Title: Of men and boys
Author: Criss Moody wyoluvr@yahoo.com
Date: July 20th, 2002
Website: ficbitch.com/hpf
Disclaimer: Marvel owns the characters. I own their leisure time. *g*
Distribution: List archives. Otherwise, ask.
Pairing: Peter/Bobby, pre-slash
Rating: PG-13
Summary: paederastic: of homosexuality between a man and a boy
Feedback: Yes, please.
Notes and Thanks: Written post issue #20. Thanks to Miss Windy for the audience and the comments. Un-betaed.
Bobby's hair feels like a puppy's fur under Peter's massive hand. Soft yet spiky, it arouses his senses. Makes him want to roll in that feeling and see what it does to other parts of his self.
This is the thought that makes Peter cringe and withdraw his hand. He stares at the multitude of machines keeping Bobby breathing, keeping Bobby alive. He hates them. He hates everything that happened. He had come so close to abandoning his new friends and everything they stood for. Maybe if they'd all done he'd done, but earlier, much earlier, this boy would not be laying in a hospital bed fighting for his life.
Maybe Peter would not be fighting for his sense of self. It is not about sexuality. Peter's sex drive hadn't made noises in years. He sees the smoothly sculpted bodies of his teammates as useful machines. His own body has become something of a nuisance. Bulky and inconvenient, it reminds him that even as Colossus, he has needs. He had to eat, shit, and pee like any other human. And like any man, he woke up hard. Once, he had done what he had to do, no fuss, and gone on with his day. But now…he knows it isn't normal to be embarrassed by his penis. To be ashamed that it reacts without his consent.
Many things now reacted without his consent. Smelling Bobby's sweat made him hard. Touching Bobby made him feel equal parts lustful and possessive. Playing video games with Bobby made Peter feel like a dirty old man.
He is only 6 years older than Bobby. Not so much. But Bobby's only 15. Bobby is a baby. Iceman is a mere child, physically and mentally, and Peter knows it.
Peter is a man. People have names for men who lust after boys. Pederast is a nice one.
And he wants things from that tiny boy that he feels are wrong. But they would be so good. And if Bobby were only a few years older they wouldn't be wrong. Peter resents Bobby's age. A world that stigmatizes sex and makes it taboo is sad. Of course, he's resentful of anything that says that Peter feeling love or lust for a 15 year old is wrong.
Peter dislikes feeling like he does. It is not in his control. So he controls what he can.
He stops touching Bobby's hair. He nods to Jean sitting outside the door, and she smiles a sad smile and follows him out of the hospital. By now, those guards must have some kind of brain damage from the number of times Jean has snuck herself and other X-Men in to see their teammate. If she has listened into his thoughts, she has yet to comment or judge.
Peter is grateful. He can judge himself enough without her help.
~the end~