A/N: I liked the promo for 3x19 – it kept nagging at me – so I wrote what I think happens. The promo left out just enough that I could get away with anything.
I OWN NOTHING! Including the movie reference :P (I had to, I'm sorry but I just had to)
That and there is a tiny bit of smut
ALSO: White Time Ranger has also published a fic based on the promo for 3x19 – so I just wanted to say that I wrote this before hers was published, so any similarity is purely coincidental. (And if you haven't read hers, do so: it's called Safest Place To Hide and it is amazing!)
HOME
Peter had no idea where he was. Walter had just disappeared as they ran from the mass of people. Peter managed to escape them, but he was worried for Walter's wellbeing. Those people sure looked like they would attack them without mercy.
They had 'appeared' in an alleyway. An alleyway that lead to a crowded street. Cars, Taxi's, people walking to work. It was a usual weekday morning.
Weren't they supposed to be inside Olivia's mind? Peter wondered.
But something was off.
Everyone had a faint glow, a shimmer outlining their bodies. As soon as Peter and Walter appeared, walking onto the street, they all stopped, turned towards them and stared. Peter felt suddenly unnerved by their fierce, judging eyes.
One man lifted his hand, pointing at them. Suddenly everyone on the street ran towards them.
"Run!" came Walter's voice. Peter took his advice, for once, to heart.
And now Peter had no idea where his father had gotten too. Peter had never thought he'd have to go looking for a lost Walter inside someone's mind, let alone Olivia's.
He couldn't exactly call out for Walter. If those people were that reactive to just seeing them, he didn't want to alert them to his location.
So he just wondered. Walter would find his own way out. Peter still had a mission. He had to find Olivia, save Olivia, wake her up so she could return home, return to him. He desperately needed to know whether or not she forgave him for keeping his shape shifter secret. William Bell had some terrible timing. It had been eating at him since. Olivia was stuck in her own mind, trapped in her thoughts. She had a long time to think about what Peter had told her and that thought scared Peter. He had only just gotten her back. He didn't want to lose her, not again.
William Bell had suppressed her for so long that she had receded. Pulling back, hiding in the deep, dark corners of her mind. Bell had described it as; 'Olivia had been suppressed so he could be there. She was in no danger, not yet. As time went by, Olivia eventually 'disappeared''. Bell believed she had created a pocket in her mind that he couldn't access. It was just her and she had control.
But now, Bell was gone and Olivia was hidden so deep down that she needed "help" to get back up. Queue Walter's drug including idea. Enter Olivia's mind. Find Olivia. Help her get through the layers of her mind to the surface. Back to her conscious state.
Everyone had different layers in their mind. Layer 1: Conscious, Layer 2: Subconscious and Layer 3: that corner where people hide their deepest secrets. The things that they shove to further corner, put in a vault, lock it in silver chains, build a wall in front of and put up huge "DO NOT ENTER" signs.
Walter believed that he could get them to her conscious layer. But since she wasn't there, it would be black. He'd need more powerful drugs to get to her subconscious layer. Intro: LSD.
"How exactly will we get out?" Peter asked.
He was sitting in a chair that reminded him of the dentist. Astrid was attaching wires and preparing the needles.
"The eyes are the window to the soul. Or in our case, her mind. Her eyes are green, so we find a green door, and voila. Green door = exit."
"Do we know what to expect once inside?"
"We can't know exactly, but I can theorise that with Agent Dunham's previous unstable environment, her emotional trauma from over, her mind will be like a prison. The first layer will be what we see. She will seem happy, content, the Agent Dunham we interact with every day. The second layer will be her subconscious. Things she either doesn't know she knows, or things she just won't admit to herself. This will be where it gets tricky."
"How so, Walter?" Astrid spoke this time. She wasn't going in with them, but she was intrigued by the idea.
"Well, my dear, Agent Dunham, as we know is a very private person. She only shows us what she wants us to see. She will have barriers of sorts. Walls put up to protect herself. If not that, then her subconscious may react to our presence. Son, have you seen the movie Inception?"
"Yeah, the one with Leonardo DiCaprio?"
"Yes. Well it will be like that. This is Olivia's mind. She has created what she wants in it, like we do in dreams. And like in that particular film, her subconscious may defend itself, protect her from us. She will sense someone is intruding and defend her mind. We must search for her there. I am not sure where she is, what layer exactly, but we know she is not on the first layer otherwise she would have woken when Bell left."
Now, Peter stood in the middle of Olivia's subconscious. Walter had been right. She was defending herself.
He was not only lost in the middle of his best friend-girlfriend's mind, but whatever Walter had injected them with was making him feel nauseated.
He stumbled to the ground, his knees scrapping as bile rose up from his stomach.
There was only one road. A very long road.
There were different buildings on the road, on both sides. Each had something in them. One was a bank. It held all of Olivia's passwords, numbers, important details for bank accounts, computers... things that were security wise. Another was a TV store. Each TV replayed different 'memories' – there were videos of Olivia and Rachel. Rachel and Ella, her mum. Charlie Francis and John Scott appeared several times, but the majority of the 'memories' were of Olivia and him. Every moment since they met seemed to be on replay right in front of him. Ranging from their first meeting in Iraq all those years ago to that night when Olivia had taken his hand, having told him she wanted what he wanted.
He'd waited so long to hold her like this, to touch her, to love her. And now, she was being pulled away from him again. But this time, this time he could do something about it. He could rescue her.
Another building was a school. Peter gathered that it was everything she remembered from her school years.
The road kept going, so Peter walked.
And walked.
And walked.
Everything was the same. Each building occupied by some unsystematic thought that Olivia had held onto for some reason. He knew that she wouldn't be in any of them. She would retreat to her vault. She would lock herself in and swallow the key.
But it wasn't the type of 'vault' Peter was expecting.
From a distance, it was shadowy mass. Like a large black cloud randomly hovering, engulfing the road ahead of him. As he approached, the shadow's slowly dispersed. Moving to the side to allow Peter to past, but closing up on where he'd just walked from. Soon he was in the middle of the shadow, unable to see more than 2 feet in front of him.
That's how he found it. Running face first into solid objects tends to make them known to oneself.
It was a tall, thick, black door, standing alone, by itself with no walls. It was chained so tight that the metal links actually cut into the door's wood frame. The chains were locked by a thick padlock. It was a padlock without a lock for a key, or a keypad for a password. It was bare.
Peter reached out and touched it. It instantly 'clicked', unlocking itself and falling to the floor with a clank. The door opened silently, revealing a white hallway. Her third layer, Peter thought.
He stepped inside and the door instantly closed behind him. Peter could hear it locking itself back up again.
Why did it let me in? If Olivia's mind is defending her why would her mind let me into a locked room?
Peter walked the hallway until the blank white hallway walls became several doors. There were, what seemed like, hundreds of them. He opened the first door he came upon, briefly sticking his head inside its room.
Inside, was what Peter saw as, a nightmare of Olivia's past. It was like he was actually there.
"He's coming back!" he heard a child scream.
A terrified blonde haired child appeared, another child, younger, followed the first down the stairs.
"No, Rach. Go upstairs. Please. Go up there and hide. Don't come down until I tell you. Lock yourself in your room and don't come out. Don't let him know your here."
The younger child, who Peter assumed was Rachel, started crying but obeyed her sister, running up the stairs. He heard the loud slamming of a door and the rattling of a chain dead-lock.
Young Olivia looked around frantically, seeing the cupboard near the door; she opened it, taking out the shot gun from inside the hallowed-out door.
She had barely loaded it before the front door slammed open and a tall, fuming, red faced man entered. She fumbled to keep the gun upright. It was heavy, weighing her arms down.
"You won't pull it. You don't have the guts to hurt me!" he boomed, "You're nothing but a selfish, annoying, good-for-nothing, little brat." He stormed towards Olivia, his hand pulled back ready to slap her.
But he was wrong. She had more guts than he'd ever know.
*bang*
The "scene" ended and Peter was literally pulled out of the room by some invisible force.
Peter had a feeling this was Olivia's third layer. Her 'deep, dark secrets' layer, hence the big door and thick chains. But why he was let in was still a mystery. Peter knew Olivia. She wouldn't let anyone know these things, even Peter had a hard time trying to get her to open up.
Peter continued to explore, briefly looking in each door, hoping to find her in one of them. Peter was shocked to see several rooms that contained memories of her and John Scott.
He stepped inside the door, entering a hotel room.
"Liv, come on." John sat on the hotel bed, shirtless and a sheet covering his lower half.
Olivia was walking around the room, picking up her discarded clothing. When she walked past John in an attempt to get her pants, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand between his legs. She was standing in her panties, buttoning up her shirt.
"John." She said with a stern voice, but it was useless, her smile betraying her. "I really have to go. I've got dinner with Rachel."
"I'm sure she won't mind you being a little late." John smirked up at her as he kissed down her chest, unbuttoning the buttons she'd just done up.
Peter stepped out of the room, closing the door quickly. He didn't want to see that.
Peter couldn't blame her for wanting to forget them. He betrayed her. Hurt her so deep that she tried to bury it away. Peter could tell she was happy when she was with John. She was truly happy. And when he had hurt her, she never was happy again. Not until Peter. And then Peter hurt her.
Everyone around her hurt her, and they continued to hurt her, and the only person who really got her was now dead. She needed Charlie; Charlie was her middle point, not a boyfriend, but a close friend who seemed to know everything.
No matter what she tried to do, she was so broken she couldn't be happy, not fully.
He found a door that behind it was Charlie. Or the shape shifter of Charlie. Inside, it replayed the event of Olivia killing him, her breaking down. She didn't know it wasn't him and she blamed herself for that. He was exactly . . . Charlie. He had downloaded all of his memories, details, gestures that made Charlie, well Charlie. And she hadn't seen that it wasn't the really him. Of course she'd want to lock that away and never think of it again.
There were two doors left, at the very end of the hallway. The one to the right, a pitch black door. A silver heart shaped lock had been clasped on it. Just like the original, it too, fell to the ground, leaving the door now unlocked for Peter to enter.
She trusted me with her secrets. She let me in.
Inside wasn't what he had expected.
It was the day he told her about him and the other Olivia. The day in the cafeteria. The day he broke her heart. But there was no sound. All that he could hear was the near-silent sobs of a woman. She had told him it was fine, tried to justify it, but he knew it hurt her, but he thought they'd get through it. She'd lied. Peter watched as the scene continued, still inaudible. When Olivia stood to leave, a voice screamed,
"How Could You! I Held Onto You and You Didn't Even Notice!" it was screaming so loudly, full of rage. Peter recognised it as Olivia's voice, Olivia's screams of anger.
He realised that this must have been what she was thinking.
The scene quickly changed. Peter was standing in Barrett's garden. There in front of him was himself and Olivia, sitting in the garden chairs.
"He said that he looked into her eyes and he knew it wasn't her."
"I held onto you. So why didn't you?"
"She wasn't me. How could you not see that?"
Peter only heard snippets, everything else muted by the heartbreaking sob-thoughts of Olivia. Those three sentences were all that seemed to matter.
Peter literally felt the ground shake as Olivia walked away. She walked right past him, not hearing his (sitting down) self say sorry. Peter felt Olivia's heart break and shatter into a million pieces.
Peter had to drag himself out of that door. He couldn't stand feeling that any more. It broke his heart just knowing that that was what she felt.
The second door wasn't locked. In fact the chain lay on the floor, lock and all and the door slightly ajar.
Inside wasn't like the other rooms. This room, the door completely disappeared once he stepped through and it shut behind him. It was like he had stepped into another world.
It was their world. Over There.
He'd stepped into what he guessed was their version of Fringe.
He watched as everyone walked past him, one even walked through him, like he wasn't there. This was a memory, and he wasn't in it, of course they wouldn't see him.
"Charlie, where'd Liv go?" a blond haired man asked. He had slight burn scars on his face.
Peter remembered Olivia telling him about him. Lincoln Lee. Her partner and best friend along with Charlie.
"Don't know. But she said she'd be back. Apparently, Frank took their car when he left for the airport. She's hitching a ride with you tonight after the bar."
"Fine, but if you see her, tell her I'm leaving in 10."
"Tell me yourself. Come on. I'm hungry." Olivia appeared. But it was the red headed Olivia. The one who had caused so many problems.
Peter felt rage boil inside of him, his fists clenched.
But Peter suddenly heard a voice. Olivia's voice.
I don't know how long I can keep this up. Charlie's already starting to suspect, not to mention Broyles. God, I need to find Henry, get him to get me to Liberty Island. Get me to the tank. Or as close as.
Peter realised that it was her thoughts. His Olivia's thoughts. It was his Olivia standing in front of him. It must have been when they tried to get her to believe she was their Olivia. She had told him that she had figured everything out that she knew who she really was.
The scene changed. The three of them, Lincoln, Charlie and Olivia (his Olivia) were sitting at a bar bench. The boys were having their butts whooped by Olivia in a drinking game.
Trust Liv to drink everyone she meets under the table.
"Hey, Liv, I thought you didn't drink?" Charlie asked. He was still partially sober, not completely but not drunk either. Lincoln was worse.
"Thiz is da layst," *burp* "time I's buyin' yous drinkz." He slurred.
Olivia giggled. Peter rarely heard Olivia giggling. In fact it was probably the 8th wonder of the world.
The scenes kept changing, and slowly, Peter started to understand their significance. IT was what she wanted back. Charlie was gone, but here, he was alive and well (as much as having arachnids will allow). Lincoln was her best friend. A big brother-slash-partner to her. After everything that had happened to her on the other side, Peter couldn't help but feel like she felt at home when she was with Charlie and Lincoln. Ever when she was herself, she felt like she could fit in there. She had friends. She had a life (albeit, her life, but a life the same). She missed seeing Charlie everyday and Lincoln was Peter, Charlie and a big brother all in one. She wanted that.
Peter walked through the world. Still searching. He had a mission and he wasn't going to get distracted by Olivia's memories.
It felt like hours before he found her. The real Olivia. His Olivia. She wasn't a memory, she was real.
She sat in front of the window, cross legged, hands idle in her lap. Watching. Just watching herself in the darkness of the confined cell. Peter watched as she watched the same thing over and over.
Olivia was in the cell, screaming, crying into the darkness, pleading for someone to help her. Peter had never seen this side of Olivia.
The scene's would speed up, like someone hit fast-forward on a TV remote. Peter watched as every day a guard would slip her food, and every day a guard would drag her out kicking and screaming, take her for tests and dump her back inside the claustrophobic cell.
He finally built up the courage to speak.
"Why do you do it? Why do you watch this over and over again?"
Olivia had known he was there.
"To remember what I escaped for. What I went through hell for. And even then, was it worth it? I still get lied to, cheated and broken just the same."
She didn't turn to look at him.
"I like it here. I'm happy."
"But you can't stay."
Peter wasn't expecting what happened next. She stood up, standing only a few feet away from him.
"And why the hell not, Peter! Don't I deserve to be happy? And who gets to decide whether or not I get to stay? Huh, you?" She glared at him. "Like you give a shit about me! I tell you everything, I pour my heart out to you, I tell you about what your father did to me. And look what that got me. You didn't even trust me to tell me what you were doing until after you did it. You are just like John. Everything's a lie."
Peter cringed at the thought of being associated with her dead lover. Peter still remembered the day he had found her crying over John, over the life he had started and planned to start with her and it all being a lie.
"Liv—"
"No, don't 'Liv' me! All you've done it break my heart."
She continued to yell at him. She'd survived hell, holding onto him, and for what, to return home only find him shacking up with another version of herself.
So he just let it all out,
"Do you know the first time I realised I loved you?" his voice was soft, solemn.
That stopped her dead in her tracks. She went silent and stared at him.
"You were in the hospital. The doctors told me that you wouldn't wake up. Walter even did his own tests because he refused to believe that you were gone." He took a step closer to her, his hand coming up to caress her cheek.
"I thought you were dead. I thought I would never hear your voice, look into your eyes." He took a deep breath, "and when you woke, I knew that I would never let anything hurt you again. But . . . I failed."
"I thought that I was the reason you were different. That somehow I made you change. But that wasn't who I fell in love with. I fell in love with the kick-ass FBI agent, who's willing to take advice from Walter, of all people, jump into a tank while pumped full of crazy drugs, and willing to chase down the unimaginable. That is who you are. And that is who I love."
Olivia stood frozen to her spot. Tears welling in her eyes.
"Hey, don't cry." He whispered, using his thumb to brush away the stray tear.
"I . . . I love you, too, so much." She spoke, her voice broken as she cried. "It just, It hurts knowing that someone you love, that the people that you though cared about you, didn't even notice that she wasn't me."
"I know. And I am so sorry. I can apologize as much as you need me to till you believe it. I will say sorry for the rest of my life if that's what it takes to get you to forgive me."
"Tempting, but I've already forgiven you. I just, I needed to remember what I did for this, for us. Why I went through it over and over and over, just so I could come home to you."
"I need you to come home. I need you to come home to me because I missed you so much."
"I missed you too."
Their lips met. A soft kiss at first, the slightest of pressure, that became full and passionate.
Their clothes were discarded, Peter brushing his hands over every piece of skin that became available to him. Olivia was out of control of her mind, her mind wondering, the scene's changing every time he touched her and her skin burned with passion.
Somewhere in her mind, she recognised the use of a bed, Peter's bedroom becoming their next surroundings.
Peter laid her on his bed, running his hands up her sides, kissing down her body.
He took it slow. Entering her slowly and moving slowly. Relishing in the beautiful sounds she made as he moved within her.
"Oh, Peter." She moaned, her head thrown back against the pillow beneath her.
He picked up his speed and soon they were both close to the proverbial edge.
She came crying his name, clenching around him, and pulling his own release from him.
They slowly got dressed again, both more than content on staying wrapped up in Peter's sheets, tangled together, but Peter still had a mission.
He hadn't noticed it earlier, too caught up in the beautiful women with him. The door was a bright green. Just a stand-alone door. It stood in the middle of his room. A bright light shining through the gap in the bottom.
"I need you to go through the green door, Liv." He stated. "Go through it with me and we'll wake up. We'll go home."
She simply nodded. Taking his hand, she walked through the door, Peter right behind her.
She was home.
fin
A/N: so how was it? My longest story/one-shot/chapter EVER! So please REVIEW