Title: Trials and tribulations of: Mind talk
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto it is the property of Masashi Kishimoto and any other associating producers.
Pairing: Naruto/Sasuke
Rating: T because it doesn't really have anything heavy in it. Just implications and stuff (ooo don't you just love my vocabulary?)
Warnings: Implied rape, implied incest, implied suicide attemps, Shounen-ai,
Summary: "I could flatten you in ten seconds flat dobe" I think it's the other way around. My words express none of what I think. NaruSasu, Sasuke POV
Authors notes: I wrote this fic just a bit after listening to the song Never too Late by three days grace. The song isn't in the fic because it has no overall bearing on the plot (is there even one?) of the story. It's just a little thing I pieced together while thinking that what we say isn't always what we want to. Sorry if it's crap. Please Read and Review.
Title choice: bad, very, very bad. It's a spin off of the title of my upcoming book Trials and Tribulations of: It has nothing whatsoever to do with us
Genre: Romance, Angst, you know, the norm.
Trials and Tribulations of: Mind Talk
"I could flatten you in ten seconds flat dobe" I think it's the other way around. My words express none of what I think
.
"Yeah, bring it on, teme" Naruto assumes his fighting stance as I stand there, hands in my pockets. He says what I really thinks so easily.
"It'd be a waste of my time" I'd only lose, I'm not strong enough yet. Again I think differently to what I speak.
"Yeah right, you're just afraid you'll lose" Naruto smiles challengingly. I sigh.
"If we must, dobe" Why are you making me do this? inside pleads.
He wins, I lose. I knew it would happen.
"You....lost" Naruto says disbelievingly. I shrug as I try to will away my tears.
"You lost. You never lose. I was right, but you lost. What the hell is wrong with you?" Naruto shouts at me, grabbing my shoulders and straing into my eyes angrily.
"Nothing, dobe" Everything, would it be all right if I say everything. I look back impassively, though I can feel my mask beginning to crack as the tears pool in my eyes. I close them, but they leak through the gaps and fall down my cheeks.
"Sasuke" he murmurs, his grip loosening. I can't look at him. He's going to pity me and I don't want to be pitied, so I stay still.
"Tell me what's wrong, I'll help" Naruto's smile permeates his voice and i see hope that I want to go away. Hope brings pain.
"There is nothing wrong, leave me alone" Please stay, please. I'll tell you everything, just stay with me my thoughts make me angry.
"Sasuke, you're lying. You never lie, so why are you now?" Naruto's persistence will kill me one day.
"St-stupid d-d-dobe" Naruto my voice shakes as I try and keep it in check. Nothing works.
"Come on, we'll go somewhere quiet and talk, ne?" he sounds so sincere and helpful, I just want to cry. The tears leaking will suffice until we're somwhere no one can find us.
oO0Oo
"Now, you have to tell me" Naruto smiles innocently, perched on a log in a clearing just outside the village. I knew the guards were skeptical becuase I had escaped once before. I came back though, that should count for something, but it didn't because I had nothing to show for my efforts. HE was still alive and until he dies, my life u to now means nothing. I sit down in front of him, cross legged. My shorts ride up my thighs and I quickly pull them down. My eyes are open now and Naruto is staring at me intently, as if trying to figure out the truth from my stance.
"Dobe, there is nothing to tell" If I tell you, I'll be less that I am now and then I'll be nothing I want to tell him, but I just can't. Something is stopping me.
"I won't tell anyone, I promise. No matter how big or small it is, this is just between you and me, okay?" He is so sincere. He places a hand on my shoulder that is supposed to be reassuring but I shake it off. I'm still not used to bodily contact beyond that of combat.
"Promise?" I ask simply even if what I tell you could result in my death, will you not tell a soul what I have to tell you? i add inwardly, but he doesn't need to know that.
"I promise" he whispers. I sigh in defeat and think that maybe once I can speak the truth.
"Well, it started when I was younger. Father ignored me, preferring to watch Itachi, to train Itachi instead of me. He acted as though I didn't exist, as though I was a mistake that would go away if he didn't pay attention to me" Naruto's eyes looked at me with understanding, but I knew what he had felt was a different kind of rejection. Had his father been alive he would have been adored a cherished. He had been rejected by the villagers, not by his own flesh and blood.
"Mother was no better. She treated me like a son, but when it came down to it, there was only Itachi in their eyes. He was always in everyones eyes, mine included. He was my god, my idol, my goal. If I could beat him, surpass him, I would be recognised. However, not everyone in my family ignored me. Itachi was always watching me. He sometimes helped me train, and he congratulated me when I did well. I realised he loved me before I came back. When his eyes were on me, everything else was meaningless and all that mattered was that he was looking at me.
"It was strange, but I now know i was infatuated with him. Maybe it was wrong, sick and disgusting, but he was all there was, he was my world. When my world crashed down around me in a storm of dead bodies and blood, he told me to hate him, he told me to run, he told me to win. I did, but it still hurt. I was eight years old but I sort of knew that he left me because he believed in me. It gave me a sick sort of satisfaction.
"Eventually, my hatred overturned my love and I was nothing but an avenger. However, that was during the day, during the night was different. I was a scared ten year old and I looked for confort anywhere I could find it. That was where Kakashi-sensei came in.
"I used him as a replacement. I wanted him to watch me, watch me like Itachi used to. Congratulate me as Itachi used to. It made me feel better because it wasn't Itachi and I could call myself an avenger if it wasn't him. I knew Kakashi long before team seven. He was Itachi's friend from ANBU and a friend of a dead relative. He was the one I ran to when it happened. He was the one to help me through the breakdown I had.
"Then team seven came around and he could watch me again. He stopped for a while. I think Iruka-sensei had soemthing to do with it, but I didn't pry. Don't ask, don't tell, you know?
"The Chuunin exams was where I began to really feel twisted. In the forest of Death, when Orochimaru-sensei marked me, I felt powerful. I was powerful. And he was watching me, all the way through it. So, I ran to him to get what I needed. It was under the guise of needing power, but secretly I revelled in the way he watched me. It was different that when Kakashi-sensei and Itachi-nii-san watched me. He was sizing me up. He raped me, Naruto" this was the first time in a few minutes I had given any indication that I was still talking to him. He didn't do anything, just sat there, watching me as I told my story.
"He raped me so many times, I lost count. There were so many ways he would do it, so many places he would touch me. I didn't want that. I didn't want him touching me. I just wanted him to watch, just like nii-san and Kakashi-sensei. They never touched me, but he did.
"After the first time, I trained harder, to become stronger so I'd be able to stop it. However he was stronger and I began to loathe myself. I still trained but I wasn't good enough. Killing him was a matter of luck. But I couldn't bare myself any longer. I sought out Itachi, hoping he'd kill me, but he retreated. The shark man, Kisame, said something about a leader.
"So I came back. You were so happy, and so was Sakura-san and Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei. People were wary, but I suppose it was to be expected. Not even being back, training, doing what I always used to could erase the self loathing and hatred I felt for myself. Everytime I looked in a mirror I would break it just so I wouldn't have to look at my hideous, ugly body. This body was beautiful when it was being watched, Itachi-nii told me so. Because hibi-sensei touched it, it is no longer beautiful. I am no longer beutiful. I wash and scrub so hard I break skin, trying to get the feeling of his hands off of me. But I can still feel his tongue, and fingers, his lips on every part of me and I think before January, I'll suic-"
"No, Sasuke, you will not kill yourself!" Naruto growled at me. He was angry. How would he know what it felt like to have someones fingers on his skin, touching him in places no one should ever touch? To have a sensei do that was worse. "It will be all right, we'll get through this. I'll get you through this" he was serious, more serious and level headed than I remember.
"I agree" you're dead wrong and in the end, i'll be the one gone. My reply was monotonous and he didn't believe me, but he didn't pry further.
"Come on, Sasuke, let's go out for ramen" he smiled, but some of the warmth was gone. Did I take it? I wonder as he walks us to Ichiraku.
oO0Oo
"Well hello Naruto, and-" the man behind the counter looked at the stool beside Naruto, where I sat, eyes down and hands in my lap "Uchi-"
"It's just Sasuke" I relplied. Uchiha is their name. The name is pride and honour. HE deserves it, not filth like me.
"Oh, Sasuke" the man was still smiling, I could hear it in his voice. What will the two of you have?" he asked.
"I'll have the usual miso ramen" Naruto smiled and I felt like shit. Why was he smiling after what I told him? Why was he so warm and friendly even sitting beside and creep like me?
"Sasuke, what would you like?" Naruto asked. I could feel his cerulean eyes on me, waiting for an answer.
"Um, I'll have what you're having" I want you to kill me I replied, voice soft and impassive. Normal.
"And another miso ramen" Naruto smiled. The man behind the counter's feet moved away a small distance and I could hear two pairs of feet scuffling.
"Coming right up" the mans voice permeated my cloud of thoughfulness. I could feel Naruto's eyes on me as we waited.
"So, what do you want to do tonight?" he questioned me as if we did this regularly. I almost wish we did, maybe then I wouldn't feel so disheartened.
"Anything you want to" kill myself I relplied. I looked up and could see Naruto eyeing the bench thoughtfully.
"Well, we could go to see Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei to catch up with them for a bit. Maybe we could see Sakura and Tsunadebaa-sama. Then we could go back to my place and play go until you're tired" Naruto murmured. I shrugged. It sounded nice. I wondered how long he could keep me with him until he had to let me on my own. I knew he was afraid to leave me in case I killed myself. It was a fear well placed, but he couldn't protect me forever. I have waited seven years to kill myself, I can wait a bit more. I know I can wait longer than him.
"There you go" the man said, lacing the ramen bowls and chopsticks in front of us. I looked at the food longingly, knowing where it would go after I finished.
"Itadakimasu" Naruto smiled before digging in. I repeat the sentiments and ate mine a little more slowly.
oO0Oo
"Naruto" I whispered as I watched Iruka potter about the small apartment while Kakashi watched him, in idle conversation with Naruto at the same time.
"Hmmm?" he turned to me.
"I need to use the bathroom" I soke softly.
"Down the hall" Iruka spoke, startling me. I stared at him strangely.
"I am a teacher, remember, Sasuke-kun" I stiffened at the suffix "I know when people are talking"
"I see" I replied, stading and moving away from the scene I didn't fit into. They were perfectly happy without me, I could do my business without them.
oO0Oo
I did my best to remove the vomit smell from my person, but as soon as I entered the too quiet living area, the snack food untouched and everybody staring at the floor intently, I knew they knew. Kakashi had Iruka's hands in his own and I sort of knew it was to make him feel better. As a teacher and a friend(?) he should have stopped me from doing what I just did. Naruto had his head in his hands and I knew he felt worse. It was another failure on his part. He keeps on failing me, so why does he even try?
"Sasuke, why don't you sit down, you look like a stunned mullet" Kakashi's cheerful voice had been lowered a notch on the happy scale. However I complied. Naruto moved over a bit for me.
"So, how have you both been?" Iruka asked in a strained voice.
"I've been alright Iruka-sensei. The missions have been far and few between so I have a lot of time to myself" Naruto replied happily.
"Fine, I guess" You heard, figure it out I glared at the carpet, my inner thoughts angering me. Iruka-sensei had done nothing wrong and I shouldn't treat him like he had.
"That's good" the room fell silent. They were waiting to say something about what they'd heard. I was just waiting for them to crack.
After a few minutes of silence, Iruka cracked as I knew he would.
"Sasuke-kun, why would you do that...why couldn't you talk to us?" he asked, the tears imminent. As a teacher he would feel responsible, as a friend he would feel horrible. I shook my head and I saw him lean into Kakashi.
"I have no idea what you're talk-"
"We have to go, see you later Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei" Naruto grabbed my hand and before either of them could make a noise we were on the street again, Instead of going to Sakura's or the Hokage's office, we headed towards Naruto's.
oO0Oo
Once inside he pushed me down on the couch, locked the door and began pacing in front of me.
"Na-"
"Just be quiet Sasuke while I try to figure this out" He cut me off in a confused and angry voice. After a few minutes he looked calmer and turned to me, defeated.
"Why Sasuke? How? what? just everything" he sighed, plonking down beside me. I looked at the floor.
"I was weak and I had no control over anything. School was hard, training was difficult. I couldn't handle most of what was happening, I couldn't control anything. Everyone was doing the stuff for me as though I was some incompetent five year old. I looked at my food one night and I threw it in the bin. It began to catch up with me after a few days. I was weak and tired. So, I got home, cooked alot of food and ate it. Ten minutes after it was gone, i felt so guilty and disgusted with myself, that I threw up. At orochimaru's it got worse. I was eating a lot and throwing it all up. I knew Orochimaru could smell it on me when he...kissed me. But he never stopped it. I thought it couldn't get worse. When I came back it was. I wasn't eating because I didn't have to do anything. When I got hungry, I would drink water and go for a run. But it never stopped the hunger, so the cycle started again. Fast, binge, purge, exercise, fast, and the cycle continues. It's just so hard to do anything, Naruto. Can't you see my life is pointless. That the only way to completion is for me to die?" I begged. He was starting off into the wall.
"It will be all right Sasuke, we'll get through this. I'll make sure we will" Naruto vowed determindly. I let him. Where he was, we were happy. We're not happy, so I won't tug him out of the place where we are. I'd like to have that place, but I don't. Every memeory is laced with hate and anger and sick twisted love. I have no world to escape into, so I'll settle for here, where I can vow over and over again in my head that there will come a time, when I'm home alone and I will have the courage to end it all.
oO0Oo
I rested my head against Nauto's chest, his chin rested on my head. I was sitting in his lap as he held me. We were on his bed, watching through the window as the rain fell over Konoha. It was dark, silent and cold, even with the blankets wrapped around us and the heating on. I watched the rain pelt against the window, the drops falling down like tears on the window pane. The sound of the rain was nothing as I listened to naruto breath, trying to time my own breaths with his.
We had been together as everyone else would call it for the past month, ever since I told him about my food problem. We'd helped it a little, but not much. And we were'nt a couple. He was there for me every minute of the day because he needed me to be okay. Not that he didn't partake in missions. On those days he left me with Iruka and Kakashi.
I don't love Naruto and he doesn't love me. I'm the addict and he's the dealer.
Everyday he tells me it's going to be allright, that we will get through this and everyday I tell him that it won't be, that we won't. That I will kill myself and that is the only thing that could make me content. Itachi's death would bring me nothing but anger and resentment for myself. My death world bring me happiness like that which I have never known. I know this because every time I cut myself, I feel a little better, Not emotionally or physically, just I little less helpless. Naruto doesn't know and he never will if I have my way.
"Sasuke, let's go to sleep, we have to be up early so you can pack to stay with Iruka and Kakashi" Naruto murmured, making no move to actually do what he said we should. I shrugged and pulled out of his arms, laying down as he lay next to me. He pulled the covers over us and wrapped an arm around my waist. Protectively or fearfullly, I'd rather no know. I pushed up against him, delighting in his warmth which I would be without for the next month while he was on a mission with Lee and Shikamaru to the Sand.
"Goodnight" He whispered into my ear, warm breath tickling my neck. I waited until he was asleep before I replied.
"Goodnight" goodbye.
oO0Oo
Naruto comes back today. Really I did nothing while he was away aside from sleep eat drink and read. I am still alive and in one piece, however that doesn't mean I didn't try to end it all. I tried twice actually.
Too bad the first time (where I had locked the bathroom door, sealed it with a jutsu and cut my wrists so deep I cut the vein first time. I hid it all behind a shower, sure I'd be dead it ten minutes or less), which was a week into my stay with Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-sensei came back from a meeting with Jiraiya about a book and didn't know I was in the shower (as Iruka-sensei was at school). He came in, breaking the jutsu with a flick of his wrist. He didn't laugh or he wasn't shocked at seeing me on the floor in a teeshirt and shorts, blood coming out of my arms. He just went to the cabinet and bound my wounds. He took me to a doctor and I came home the next day to see Iruka-sensei crying into Kakashi-sensei's shoulder. I make people sad, was what I thought that day, so why should I be allowed to live?
The second time was just a few days ago. I went to the pharmacy and purchased some drugs that have adverse, harmful effects when mixed together. They were over the counter and I did my research onto how many I would need of each and why I was buying them. The chemist had no questions and I was allowed them. I hid them in my shopping bag where I had bought some flour and eggs. I went into my room with a book (of Iruka-sensei's) and some water and I took the drugs. Iruka-sensei found me and
I went to Tsunade-sama for treatment. Iruka-sensei was sad that time too. I make people sad. If I had have died, he wouldn't have been sad.
Thinking back on these things, I wonder if Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei will tell Naruto about it. I hope not. He aready has enough problems to deal with without adding mine into the mix.
"Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun is here" Iruka-sensei called to me. I gathered up my bag and went out to see him. I knew he was there before Iruka-sensei told me, but I wanted to prepare myself for when I saw him. I had to look as though I was normal, not some ugly, hideous freak.
"Naruto" I murmur as he rushes to me and gives me a hug. He's not dirty, which means he's had a shower. I hug back softly.
"I'm so glad to see you Sasuke" he whispers, placing butterfly kisses on my cheeks and neck. I don't like it when he kisses me and touches me. I'm tainting him too. Making him ugly and twisted.
"I'm happy to see you too naruto" please stop kissing me I reply with a small smile and closed eyes.
"Thank you for looking after him Iruka-sensei" he moves away from me and I open my eyes to see him hugging Iruka-sensei "tell kakashi-sensei thanks too" he laughs and takes my bag. I feel like the wife who's been taken home from the hospital. I'm outside when Iruka-sensei stops Naruto and talks with him. I know what is being said without having to look at Naruto's face when he comes out and walks beside me back to his home.
oO0Oo
He leaves me there (which is strange considering what he has just learned) and is gone for only ten minutes. I could have been dead by then, had I not been absently staring out his window at a birds nest where the mother bird is feeding her newborns. When he returns he summons me to the bedroom where he's getting changed into more comfortable attire. I watch the floor. He comes over to me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. Why does he touch me when he's going to get dirty?
"Sasuke..." his voice trails off "give me a hint, give me some help. I need to know what goes on in your head. Let me help you" his voice sounds strained, on the verge of tears. Why do I make people sad and dirty? He would be happier with someone who isn't me. He would stay clean as an added bonus.
I pull away from his comforting embrace and look at him. He is beautiful. He is untouched, unmarred by the hands of those who wish to taint him. He is innocent and happy. Well, he was the latter until I showed up. I glare at him, though not really at him. Why couldn't Orochimaru just watch? Why did he have to touch me aswell? I could have come back here and we could have been together under different circumstances. I would have allowed him to fuck me without fearing him getting dirty. I would have been able to kiss him and talk to him. Why did he ruin it? Why could he just watch? Itachi watched and he's okay. Kakashi watched and he's okay. Orochimaru touched and now he's dead. Will Naruto die-?
No, no I will kill myself before he dies
"Sasuke...say something" Naruto looks concerned and he holds out his hand to me, touching my cheek gently. I slap it away and my eyes widen. he looks hurt and confused. I'm hurting him. I have to run away. So I do, I bolt out of there to the onyl place I ever felt safe.
oO0Oo
I lay on Itachi-nii's bed and hug his old pillow close. I didn't disturb this place, this shrine to the true Uchiha's. They are the only one's who deserve that name. They were clean and honourable. I am a dirty snake. A good for nothing free loader on the Uchiha name train. I am a disgrace.
"Itachi-nii, did I make you upset too?" I ask the air then I laugh bitterly "of course I did. I make everyone unhappy. Father was unhappy with me. Mother was unhappy with me. Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei are unhapy with me. Naruto is unhapy with me. Why wouldn't you be too?" my voice sounds like it did when i was four. I stare into the wall for what seems like eternity and then-
"Sasuke-kun" I hear the wind blow and tiny bells jingle. The voice is soft as though a distant memory, but it strikes fear into me. It's his voice. The one who made me dirty is coming. I hear his footsteps and I'm too scared to move. I can't move, no matter how hard I try.
"I know where you are, theres no point in hiding" it laughts and I see the shape outside my door in the dim orange lighting. Since when did it become so dark. And why is it raining, why is the wind blowing as though a storm is coming when it was so sunny only a minute ago.
The door slides open slowly and it steps into the room, an evil smirk on it's face. I cringe away, hoping it won't come near me. It's unseless to whimper and cower.
"Such a pretty body, such a lovely face, to bad it belongs to the big disgrace" it's voice is chiming like a schoolgirls playyard ryhme. Immediately the scene changes. How or why i don't know, but I;m sitting all alone in the forest, looking around me confused. I look down and I'm naked.
"Nothing to live for, nothing at all, there's no cinderella fantasy ball" it's girl voice continues mockingly "no rags to riches, no moonlit dinners, everyone you touch, they all become sinners..." Sasuke screamed and curled into himself, cold on the inside and out. It was true, every word was true and they kept singing it over and over again. He began to sob.
"Naruto" he choked out "Naruto, help me" he cried.
oO0Oo
Normal POV (just for the sake of it, you don't have to read this part, I just put it in here, I might delete it)
Meanwhile, Naruto had been waiting for half an hour and he was worried sick. He had no-
Wait a minute, he could track Sasuke's chakra signal.
What a dobe he thought to himself, chuckling as he made his way onto the roof. He locked on to Sasuke's chakra and raced towards it, noting that it was peaking. That was never good. He ran to the last lace he exected Sasuke to want to come, but he had no time to dwell when he heard a bloodcurdling scream. He ran to the direction of the noise and upon entering an old bedroom, found Sasuke, curled into a ball, tears streaming down his face.
"Naruto......Aniki....help" the words were broken, hell Sasuke's voice sounded broken. Naruto raced to his side and shook Sasuke.
"Wake up, teme" he yelled, shaking Sasuke roughly until he saw the pale eyelids flutter open to reveal dark eyes, pupils dialated in fear. He was still crying, but the fear in his eyes was replaced with confusion and then shock.
oO0Oo
Sasuke's pov
My eyes opened as Naruto's voice dragged me back into consciousness. I was scared at first, the traces of the nightmare still sticking in my mind. I looked up at him, his face confused and releived. Why was he relieved? I looked at him with confusion and then I felt his hands on my shoulders. It turned to shock. He was touching me. He'd get dirty.
"Naruto, let go" I plead. He looks at me, scowling. He grips my shoulders tighter and I see him gritting his teeth behind his closed lips. Is he angry or sad? I tend to make people both.
"No, Sasuke, I wont let go" Naruto replies, his voice a deadly calm. It scares and entrances me. "I have had just about enough of you wanting to kill yourself, trying to kill youself. I am here, I always have been and I'm not planning on leaving any time soon. I want to help you. I failed when you went to Sound, but I wont fail you this time. THis is one fight I won't lose" he was determined. I smile at him, my eyes looking at him in a dream like way. He was so true and pure, why did he waste his time on me?
"I love you Sasuke, I won't ever let you go" he pledges, eyes brimming with tears. His voice is so soft, so masculine. It makes me believe he's honest. Could he really love me?
"Do you mean it?" I ask, pulling myself into a seating position, facing him with eyes that I hope convey how scared and confused I am. He takes me into his arms and holds me tight. It feels more real and comforting now than it did before. I breifly wondered why.
"Yes, with all my heart, I love you" he whispers huskily into my ear. I smile into his shoulder. I feel happy somehow, less dirty in a way, more free.
"I love you too Naruto" I reply. Somehow it feels good to not be at war with yourself.
oO0Oo
My happiness lasted all of two weeks. For two weeks I got better, I stopped cutting as frequently (and Naruto never knew I did it, so that's a good thing. It's my own private battle, one he doesn't need to know about), ate better and interacted with people more. I could see Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-senei were happier aswell. I thought it was down to me, but then I saw Naruto happy and decided they were only happy because he was. I mean, who could be happy with me?
Those thoughts didn't bring me down. The thing that blew any chances for me being happy were all down to my stupidity. I thought it would be okay to start being a real ninja again. I was feeling better, more energised and ready to kick the worlds rear end. However, what I didn't expect was to be sent on an Akatsuki reconnaissance mission a day into my rejoining. I was with a team comprising of a few older jounin and Shikamaru. It was all going fine until we saw Itachi and Kisame. They were one of the teams we had to watch. Why I was on this mission when I had only just started, fucked if I know? But I was and I should have been prepared, but I wasn't.
We were surprised, they had found us. We had to fight. The jounin were dealing with the worst of it. Itachi and Kisame were up to Shikamaru and myself. I got partnered with Itachi. We sparred with words and then.....dum dannananananahhh.....he hit me with the mangekyo. I was pulled into a world of pain, hatred and torment for two days straight. He hadn't gotten soft.
I had to relive everything, from my family's death to being raped by that bastard. The icing on the fancy wedding cake was being cut into by all arrays of weaponry. When he released me, I could harly breath. I rolled onto my side, eyes closed and coughing. It went dark and here I am, sitting in a medical bed. You know, rape can get to you. It makes you fear things, like people who wish you no ill will, but seem to radiate something horrible.
Naruto came to visit on my fifth day in hospital. He could see it from the way I looked at him that I wasn't the same person who left on the mission. He knew I was someone else. Someone who had nothing to live for, perhaps?
"Sasuke" he whispered and without waiting for a reply of any kind, took me into his arms. I hadn't cried once since Itachi had left me reliving the past, but Naruto's arms around me made me want to cry.
"I'm so sorry" he whispered, holding me tighter. I didn't want to push him away. No matter how dirty I made him, I didn't want him to ever let go of me. He was my light, my shread of hope in a life gone wrong. If he ever let me go, if he ever ran away, I couldn't survive. I wouldn't survive. But he had to let go.
"Why?" I asked, just for something to say.
"I couldn't protect you, I wish I could have done something. She shouldn't have let you go. You shouldn't have rejoined" Naruto sighed and laid me down. I shifted over to make room for him, but hospital beds weren't made for two, so we settled on me sitting in his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair and hummed a tune to us. I closed my eyes and snuggled back into his chest, his heartbeat and breathing working to even mine out. One arm wrapped around my waist and for half a second I tensed, but relaxed, Naruto is so good to me, I thought, smiling smally to myself.
oO0Oo
I awoke the next day in his arms. I opened my eyes and had to close them again quickly to stop the morning sunshine hurting my eyes. I squinted and waited for my eyes to adjust. Once they had I noticed that Naruto was still with me, still holding me. I smiled broadly. For once in my life I felt happy to wake up. I just hope it stayed that way.
oO0Oo
When I was allowed home, i didn't feel bad anymore. I had Naruto and he had me. We had reasons to live. It feels so good to not want to die every second of your existence. Sure, sometimes I feel like the world will be happier without me, but then Naruto is there smiling beause I'm with him and I don't feel that way anymore.
I know I can no longer be a ninja, Godaime made sure of that. I don't mind though. In this time I have, I've found more to living. I train in Taijutsu because I need some form of self defense (she let me do that) and exercise but I do other things too. I cook, I clean, I'm basically a housewife. Uchiha Sasuke the housewife. Bet the clan would have a laugh at that. Not that I'm happy to be one, but at least I can do something right.
When Naruto's home we do lots of things together. Go out, watch movies, just sit on the lounge and cuddle. It's good. There's no pressure on me anymore to be anything. All I have to do is be a good lover.
And who knows, one day, just one day, I'll be able to see Itachi again and not blame him for what he did. I feel like a better person today and that's because of the path I've walked. If it had have been different, I don't know where I'd be, but I wouldn't be here.
Fin
I hate the ending. If you want a lemon, just ask coz I wouldn't mind writing one (that makes me sound perverted lol). I don't really like SasukeNaruto (but I'll read NaruSasu because thats how it works in my head). Thanks for reading this and if you have anything to say please review I'd love to hear feedback. Oh and if you've read any NarutoSasuke(semeuke) fics, tell me the name. Coz filtering through 316+ pages of NaruSasu doesn't appeal to me at the moment lol. Read and Review and I'll write something better.