He blearily looks out across the ocean of people for a connection. Any connection. Anything to distract him from the atmosphere of jollity and cheer.
So what if Nate and Mitchie got engaged? Big freakin' whoop. Why don't you just rub his inadequacy in his face a bit more? It's not enough that Jason and Caitlyn just moved in together, but now Nate had to go and propose? The one thing he himself just couldn't do? Well, that was just fan-fucking-tastic. So now not only is he a third wheel, he is a fifth wheel! His friends invite him to dinners and parties out of pity and courtesy, but he always feels horribly awkward when they go into lovey-dovey couple mode.
It just makes him feel more lonely and useless. It makes him wonder why he doesn't have a relationship like that. It makes him believe that he's destined for the short end of the stick, every single time he wants something in life. Fortune does not smile upon Shane Gray.
Gag me, he thinks, overhearing another bunch of people congratulating the 'Nitchie' union. How did his friends become so goddamn whipped?
He chugs down the last of his beer, and gets up from his bar stool, stumbling towards the crowded dance floor. Maybe he can find a random girl that can take the isolation away, even if it's just for a single night. He squeezes between the masses, rolling his eyes as he passes Jason and Caitlyn practically having sex right there in the heaving crowd. A few pretty women pass though his line of vision, but none of them hold his attention for long. Just as he is about to give up and head home for the night with a bottle of bourbon, he sees her.
A flash of red. A swish of blonde hair. And poking out of the top of her tight miniskirt is an intricate black butterfly, swirling across the small of her back. Her body moves in a way that no one else in the club can even attempt. His jaw drops as he realises who this mystery minx actually is.
"Tess?" he breathes.
He starts to makes his way towards the spot on the floor where he last saw her. But by the time he gets there, she has disappeared.
But a sudden wolf whistle from behind him made him turn and see the same blonde hair, the same back tattoo, the same slender figure encased in a scarlet tube top and dark skirt swaying on the circular tabletop, her hands on her hips, her breasts, running the through her hair, grinding to the rhythm on an invisible pole. And seedy, greasy men are staring at her like she was some kind of sexual object.
Shane's nostrils flare as a few guys shout lewd comments at her. How dare they? She isn't just some slut, she is a human being, she is his friend. And there she is, baring her bitter soul up on the table, and all they can do is make disgusting insinuations at her. He felt a rush of gallantry and pushed his way towards her, determined to rescue her from this derision.
Tess turns and looks out across the clusters of dancers, never ceasing in her alluring movements. There are some random men looking her up and down in a way that makes her feel apprehensive, but also completely desirable, which only fuels her antics. But a dark figure making a beeline straight towards her yields a smirk. The intention in his eyes is clear. He's coming for her.
Excellent. Exactly what she's aiming for. Someone to take her away from this godforsaken celebration of something Tess is sure she will never have.
She slips off the table and onto the ground, despite the disappointed groans of her spectators. She puts on her sexiest simper, ready for her knight in denim and leather armour. But when he finally breaks through the crowd, her grin falters.
"Shane?" she blurts out.
"What are you doing?" he hisses, glaring at the direction of some still leering, perverted audience.
"Dancing," she shrugs, adjusting her tube top.
"Come on, let's get out of here," he grabs her arm and steers her towards the exit.
"Hey, let go!" Tess wrenches out of his grasp.
"Tess, you can't just degrade yourself like that!" Shane exclaims, gesturing towards the table that previously bore her. "You're better than this!"
"I wasn't degrading myself," Tess narrows her eyes, "I just wanted someone to dance with."
Shane shakes his head, running a hand through his hair in frustration, muttering. "Yeah, right."
Tess gives him a nasty look, before turning away with a huff. "Whatever."
"Wait," Shane reaches forward and seizes her hand. "Dance with me."
"Huh?" Tess wrinkles her nose. "Why?"
"You want someone to dance with, don't you?" Shane twitches one corner of his mouth upward assertively.
"Well, yes, but…" Tess flounders in her speech.
"So dance with me," Shane pulls her closer.
"Shane, you don't understand. I need someone who I can dance with that get me out of here," Tess blushes and looks at the ground.
"Why? Aren't you glad for the happy couple?" Shane snorts disdainfully.
"No, I am, I love Nate and Mitchie, but," Tess takes a deep breath, "I'm just not in the celebratory mood."
"I know what you mean," Shane mutters, now so close to Tess he puts both hands on her back and started to sway to the music.
Tess bites her lip and surrenders, sliding her arms around Shane's neck, moving in time with him. Soon the beat takes over all her senses, and she starts to get into the mood of the intense rhythm. Turning her back to Shane, he places his hands on her hips as she reaches behind her, putting her hands on both sides of his head, clutching at his hair. Shane's hot breath tingles on her neck, and she grins smugly as she felt something hard dig into her backside.
"So, what's with the tatt?" Shane whispers heavily into her ear.
Smirking, Tess bends forward to a ninety degree angle, giving him a full view of the butterfly. Grinding her back sensually, she giggles. "Do you like it?"
"Yeah," Shane grunts, his grip on her waist tightening.
Rolling her body back upright, Tess reaches behind her and touches the tattoo, purposely grazing Shane's lower abdomen as she passes it, making him shiver, even though it is sweltering in the crowd of people. "I got it when I felt like I had blossomed from an ugly caterpillar into something worth admiring."
"You were never ugly, Tess," Shane breathes.
"Are you kidding me?" Tess laughs harshly. "I was hideous, inside and out."
"Well, I think you're beautiful. Always have been," Shane mumbles, kissing the top of her shoulder.
Turning back to face Shane, Tess throws herself at him, smothering his lips with her own. He pulls her so close she finds it hard to breathe, but she doesn't care. She continues to tease him with her tongue, digging her fingernails into his back, and thrusting her hips into his, enjoying the obvious signs that she's turning him on.
Running her hands down his chest, she fumbles with his belt buckle, and manages to unzip his fly.
Shane pulls away in alarm. "What the hell?"
Tess's face falls, and Shane suddenly feels horrible. Tears of rejection well up in her eyes, and she backs away from him.
"No, Tess, you don't understand…" Shane takes a few tentative steps towards her.
"No, it's fine," Tess's voice cracks as she turns and runs, disappearing into the seething throng of dancers.
"Shit!" Shane curses, desperately trying to follow her.
It's not that he doesn't want to sleep with her; there is nothing that he would rather do at this moment in time; but this is Tess he's talking about here. The girl who he's known, worked with, and befriended for years. She isn't just some random girl who he could abandon the morning after, with a tingling between their legs and a promise to call. He wanted to rescue her from the type of men who would do that to her, not become one of them.
"Shane! You never told us you and Tess are an item!" Caitlyn bubbles at him as he approaches his group of friends.
"We're not," he mutters through gritted teeth.
"Then what was that?" Mitchie raised her eyebrows and pointed towards the spot on the floor were he and Tess were making out barely minutes ago.
"Nothing," Shane hisses, looking around feverishly for any sign of yellow hair or crimson clothes mixed with obscure black body art.
"It sure didn't look like nothing," Nate chuckles, winking.
"Look, it's none of your business, okay? Did any of you guys see where she went?" Shane snaps.
His friends gape at him, before Jason meekly points to the door. "She just left."
Shane doesn't even bother saying goodbye. He just sprints out the exit and onto the dark street. He looks up and down the boulevard, and further along the sidewalk there is a blonde girl in a red top, lifting her arm to hail a taxi, revealing an intricate tattoo on her lower back.
Shane takes off at a run after her. He tries calling out as the yellow cab pulls up to the gutter, but the city lights and urban ambience drown out his voice. He reaches the taxi just as she's about to close the door, throwing himself in after her. She tumbles backwards with a shriek, and the driver turns around warningly.
"Is there a problem?" he drawls impatiently.
"No, no problem. 145 East 71st street, please," Shane smiles politely, while helping the frazzled blonde sit upright.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Tess whispers menacingly at him, sending a nervous glance at the driver as he begins to drive towards the destination.
"You didn't finish our dance," Shane winks.
"I tried," Tess sighs. "You didn't want me, remember?"
"Tess, don't think for a second think that I don't want you. Honestly, there I nothing I would rather do right now than ravish you right here and now," Shane reaches out and places one hand on her hip, tracing light circles with his thumb.
Tess's eyes light up with desire, and she leans forward seductively. "So why don't you?"
"Two reasons. One, I don't think this guy would appreciate us getting it on in the back of his cab," Shane jerks his head towards the driver in the front seat.
"Man, I've been a taxi driver for five years, and I've seen it all, really. You can't not imagine the all sorts of nasty that has gone down in the back of my vehicle," the driver pipes up.
"What's the second reason?" Tess whispers, not sure if she wants to know the answer.
"Because I'm Shane Gray, and you're Tess Tyler. And I forgot that for a few minutes. I can't just use you like a Kleenex. I can't just take you home and pin you down and forget about how fucking miserable I am. I can't, because you're really something, Tess, and you don't deserve to be just another notch in my bedpost," Shane sighed, avoiding her gaze.
"Oh, honey," Tess shakes her head in amusement, like Shane is a five year old who's just told her he's broken a vase she secretly hated anyway. "Don't tell me what I do and don't deserve. I've spent half my life trying to meet expectations that I never really believed in the first place. So now I have my own set of rules, and if I want to fuck you, then I'm going to fuck you. And hell, you're the one who's going to be a notch in my bedpost."
Shane's face splits into a grin as the taxi pulls over in front of his apartment building. "Do you want to come up?"
"I'm surprised you felt the need to ask," Tess smirks, handing the driver a twenty before pushing Shane out of the cab.
Shane bends over and Tess jumps on his back, and together they make their way up to Shane's apartment, giggling and mucking around like they are teenagers again. But as soon as Shane inserts the keys into the lock and swings open to door, Tess is in front of him, her mouth permanently attached to any part of skin she can get, dragging him towards the bedroom.
Shane's hand hit's the wall as he gropes around for the light switch. Finding it, the lights flick on, and Tess is blinded by the sudden brightness. She pulls back and covered her eyes, squinting. "Ugh."
"Sorry," Shane chuckles, dimming the lights to set the mood, and pushing Tess backwards until the back of her knees hit his mattress, making her tumble backwards onto his comforter.
She laughs as he pulls his shirt over his head, curling her upper lip up and giving him a full view of her shiny, fleshy mouth. She scoots towards the headboard as he prowls towards her, dark eyes smouldering. Shimmying out of her skirt, she runs her tongue along her bottom lip, biting down seductively. He raises a single eyebrow at her pouty face, before grabbing her ankles and tugging her down underneath him.
"So we're really going to do this?" Shane whispers, looking at her uncertainly, daring her to back down.
"Shut up and take your pants off, you pussy," Tess sneers, kissing him forcefully.
Rough on rough, the raised black lines of her butterfly tattoo scrape against his callused fingers. Her eyelashes flutter across his skin, making him shudder in pleasure. He nips at her mouth, nudging his nose against hers. They breathe and moan and cry out so thickly that the air around them seems to condense, surrounding them in a floating sensation.
Basking in the afterglow, Tess pushes her thick hair off her sweaty face and glances at Shane, smirking at how exhausted he looks. He catches her eye and bares his teeth in what he assumes to be sexual manner. She just thinks it makes him look like a chipmunk. Propping herself up on one elbow, she stares overtly at him, smiling softly as he moves his hand up her leg, bringing it to a stop at the curve of her waist.
"So, what does this make us?" she says, trying to appear nonchalant.
"Well, I don't think we can be just friends, not after that," Shane rubs his eyes tiredly.
"Maybe friends with benefits?" she places her hand over his.
"Tess," he sighs. "Not with you."
"Why not?" Tess huffs, pushing his hand off her skin. "Why not me? Why is it never me?"
"Because! I don't want that kind of relationship!" Shane sits up to face her.
"Right, so what was this, a pity fuck?" she snaps.
"No! I think you and I both know what this was," he retorts.
"Why don't you enlighten me?' she narrows her eyes.
"We needed a connection. And we got one," he shrugs.
"A connection?" Tess wrinkles her nose contemptuously. "Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?"
"You know what I mean," Shane rolls his eyes and collapses backwards onto his pillows.
"Is that so?" she shakes her head sadly, flipping back the sheets and swinging out her legs, pulling up the knee socks she never got time to take off. "I'm leaving."
"No, stay," he lazily slings an arm across her, slumping her back onto the bed.
"Shane, I don't think…" Tess begins.
"C'mon, Tess. Don't leave me. I hate being left alone," Shane pouts falsely.
"So you honestly expect me to believe you beg every other girl that you've had your way with in this bed to stay the night, too?" she rolls her eyes.
"No, I couldn't wait to get rid of them. But you're not every other girl," he smiles, pulling her in tighter.
"Obviously," Tess grins in twisted satisfaction. "So how many girls did you go through before you got to me?"
"Too many," Shane cringes.
Tess sighs. "So I've heard. Why are you such a slut, Shane?"
"I try to distract myself from my shortcomings," he picks up Tess's hand and starts to play with each individual finger.
"Like what?" she pushes.
"Like the fact that my life has no direction or deeper meaning. Like my awareness of my shallow personality, but my reluctance to change. Stuff like that," Shane fidgets.
"Sounds familiar," Tess smiles gently. "Maybe you and I have more in common than we thought,"
"What? Tess, you don't have any shortcomings!" Shane's eyes widen.
"I think the dopamine receptors in your brain must be on overdrive, Shane, because you can't seriously be that blind!" she laughs cynically dropping Shane's hand. "I'm not who you think I am."
"Then who are you?" he reaches out and brushes his fingertips across her cheek.
"I'm Tess fucking Tyler. The one who can't keep a good man down. The one who self destructs any good relationship she's ever been in. The one that's too intimidating, too critical, too insecure. So tell me Shane, seeing as you seem to know so much about my life, what is so great about being me?" Tess sniffs and lays her head down on the pillow, suddenly overcome with an overwhelming desire to just close her eyes and fall asleep, pretending that when she wakes up she never even bared her soul to Shane Gray.
"You always stand up for yourself. You're the most independent girl I know. And you can light up any room. You've got everything you could ever need or want," Shane grins sleepily.
"Except for someone to love me," Tess mutters bitterly,
"You've got me, Tess," Shane yawns, unaware of the implication of his words.
"What?" she gasps, sitting bolt upright.
"Huh?" Shane stares blankly.
"Did you just say you loved me?" Tess's voice shakes.
"What? Tess, you're my friend, and I love you for that, but I don't think I'm in love with you. At least, not yet. I can work on that, I guess," Shane buries his face in his pillow tiredly.
"Do you think we could make this work? Us, I mean?" Tess is taken aback, yet slowly inches closer to him, as if that will help her figure out if he's being serious.
"I dunno. I have a feeling we'd fight a lot," Shane shrugs, running a hand through his hair.
"And we'd never agree on anything," Tess nods curtly.
"Amen to that," Shane yawns again. "Look, can we talk about this in the morning? I'm beat."
Tess sighs, with a hint of a grin on her face. "Oh, that's a shame. I was hoping I could show you this amazing thing I can do with my thighs."
Shane is suddenly wide awake, and Tess giggles as he pulls her on top of him.
"You were saying?" He grins cheekily.
-butterfly-
Tess awakes in the morning to the smell of bacon. Yawning, she sits up and looks around the sunlit bedroom. Suddenly all the intimate details of the night before come rushing back to her and her stomach drops. She slides out from the rumpled sheets of Shane's bed and softly tiptoes over into his walk-in wardrobe. She feels awkwardly at ease as she pulls one of Shane's AC/DC t-shirts off a hanger and slips it over her head. Fluffing her hair shrewdly in the mirror, she pads out the door and into the kitchen.
"What's cookin', good lookin'?" she grins as she sees Shane standing in front of the stovetop.
"I just thought you would like some breakfast," Shane looks over his shoulder at her and grins, before turning attention back to the frying pan in his hand.
Tess rubs her eyes tiredly, smearing what was left of last night's makeup. Shane just shakes his head in amusement at the sight of a less than perfect Tess Tyler, before emptying the contents of the pan onto a plate and putting it front of her. Sniffing at it uncertainly, Tess hesitantly reaches out with her fork, and stabs at the concoction before bringing to her mouth and biting down.
Immediately, her eyes widen in surprise. "Wow, who knew Shane Gray could cook? I feel like I should be paying you for this! It's delicious!"
"Well, there is one way you can repay me," Shane smiles deviously.
Tess narrows her eyes suspiciously. "How?"
"Go out to dinner with me tonight," he leans forward with the utmost sincerity in his eyes.
"What? Shane, we just spent last night together? You're aiming for two nights in a row?" Tess blurts out incredulously.
"Hey, I just asked you out for dinner! There was absolutely no implication of sex!" Shane scoffs indignantly.
Tess raises her eyebrows in disbelief. "Look, Shane, I don't think so."
"Why not? You got plans?" Shane presses.
"Well, sort of, yes. And I'm just having a hard time getting this into my head," Tess puts her face in her hands.
"What?" Shane sits back apprehensively.
"You. And me. Us. It's difficult to comprehend for me right now," Tess sniffs.
"Why?" Shane bites his lip, already knowing the answer.
"Exactly! Why, that's why! Why do even want to take me out for dinner? Why are you so interested in me all of a sudden? Why am I so appealing? I don't get it!" Tess shrieks.
"Because I get it, Tess. I get you. Well, as much as anyone can 'get' the enigmatic Tess Tyler," Shane looks up and grins at the bewildered expression on her face.
"I know how you feel when you see couples holding hands and doing nauseating things together. I know how it feels to self destruct everything good that comes into your life. But when I look at you, I just," he pauses, searching for the right words, "I feel fearless. Like nothing can go wrong. It's like you've crawled in my ear and made yourself at home in the back of my mind, and now I can see you perfectly, even with my eyes closed. And I feel like I can't even lie to you because you'll just see right though me,"
Shane looks down at the table in front of him, picking at his cuticles, abashedly avoiding Tess's gaze. Out of nowhere, a hand glides into his and squeezes it tightly. He looks up in relief to see her smiling back at him. "You are pretty transparent."
"It's your call, Tess," Shane picks up her hand and presses his lips to it softly.
"Okay, then. Dinner it is. Just dinner, though. Don't expect a repeat," Tess teases.
"I'll try to keep and open mind," Shane winks, leaning in to kiss her at the curve of her neck.
"That's very bold of you, Mr. Gray."
"Well, Miss Tyler, you know what they say."
"They say a lot of things. Which specific saying are you referring to?"
"Fortune favours the brave."
"That it does, baby. That it does."
I was listening to Butterfly by Jason Mraz and completely missed the point, so my friend had to explain it to me and then I just felt stupid. So this makes up for that, hopefully.
Ahh why is everyone getting so into Shane/Caitlyn just as I'm falling out of it? On my poll Shaitlyn is way out in front, but I'm at a total dead end! I already wrote two, one of them chaptered, so if you're that desperate, go read and them instead while I try and get back into the groove.
Oh btw, I know this is not so good, but can you review anyway? Kthxbai.