One of Them

Where are you? Is my mind's cry
as I lie here, tormented with a surge of past memories.
With each breath I feel myself slipping away;
my life will ebbing from me.
As I fight to stay conscious, hot tears cut trails down my cheeks
as I turn my neck toward my assistant, Sabe.
She stands there, her pain and grief for me clearly etched on her face
as she cradles my newborn daughter, Leia.
Leia is screaming fretfully;
it must be a great shock to suddenly be pulled from a warm, secure place
and thrust into a cold, bleak world.
I know the feeling; for it was my life.
Because of my mistake I created this black world for my daughter to live in.
I was foolish; I deserve this broken pain
burning through me like heated vibroknifes.
Why had I done it?
Why had we ever secretly gotten married?
We had deceived ourselves in our thinking; leaving us to live forever bound in a lie.
But I can't regret it, somehow.
I remember our first meeting, on a desert world.
You, Anakin, a little slave boy, said you'd marry me.
I laughed. But I laughed in ignorance.
Then, years later, you returned to me, a man.
I knew I loved you, and tried to deny it.
But I couldn't.
It wasn't because of how powerful you could be, or because you were a Jedi.
I loved you for the man you were: your personality, yourself, even your stubbornness.
And I feared for your stubbornness and rash nature
which could easily distract you.
I hurt for you, more than I could say that fateful day when you found your mother, dead.
I tried to comfort you with logic, but you wouldn't listen.
You revealed in your darkness and despair
that you had slaughtered every Tuskan like the animals they were.
And your desire to be powerful.
As you told me this, I was afraid of you for the first time;
as I saw the darkness and anger
of which you were possessed.
But I ignored this, I trusted you in my innocent simplistic love.
I would have put my life in your hands in a second,
knowing you'd always be there to rescue me.
When we were married, I knew of how dangerous
you could be.
But my love was far greater than my fear.
Then you changed as the War went on.
You had seen much evil, seen many friends die,
so I did not grudge you when you ignored me
for days at a time.
In fact, one of those days you were out fighting,
I discovered a great secret to share with you -
I was pregnant.
But when you returned home to me
your face was dark, and in your eyes a storm.
The nagging whisper of fear in my mind
became a shout.
What had happened to you?
I again tried to reach out to you
but you were not here; you were in
another dimension of space and time.
Then you left, again.
Afraid of you; afraid of the future,
I decided to keep my pregnancy a secret from everyone,
even you.
And as the War grew longer
I grew sadder.
You returned though, as I knew you would.
In your eyes was not the despair and hopelessness
I'd seen earlier, but something new and unfamiliar.
Your eyes glowed with a feverish fire
and triumph was in your bearing -
but I couldn't place it.
You took me by the shoulders
and told me something very important -
the Jedi were evil.
The Jedi were weaklings who wanted to drag the galaxy
into the sinkhole after them.
It was the Jedi that led the Separatists;
wanting to corrupt the galaxy
with their propaganda and ways.
I was confused, but in my trust and naivety
I believed you.
You told me not to trust or communicate
with any of the Jedi order,
and I obeyed you.
I didn't understand, because you were a Jedi
but you said Palpatine had revealed the deceit,
and the true order, the greatest order
was the way of the Sith.
You said Chancellor Palpatine had a new order,
one that would bring true justice to the galaxy
by eliminating inferior rebelling races.
It was called the Empire.
But you were angry at me,
I could see it in the way you treated me.
You ignored my pleas and left again
this time for good.
Alone, I lived in misery and fright
realizing something had gone horribly wrong.
Obi-wan, your former Master and friend
stopped me in a hallway of Coruscant.
He pleaded with me to tell him what I knew of you;
but I had promised you I wouldn't trust the Jedi.
He looked grave, and told me that something terrible had happened to you.
Forgive me, Anakin,
I was weak, miserable and knew nothing of you.
He didn't seem evil and untrustworthy
like you said the Jedi were.
So I poured out all I knew, including that I was pregnant
with your child.
He was very worried and concerned about something then.
He told me he must get me and my unborn child to safety,
away from an evil man who wished to hunt me down
and kill me.
I demanded to know who this man was
and he said one word: Anakin.
He proceeded to tell me everything:
about the Jedi purges you made, to how
you had turned to Palpatine who was corrupt
and called him 'Master'.
I felt like I'd just been stabbed through the heart.
Icy tears pricked my face. No, I said. You lie like the rest of the Jedi.
I refused to believe.
But somewhere in my aching spirit I knew
that all it was true.
Obi-Wan said he'd take me and my unborn child to a planet
far away from you where I could live in security.
But I said I couldn't leave, not until I saw you
one last time.
Obi-wan agreed, he wanted to turn you back
from the Sith.
When his ship landed on the molten planet of Mustafar,
as I followed after Obi-wan, I saw you.
You stood unmoving; unrestrained rage visible within your eyes.
I saw the loathing in your face
when you saw Obi-wan.
But when you saw me,
that loathing became raging hatred
vented at me. Even I could sense it,
thought I cannot feel the Force.
What have you done? You said in a lethal tone.
Anakin, I cried. I just wanted to rush to you
and have you hug me, like you used to.
Anakin, for-forgive me. Is it true...
The words stuck in my throat
and I couldn't force myself to say
'the Dark Side.'
You have corrupted her with your Jedi ways,
you sneered at Obi-wan.
You shall die like the rest of them.
In an unchecked rage you rushed at him
your lightsaber flaring like a hungry thing.
But I did not know it was Obi-wan
you hated, not me.
NO! I screamed, and ran toward the fighting men
one Master and the other Apprentice
as they dueled across the lava covered plains.
leaping from catwalks; blades flashing in death rhythms.
I screamed in terror, and you turned your face toward me.
Suddenly, there were iron claws around my throat
crushing my windpipe.
I felt my eyes bulge in shock.
You were doing this.
You wanted me dead.
Because you are one of them,
one of the Sith.
I could feel darkness dancing before my eyes
as I began to lose consciousness.
Anakin...but I couldn't get the words past my lips.
Obi-Wan was yelling something at you.
You then threw me backwards by your power
to the ground.
The last thing I remembered was seeing the blackness in your eyes-
and unable to help you.
Now I am in a dark room somewhere, the blinds drawn
across the transparisteel, lying here, forgotten.
I've heard whispers from the attendants
that I am losing my will to live.
I can feel myself withering
somewhere deep within.
I am holding on - but I can't - and don't understand why.
I know I must for some important reason
but it is slipping away forever in the void of my mind
with each breath.
A sharp wail from my daughter pierces through
the thick pool of confusion I'm lost in.
Leia? I gasp softly, reaching out
my trembling hand and trying to sit up.
Sabe glides over.
Don't talk Milady, here's your baby.
Just calm down.
As I feel the warm bundle lay in my arms,
little Leia suddenly stops crying.
Leia, I whisper, stroking the soft down
of her hair.
I can't stop smiling at her.
She's so perfect.
Her wide brown eyes look understandingly into mine,
as if we share some special secret.
And we do.
She has the same stubborn streak her father has,
I can tell.
O Anakin, if only you could see your daughter.
She's so much like you.
But you're gone.
I take another painful gasp.
This must be why I'm dying,
without you I have nothing else to live for.
Your love for me is now bitter hate,
you're seeking to kill me and take my children.
Your under the spell of power and revenge,
power is all you long for.
I know what Obi-wan said there
before I collapsed.
-You were the Chosen One.-
And you were.
Before you turned to the Sith ways
and immersed yourself in your 'glorious' darkness.
You lusted for power, bowing before that vile man
and calling him 'Master.'
As you took on the role of his second-in-command,
and tried to please him in every way
by murdering men, women, children,
all for your evil gain.
If Palpatine was here,
with my last strength
I would rake my nails across his face in rage,
and feel his life-blood run beneath my fingers.
As I see his face, how he lied with a smooth tongue,
as he condemned thousands to die under you.
I hate him for it.
But I hate you more.
You live for blood, power, and thirst for revenge.
I cannot help despising you for what you've done to me
and to the galaxy.
But yet I still love you.
It burns in me again.
Even though you hunt to the ends of the galaxy to kill me,
I will always love you.
You will never be Vader,
you will always be Anakin to me.
I must say your name aloud,
for I haven't spoken it in days.
Anakin, Anakin, Anakin! my voice rises to a fevered pitch.
The grief is overwhelming - I have to scream.
The blurred hazy forms of my attendants
walk around my bed, murmuring among themselves
but I cannot make out the words they are saying.
Leia is taken from me,
but I barely notice.
Panting, my eyes opening rapidly,
I stop.
The room gradually keeps growing dimmer and the voices further
as I slip away.
But I relish it.
At least in death I can escape the torments
of this cruel universe.
Anakin, you know longer love me
no one will pity my death.
I want to die,
for without you I have no one.
My eyes pop open for a second
as I gasp.
I cannot be so selfish -
my children need me,
I cannot leave them.
More blurred shapes of figures are moving around the room.
Sabe hands my daughter to someone.
I vaguely remember who he is -
Bail Organa, a firm and just man
whose hatred for the Empire is reflected in his eyes.
Sabe tells me he will adopt my daughter
and bring her up disguised
as the Princess of Alderaan.
I weakly close my eyes again.
Bail will take good care of her.
Wait - what am I thinking?
I cannot give her up.
She's my baby and I want her.
But I cannot have her.
Sabe is saying something now about giving my son
to another family out on a desert planet to adopt.
I try to say no, but she's already gone.
A black veil of pain engulfs me again
and as shapes of people turn into haze
I know this truly is the end.
My wild heartbeat slows.
As I lay there unable to scarcely breathe-
I turn my head toward my son, Luke,
who's lying on a small table a few feet from the bed.
If only I could fix him in my mind as I had Leia,
but it's too late.
Luke, I whisper,
You must save him somehow -
save your father. Your - the - last- hope.
My eyes close on their own accord
the pain is nearly gone as I am receding
somewhere.
With my final jagged breath,
I want to die with these last memories.
Because you, Anakin, no longer care.
You are one of them.