A/N: Okay, so, here's the thing. I tend to write in bursts- I'm either writing all the time and getting a lot done (i.e. posted), or I'm not writing at all. Lately, I have been not writing at all. For anyone who enjoys my stuff and has been waiting for me to post again, this is for you. Some shameless Chlerek smut (with just a smidge of Derek angst, 'cause I do love me some Derek angst).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this offering dear devoted reader. It has been a long time coming, for which I apologize.
Please, please review if you like what you're about to read. Your comments mean a lot to me, and every now and then I write a little bit more because of them.
She straddled my hips, her arms around my neck drawing me close, crushing her breasts against my chest. The house was silent but for her soft moans- my ragged breathing. She knotted her fingers in the hair at the nape of my neck, arching her back as she ground her pelvis into my erection. Her breasts thrust upward and I caught a tight, rosy nipple in my mouth, my hands circling her narrow hips, gripping tightly, slamming her core down firmly against mine. She groaned and raked her nails through my hair. She was naked but for a pair of white cotton panties as she writhed against me, hissing my name as I bit down softly on the nipple in my mouth. I still had my jeans on. If I took them off- if I allowed myself to feel the heat of her arousal with any more intensity that I was right now, I don't think I could-
She wasn't ready, despite her almost complete nudity and her frantic, "more, Derek. More."
I gave her more- twisting a hand in her hair, I brought her mouth down to mine. Her lips parted for my thirsty tongue, which met and tangled with hers beyond the barrier of her teeth, drinking down the moan that rippled over it. Her fingertips, sliding from my hair and down my chest, played lightly over my nipples as they traveled down my stomach to sink below the waistband of my jeans.
A growl rumbled in my throat, half arousal, half reminder- I needed to focus, needed to keep myself from letting this spin out of control. I reached down and twined my fingers with hers, bringing her arms up and behind her head, locking them in place against he back of her neck. The action raised her breasts and arched her backward. I couldn't resist running my tongue through the valley between her small, high breasts. She moaned and struggled to free her hands from mine as I abraded her hard, sensitive nipples with my stubble roughened jaw.
"Derek," she breathed, her hips circling jerkily atop mine.
"Hmm?" I grumbled against her skin, my lips moving slowly down her stomach as I bent her backwards. She had to work to keep from sliding to the floor so couldn't move as easily against me. My body mourned the loss of friction, and I bit down on the frustrated growl threatening to bubble up from my gut. This distance was important- necessary. My tongue lapped the soft skin of her belly, delving once- twice- into her belly button and she moaned. I reveled in the sound, knowing that I could give her this. I could pleasure her in this way that was safe for her, that stopped me from-
She pushed forward suddenly, taking advantage of my distraction, my weakened grip. Her breasts collided with my chest, her thinly covered core sliding over the bulge in my jeans and pushing down. I groaned, my hands sliding down her back of their own accord, coming to rest on her hips once more, urging her to move against me again. She did and I buried my face in the hollow where neck meets shoulder, my tongue tracing the sharp line of her collar bone.
She sighed, drawing me closer, her forehead coming to rest on my shoulder as her hips moved in gentle, rhythmic thrusts against me. Her hot breath spilled down my chest and her fingers bit into the small of my back, just above my ass.
"Chloe," I groaned, my lips trailing up her neck, my teeth scraping the tender flesh behind her ear. "We can't."
"I want to," she panted, thrusting into me more firmly. "I'm ready."
"No," I managed, trying to push her away and succeeding only in moving my lips to her delicately arched neck as her head fell back, breasts upthrust. Her fingers moved to my shoulders and bit down. "I don't want-"
Many, many things. I didn't want to push her, didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to scare her away. But most of all, at this moment, I didn't want to stop. The house was empty, we were alone for the first time in months, and I wanted- desperately wanted- to have this girl.
"Don't stop," she panted, pressing her forehead against mine. "Derek, please."
Her eyes met mine and I could see the desire in them, the need that burned as hot and consuming as my own.
We'd been running for almost two years. In the beginning, neither one of us had wanted to complicate our already helter skelter situation with sex. A year ago, I started to see the signs- she was ready to complicate things. For a shy girl, Chloe had never been demure about our physical relationship. She was an eager and curious partner and any steps we'd taken toward getting to this point- her practically naked on top of me, my hands wandering freely- had been at her urging. Not that I was complaining, I just- I'm a big guy and I could push her, physically, if I wanted to. I just never wanted her to feel like I had. So I took it slow, took it easy, and let her decide how far we went and when.
Still, when she started talking about taking things to the next level- even started taking birth control pills- I felt myself backing off even more. Not because I didn't want her. But because I did.
When we were together like this I could feel my control slipping. The sensations- the feel of her body against mine was so intense, so overwhelming, that I was afraid, if we were to take it there, the feeling of her wet, naked skin against mine, her smell drenching, mingling with mine- the feel of her hot and wet around me as I plunged into her-
I shuttered against her, crushing my lips to hers with bruising force.
I would hurt her.
I wouldn't mean to, but I would.
And she would forgive me, maybe even take some of the blame.
The thought was like a bucket of ice water down my spine.
I pulled away from her so suddenly that she stilled and I was able to slide out from under her. Launching from the couch, I strode toward the window- breath heavy, hands shaking. I looked out at the calm, still night, trying to force the tranquility of the evening to slow my heart rate, cool my flame hot skin and get me back to a place of thought, rather than sensation.
"Derek?"
I could feel the heat of her behind me, the gentle sway of her breasts as she pressed them against my spine, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her fingers found my waistband again, but didn't push inside. The hot puff of her breath on my back made me shiver.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't want to hurt you," I said to the woods outside the window. Words like these came easier when I didn't have to stare into the utter trust and acceptance in her eyes. She knew I was afraid of losing control- she also believes wholeheartedly that it would never happen. That I loved her too much to let it happen. When she looked at me like that- told me how much she trusted me- I would sometimes let myself believe that she was right. But not tonight. If something went wrong- if I wasn't careful enough-
I can't lose her. It would destroy me.
I spun, gathering her up in my arms, crushing her to my chest, my hands flush against the skin of her back. I buried my nose in her hair, breathing in the sweet smell of her that was love and trust and home.
Two years ago- the guy I'd been- I would have thought myself such a fool, to be so utterly, irrevocably linked to a girl. It would have seemed cumbersome and illogical- I was a self-sufficient individual who valued his independence, enjoyed his solitude and had all the socialization he could want in a brother/best friend. I didn't know what it meant to love in a way that wasn't based on familial bonds. I didn't know how it could- would- change me.
Two years ago, I was so alone and desperate not to notice how empty I felt.
Today, I found it difficult to go more than an hour without touching her.
How could I live with myself if I hurt this girl who had become the very air I breathed.
"You wont hurt me," she whispered into my chest, her words an echo of my thoughts.
"You don't know that," I breathed into her hair.
"I do," her voice was resolute. She pushed away from me, far enough that she could look into my eyes. Her hands snaked up my neck, cupped my jaw. Her eyes burned into mine, alight with such unwavering certainty that I almost-
I looked away. "Don't."
"Derek, I want this. I want you," she said, her small hands gripped the sides of my face, trying to pull me back to her, but I resisted. It was too easy to fall into her eyes. To convince myself that she was right.
"We can't," I spat through clenched teeth, my hands moving to hers, trying to pull her away.
"Why?" she whispered angrily. "Why can't we Derek?"
"You know why!" I shouted, turning to her at last, hoping that my anger would put her off, scare her away.
I should have known better.
My eyes sunk into the tear bright pool of hers, and I was suddenly awash in her feelings of hurt- of betrayal.
"Oh, Chloe. No," I whispered, bending to kiss away the twin tracks of tears streaking her cheeks. She looked away
"You don't want me," she said to the floor, so quietly that had I not been in possession of superhuman hearing, I might not have caught it.
I gripped her cheeks and dragged her eyes back to mine. "You're wrong," I told her, before fisting a hand in the hair at the base of her skull and crushing my lips to hers. Punishing her for ever thinking I was anything but consumed by her.
She moaned, wrapping her arms around my neck, drawing me closer.
Then we were falling- Chloe beneath me, safe in the cage of my arms. We hit the carpet and my jeans clad erection slammed home into the V of her thighs. We moaned together, each devouring the others pleasure with mouths that would not be parted.
This time, when her fingers found my waistband and popped the button of my jeans, I didn't pull away- skitter back and list all the reasons it would never work- but lifted my hips, allowing her to shove the material down over my hips and away. Her panties followed and we were, for the first time, skin to skin. Hot, sweat dewed, naked flesh pressed so closely together it was hard to find the seam that marked one body as separate from the other.
"Are you sure?" I panted against her lips, pulling back to find her eyes.
"Yes," she breathed, and there was no hint of fear, no uncertainty in her voice- her eyes.
I plunged into her, my hard length sinking past the barrier that marked her as a virgin.
A sharp exhale and I froze, searching for her eyes again.
A mist of tears moistened her lower lashes, but I couldn't tell if they were from the pain, or something else. She smiled when I met her gaze- at the apology she must have seen in mine, the worry. She stroked the dark stubble of my cheek with the back of her hand, then kissed me with so much tenderness that I felt the fear in the pit of my stomach wither and die and knew she'd been right all along. She was my heart, my soul and my home. Nothing in this world could cause me to bring this girl pain.
"I love you," I whispered when her lips dropped from mine. She smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkled and a few small tears slipped down her cheek. I kissed them away and moved gently inside of her. A slow forward and back that sent a shiver through her whole body.
"Is that okay," I asked.
"Yes," she breathed. Her knees bent and she locked her ankles around my back. Her hands were in my hair. "More," she moaned.
I moved again, another slow, forward thrust, and watched her face change- her mouth opening, nostrils flaring, pupils dilating- as she arched into me.
When I thrust again, faster, plunging deeper inside of her hot, wet opening, she moaned and closed her eyes.
"No," I said, kissing her temple. "Open your eyes. I want-" another trust and a breathless groan escaped me. "I want to see."
Her eyes opened and locked on mine, staying there as I pumped faster and faster, each new trust taking me deeper inside of her. Her breath came in quick, shallow pants, her nails biting into my bunched shoulder muscles. I braced my hands on either side of her head, digging my nails into the carpet. I could feel every muscle in my body tightening, could feel the wildness of my thrusts, spurred on by her answering moans.
"Derek," she panted, her eyes wide and pleasure glazed. "Derek, I-" a tremor rocker her body, thrusting her hips off the floor as her inner walls began to quiver around me.
"Derek," she said again, her voice high and urgent as she rocked against me, taking me deeper. Deeper.
"I love you," she said as he back arched and her head fell back, her orgasm trembling through her body, squeezing me tight. Too tight. I pulled back once more and pistoned firmly, powerfully forward before every tense, quivering muscle in my body released and I spilled myself inside of her, her name a prayer of devotion on my lips.