Disclaimer: I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura. Now, unlike other people, I will not have a long disclaimer, ranting about the injustices of the universe, like homework, junk dubbing companies, and so on, so on to the fic!
A Typical Day in Tomoeda
It was a typical day in Tomoeda. The birds were singing. The cherry blossoms were blooming. But one in particular was in trouble…
"Hoe!!! Kero, why didn't you wake me up?"
Sakura Kinomoto, 12 year old Japanese schoolgirl, and Sakura Card Mistress, was once again late for school.
"I've been trying for the last 15 minutes," Kero pleaded to his mistress, as she frantically got up, brushed her teeth, changed clothes, and then rushed down, ignoring the Guardian Beast of the Seal's words.
"Morning!" she greeted her family as she quickly went to the door to pick up her skates.
"Good morning, Sakura," her father, Fujitaka Kinomoto, professor and half-reincarnation of Clow Reed, answered.
"Looks like the kaijuu woke up late again," smirked Touya.
Sakura glared at her brother. "Sakura is not a kaijuu," she screamed back, and stepping on his feet hard.
Touya winced at the pain, but didn't dare let Sakura have the satisfaction.
Sakura grabbed a piece of toast and then rushed out the door as quickly as she could. She then came back in to grab her lunch, and then rushed back out, unknowingly passing by her mother's spirit.
"She really needs a new alarm clock," commented Nadeshiko Kinomoto.
"That's the understatement of the year," muttered Touya.
Fujitaka just smiled indulgingly at both of them.
***
Sakura skidded as she ran into the classroom, just as the bell rang.
She sweat dropped at what she saw.
Tomoyo had set up what looked like a TV studio, with the stage beginning at the door. The moment Sakura entered the room, Tomoyo, in the director's seat, squealed "Kawaii! And action!"
Tomoyo's paid film crew immediately started filming, and Tomoyo started narrating. "And today, we have the kawaii Sakura-chan making her last minute entrance into the classroom, beating the clock by-"
The new director turned to the time-keeping committee, namely, Chiharu, Yamazaki, and Naoko, all of who were holding stopwatches, and consulting with each other.
Naoko, the spokesperson, said "A new record, .8 seconds."
"Did you know that school bells were originally started when schools used to have a cow wearing a bell walk around to call all the students?"
"Really?" asked Sakura.
Yamazaki nodded. "But due to the fact that the cow constantly stopped to chew some grass, many students were late."
Sakura nodded, being the naïve, kawaii, gullible girl everybody knew and loved.
"But then-"
"LIES! ALL LIES!" Yamazaki's story was stopped due to the fact that Chiharu was now strangling him, even as he tried to finish.
Sakura blinked it, with dot-eyes (so kawaii!) "It wasn't true?"
"No, Sakura-chan," Naoko said as Yamazaki and Chiharu were still busy.
"Oh, okay," Sakura said, and walked to her desk, trying to ignore the light from Tomoyo's camera crew.
As she sat down, she noticed something different.
Tomoyo's chair to her right had been replaced by a tripod camera, and Tomoyo had moved her director's seat there. She figured that Tomoyo's mother must have gotten special permission from the school to do this, since Sonomi Daidouji also worshipped Sakura-chan kawaii-ness.
Behind her was Syaoran-kun's and Meiling-chan's desks. Meiling had just transferred back. Well, there were supposed to be 2 desks. Instead, a large tent had been set up, and as Sakura peeked through one of the flaps, she saw what looked like a war room.
There were lots of monitors, and a dartboard with Eriol's picture on it, with many, many holes.
Syaoran and Meiling were standing around a miniature model of Tomoeda, conversing in low voices.
"Now, when he comes here," Syaoran pointed with a stick at the front of the school, "we activate the first trap, and then when he gets home, we drop this on him," and Syaoran pulled out a model of an atomic bomb, "and we'll see what Mr. All-Mighty Half-Reincarnation will do…"
Syaoran then started cackling like a madman, until he saw Sakura staring at him, and blushed extremely red.
"O-Oh-Ohayo Sakura-chan," Syaoran stuttered.
"Ohayo, Syaoran-kun!" Sakura said, giving him one of her most kawaii smiles. Tomoyo nearly died of happiness right then as she filmed the ensuing scene between the 2 sorcerers.
"Is something wrong, my cute little descendant," asked Eriol.
Syaoran started, and glared at Eriol. He then quickly covered the battle plans. Meiling came over to the front.
"Okay, okay, settle down, Kinomoto, you can have some more of your moments with Syaoran later, Hiiragizawa, we'll get you for all the pranks that you've played on Syaoran-kun, just you wait!"
Meiling then pulled down the flap, and then Sakura could faintly heard "Next- brother- stuffed animal- death- pudding- photos-"
"Hoe? Tomoyo-chan, what does Meiling-chan mean by one of mine and Syaroan-kun's moments?" Sakura asked her best friend.
Tomoyo only responded with "Kawaii!"
Sakura turned to the other of her closer friends, and asked "Eriol, what does Meiling mean?"
Sakura then noticed that Eriol had replaced his desk with his throne from his house, and he was surrounded by various stuffed animals, all of which were bowing to him, and various pictures of Mizuki-sensei and Tomoyo.
Sakura then realized that asking Eriol might not be a good idea, after she also noticed that he was still decked out in his sun and moon outfit, and swinging his staff around saying "Worship me!"
Terada-sensei then entered, and smiled at Rika, who blushed, and nearly fainted.
Sakura-chan accepted everything around her as okay and normal, until she heard Terada-sensei say that they now had a math pop quiz.
Sakura groaned. Now a math quiz was horribly wrong and weird.
***
We now temporarily go to another scene.
"TOOOOOOUUUUUUYAA-KKUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!"
"HELP ME!!"
"Does anyone have any food?"
The scene at Touya's school was relatively normal as there were no thrones, camera crews, or portable war rooms.
Touya Kinomoto was running for his life from a fate worse than death, and just as hard to escape.
"Touya-kun!"
Touya stopped running as another 100 pounds or so were added to his back as Nakuru, the false form of Ruby Moon, latched onto his back and rooted him to the spot.
Apparently, there was something extremely wrong with her mind, but he had always chalked it up to her insane creator. He could at least tolerate Spinel, who he had met once or twice, at least when he hadn't had any sugar.
Touya gave a long suffering look at Yukito, who was happily devouring a bag of donuts he had found.
Suddenly, wings enfolded Yukito, and when they opened they revealed Yue.
"Really, Ruby Moon, must you continue your obsession with To-ya?" he questioned indignantly. "He has already given up his powers, and Yukito knows about me, so why are you still after him?
Nakuru grinned. "But Touya is still so yummy! And you called him To-ya, just like that snow bunny does. I never thought that the great almighty Yue would like a normal human…"
Steam flew out of Yue's head. "That's it, Ruby Moon, you and me, on the roof, right now!"
Nakuru actually let go of Touya. "Fine."
In a flash, she transformed into her true form, Ruby Moon, and then she and Clow's old guardian flew up to the roof, and started throwing crystals at each other.
Touya looked up at the ensuing catfight, and decided that the best course of action was to run for his life while he still had the chance.
***
Sakura was walking home, as usual. School had been rather normal, except for the time when Eriol had left the building and then nearly been crushed by a giant boulder that had come out of nowhere.
She heard something behind her and turned around. Nothing new, there was just the normal camera crew of Tomoyo's following her.
She was just suddenly crossing the street, when she heard a loud rumbling. She looked up the street, and saw a huge tank heading towards her. It was also radiating magic.
As the tank slowed to a stop in front of her, she walked up to it and knocked on its side.
"Hello?"
Two lids flipped open on the top, and out popped the heads of Syaoran and Meilin, in full battle outfits.
Sakura smiled a kawaii smile up at them. "Konnichiwa Syaoran-kun, and Meilin-chan! Why are you driving around in a tank?"
Syaoran yelped and jumped back in, and closed the lid. Meilin sighed. She was going to have a long talk with Syaoran later. She hadn't broken off their engagement just so he could run away every time he ran into Sakura.
"Hey Kinomoto!" she called down. "We're going hunting for a certain someone, and Syaoran made sure that no one could detect magically, but unfortunately he couldn't silence the noise, and the artillery firing. We were just wondering if we could borrow the Silent Card for a little bit?"
Sakura blinked. "Okay, Meilin, but who are you going after?"
Meilin gave a feral grin. "Let's just say a certain English sorcerer we know."
Sakura looked puzzled. "Why are you driving a tank all the way to England? Wouldn't it be faster to fly there?"
Meilin nearly fell out of the tank. After she regained her footing, she shook her head. No wonder those two hadn't gotten together yet. Between Syaoran's shyness, and Sakura's denseness, it would take forever.
Sakura then shrugged, and pulled out the Silent Card. "Silent Card, will you listen to Syaoran-kun for a little bit?"
The card glowed to show that it would, and then she tossed it up to Meilin. "Syaoran should be able to use it now!"
Meilin smiled. "Thanks Kinomoto!"
She closed her lid, and a moment later, the tank glowed, and then drove off, without a sound.
A few feet behind them, the ever vigilant Tomoyo, who was now alone since her camera crew had ran away from the sight of the tank, made a mental note to tape the battle between Li-kun's and Meilin-chan's tank and Eriol. It should be really interesting, and she could probably sell tickets to it.
***
Sakura was at home doing her homework. She didn't notice the stray missile that occasionally flew past her window. She was only concentrating on the horrible puzzle in front of her, also known as her math homework.
She heard maniacal laughing and turned around and saw Kero playing at her computer.
AN:/(I know that they never show her having a computer, but I can make stuff up since this is my fanfic, right?)
"Yes! Soon all the pudding shall belong to me…" Kero was grinning as he clicked the purchase icon, and then about a million pounds of pudding was shipped to the address of Kero-chan. As an afterthought, he also sent a few thousand pounds to the address of Spinel Sun/Suppi-chan. That should be interesting.
"Kero, what are you doing?" Sakura asked.
Kero whirled around. "NOTHING!!!! I mean, don't worry, Sakura-chan, its nothing."
Kero then turned back to his video game.
She dismissed it as Kero's normal behavior.
Suddenly she felt a huge of magical energy. What?
At that moment, her pink engraved cell phone rang.
She pressed the button, and held it up to her ear. "Moshi moshi?"
"Don't worry Sakura-chan, Li-kun and Eriol-kun are just having a little argument."
Suddenly a huge mushroom shaped cloud appeared in the distance, right where Eriol's house should be.
"Give me a moment, Sakura-chan, I have to put on this radiation suit… and there goes the heavy artillery. This should be over just about… now. Oh yeah, if you see you brother and Kero-chan, I suggest they better be careful cause Li-kun and Meilin are on the warpath, and after Eriol, they're next on their hit list."
"Okay, I'll tell them to watch out. Uh-huh, see you later Tomoyo." Sakura hung up and turned around to look for Kero.
"Kero-chan, Tomoyo just called and told you to watch out for Syaoran-kun," she said as she turned around, but Kero was gone. "Hoe? Kero-chan? Where did you go? Kero-chan?"
***
Meanwhile in the Sakura Book…
The Sakura Book was an ancient and powerful artifact, built to hold all 52 Cards in check. It had 2 Guardians, though the Moon Guardian flew the coop a few years back, leaving a napping lion to guard the book, and we all know what a great job he did.
It was also designed to have a swimming pool, water park, a multiplex theater, theme park, and a wide screen TV and family room.
After all, bored Cards were not a good thing.
"I'm placing my bets on the master's reincarnation," said Firey.
Thanks to Silent being there, and the fact that she had brought a digital cable with her, the Cards were able to watch the destruction of Eriol's house first hand through Tomoyo's camera.
Watery shook her head. "No way. Have you seen the size of that tank? I'm betting on that Li descendant. What was his name again?"
"Li Syaoran," said the Time. "He is quite powerful, and his family is quite wealthy, so I can see where he got that tank from."
"Let's watch the beginning again," giggled the Shot. She always loved seeing stuff get blown up.
It had all started innocently as the Cards watched the Li tank roll up to he grounds of Eriol's house.
Syaoran and Meilin popped out again, and demanded to see Eriol.
That was when a huge TV screen rose up out of the ground, showing Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun.
"We're sorry, but the master is busy right now," said Ruby Moon. "If you would like to leave a message, then this is all I can say to you… screw you!"'
"Then we'll just blow up his house!" shouted Meilin back.
Spinel Sun snorted. "I'd like to see you try. This house has more military firepower than some third world countries."
"So does this tank!" answered Syaoran.
"Let's test that, then shall we?"
The TV screen sank into the ground again, and then several guns, missile batteries, hammers, and various other weapons of war appeared.
After about 10 minutes of exchanging barrages, the left and right wings of the house were in ruins, and the tank was still managing to dodge most of the missiles aimed at it, since the guns weren't doing any significant damage.
After another 5 minutes, the tank started rolling backwards.
The TV appeared again, showing a triumphant Ruby Moon, and an unconscious Suppi-chan, both of which were covered in ashes.
"HA! Guess you couldn't take it could you?" shouted Ruby Moon, even as another wall collapsed behind her."
Meilin appeared for a second, and then pointed up, smirked, and then disappeared into the tank again as it backed away.
Ruby frowned. "Suppi, why do you think that they are backing away so quickly?"
The now awake Suppi said "Check the aerial cameras."
Ruby looked up and saw a plane carrying a huge bomb.
"Oh damn," she cursed, before the bomb dropped, and the huge mushroom shaped cloud appeared, totally decimating the house, also throwing Ruby Moon, Suppi-chan, Eriol, and a bunch of teddy bears into the distance.
"Looks like we're blasting off again!!" Ruby shouted as they went flying into the sky.
"Ruby, you've been watching way too many Pokemon episodes…" Suppi trailed off as they disappeared.
"Soon I shall rule the world!!! Ha ha ha ha!" Eriol's voice came, and then faded.
There were muttered curses as the Cards watched the conclusion of the battle.
"Aw, I can't believe that that brat won!" shouted a voice.
Half of the assembled cards turned around, and immediately bowed as Keroberos sat there, gulping down pudding.
"Ha, told you," said the Watery. She was happily counting her winnings that she had made from Firey.
"What are you doing here, Keroberos-sama?" said Firey. Because they were under his protection, most of the Cards worshipped him. The rest were indifferent.
"Oh stop that," the lion said, waving a paw at them to rise. "I don't want you to do that. I just need to stay here for awhile."
The cards looked nervously at each other. They liked him, but they didn't want the pudding-obsessed lion actually living with them.
"But why, Keroberos-sama?" asked Earthy. "Has thee and the Mistress had a disagreement?"
"Of course not," Keroberos said, ignoring the time Sakura kicked him out of her room. "I just don't want to take on that tank."
"Is the great Keroberos afraid of a little modern convenience like that?" poked the Wood.
Keroberos was ready to roast a couple of Sakura Cards, when there was a loud knocking.
The Cards all looked up, and then started as 2 tall figures materialized in their living room.
"Yue-san!" Now the other half of the cards there bowed as their guardian appeared.
And one loud "Touya-san!" The Mirror looked exactly like Sakura in hanyan mode. Of course, the fact that she was doing an impression of the mistress for the entertainment of the other cards helped.
Keroberos glared at Sakura's older brother. "Yue, what is he doing here?"
Yue looked bored as he said "The mistress' brother first scared me into my true form, and then dragged me up here, all the while muttering about a Gaki with a tank."
Keroberos started roaring with laughter. "And the best place he can think of to hide is the Sakura Book?"
Yue stared at Keroberos. "And why are you here?"
Keroberos immediately stopped laughing. "Well, uh, you see, I, er, just wanted to check up on my Cards that's all, yeah, I love all my Cards right everybody?"
"I never thought that that brat would be able to destroy the former master's house." "Yeah, from what Kero-chan always ranting about, you would think that he was a weakling." "Note to ourselves, never take Keroberos' opinion for granted, he's always wrong." "Yeah, remember that time, when we could've won a vacation to Hawaii, or a lifetime supply of pudding, and he ordered us to take the pudding." "Yeah, and that lifetime supply last for one week, before he ran out again."
Keroberos sweatdropped as all of the Cards under his protection were talking trash about him.
"Touya-san!" Mirror had walked up to Touya, hugged him, and then let go, blushing.
Touya smiled. "Hey Mirror, how are you doing?"
"Fine."
Touya liked the Mirror, she had always been nice.
"Come on, let me show you the theater, and the theme park," Mirror said, grabbing his hand, and leading him out of the room.
"You have all that in here?" they could hear as Touya disappeared.
Yue sighed. He might as well stay here, at least until the chaos outside stopped.
***
Okay, how is this for a first chapter? I'm still thinking of more gags, so give me a little time. I hope that this makes up for my other story. I will write a sequel to that, give or take a few weeks, I promise. And the next chapter of this should be out in a week or less.