"Tony look out behind you!" Clint's hand on the genius' shoulder was tight, making the man normally made of Iron grit his teeth as he tried to turn his character around in time to avoid adding bullets to the character's constitution. He was already more than half metal by then.

"Clint-I've got this! Geez, relax." He yanked his shoulder away from the archer, and in doing so allowed himself to get shot up a little further. He snarled as he tried to find shelter, waiting for his health to fix itself, the unholy red gear disappearing in time.

"Actually Tony, you've died more than-."

"Steve! You're supposed to be on my side!" He chanced a glance at the blond body of perfection sitting just beside him, whose blue eyes hardly left the screen to even look down at his controller. He'd all but perfected it, the bastard, and while it had taken Tony months to get to Insane Mode it had taken Steve minutes. Damn him. He was beginning to reconsider his decision to choose Gears of War 2, having thought it might be fun to get everyone together and play a friendly video game (that he thought himself damn good at) and then it turned out that everyone else was better and now he felt like a sulking child. Double damn them all.

"Look-Clint, if you think you can do better than you do it your damn self." He thrust the white controller into the archer's hands, who took it with fervor, weaseled his way into Tony's spot at Steve's side and got right into the game. From the other team Natasha laughed.

"You're screwed Barton. I know all your tricks." Tony had never heard her sound so gleeful, and the sound sent shivers down his back. Damn she was scary when she got happy, he didn't know how Barton did it.

"And the Man of Iron switches out with the Hawk because, let's face it, beneath all those gadgets and perfectly tousled hair Tony Stark is nothing but a weak link on the Gears of War good guys team. Perhaps it's because he relies too heavily on his partner's exceptional skill-surprising considering video games are as new to him as they are to me-or perhaps its because he spends too much time primping his ego. What does the jury say?"

"Definitely the ego."

"BRUCE!" Stark's gaze was offended as he whipped his head back to where Loki and Bruce are sitting on the couches, Loki holding an invisible microphone to the scientist, who was smirking. They couldn't have looked more comfortable sitting side by side, yet again taking Tony by surprise. Since when did they become best friends? Last he knew Loki was terrified to go within ten feet of Bruce, angry or not, and Stark had found that beyond hilarious. Now even that avenue of entertainment was lost to him. "And who the hell gave you permission to commentate on the match, Loki?"

"Let's not have any comments from the peanut gallery, please. I'd like to focus on the game. Oh, that was a smart move by the lovely Ms. Romanov-."

"Flattery won't get you into my pants, Loki."

"Who is, as always, so astute when it comes to guessing what the others will do. I am taken aback by how well the villains are doing on such a mission when her partner has no concept of sneaking up. Thor, perhaps you should take some lessons from the game."

"Your jokes are highly amusing, brother." Thor said through gritted teeth, his fingers mashing the buttons so hard it's a miracle that they're still functioning. Tony pouted and sat back, watching Clint and Steve try and take back the lead but it's hopeless. At the beginning they'd all decided on Warzone mode as it would have been the fairest for all parties involved, and without a time limit (because Tony liked to hack and update the games, that's why) they were likely to be competing for points for a very long time. No wonder Clint had been bored-this sucked!

"Hey, Bruce, want to join me on another team?"

The scientist laughed, pulling his classes off to wipe them down as he stared, a little blurrily, into Tony's bright brown eyes. "Really, Tony? Did you already forget what happened the last time?"

Tony winced. Right. Three weeks ago Tony had done his best to introduced his well-mannered friend to the Halo series, because the new one had just come out and he really wanted a friend on co-op. A friend who wasn't going to make him look like an idiot as he knew Clint or Natasha would, or whose hand he wouldn't have to hold throughout the whole thing, which is where he'd figured Steve and Thor would fall. The science bros had hardly made it through the third mission when Bruce had gotten so angry his hands had started to transform before the rest of him, crushing the controller in his grip as he bellowed at the game for having their AIs kill him.

And here Tony had been hoping that the video game might work as a tension-releaser.

He pouted and looked up at Loki. "You wanna play, magic boy?"

"I think I like making you suffer by not playing even more." Loki said as he smirked. "Anyway, with me playing who would be providing such an electric commentary? Oh-you should have seen that coming Thunder Boy; Captain Rogers may be a pansy in every other aspect but he takes no prisoners in this game! No mercy will be shown."

"Hey-."

"Loki, can you not see that it was not my fault I had not seen the good Captain's trap-."

"Stop complaining Thor and get your ass over here! I'm dying!" Natasha said through gritted teeth, her face set in the first hard grimace of the night as her character, one of the quicker Locusts, went down with a hiss. "Shit shit shit shit-THOR GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE NOW!"

"Yes my lady!"

Tony didn't even know that the characters of the game could move that fast.

"HAH! Tash you got sticky grenaded!"

"Barton I will choke you with the controller cords and make it look like an accident if you do not shut your mouth."

"But the controllers don't have cords."

"Exactly. You think I need them?"

That silenced the Hawk, who sulked a little but did his best to contribute. Loki was right; Steve was a damn good partner to have, always seemingly three steps ahead of the others, planting traps based on where he could best guess their opponents would make it so that soon he and Clint were protected in a neat little ring. The Captain had taken a real liking to the character Marcus, and was using him in a way that Tony was sure he'd never seen before, doubling back to wind his way behind the troops through the only hole in his safe-guard. It was genius, and Tony supposed he shouldn't have suspected anything less from a super soldier.

"Did you pick up all that tactician work from my dad, Steve?"

"No, I don't think the ability to devise brilliant war plans runs in your family, Tony. No offense-Howard was just the weapons guy. Not much for stealth when he could come out guns blazing."

And Tony'd be damned if that didn't sound familiar.

"No-Clint don't go that way!" Steve yelled too late, reaching his hand out to stop Clint from moving the joystick at the last second.

That's what they got for turning friendly fire on.

"And the good Hawk's character is obliterated; not much of him to bring back to revive after he walked, idiotically, into what would have been a brilliant plan laid by none other than the red, white, and blue wonder boy. If I would have had him on my side for the war, it is likely I would have won. Bruce, I should file that away for later information."

"Whatever you say, Loki, but don't make the Hulk use you as a mop again."

"Duly noted, my good scientist."

"Dammit Cap! Why'd you put a grenade there?!"

"Because Natasha usually tries to sneak in from that angle."

"Not today boys." She grinned and jammed her finger down on the trigger, effectively ending Steve's character's life, too. Both men were out of respawns, and they had to sit back and watch the Thunder god and the Russian spy execute the rest of the team.

"Hey, Tony? Why're we playing Gears of War 2 instead of 3? Or Judgement?" Clint looked over, as if it had just dawned on him that the version they were playing was outdated. Tony looked away, his eyes falling on the wall just to his left.

"Because I didn't like 3 and if you want Judgement you can go out and get it yourself."

There was a moment of silence then Clint said, between hardly contained snickers: "You cried during 3, didn't you?"

"Shut up Clint. That's it-I want on Nat's team." She'd finished wiping the board in a matter of minutes, racking up the most points, just above Steve.

"Hell no. No offense, Tony, but I don't know if you can keep up with me." Nat's expression was a mix of apologetic and brutally honest, leaving the genius to pout further, his arms crossed over his chest.

"What's going on up here? I heard yelling-."

"Phil!" Clint looked up and beam, his face transforming into a wide grin. He leapt to his feet and Tony wasted no time in taking his place. He shot his partner a wide grin.

"Alright, lets go again! Redemption, baby!" To Tony's side, Steve just laughed and shook his head. Without a word to his boyfriend Steve turned once more to Nat and Thor, who were trying not to smirk.

"Best two out of three?" Steve proposed. He'd just have to teach Tony a thing or two about strategy it seemed.

"And it seems as though the wonders never cease: it's round two of team egotistical prissy pants vs. team surprisingly able, who will win in this battle of ego vs. imbecility? Have a favorite, Bruce?"

"I'm staying out of this one."

"Loki!"

"I swear to your dad, Trickster, I'll make you choke on your own tongue if you keep this up."

"Oh Agent Romanov, I'm begging you to come over here and try. It would be the highlight of my evening. Also I feel that I have to ask the burning question of the hour: Tony, did you really cry during 3?"

A/N: First time ever writing a crack!fic and I kind of love it. Song title comes from Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes, and I listened to the Glitch Mob remix when writing this. As ever, none of these characters belong to me. Thanks for reading!