I trudge down the hallways, slowly, panicky. Everywhere around me I look for him. The constant torment of my day, he who fills me with pain and weakness. I try to let it not get to me, but with times like now, and with times as troubling as they are, it's hard to stay strong. He's broken me beyond limits, and I don't think I'll ever feel whole again.
I keep my arms crossed at my chest, pulling at the sleeves of my Express sweater. A sign of insecurity, of being scared. Perhaps, but there is another reason I hide behind things so well now.
I manage to slide my way through the halls and out the main foyer. I quickly walk to the bench under the big tree in front of McKinley. I sit and let out a sigh of relief. For a few more minutes of the day, I was safe. Safe from Karofsky, safe from the bullying, and safe from being scared for the rest of the lunch period.
I put my head back, and let the breeze blow across my face. It feels so nice, so comforting. It reminds me of feeling as if someone actually cared about me.
But I knew that they didn't. Sure, there were the glee club kids. I knew they loved me and would do anything to protect me, but it wasn't enough. Being tormented daily, threatened and pushed around just for being gay, it's like being in hell, with no escape anywhere I look.
I looked around the area, making sure no one was close by. I tugged at the ends of my sleeves, slowly pushing them away from my hands and up to my elbows. I laid my arms out in front of me, letting reality sink it, letting what was written on my arms remind me of the reason I was doing all this, why I was planning everything perfectly. So that I would have no other option. Once it was done, it would be done.
Everyone has their secrets. And mine is; I cut myself, an attempt to heal the pain that I am caused partly for knowing Karofsky's secret, and the rest for simply being me. The other part of my secret; I have my suicide planned out, and no one or nothing will get in my way until it is too late for anything to be done.