Foreword: Nothing special I guess, just some drabble about a interviewer trying to keep their job...and obtain info about the StrawHat crew!

Disclaimer: I don't own OnePiece and I'm not currently holding a secure position at Pirate Press - probation...OI!

Hello valued readers and welcome to the Pirate Press, where I, Oni Giri Slash will interview the members of the Straw-Hat crew. If I don't make this work I'm going to get fired and live a beggars life – and you don't want that. (Laughs hysterically) anyway, here I go – wish me luck…GOOD luck of course. (Crosses soul, spins around and spits on the ground before boarding the Going Merry)
Oni Giri Slash: So, Luffy, what inspired you to become the King of the Pirates?

Luffy: This hat!

OGS (looks at hat): What about it?

Luffy: It was given to me by Shanks, the greatest pirates to ever live!

OGS: Really! The Red Hair Shanks? Wow! That is inspirational!

Luffy (excited): Yeah. Soon I'll be giving it…

OGS: So, Zolo, what made you join Luffy's crew?

Zolo: Get lost…I don't want to answer your stupid questions (gets up and walks off)

OGS (calls after): Came back you great big loaf! MY JOB'S ON THE LINE HERE…Nami! (runs over to the navigator) Hello, can you tell me what living on this ship is like?

Nami (reading book): Ever heard of hell?

OGS: Yes

Nami: It's like that – but worse

OGS (very persistent): Well…do you like Luffy?

Nami (bluntly): No

OGS: Zolo

Nami: No

OGS (annoyed): Do you like any of your crewmembers?

Nami: Not really

OGS (frowning): You're very hard to talk to…are you under stress?

Nami (looks up and glares at OGS): Do you want me to hurt you?

OGS (backs away): N-no! I can see you're busy…I'll just go…SANJI! (dashes to the chef) Who do you like on this ship?

Sanji (love heart eye): NAMIIII! (pushes past interviewer)

OGS (growls): Can't I get a word on my little note pad worth printing in a newspaper?

Usopp: I'll say something

OGS (happy now): REALLY!? (sprints over to marksman) Gee, thanks…umm?

Usopp: It's (shouts) THE BRAVE AND MIGHTY WARRIOR, CAPTAIN USOPP, MAN OF A THOUSAND SEAS, HERO OF ALL DAMSELS IN DISTRESS AND WHO COMMANDS A FLEET OF A MILLION SHIPS! I FEAR NOTHING AND BANISH ALL EVIL!

OGS (blink, blink – stunned): Wow…uh…that's quite a title you've got there…er?

Usopp (shouting): YOU CAN CALL ME…THE BRAVE AND MIGHTY…

OGS (sighs dully): I really don't have the time for this (walks off, then sees Chopper) Hey there, do want to answer some questions?

Chopper (uncertain): Umm, sure – I guess

OGS (cheers): THANK THE GOOD LORD! Okay – how old are you?

Chopper: Fifteen

OGS (writes it down): Yep and how did you join this crew?

Chopper: It's kind of a long story…

OGS (looks wildly around): I'm not going anywhere!

Luffy (calls Chopper): OI CHOPPER! WANNA A GAME OF PIN THE TAIL ON THE REINDEER? (leaps off the figure head and chases after Chopper)

OGS (distraught): DON'T KILL HIM UNTIL I GET SOME INFORMATION OUT OF…why do I bother? (sulks off) My boss is going to kill me…(gets knocked out by incoming rubber fist)

Life can be really...painful - but they're the risks we take to give you a satisfying read.

- Pirate Press -

AN: Yeah, yeah, yeah - I'm tired, it's short and...I'm tired.

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