FOREWORD
Anyone who says that self-insert fiction is necessarily bad is talking shit. It tends to be bad, especially where fanfic is concerned, but this is not a universal truth. For example, one of the greatest poems of all time, The Divine Comedy, was basically Dante Aligheri inserting himself into a pilgrimage through the afterlife, accompanied much of the way by Virgil, whom Dante may have been a fanboy of. And then, there's all those writer characters Stephen King puts into his novels, often as main protagonists.
Now, I'm not saying that Hooked on a Feeling will even approach that level. In fact, it goes without saying that this story was started on a whim, and will probably continue on a wing and a prayer. But it's an idea that has maybe a little merit. Maybe it has a lot more. Who knows? Keep in mind, though, that while this is something of a self-insert fic, neither myself, nor many of you guys, have what it takes to truly survive on Pandora, were it a real place. At best, I'd probably end up like Tannis, an anti-social wreck whose brain is completely screwed. At worst, I'd probably end up on some Psycho's spit, turning slowly with an apple in my mouth.
You see, not long ago, I started playing Borderlands 2, partly on the strength of Team Four Star's Two Saiyans Play videos. Funnily enough, while I'm not fond of American science fiction TV (and film is variable), video games are another matter. And Borderlands seems to come off as the bastard mutant offspring of Red Dwarf, Mad Max, and Blake's 7 (or Firefly, if you really want).
The title, as you may have guessed, comes from the song that was made most famous by the Blue Suede version. There's a similar vibe between Borderlands and the movie version of Guardians of the Galaxy, who used the song in many of the trailers, as well as in the movie proper. I chose it partly because of that association, but also because it fits in with the theme of this story.
Now for the disclaimers. Firstly, as is usual with these stories, I will be annotating them heavily. Consider yourself warned, and if you don't like it, go eat some skag haunches marinated in slag.
Secondly, if the M rating and the warning above didn't clue you in, this is a work filled with violence, sexual references, and coarse language up the wazoo.
Thirdly, if you don't like self-insert fics of any kind, then the door is there, it's unlocked. Show yourself out, s'il vouz plait. Don't like? Don't read.
Fourthly, I haven't played either the original game, nor the Pre-Sequel, or the Tales from the Borderlands games. I will endeavour to include elements from them into this story, but please forgive me if I screw up.
Fifthly, YES. THERE WILL BE CHARACTER SPLASHES. I WILL ENDEAVOUR TO DO THEM IN A LITERARY STYLE THAT APPROACHES THE AWESOMENESS OF THE GAMES' CHARACTER SPLASHES.
Finally, the following is a fan-based work. The Borderlands series is the property of 2K Games, Gearbox, and whoever else I have failed to mention. The song lyrics and quotes are the property of their respective owners, with Hooked on a Feeling being the property of Mark James (songwriter) and BJ Thomas (original performer). Please, support the official release. You don't want to incur the wrath of the Censorbot, do you? You do know what he did to one lot of pirates…