"Sirius!" Lily laughed as she and her boyfriend of a year sat together on the sofa in the room of requirement. Sirius was flipping through a school year book, making comments as he went, often quite rude. "Why don't you put that down?"
Sirius turned to look at Lily; she was gorgeous, no denying it. Long, slim, athletic body, milky white skin, and locks of flaming red hair. He was the luckiest guy in Hogwarts, he knew that, but he couldn't bring himself to feel good about himself, not when…
"I think we should head back to the common room." Sirius sighed as Lily furrowed her brow with her surprise.
"No."
Sirius ignored her and walked away, towards the door. Lily did not appreciate this.
"Why won't you sleep with me?" Lily asked, her voice betraying her hurt. She wanted to show Sirius how much he meant to her, but every time she tried he acted weird.
Sirius faced her once more. Lily looked at him; he was handsome, muscular and tall, with a strong jaw and brilliant silvery eyes – eyes which were filled with so much pain.
"I have slep-"
"Sex. I know we've shared a bed before Sirius, but I thought… Sirius I want to have sex with you." Lily said her voice soft but firm. "I love you; I want you to be my first."
Sirius winced visibly at her words; this confused and hurt her more. He knew what he was about to do was about to break her world, and he was truly sorry for it, but he needed to do it now before he ended up causing her more pain.
"I can't Lily. I like you… but-." He sighed heavily, refusing to look at her, "I'm sorry."
James watched with a bemused expression as Sirius stalked into the Gryffindor common room, right past him and up the boys staircase, his usual laughing self completely gone, he looked almost angry.
"Oi! Potter!" Marlene McKinnon yelled across the room to James. "Your mate wasn't planning to break up with my Lily, was he?" Marlene asked, her tone full of concern for her best friend.
"Not that I'm aware of, no." James replied, he looked to friend and confident Remus Lupin, his amber eyes were dancing with curiosity and concern, but all he could offer James was a shrug of the shoulders. James shook his head – Sirius would be an idiot to have broken up with Lily Evans, she was everything and more that a man could possibly want.
James sighed and got to his feet, walking up the stone staircase until he reached the seventh year boys dorm that he shared with Sirius, Remus and Peter Pettigrew.
"Padfoot, mate, what's up? Thought you were taking Evans out for the night?" James asked carefully but curiously.
Sirius turned to James, his face forlorn, he opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed that the words would not come out as he soon closed his mouth again.
"C'mon mate, tell me," James insisted. The larger part of him really was concerned for his best friend. A small part of him, however, wanted to make sure Lily was alright. He had grown to become good friends with the emerald eyed girl between her dating his best friend, and sharing Head duties together.
"We're not together… I've- James," Suddenly Sirius lost the words, and decided rather to act on them, he strode forward, roughly grabbed James and pressed his lips firmly against those of his best friend.
James thought, for a moment only, that it was not unlike kissing a girl, and yet it was having a totally different effect on his body.
Gently as possible, but still with a firm hand, James pushed Sirius away.
"No Sirius, I'm sorry, but no," James said almost apologetically.
"I know James." Sirius said shrugging slightly. "You've been in love with Lily forever… I thought that perhaps by dating her I'd see what you do, and well, yeah I do, she's amazing, but I don't feel what you do…. I think I've hurt her, more then she ever deserved. She's in the room of requirement," Sirius explained quietly, not quite looking at his friend. "She'll need a friend."
When James reached the room of requirement it was to find Lily in a mess on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. She looked up as the door closed, her eyes were red and puffy with tears still streaming down her face, she looked heartbroken.
"He left me…" Lily croaked. "I wasn't good enough."
James looked at Lily with confusion as he crouched down beside her, he didn't understand how she could possibly think that she wasn't good enough? It wasn't her fault; it was Sirius, though it wasn't exactly his fault either.
"No Lily, Sirius has his own things that he really needs to figure out." James said quietly, wanting to whisk her up and away form all the pain, but scared if he touched her she might break apart.
"It's got to be me!" Lily sobbed. "He didn't want to sleep with me! There's something wrong with me!"
"Lily, it really, honestly isn't you." James told Lily, he struggled for a moment before pulling out a small silvery object; he looked at the object and spoke to it. "Sirius!... I need to tell Lily… No I don't think you understand… If you cared-… I'm going to tell her… Thank you."
Lily looked at him, totally confused.
"Lily, Sirius, he's gay."
"Liar."
"I'm sorry Lily; he wanted so desperately to feel something for you… You're so beautiful, he thought he could… But Lily, he can't change who he is, and he is so sorry he hurt you in the process."
Lily looked at James with wide and hurt filled eyes.
"Why me? I loved him so much."
"Because you are the most brilliant person in the world Lily, you're beautiful, and smart, and strong, and he wanted so desperately to love you too, and he does, but not like y-you l-lo-love him," James struggled with the words; he didn't want to say them.
"Oh…" She looked blank, but more tears continued to fall. "That's why, he didn't want me, who did he want then?" Lily asked, her voice cold, but still betraying her hurt.
"Me."
Lily looked at James, shaking her head. No. No, this was not happening.
"You bastard!"
"Lily, I'm sorry, but what can I do about that? And it's not like I've been encouraging him!" James defended, but Lily would not listen, instead she got up and walked swiftly away form him, her tears falling heavier then before.
When she reached the common room, Sirius was down there with Remus, she stalked up to him and roughly grabbed his by the collar of his shirt.
"I HATE YOU!"
"Lily, please," Sirius begged grabbing her wrists, as she tightened her grip.
"NO!" She screamed loudly, everyone was watching. "I HATE YOU! You can't use people like that! You can't use me! You wasted a year, a year of my life! I hate you Sirius Black! I fucking hate you! And I hate me 'cos I still want you!"
"Lily, you could do so much better, you know that," Sirius said quietly as she sobbed.
"NO one would Sirius, and it's your fault, it's all your bloody fault!" Lily gasped out between sobs, she was unaware that James had followed her, or that everyone was staring, but even if she had known she wouldn't have cared.
"James would, in an instant, that's why I picked you, because James was so in love with you… Those things that I did, buying you rose, they all came from him, I asked him, you were never dating me Lily, you were always dating James, he's so madly in love with you, and I so wanted to feel the same way, but I can't-"
"Because you love him!" Lily yelled at him.
"Yes, but he loves you. Not me, and really, you love him to, because it was always him Lily. Always." Sirius said, pushing her hair back and making her look at him. "I love you so much, but not in the same way, but you and James, you can be, you are…"
Lily turned, she could feel his eyes burning into the back of her head, she wanted to accuse Sirius of lying, but words would not form, she turned back to Sirius, her eyes showing how terrified she was, she could not go through the hurt again, and Sirius felt awful for putting her through it the first time.
"Trust me Lily, once again, even though I don't deserve it, trust me, for you, for James." Sirius whispered into her ear…
…
…
…
"Sirius!" Lily laughed as she and Sirius sat together on the sofa, in front of the fire. "Don't say that!" He was once again flicking through a year book, commenting.
"You know you love it." Sirius retorted.
"Are you winding up my girl?" James asked as he walked into the living room of his and Lily's apartment, closely followed by Remus.
"Yeah, but you stole my guy." Sirius retorted looking up and catching Remus' eye, he smirked at his partner of over a year.