Blue.
She'd never been fond of the colour.
Blue- The sea, her father's boat, the police car's flashing lights flickering through the living room window on the fateful night of her mother's death, the curtains in the hospital room, the doctor's scrubs, the colour of her mother's lips as she took her last breath.
She inhales sharply and opens her glassy eyes.
Two lines stare up at her.
She blinks. Her hands shake.
Two blue lines.
Her lip quivers, her heart clenches. She's never hated the colour blue more.
Positive.
The pregnancy test clatters to the floor, her knees follow, her head's over the toilet bowl and her jittering nerves have her throwing up.
She spends the rest of the day tidying and cleaning, trying in vain to distract herself. Lucas will be back from New York later. She'd already planned to surprise him with a meal, maybe music and some dirty girl underwear she'd brought earlier that week. By six o'clock she's dressed to impress and looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes fixate on her flat stomach and it suddenly hits home. She won't fit into this little black dress soon. She suddenly can't breathe. She furiously tugs the black material over her head, gasping for air.
She doesn't make it back out of the bedroom that night, instead she curls up in the bed sheets. Her plans are ruined as tears fall relentlessly, staining her cheeks.
It's nearing ten when the taxi pulls up outside. He got held up at the airport but he's come prepared with flowers, Lilies, her favourite.
He can't suppress the smile playing on his lips as he walks up the pathway. He missed her so very much and despite his long flight, he's in the best of moods. The house is dark. He'd expected her to wait up and can't say he isn't disappointed. He sets his bags and the flowers down before anxiously searching the house for any sign of life.
She hears his footsteps draw nearer. Her heart is pounding in her chest and she suddenly wishes she could just dissolve into the mattress and disappear. The bedroom door opens and her eyes snap closed, giving the pretence that she's asleep. He's not misled. He knows everything about this women and right now he can't hear her heavy breaths that indicate sleep. He smiles slyly. This is just a game. He plays along, quietly stripping off his clothes. She thinks she has him fooled. The mattress dips and she expects his arms to slide around her waist and to hear him whisper I love you before falling into a peaceful slumber. Instead he pulls the sheet back. A cool rush of air hits her skin. She hears him groan wantonly and wishes she'd stopped wallowing long enough to change out of the dark red racy underwear that's hugging her figure.
'Hey baby' He whispers throatily. She stays silent. 'I know you're awake.' He's hovering over her, his hand runs down her side and her body betrays her, trembling beneath his touch, giving her no choice but to open her bloodshot eyes.
'Hi' She forces a small smile. He grins back, dropping his head to one side and kissing her. His tongue flicks over the seam of her lips persistently. She can't refuse him. She opens her mouth and he kisses her like he's not seen her in ten years. One hand's in her curls, tilting her head back and she's suddenly so very dizzy. She's thankful when he finally pulls away.
'You look so hot right now' He says hungrily. Five days is too long, he fleetingly decides. He's aching for her. 'Hmm…I love you, you have no idea how much I missed you'
She has an idea. Until this morning she'd been counting down the minutes. Now every thing's different. She doesn't even want to look at him.
'How was your flight?'
'Alright' She knows by his one word response and the way he's looking at her that the last think he wants to do is talk, he has other activities on his mind.
His lips are peppering her neck with butterfly kisses. He's pressing against her and she's suddenly very much aware of his nakedness, but she doesn't react to his caresses, her legs don't curl around him like they usually do and her arms are laying at her sides.
'What's wrong?' He pants, quick to note her unresponsive body.
'Nothing.' Her soft voice wavers. She doesn't want him touching her, it's him touching her that got her into this predicament in the first place. He leans down to kiss her again but she dodges it. 'Luke' She musters quietly, her hands slide up to his chest pushing him away. She ignores his brow furrowing, she ignores the hurt expression that follows, instead she rolls onto her side, her back facing him.
'Hey what's wrong?'
'Nothing'
He rubs her shoulder 'Baby-'
'I just don't feel like it' She bites back, shrugging his hand off.
'You always feel like it' He retorts, confusion painting his face. She's never rejected him before. Even when they weren't officially together, she's never been able to deny him her body.
'Well I don't tonight' She tugs the sheet back up to her chin.
He opens and closes his mouth. He's spent the last twenty four hours fantasising about seeing her, touching her. 'Peyt what's wrong?' He pleads softly.
'Why does something have to be wrong? I just don't feel like being your rag doll right now'
His eyes widen in disbelief. 'Excuse me?'
'If you're looking for sex why don't you just go downtown and pick yourself up a cheap whore to spend the night with' She sneers, her bitter words bruising his ego. She's never complained about their sex life before and right now she's making it sound like a chore.
'What the hells wrong with you? I've been away for five days and missed you so freaking much, forgive me for wanting to come home and make love to my fiancée' He huffs.
Guilt invades her veins, rushing through her body.
Her walls break.
She closes her eyes, her bottom lip wobbles uncontrollably. She feels horrible. He's done nothing wrong and here she is acting all psycho bitch on him.
'Look' He sighs. The last thing he wants to do is argue with her. 'I'm sorry ok?' He's mystified by her abnormal behaviour. He doesn't understand why she's donning underwear that without a doubt was bought for him, if she just wants to sleep. 'Have I done something? Something to upset you?' He asks agitatedly. He's not stupid, she's clearly upset or just trying to torture him.
The sob that escapes her mouth startles him. He turns her ridgid body to face him.
'Peyt' He pleads. 'You can tell me anything. Talk to me' he tilts her chin up, urging her to speak.
Another sob and then she's mumbling something. She needs to tell him. He's going to find out sooner or later and there's no time like the present. He has every right to know.
'What? baby breathe, I don't understand' He can't decipher what she's trying to say.
'Lu-LukeImpreg-g-g-nant'
'What?' He squints his eyes, straining his ears to work out her cryptic whimpers. 'Is it Julian?' He jumps to his own conclusions. He knew he shouldn't have left. 'Did he try it on? Did he hit on you?'
She shakes her head vigorously. 'It's not Julian. I'm-I'm…' She closes her eyes.
'You're?'
'Preg-preg-nant' She hiccups.
He hears it this time, every syllable.
Pregnant.
His mouth drops open. Shock jars through him. His stomach flutters.
Pregnant. She's Pregnant.
He can't form words. His minds spinning, he's trying to digest her unexpected announcement.
'Please say something Luke'
He swallows thickly. 'You're... pregnant' He states, looking for confirmation. She nods, taking shaky breaths and wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.
His shock transforms into joy in a matter of seconds.
He grins. Beams. Laughs.
He can't conceal his happiness. 'We're having a baby' He hugs her impulsively.
'You're ha-happy' She sniffles into his shoulder.
'Of course I'm happy' He exclaims, hands trail persistently down her goose-bump covered arms. 'Did you think I'd not be? Is that what's got you in such a state? Of course I'm happy, I'm over the moon.'
His words don't soothe her, her sobs escalate. She wants him to tell her that he's not ready too, that he wants to wait a couple of years.
'Oh Peyt shh, it's ok' He utters. He's convinced she'd thought he was going to be upset. 'Of course I'm happy'
'God' She shakes her head. 'Luke I...I-I can't do this' She reveals.
'What?'
'I can't' She's suddenly scrambling out of his arms and on her feet, distancing herself.
He sits up straight, perplexed by her statement. 'What do you mean you can't?'
'I-I don't know how. I-I can't' She splutters. She can't look at him. She knows that she'll be met with heart broken eyes. He's silent. Staring aimlessly in front of him.
'You don't want to have this baby?' He eventually voices hoarsely.
'I'm so, so sorry Luke, really I am but I'm not happy' She shakily confesses. 'And I'm meant to be happy right? This is meant to be one of the happiest days of my life'
He reaches for her hands 'Baby you're bound to feel a little apprehensive and I know this wasn't what we planned but we can do this together' He whispers. 'You're not on your own. ' He tugs her back down onto the bed, pulling her onto his lap.
His hand brushes over her thigh, over the lace of her panties and up to her waist.
'We're having a baby' He mutters aloud, eyes focusing on his fingers dancing over her skin.
'Lucas' His awe filled eyes dart up. She's frowning. 'I-I don't think I can' She admits softly. 'I don't know how....I don't know how to be a m-mother' She sucks in a breath and he knows she's fighting not to cry again. 'How can I be a mum, Ellie didn't want me and the mum I did have, I hardly remember. I don't know how t-to look after a baby. God I don't even know how to look after my freaking self' She breathes. Suddenly it all makes sense. She's scared and has every right to be. He's well aware that she didn't have the happiest of childhoods, it's no wonder that becoming a parent seems so terrifying. When it comes to family, Peyton Sawyer's is a mess 'What if I'm like Mick. He's scared of commitment Luke. What if it's just in my make up- he didn't want me, he still doesn't want me.' It's suddenly very much apparent how much meeting her biological father has affected her. She's been putting on a tough front but Lucas knows this is her breaking point. He knows Mick didn't live up to her expectations and it's suddenly very obvious how distraught she is that he still doesn't want to be a part of her life. 'I can't be a mother' She states firmly.
'Yes you can' He grips her hands tightly. 'Peyton you're meant to do this' He assures her confidently. 'It's not going to be easy and I'm not saying I'm not scared because I am. I didn't have a dad around-'
'You had Keith and your mum. My mum died Lucas- died because of me and my dad got a job that was as far away from me as humanly possible' She whimpers.
'You're mum's accident wasn't your fault' He can't believe she's still carrying this around.
'She was getting me from school'
'It was an accident baby and Larry loves you, he's twice the father Mick could have ever been' He promises softly. 'You don't need him in your life.'
'How am I meant to be a parent?'
He cradles her in his arms. 'Because regardless of your childhood, you're a good person Peyton, you're kind hearted and understanding and beautiful and you have wonderful friends and you're going to be the best mother. I promise you everything will be ok.'
'You can't promise me that. If we have this baby I'll probably drop it on it's head or something and brake it and you'll hate me and then we'll split up and I'll become an alcoholic and you'll become a workaholic and everything will fall apart and -'
Lucas tries to stifle his chuckles.
'It's not funny' She exclaims.
'I'm sorry' He drops his forehead to hers. 'None of that's going to happen though Peyt' He traces his thumb over her bottom lip. 'You wanna know why?' He nuzzles his nose against hers. 'Because I'm completely in love with you and I'm not going anywhere, not ever and as for you dropping the baby, I'll be there to catch him or her' He jokes. 'You'll be a great mum'
'Lucas I'm not maternal. You should be engaged to Brooke. Maybe I should give the baby to Brooke and you can both live happily ever after' She babbles deliriously.
Lucas closes his eyes. He's never seen her like this, he's never seen her so insecure, she's being completely unreasonable and acting crazy. 'Baby' He drawls calmly. 'You're not giving the baby to Brooke' He abates.
'Brooke would be a better mother than I can ever be. She wants a baby Lucas. She looked after Angie and she's got Sam now and she's looking to adopt a baby. She can adopt my baby, it'll be perfect'
'No, not so perfect. It's our baby and I want this baby with you, crazy girl' He shifts her and she's suddenly on her back and he's crawling up her body.
'I'm going to get fat and ugly' She blurts irrationally.
'Peyton Sawyer you could never be ugly' He coos. 'Don't you know how sexy you are?' He leans over her and presses his mouth to hers, hoping to distract her. But the muffle of her voice hits his lips moments later.
'You won't be saying that in seven months time' She argues stubbornly.
'Yes I will. You'll always be beautiful to me' He tucks a curl behind her ear. 'I can't wait till you start showing' He divulges with a smirk. A crimson blush creeps up her cheeks. She knows he's not trying to charm her over with sweet talk, she knows he's being nothing but honest and it makes her insides flutter. She stifles a moan when his hands fumble over her satin covered chest. 'Now, are you done with all the insane comments, beautiful girl?' He murmurs. 'Because I really just want to show you how much I love you' He husks.
She can't prevent the smile that follows.
His brow raises and she hesitantly responds 'And how exactly do you plan on showing me?'
'Well' He smirks, 'Firstly I do this' He trails kiss after kiss down her neck. He's on cloud nine right now and he's intent on sending her into a perpetual state of bliss. He's sure she's just made him the happiest man alive but knows she's wavering and anxious about their unforeseeable future. He wants to restore her faith in them, in life and show her that everything really is going to be ok because he knows without a doubt she's going to be a great mother.
Her bra's been tossed on the floor now and she's biting her bottom lip, hooded eyes watching him intently.
He's sliding her panties down her legs at what she can only describe as painstakingly slow.
'I've been thinking about this all week'
'Me too' She rasps.
Her body jerks with his every touch. She's glowing and he takes a moment to appreciate her beauty.
'Lucas' She exhales impatiently, writhing beneath him, silently begging him to touch her. He obliges, who is he to defy Peyton Sawyer? He slides two digits into her heat and she moans loudly at the relief. She throws her head back, her wavy locks falling in all directions.
His gaze locks on her stomach, watching her muscles tighten and relax as she rocks against his hand. He can't help but envisage her in a few months time when her pregnancy will be noticeable.
'Baby what's wrong?' She mutters breathlessly.
He shakes himself from his trance. 'Nothing. Nothing. God you're so beautiful Peyt' He abruptly sits up and she whimpers as his hand disappears from between her thighs.
'Don't stop'
He smiles, easily pulling her limp body up to straddle his lap. She drops her head into the crook of his neck and her fingers knot themselves into his damp hair. She's on fire. 'Luke please' The pressure's too much, she's craving him. She's been numb all day but his sweet, calming words together with his clever clever fingers, have successfully relaxed her stiff body. He can't delay it any further. He needs her now. With one hand hooked under her arm and the other at her lower back, he effortlessly lifts her, repositioning her. She blindly grasps at the headboard, trying to steady herself as he guides her hips down. Their foreheads are pressed together, their eyes are locked and he's suddenly inside her. He can't think, see or breathe. Her legs grip around his back ever tighter and her mouth parts, a throaty moan escaping and vibrating against his lips. He never gets sick of that sound.
'I-I love you' She shudders violently. 'I love you' Her thumb trails circles on his cheek. 'God I love you so much Luke'.
He can't formulate words. Her haphazard movements has him seeing black spots.
For the first time in her life she imagines a child. Her child. Lucas' child. Blondehair, button nose a perfect combination of them both. She trembles, a sudden thrill surges through her body. She's pregnant with Lucas Scott's child. They've created a life together. She's pretty sure it has a good deal to do with the way he's currently moving inside of her, but her conflicted feelings and initial fear suddenly seems so trivial. She's having a baby with the man she loves, the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, the man she's marrying.
She's so close but he wants this to last. She whimpers in protest as he steadies her hips. 'Luke'
Their frantic movements slow.
He flips her over, her back hitting the mattres. 'I love you Peyton' He hums softly.
She gasps. The sudden change in position has her mind soaring.
He takes her hand, delicately holding it to her toned stomach before resuming their love making at a slow, gentle pace.
She's overwhelmed and her head is spinning. She arches her back and rolls her hips slowly. He groans at the delicious friction her movement causes.
She's suddenly got everything she's ever dreamed of. It's all so close. A family. Her own family to love.
Her cry resonates throughout the room.
Her walls convulse and he's soon rocketing sky high with his own release.
A long minute passes.
'Love you' Her voice is croaky as she breaks the silence.
'And I love you Peyton Elizabeth Scott' He winks and leaves a chaste kiss on her heart before sliding down her body.
She wants to squeal. She can't wait until it's officially down on paper. She can't wait until she's officially Peyton Elizabeth Scott.
His head is resting on her stomach and she knows his mind is on none other than the child growing inside her. She smiles lightly. She doesn't think she's ever seen him this happy, this content and knowing she's the source of his happiness makes her giddy. She threads her fingers through his hair and he cranes his head up to meet her large emerald orbs.
She looks into his eyes. Blue, crystal blue eyes. Blue eyes that make her smile every day, that comfort her, care for her, support her, lust after her and most importantly that love her.
She's quick to decide that perhaps blue isn't so bad after all.
She realises that his blue orbs are her saviour and always will be.
She wants their child to have his eyes.
She wants his child. She knows that now. She may not have had the greatest of upbringings but she knows she can love this baby unconditionally, she can protect this baby from the horrors of the world and she'll never, never leave.
'What're you thinking about crazy girl?'
'Just about how much I love you'
'Well that's good, cause I'm kinda fond of you too'
She smiles.
'And the baby?' He asks apprehensively.
'I want everything with you Lucas Scott, including this baby'
He grins.
She giggles as he wildly kisses her stomach.
She's still nervous and scared but she's certain of one thing- she's never been happier.