Big Brother
Edward looked forlornly at Hughes's door while Gracia opened it. He didn't know what to say. A lot had happened in one night. He murmured a greeting and tried to say 'I'm sorry' but the words caught in his throat.
Gracia gestured for Ed and Al to enter and then led them to where Winry was. The way Gracia had sounded on the phone he half expected Winry to be in a pitiful state of despair. He could kick himself for leaving her alone with the newspaper. Leaving her alone to learn about Hughes's death herself. Again, he had gotten to far ahead of himself.
Winry was quiet though, sitting in a chair hugging little Alicia. Winry didn't notice that Ed was standing there until Alice quipped, "Big Brother!" Winry turned to see Ed in the doorway and let Alicia free. The four year old ran over to her 'older brother'. She attached herself to his left arm, nuzzling against his sleeve.
Winry looked up from watching Alicia to see Ed's face. His eyes were wide with shock and he was trembling slightly. "Ed?" Winry got up from where she was sitting, her voice scaring little Alicia. "Ed? What's wrong?" she took him by the shoulders as Alicia stepped back and began to cry. Ed snapped out of his stupor only to see Alicia crying and Winry's look of despair. He frowned and ran out the front door and into the rain.
He stopped at the end of the walk to take a large breath. Tilting his head to the sky he let the raindrops wash over his face.
Winry ran out after him, Alicia tried as well but Al picked her up and brought her back inside. Al could just sense that his brother wanted to be alone. He contemplated dragging Winry back inside as well. Secretly though, Al hoped that Ed would talk to Winry about the things Ed didn't want to talk about with him.
"Ed?" Winry tried again, staring at his back. He didn't turn around, but he spoke softly into the sky.
"When did it start raining?" Winry walked around to face Ed. He lowered his head to look at her. The rain on his face made it look as if he cried a million tears. His face looked as if it would never smile again.
"She called me Big Brother," Ed started. Winry took his hand and led him back to the front steps.
"I thought you liked being a Big Brother," she said, not understanding Ed's reaction.
"I don't deserve to be called Big Brother. I don't deserve to be anyone's brother." He fell into a huff on the steps. Winry sat down next to him. Visions flooded back to him as he rested his elbows on his knees, head in hands. Thoughts on Al and the night of the transmutation. Thoughts drifting back to the night that Nina had been taken from this world. "Everyone who has looked up to me I let down. I let them all down." He choked back a sob. "First Al, and then Nina, and now little Alicia. I let them all down. Every one of them called me big brother and I let them all down. What good am I? I bring pain and suffering to my siblings. People who trusted me to protect them." He looked back up into the sky again.
Winry fell to hug her knees to her chest. "You know, I'm sure it's not your fault." She tried, but what could you say to a person such as Ed? She had never seen him like this before, so weak, so broken. "If it's any consolation, you never let me down." She managed a weak smile. Ed took a quick glance at her, surprised at what she had said.
"Brother?" Al's soft voice came from behind them; only Winry could see the grimace on Ed's face. "Would you please come out of the rain?" Ed knew exactly what Al had meant to say. 'Brother, I'm ordering you inside because I care about your health, but I'm going to say please because you are older than I.' That is what Al had said to Ed. He threw on his best Big Brother smile and turned to Al.
"I'm coming, besides, I owe Gracia an apology. Is Alicia all right? I didn't mean to scare her." He spoke calmly, unlike his usual language.
"Alicia's asleep," Al stated, thinking about Ed's comments, "and it's both of us who owe her an apology. It's not your fault alone Brother."
Edward threw on his manic grin, chuckling slightly. "I told you before Al, this is not your burden to bear." And with that he went inside.
Al looked at Winry; he could see the sadness written on all of her features. "I'm sorry Winry," his voice truly apologetic, "for anything that Brother said or did that hurt you, he doesn't mean to."
"It's okay Al, he didn't hurt me." She, like Ed, put on her best 'Big Sister' smile. 'He didn't hurt me, he hurt himself,' she thought. She couldn't understand the amount of pain Ed had caused himself, but she did see what irked him most. Al always called him brother. Rarely did he call Ed by name, and when addressing others he refers to Ed as 'My Brother'. Ed was always so proud about being an older brother, now it causes him pain for the guilt he had put onto himself. She wished she could help, but Ed would never accept it. He wouldn't even let Al help him, even if he insists.
"Come on Winry," Al broke her out of her silent musings. "I think we owe you an explanation as well." Al went inside and mentally prepared to face both Gracia and Winry with their story of pain. Winry silently followed Al inside and closed the door behind her.