Disclaimer: Mou… this is too bothersome to own. Pash.

Summary: Naruto gets a strange visitor in his kitchen one night. Just what does this visitor have to do with Sasuke?

Notes: I'm sadistic, I'm sadistic, I'm morbidly sadistic. S'all you really need to know about me here. This is one of the fics where I will try my hardest to keep rape out of it. However, please don't think about that too much. I might have Itachi screw Naruto because I want to. But that's only if I'm caught in an even more morbid mood than I was when I started this fic. This fic is bloody, angsty and will probably break down all barriers that anyone has on anything turning out like everything should. Whatever that means, I have no idea. And don't ask me about it. I'm writing without thinking. Whatever comes out comes out and I don't give a damn. Aaragh… my head needs to stop hurting.

Live to Hate, Hate to Live
Chapter One: Pain

Uzumaki Naruto, now fifteen years old and still a genin, walked into his almost barren apartment. Contrary to popular belief, the apartment wasn't messy. All that he had was the bare minimum and so there weren't any other belongings to take up all the empty space.

Tiredly, the blonde made his way to the kitchen for a drink. All the while, the boy muttered about how much he was going to kick Sasuke's ass one of these days. Even though he knew that his teammate was stronger than him, that didn't discourage Naruto. He honestly believed that one day – he would be able to surpass his rival and be recognized.

"Hello, Kyuubi," a deep voice greeted him.

Naruto shot his head up, blue eyes widening at the sight of a visitor in his kitchen. And not just any visitor it appeared.

The man sitting in the boy's only chair (for he never expected company – so why have more than one chair?) was none other than one Uchiha Itachi.

"You!" Naruto growled.

Itachi merely smirked. "Yes, me," he replied silkily.

Naruto's hands clenched into fists as he tried to rein in his anger. "What are you doing here?"

Itachi smiled grimly. "Why – I'm here to see you," he informed the genin. "Isn't that obvious?"

Naruto's hand moved slowly, coming to a stop at the shuriken holster on his leg. He didn't get anything out though… at least not yet, anyway.

"Why?"

"To see you, Kyuubi."

Naruto's mouth was a grim line. "Well, you've seen me, bastard, now leave."

"Not until I've spoken."

"You've already said shit, so out!"

Naruto knew that it was stupid trying to order Uchiha Itachi around. It had been four years since Sasuke had tried to go to Orochimaru – and Naruto, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba and Neji had risked their lives to bring him back. They had succeeded, barely, in their quest. Naruto had grown so much since then.

However, not much had changed. Since very few knew that Sasuke had left, the village still worshipped him. Not many people cared for Naruto. Sakura swooned after Sasuke.

Everything was the same.

Uchiha Itachi being here, however, messed up the pattern. The last time the elder Sharingan user had been here, Sasuke had left – and almost died because of some mental technique that Naruto never wanted to experience. Naruto had almost been kidnapped, and Itachi was after the demon in his stomach.

Had that changed? Why would Itachi try to be civil to him, if that particular fact had stayed the same?

Naruto wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to know, but his overwhelming curiosity wanted to know what Itachi wanted. So, the blonde merely grunted, "Speak."

"I'm not here to capture you, Kyuubi," the man said, not moving his eyes from Naruto's. It was as though Itachi had read the blue-eyed boy's mind, which unnerved the fox-boy. "If I was, you'd already be unconscious and we would not be having this conversation. Now, I'm only going to say this once, Kitsune, so listen closely. I've noticed you have taken an interest in my younger brother."

"Wha-?"

"Right now, all you have is rivalry, but I do not know what the future holds, even though I have my theories. Therefore, I am ordering you – if you want to stay alive, then it would be best if you stay away from my brother."

"What…?" Naruto voiced, completely confused. His anger rose and he glowered at Itachi, finally releasing his anger through his words. "I don't understand why you're asking this or why you're here or anything like that! But I really don't give a fuck! Get the fuck out of my house! Stop telling me shit as if you own me."

Before Naruto could do anything, Itachi had him pinned against the wall. The blonde struggled, trying to get out the hold, but Itachi was stronger than him and he could barely breathe, let alone move.

"You see, Naruto-kun," the man breathed in his ear. "I do own you."

With that, the elder Uchiha was gone, leaving a very confused and shaking Naruto behind.

He stared into the darkness, not moving. Not even the thought of food, or a shower, or anything of that nature came to him. His mind was completely blank.

Was Itachi… hinting that Naruto might like Sasuke? Maybe even… love him? No, but that couldn't be true. If that was true, he might as well kill himself now, instead of waiting for Itachi or Orochimaru to do it. There was no way in hell that Sasuke would ever return his feelings.

The blonde curled up into a little ball, head on his knees, as his arms wrapped his legs closer to his body.

Was there any reason for him to stay away from Sasuke? Sasuke was his rival… love… love could not form from hate! And Naruto knew that Sasuke hated him – just like everyone else did… as well as Kakashi could hide it, Naruto knew that the man must hate him.

Sakura didn't bother hiding it… Iruka… Naruto had killed Iruka's parents, so there was no reason for Iruka to love him.

Taking a kunai out of his holster, he put the tip to his wrist and began making marks on the tanned skin until crimson blood gushed forth. This pain – this was real.

The feeling of friendship… that wasn't real.

Shikamaru… the only Chuunin among the Rookie Nine. He was always complaining, but he believed in Naruto. He had come to understand Naruto in a way that no one bothered with.

Kiba… the jokester, almost as good as Naruto himself. He was always with Akamaru, his loyal nin-dog. Kiba had accepted Naruto a long time ago, though neither really cared to admit it.

Neji… the boy who had found that fate didn't always have a hand to play. He was always believing in Naruto after the first Chuunin exams.

Hinata… a quiet girl. No one really knew what went on behind her head except for Kiba and Shino, because they were her teammates and it was their job.

Chouji… always with his food, yet strong when called upon. Chouji was amazing.

Lee… never giving up hope, never surrendering to the odds. He had finally reached a genin status again after Tsunade's operation had been a success.

Gaara… the only one who could dare dream to know what it was like to be a jinchuuriki. The only one who knew what it was like to harbor a demon, but he was braver than Naruto. He didn't wear a mask of lies.

Tenten… always smiling. Everyone knew she had a thing for Neji, but Neji, being the self-centered guy he is, never noticed. She would always greet Naruto with a smile ever since they had come back from the Sasuke rescue mission.

Temari… Gaara's sister, a rambunctious teenager who was always grinning and was the only one who could get a decent rise out of Shikamaru. It was always amusing to watch the two go at it.

Sakura… his own teammate. They had been paired together for years, and yet she still refused to acknowledge him, still treating Naruto as though he were nothing.

Ino… Sakura's best friend. She was always there throughout Naruto's childhood as well, she was vain, but sometimes fun to be around.

Shino… not much could be said for the bug boy. He was silent, but he had helped Naruto when the blonde went after Gaara and Sasuke, and for that, Naruto has acknowledged him.

Iruka… the one person who always believed in Naruto. The one who would always take him for ramen, and come by his apartment to make sure that he was okay.

Kakashi… his sensei. The man who would always be smiling that ever-annoying grin and always be testing the three genin that were assigned to him, never showing that he truly cared. But you know he did.

Konohamaru… the little brat that said he would take on Naruto as Hokage. The little idiot who Naruto had recognized as Konohamaru rather than as the Hokage's grandson.

Tsunade… the gambling Godaime. She was always able to help Naruto out of a fix, always able to treat him like a son, and never afraid to put him back in his place. The difference with her, instead of all those who tried to keep him in his place, was that she did it for his own good, rather than because of the demon inside of him.

Jiraiya… his second teacher. The man that called himself a Super Pervert seriously and always believed in Naruto, teaching him the Summoning Jutsu and Rasengan. Jiraiya was always there, even if it was just for advice.

Sasuke… his best friend. Sasuke was… had always been there for him. He had never told the Uchiha how much it had hurt when the boy had chosen Orochimaru over Konoha. He had swore to bring him back and so he brought him back. It was as simple as that.

The friendship given by these people didn't exist. It was fake – they were probably laughing at him while he sat here. Even for all the semblances of the fact that they seemed to care, it was probably just some ruse.

Stupid Naruto.

Idiot Naruto.

How could anyone like him?

Monster Naruto.

Demon Naruto.

How could anyone care?

Dobe Naruto.

Dirty Naruto.

How could anyone actually be his friend?

How could any of this ever be real?

He was a monster – that's the way it always was, and always would be… because nobody cared. No one except the knife that always bled for him, pricking his arm so that he could believe that he was human when such depressions like this one overtook him.

Naruto awoke in his bed, cold sweat clinging to him as he sat there, breathing rapidly. He clutched his sheets in one hand as his other was fisted over his heart. Cerulean blue eyes stared around wildly as they peeked out from under a mass of blonde hair.

It had been three months since that night – when Itachi first appeared in his kitchen and claimed Naruto to be a part of his property. Sasuke's older brother had made frequent visits since then, whenever he thought that Naruto had done something… out of line to his younger brother, the Mangekyou Sharingan user would appear.

The visits were not something that Naruto was fond of. He began to become afraid of going back to his apartment – which at one point had been his only sanctuary – for the chance that Itachi would be waiting in his kitchen, like he always was.

So he found reasons not to go home – taking on more D-rank missions than needed, chasing Sakura around more (even though he didn't like her), finding more reasons to stay at Iruka's for an extra hour or two, just to name a few.

However, tonight, he didn't want to return to his house yet and there were some complications to his usual other reasons. Namely, Iruka was away on a mission and so was Sakura. Kakashi had disappeared and Jiraiya hadn't been seen around Konoha for at least two weeks.

So, Naruto decided to visit the last place he would expect himself to go. The Uchiha Estate. Sighing to himself, and calling himself a moronic fool several times in his head, Naruto paid for the bowl of ramen he had been eating and set off in the direction of the old buildings.

--

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.
Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

Jimmy Eat World, Pain

--

Kyuubi-kun's Korner!

Like I said at the beginning, I am one sadistic bitch. If you don't like that, then I don't recommend you read what's to come.

Thanks a lot to Kuroi Hikari, my beta for this story (I think I have a beta for every story -.-) She helped me a lot in this and so I just figured that she deserved her name right here, for all the world who reads this story to see! Mwa

26 December 2005

Editted this a little bit. When I hit a writer's block, I edit everything, so since I've hit a block on this story, I hope to edit it. Wheeee... ciao