Prologue: Sometimes
How do you live with a crippling depression?
How do you deal with a hatred that is so deep it is imbedded in your identity?
How do you handle regretting something that can never be forgiven?
How can you continue to breathe when the being you loathe most is yourself?
How do you know that you deserve happiness too?
How do you reverse insanity?
How do you see past your own arrogance?
How can you find the truth behind the cruel phantoms?
How do you stop blaming yourself for what you could never have avoided?
How do you allow yourself to trust?
How do you come to terms with the fact you are complete and utter scum?
How can you reconcile two contradicting parts that were never meant to agree (and how do you come to terms with the guilt that EVERY SINGLE THING is your fault)?
Set in your ways, knowing exactly who you are, yet also knowing nothing. A contradiction in itself.
Wishing that it would end, because there's nothing to live for, but being deathly afraid of not existing anymore.
Trying to find a solution that does not exist.
Realizing the simple fact that you will never be content again.
There is no resolution for you. Not today, not tomorrow, and definitely not ever. You will be forced to be alone for the rest of your days. Solitude. Isolation. You and your memories are your only companions.
But . . .
But what if there was hope?
It's a hypothetical situation, because no hope exists here, but . . .
What if there was something you could do to fill this void? What if there was road you could take to resolve these problems? Wouldn't you take that road, make that choice?
(But what if it gets worse? What if I'm already comfortable in the messed-up settings of my life? What if my problem is the only thing that's keeping me going? What if what I want is not something I can have? What if I cannot handle a world where I'm not miserable?)
Wouldn't the risk of failure be worth it?
Sometimes it's surprising how often the answer is no.
It's also surprising how often others don't care that you don't want help.
Sometimes people do things because it's the right thing to do, sometimes they do things because they're for their own gain, and sometimes they do things without even noticing the effect they have.
Sometimes, someone will be miserable no matter what they do or what they say.
But sometimes . . .
Sometimes, despite what they might say, everyone can be happy.
Sometimes.