A\N: Just a short little true-story awkward oneshot. Enjoy! I'm off to go see that Twilight movie... I'll tell you how it was.

How To Get A Girl

"Shane?" I hear a voice.

I look over at the door. Nate is standing there in the doorway.

"Come in," I say, turning off the music on my iTunes.

Nate walks in my room, closing the door and sitting on my bed. "Can I talk to you? It's serious."

I turn around in my spinny chair. "Just call me Dr. Phil."

"So, I'm having a bit of a dilemma."

"How so?" I ask, going over to the bed.

"There's this girl I really like. And she likes me too…"

"And this is a dilemma?"

"And as best friends, please keep this between us… but…"

I wait a moment but he doesn't say anything.

"But?" I ask. "But what?"

He looks around a bit, making sure no one else was in the room. "But when I ask her out, what if she wants a kiss?"

"Then kiss her," I say.

"That's the thing."

"What's the thing?"

"I don't know how to kiss."

I stare at him blankly for a second and then burst out laughing.

"It isn't funny!" he exclaims. "I'm freaking out here!"

"Well what do you want me to help you with?" I ask.

"Tell me how to do it."

I raise my eyebrows. "Show you?"

He shakes his head. "No. Tell me."

I shrug. "You just kinda… do it."

"That's the thing; I don't get it." He pauses and whispers, "Will you practice with me?"

"What?" I say, standing up. "I'm not letting you practice kissing on me!"

He shakes his head. "Please, Shane, I'm desperate here. If I'm not a good kisser, she'll never want to be my girlfriend!"

"Uh, no. I'm not kissing you."

"Please? It's not gonna mean anything. I just want to make sure I'm doing it right…"

Shifty eyes. "If you tell anyone I let you do this, I swear-"

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Okay." I sit down on the bed.

Nate and I look at each other a bit and then it just happens. Nate's lips touch mine.

And then he does this weird thing with his tongue and licks my teeth. I push him away and wipe my mouth off. "What the fuck was that?!"

"You said I could kiss you!"

"I said you could kiss me, not make out with me!"

"Well I thought that's what kissing was!"

"No! There's a difference between kissing and full-frontal snogging!"

"What's the difference! Tell me!"

I spit into the trashcan. "Before you go kissing anyone, please brush your teeth. Your breath smells like a horse's vagina." I stare at him a bit. "After that kiss, it's going to be real awkward sleeping in the same room with you. I feel sorry for that girl you like."

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