A/N:
I've recently fallen into a great deal of spare time, and seeing as I haven't published any FanFiction in a while, I decided to write this. It's just some light reading, and as per usual, it's not serious at all! Please don't take this too seriously. If you do, there's a back button on the top left corner where you could always click.
Oh, and I mean no disrespect to Tolkien or his work either. The guy's truly awesome.
FAUX-ELVISH FOR DUMMIES: An Introduction to the Language
When people normally read Tolkien's work, they stumble upon the occasional Elvish word or verse that some guy, named something along the lines of Qwertyuiopasdfghjkl, says. As we stumble upon these mystifying words, most of us would eloquently think "What the hell is this weird-arse crap?", skip a few lines, and keep on reading . Other, more curious individuals, may be intrigued and even want to learn the language. But alas, when these curious individuals decide to Google various websites on how to speak and understand Elvish, they are bombarded with half-arsed explanations, and a confusing overload of information.
Never fear! I, and a team of myself, have personally dumbed down the entire Elvish language so it is easier to learn. While you may not be able to understand Tolkien any better, you will still be able to use it to impress your friends, stun those Tolkienites, write crappy FanFiction, and even pass your second-language GCSE!
Behold, Faux-Elvish!: a language so filled with intricate flairs that when spoken, will sound so classy and brilliant that the speaker will instantly come off as a complete tool! Contradictory to popular belief, being a complete tool is something that society should revere, and what better way for society to revere you for than being able to speak fluent Faux-Elvish?
Faux-Elvish is similar to traditional real Elvish, but differs in the sense that Faux-Elvish is not real. In fact, the Faux-Elvish is so un-real that the language differs from person to person, making each variation utterly unique and anti-mainstream (any hipsters out there may want to pay special attention to this from now on).
Unfortunately, speakers of this language cannot take this language as liberally as they want without compromising believability. Like traditional Elvish, there are set forms of the language which people must follow and take heed of, such as dialects. In traditional Elvish, the dialects are Silvan, Sindarblock and Quenya, and if I've learnt anything from my geography class, Quenya is a country in Africa (or was that Kenya? I can't remember). The dialects of Faux-Elvish include, but are not limited to: English Faux-Elvish, Keyboard-Smash Faux-Elvish, Close-Your-Eyes-And-Point-At-The-Index Faux-Elvish, and Just-Make-Shit-Up Faux-Elvish.
With help from this magnificent guide, you, dear reader, will actually learn every single one of the Faux-Elvish dialects listed by the time you have finished reading this guide: half-an-hour tops, depending on how quickly you read.
What's that I hear?
"Impossible!", you say, "This is not a language that you can learn in half-an-hour!"
Challenge accepted. That being said, let's begin.
A/N:
For best results, please leave a review of this guide and favourite it. For every review and favourite, you will help to further fund the research of this incredible language and in the process, and all your life's problems will suddenly and miraculously disappear...guaranteed*!
*This is not guaranteed at all.