Basic Outline: Vernon takes the life of Harry, by his own hands. Voldemort, of course, is less than pleased, and sets off to the Muggle World to take revenge. But Vernon himself is not what he seems to be, and Voldemort's got himself in a tight fix.

o-o-o-o-o

His scar had not hurt ever since that day…

And then Harry Potter woke up from the long dream. Harry woke up, dazed. He returned to washing the dishes.

The unmistaken booms of Uncle Vernon in a bad mood came rumbling down the stairs. "Harry, what are you doing in the kitchen?" Harry stammered. "Uncle...I'm washing the dishes," he swallowed hard. His uncle's face twisted from a scowl to that of a deranged butcher's. Vernon Dudley took out his hidden tung tiu* from inside his suit and raised it menacingly above his head. "I will throttle you!"

"Please, Uncle, no!" Harry pleaded, but his efforts, unfortunately, was in vain. The lashes of the tung tiu that thwacked his blemished skin repetitively slowly got number and number, as Harry's vision sent himself spiraling in darkness...

He couldn't feel anything, not anymore.

Vernon looked at his tung tiu. "Damn, I need a new wand." His face molded into the pure definition of evil, and a black aura surrounded him as he suddenly launched into a loud, full blown laughter of victory. He slowly proceeded to tug on his face…

With a loud crack, Voldemort apparated into the Dudley's kitchen. He let out a loud roar. "You've killed Harry Potter, you Muggle scum! He is mines, and mines ALONE! AVADA KEDAVRA!" The obese man's body was hit with a green, blinding light, and fell down to the floor. He slowly got back up, much to the dark wizard's surprise. "Silly fool!" Vernon shouted. He proceeded to tug at his face again, until it slowly peeled off. Voldemort witnessed a horrific sight. Uncle Vernon's face was now replaced with his own, green skin accompanied with serpent-like features. In a flash, "Vernon" went on to take off his clothes, now revealing long, black robes, similar to Voldemort's. In Vernon's place...stood himself.

"I am the real Voldemort!" he cackled, as he whipped out his 16-inch Unicorn wand. In a bright blue flash, the wand quickly transmogrified into a 60 inch whip. "Prepare yourself for a beating, never witnessed by the galaxies!"

Voldemort stood transfixed, mouth wide open. "But...but...how?"

"Stupid mortal!" "Vernon" sneered. "I've kept an eye on you...creating Horcruxes, reaping the souls of wizards, your dominating empire ruling the Wizarding World with an iron fist. But it was all my plan, from the very beginning. Did you think you would have possibly succeeded with knowledge and power alone?"

Voldemort panicked. How did he know his secret?

"You, in fact, are my clone!"

"Voldemort" was horrified. In desperation, he whipped out his wand. "CLONUS REVEALUS"

"Vernon's" confident demeanor was soon replaced to that of horrific realization. As the spell launched him backwards causing his back to crash into the oven, he screamed in agony as his facial matters melted and bubbled until it was nothing but a steaming pile of once human matter. The Voldemort was overcome with a sense of victory...that is, until "Vernon", the real Voldemort, reassembled from the destruction, appeared behind him.

"Foolish mortal!" he screamed. "Do you think you can defy your master?"

Voldemort whipped his wand, facing the "Voldemort's" neck.

The last thing he felt was a quick, sharp pain in his entire body.

He was nothing now.

o-o-o-o-o

Yes, this is a crack in collaboration with my friend. =)

Tung Tiu = Chinese term for a long, wooden stick, more or less used to hit our sorry asses.