Jessica jumped off of the ceiling, pulling out a butcher's knife. She held it up, ready to thrust it into the intruder's back. Jessica jumped back in horror, suddenly realizing the intruder's indenty. He was... he was.. VOLDEMORT!

Voldemort hissed and held his wand to Jessica's neck, "What exactly do you think you are doing, Mud blood!"

"I'm eating pie, you medieval dunce!" She pulled out a cherry pie from inside her bra and held it to his face.

Voldemort cheered. "Yummy! Can I have some?"

"No! You killed Mr. yummalicious hottie Dumbledore!" Jessica swallowed the pie whole in one bite.

"B-but... he always stole my favorite sandals. And he copied my prom dress!"

Jessica patted him on the back, "I know the feeling." she turned her eyes to the air, nostalgia overcoming her, "I really do wish I'd had a chance to have sex with him. Imagine. Soft big tickly beard. And on top of that, he was a headmaster. How awesome? It'd be like beyond sleeping with a teacher. A HEADMASTER!"

"Don't touch me!" He lifted his wand again, "Avada kedavra!" Suddenly Jessica felt to the floor her body going still. Voldemort burst into giggles, waving his arms around. He had always loved killing, he flash-backed to his very first kill. It was when he was five years old. "Good times," He said out loud. Finally, he returned to his objective.

The girl lay on the floor, her head rolled into a blanket of pixie dust. With faith and trust it floated into the air and toward Voldemort. Voldemort screamed and started running, however soon he was surrounded by the lost boys, playing the harry potter theme on their flutes. Wendy flew in through a window calling, "Oh, Peter? Why did you run? I just wanted to give you a kiss!" Tinkerbelle flew in right after her and began to pluck her eyelashes out, one by one. Wendy cried as Tinkerbelle plucked her lashes, thinking longingly of not having any eyebrows to be plucked or no nose for that matter too; then she saw Voldemort.

She scowled and pulled her shoe off. "Jerk!" She tossed the shoe at her Ex's head.

Voldemort's eyes widened and he ran after Wendy, "Wait Wendy-love-cutie-yummy-yummalicious-hottie-chan! Let's have sex again!"

"No! Peter is so much sexier then you!" Peter poked his 10 year old head through the window. "What does that mean, Wendy? Is that something you do with your mother?"

Wendy smiled sneakily. "Lemme show you Petey Sweetie. Come here and take those clothes off!" Tinkerbelle threw pixie dust in Wendy's eyes and turned to Peter. "RUN PETER RUN!"

Peter Froze. He couldn't choose. To listen to his trusted fairy, Tinkerbelle or his beloved mother Wendy. Finally he lost all his happy thoughts and fell hitting the ground with a sickening cracking sound.

"YES!" Voldemort cried "The kid is dead! Now can we have sex Wendy?" Wendy shrugged. "Sure, but I get new lingerie."

Tinkerbelle flew over to peter. She checked his pulse. Nothing. Her light began to fade and she laid next to Peter waiting for Death to take her away from this cruel, cruel world. As she was crying, she saw Captain Hook being eaten by the crocodile. She smiled through her tears. Maybe there was some goodness after all. The Crocodile finished his wonderful dinner then burped with satisfaction.

Tinkerbelle cheered and giggled. "I give up my vow of virginity. You are one smexiness-making croc!" She chased after him giggling.

The Crocodile's eyes widened in horror! "I heard it was bad luck to have sex with a fairy! I could lose my teeth!" The crocodile began to swim away toward The black pearl that was sailing toward the shore.

Harry Potter rose out of the shore. "NO! HAVE SEX WITH ME YOU DASTARDLY CROCODILE!"

Jack Sparrow looked over the side of his ship and called out, "No he's mine!" He grabbed a rope and slid down toward the water. It was freezing but was worth it as long as he got to be with his one and only crocodile lover. The crocodile face-palmed "This is cuckoo. I have a monkey wife in Africa you loco pollos" With that he went off to the airport to buy himself a plane ticket

Jack gasped, "So I'm the other man?" He grabbed his gun and held to his head. With one last swallow of rum he pulled the trigger. Elizabeth stepped up to the side of the ship and looked odwn at his floating body. "Dumb drunk. I guess I'll just have to have an affair with someone else in the next movie..." With that she began to make out with Barbosa. Barbosa laughed and started dancing around singing "Because Your love, your love, your love, your love, is my drug. Because your love-" Elizabeth slapped him.

"Never repeat that song. Again." Elizabeth said knowing that ke$ha was prettier then her. Ke$ha rolled her eyes "Stop ta-ta-talkin that Blah Blah Blah." Elizabeth pulled out her sword and glared at the most annoying singer on the face of the earth.

Ke$ha pulled out her whip and whistled. "I have backup sweetie" She told Elizabeth and suddenly various shapes fell out of the sky. Fred & George, Tonks, Mad-eye, Hermione, Mundungus Fletcher, and... JUSTIN BEIBER!

Elizabeth began to squeal. "Justin! I LOOOOOVE YOU!" She handed her favorite album to him and asked, "Will you sign this, Sweetie?"

Ke$ha shrugged. "Well this conflict is solved." She grabbed the rest of Justin's pack and they all went off to watch Voldemort and Wendy, eating popcorn, leaving Justin to the deranged fangirl.

Justin's eyes widened. "Erm, I'm flattered that you're such an... enthusiastic fan but I think I should tell you... I'm a girl..." Elizabeth's expression flickered for only a moment then returned, "I don't mind." She then grabbed Justin and dragged her down to the captain's quarters.

Suddenly a volcano erupted. Everyone died. The End