the shape of Batman laughing.
Batman folded his arms, still with the pumpkin on his head,
"Flash and Persiana are behind this."
Clark blinked,
"How do you know?"
Outside, they heard the sounds of an explosion, followed by Black Canary shrieking,
"OLIVER WENDELL QUEEN! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN YELL AT YOU SOME MORE!"
Ollie was in a panic,
"I swear, I don't know how Fire's underwear got there! I don't know!"
Flash and Persiana were laughing like crazy when they walked in to the meeting. The Fastest Man Alive was wiping a tear, he was laughing,
"Oh, man! Ollie is gonna have a hard time having kids now!"
Farrah added,
"You know what? I gave a special cream to Guy, telling him it was a hair improvement gel. Wait till he finds out it's hair removal gel."
Guy Gardner's voice could be heard,
"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL HAIR! PERSIANA, YOU'RE DEAD!"
The other founders looked at Wally and Farrah with annoyed looks. The feral feline grinned,
"Hey, John. I didn't know disco was coming back. Hey, do you think that ring can make a green disco suit?"
She burst into laughter again, and John Stewart got even more annoyed,
"You think this is funny, walking around with this much hair!"
Farrah controlled herself and shrugged,
"Doesn't bother me or Tigra one bit."
Superman took his cape off,
"I take it you did the laundry too then."
Flash shook her head,
"Hey, how I was supposed to know that would happen?"
Hawkgirl glared,
"Where have I heard THAT before?" (2)
Martian Manhunter, oddly not pranked, said,
"I find this to be an interesting study in human behavior. Perhaps I should make a video record of this for study…later."
As he went to retrieve the security footage, he stepped on a panel and a banana cream pie was splattered in his face. He yelled in pain,
"IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"
Superman whipped up the winds and removed all the banana filling off of the Martian Manhunter. J'onn looked up, smiling,
"I believe the Earth expression is…Gotcha."
Hawkgirl was horrified,
"I can't believe J'onn was in on it."
John Stewart was equally horrified,
"I can't believe we fell for it."
Farrah quipped,
"I can't believe it's not butter."
At this, everyone collapsed at the seriously bad joke. (3)
It was around this time, Lance, the red-eyed hero known as Diablos, had teleported up. No sooner than he finished energizing, he noticed a bald Guy Gardner wielding a meat cleaver like a maniac. The red-eyed hero laughed at the sight,
"Geez, Guy. I've heard bald is beautiful, but not on you!"
Guy roared,
"YOUR BITCH GIRLFRIEND PUT HAIR REMOVAL CREAM IN MY SHAMPOO!"
Diablos sighed,
"I'll go talk to her."
He walked away, still laughing.
Using his telepathy, he detected his hyper-active girlfriend approaching. She was approaching…really fast. Farrah tackled him and grinned,
"Hi, love."
She began kissing him, sniffing into his coat,
"You got something for me. What is it? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
Lance said,
"Farrah, calm down. I brought you some of those candy you like."
He pulled out a tin of chocolate covered mints, to which the lioness snatched it and devoured the contents. She liked her lips,
"Yummy."
She smiled,
"You're sweet."
Another loud explosion was heard, followed by Green Arrow's voice,
"LADY BIRD, CALM DOWN! THOSE GRENADES AREN'T TOYS!"
Wonder Woman winced,
"I don't even want to know how much this is going to cost us."
One Week later…
After Batman had 'asked' Farrah and Wally to clean up the mess they had caused, and getting an additional month of Monitor duty, the white-furred feline was perched in her room aboard the Watchtower. She sighed,
"I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored."
She jumped down from her perch and stretched like a cat. As Farrah went on to explore again, she ran into Flash. The Fastest Man Alive said,
"Bored too, huh?"
Farrah nodded,
"Yeah."
Her eyes lit up,
"Wanna play a prank?"
Five seconds later…
There was a loud explosion, causing Miss Marvel to erupt out of the shower, covered in green paint,
"FURBALL!"
Superman groaned,
"Here we go again!"
End of One Shot
(1) Simpsons Reference. Every time Bart sprays something, he does it as 'El Barto'.
(2) This line was used in Catnip Conundrum.
(3) Family Guy Joke. Had to use it.