SURRENDERING

Disclaimer: I suppose nothing's mine this time.

Author's Note: Well, it's official. I'm on an Alanis High. The song is (duh) Alanis Morrisette's "Surrendering" from her CD "Under Rug Swept". This is a sequel to "Letting Go". I'm thinking it'll probably a six-part series, like "the songfic series" or something equally ridiculous:

1.- Cry
2.- In My Place
3.- Letting Go
4.- Surrendering
5.- (future songfic)
6.- (future songfic)

Feedback, please. Even to prevent that kind of catastrophe.

Rating: PG, every part of the 'series'.
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Sara smiled at the sight. She had been there before but hadn't paid much attention to it until now. His house was exactly the way she remembered. It was purely Nick Stokes in every single detail.

"C'mon Nick. We don't have all day."

He came into the room and almost instantly flashed her a smile. A smile that lately was only for her, she noticed.

Oh, yes, she was the ultimate receiving end to the good ol' Stokes charm. And boy she was clueless about why.

You were full and fully capable
You were self sufficient and needless
Your house was fully decorated in that sense

Perhaps so many years of being ignored by the object of her desire finally had done some real damage to her self-esteem. She doubted he had idealized her. He knew her, they were friends and had shared a fair amount of time together, both on and off work.

And he still had placed her as number one in the top ten of his favorite people in the whole world.

She had always longed for someone to show that kind of affection, say borderline infatuation, for her. She had fantasized about being the igniting point of a kind of passion, a relationship that would make every other aspect of her life seem pale and shallow.

But now she feared her heart's desire, because the growing adoration in his eyes - adoration that she witnessed increasing with each passing day - was a little bit too much like that.

His eyes brimmed with an intensity she doubted she had ever experienced regarding anything, not even work. Then again, that was Nicholas Stokes for you, all fire and passion.

And she was scared, terrified beyond words at the idea. Because she was supposed to be in love with Grissom. Because it all was something new.

Because she dreaded the time he would realize she was nothing like the idea of her he had cherished so much - or just got bored - and turned his attention to one of the many women that now held her as the object of their hatred.

She could only hope that time would never come. She could only trust his judgement, and his ability to read her like the back of his hand.

Because she loved the attention.

You were taken with me to a point
A case of careful what you wish for
But what you knew was enough to begin

He had invited her to breakfast many times since that first time he had asked her out, and she had accepted on her own terms. Which meant those times didn't exactly qualify as 'dates'.

But they had certainly turned into something personal and intimate, and she had suddenly found herself looking forward to the end of their shift on a daily basis.

Sara had also started to notice the little things he always did for her, and the not so little things he was starting to do.

He had revealed his feelings for her from the very beginning so that his intentions were not a secret. It didn't surprise her anymore to find notes from him telling her how he was thinking of her, or how much he missed her.

It hadn't become unusual either to find small presents inside her locker (access somehow granted by Warrick, she was positive) and once at home she would call to thank him which usually led to long talks about every topic she could come up with. He would hang up on her and call her back so the call was charged to him.

She was sure he was totally broke by now.

Grissom had noticed her change of mood and straightforwardly asked her if she was seeing someone - if she was seeing Nick. Her persistent denial of any kind of involvement had kept them working together, without misleading the watchful eye of her boss.

She hadn't lied to him though.

Certainty was something she still craved for in times of making decisions, and Nick knew it. So he tried to restrain himself - she could tell about his honest effort - and keep the romantic implications of his actions pressure free.

He didn't want to crowd her, and she appreciated the gesture.

And so you called and courted fiercely
So you reached out, entirely fearless
And yet you knew of reservation and how it serves

She was a handful, she knew. And his displays of genuine interest didn't go unnoticed. She had learnt to care for him deeply, and she wanted nothing more than to return his feelings.

Things were never that simple.

And I salute you for your courage
And I applaud your perseverance
And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
that I represent

Her relationship with Grissom justifiably disturbed him and she knew it. As a CSI - and a pretty good one - Nick Stokes was a man that relied almost entirely on his surroundings, on the things he perceived through his senses. But unlike their boss, sometimes he played it all on a hunch.

It surely bothered him not knowing where he stood, because his senses were telling him one thing, his heart another, and his brain another thing entirely different.

And that was keeping some pretty influencing body parts outside the equation.

So you were in but not entirely
You were up for this but not totally
You knew how arms length-ing can maintain doubt

Sara hadn't been able to prevent herself from smiling at his surprised expression the first time she had agreed on having breakfast with him, the two of them alone.

Sure, demands had been made and it all had remained nothing but friendly, but she had said yes. And she had never been able to refuse him anything ever since.

Because she didn't need to. Because he was the one stepping on the brake, keeping an eye on the speed limit.

And so you fell and you're intact
So you dove in and you're still breathing
And so you jumped and you're still flying if not shocked

He knew how to make his way to her heart, she had to give him that.

Plus, his perseverance had to be worth something, right?

And I support you in your trusting
And I commend you for your wisdom
And I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces
that I represent

He had never pushed her, or pressured her, or been anything but gentle and subtle, which led her to an approximation of how much she really meant to him.

And whenever his feelings got out of hand and betrayed him, whenever things got too intense for them to deal he always cracked up some joke to lighten up the mood.

But he never backed down. He never took anything back.

That, in her eyes, was the greatest display of respect she had been object of in a long, long time.

You found creative ways to distance
You hid away from much through humor
Your choice of armor was your intellect

And he had been rewarded - slowly but surely - with her undivided attention. Moving slowly had granted them the chance to overcome the many barriers they had built for their own protection.

Their relationship had progressed, if not evolved. It was now taking some firm steps in the direction he proposed, and she liked it.

It still scared her, but she liked it.

The softening of both postures had safely resulted in a comfortable atmosphere and the growth of a special bond between them. A bond that was slowly becoming noticeable to their coworkers.

And so you felt and you're still here
And so you died and you're still standing
And so you softened and you're still safely in command

They all admired Nick's will to face the unknown territory that was the emotions of Sara Sidle, with its implications.

Warrick was just glad that he had finally stood up for what he wanted. Catherine seemed amused most of the time, and Greg astonished.

Grissom still trusted her denying words. But he couldn't ignore the fact that she seemed to look back at him a lot less than she had a couple of months before.

And somehow she couldn't seem to care less. Because her mind was focused somewhere else.

And I salute you for your courage
And I applaud your perseverance
And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
that I represent

She had never thought it could be possible to let somebody in, to trust and depend on someone, and still be respected.

Or feel free, for that matter.

So she had made her conditions clear from day one. She had tried to create a gap between them or maybe just increase the distance that was supposedly already there.

One that she had already put to protect herself from anyone or anything that dared to try its way to her heart.

And she had succeeded. Most surprisingly, he had let her. He had been just as wary as she was in the beginning, but had quickly decided that she was more than worth the risk.

Therefore, the unthinkable had happened. Nick Stokes, the well-known womanizer, hadn't pushed his way into her heart, charming her pants off and then leaving her high and dry.

It hadn't happened the way she had so many times been warned of.

Nick Stokes, the man she had grown to know and love, had simply surrendered his will to hers, accepting every limit and demand.

He had done everything right, making her wishes his command, only to prove her that what she wished was not what she really wanted.

Because she wanted a lot more than that.

Self-protection was in times of true danger
your best defense to mistrust and be wary
Surrendering a feat of unequalled measure
and I'm thrilled to let you in
Overjoyed to be let in in kind

"Hey, Sar?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, shaking her out of her reverie. "I'm ready to go."

She smiled but didn't move, contemplating the situation. He opened the door and looked up to see her standing the same place.

Finally, she walked towards the door with unusual resolution.

"So, Nick. Do you want to have breakfast together after the shift?"

The question had been asked and answered so many times he didn't even see the need to look up to her to reply.

"Of course." He simply said, while locking the door.

She nervously shifted the weight of her body from one leg to the other.

"I meant like on a date."

He turned around slowly, thinking that maybe his mind was playing some kind of trick on him.

But there she was, standing right in front of him with a small smile that, by the time it reached her eyes, had become a big grin that matched his.

Sara thought she had never seen anyone so happy before.

History would tell that she had been the one to ask him out for their first real date, but she knew better than that.

After all, he was the one that had done all the hard work.

And I salute you for your courage
And I commend you for your wisdom
And I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces
And I support you in your trusting
And I applaud your perseverance
And I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces
that I represent

- THE END
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Written by Mary S. Sequel to come soon (somewhere in between "Wasting Time" updates)...