THIS IS JUST A PROLOUGE, I AM TRYING OUT SOMETHING THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD AWHILE AGO. My next chapters will be significantly longer, I just wanted to get a feel of how people would respond…

He didn't know how long he had been standing there. His feet had gone numb a while ago, and he welcomed the dull aching pain in his back. Every since he woke up this morning he had been like a zombie. There was nothing…he should be sad, angry, grief stricken, but he stood there not feeling anything.

He didn't understand why he was alive. What made him so special? They were both standing right there, less than eight inches apart and yet here he stood. Barely a scratch on his body, and there they lay, in a shiny new casket. The light filtering in from the stained glass windows danced over the surface making it seem like a shiny package on Christmas morning. It was as if the casket were taunting him. 'You know you want to open me up…you can't resist a shiny package! Come on, lift the lid…you know you want to…'

And oh god did he want to open the casket. He wanted to open the lid and look inside and instead of a body find a video camera that was meant to capture his facial expression and everyone run out from the back of the church as if he were on punked or something…and he would laugh and be able to look into those eyes again. To see that smile, here their voice.

But he didn't move. He stood unblinking, not crying, numb…He didn't care. He knew people would begin to arrive for the service soon and he would have to take his seat, but right now he couldn't bring himself to move. He didn't want to look at the casket, but once he laid his eyes on it, he couldn't stop looking at it, or the array of photos that surrounded it.

He remembered hearing that the body had been so badly mangled that the face was beyond recognition. The casket would remain closed, so people wouldn't have to see their face broken and lifeless. They could forever remember them happy and alive.

He wasn't entirely sure if he were happy about the casket being closed, or if he were disappointed. To him, seeing the body would seem as if they were simple sleeping. He wasn't sure he could trust himself to not shout at them to wake up. He couldn't say for 100% certainty that if it were open he wouldn't just grab them by the shoulders and rattle them until he saw those eyes blink open in surprise. But because it was closed he couldn't see for himself that the body was actually in there. He wouldn't be able to see for himself that they were actually dead, and get the closure he desperately needed.

The longer he stood there, the more he began to feel. The anger, the blame, the grief…it was beginning to drown him. He had to leave. He had to get out of here. He was suffocating now. The tears he was unaware of fell down his face unashamedly, a guttural feral growl forced it way up from the very depths of his soul.

He had to leave now before people started to arrive. He couldn't let anyone see him like this. He began to move. Slowly at first, and then faster and faster until he was running, but instead of running for the door, he was running towards the casket. He was kneeling in front of it, clutching the picture frame he didn't even remember grabbing, tight against his chest. He began to fully cry now. Huge soul wracking sobs that shook his entire body. He couldn't stop…

'Why? Oh God…Why? I have never doubted you…I have always trusted you fully, blindly believing in you…and this is how you acknowledge my faith in you? This is how you repay me?' He stood again, so overcome with anger that he threw the frame he was holding against the ground. He watched as the glass shattered out over the floor in every direction mirroring his life at the moment. He sank back down next to the ruined frame barely registering the glass stabbing into his knees. He picked up the photo and finally saw it. He actually looked at it and thought 'we won't ever look at each other again. I won't ever be able to look into your eyes, or see you smile again…Why did you have to die? How could you leave me like this…don't you know how much I need you? Oh god no…'

He stood up folding the photo and tucking it into his breast pocket. Looking back at the casket one last time, he finally made his way towards the back doors of the church. He stopped at the door and looked to the right of the frame. He reached out to dip his hand into the holy water in habit, but paused just before his fingers broke the surface of the water. For the first time ever in his life, he left the church without blessing himself.

Outside it was so sunny he had another surge of anger so strong that if he could punch someone over and over again he would. It shouldn't be sunny today…it should be cloudy and rainy with huge gusts of wind to reflect the mood of the funeral.

He reached his car and got in, suddenly so overcome with grief and denial that he just started to drive. He didn't stop until his car had to be refueled. He quickly took care of the necessities, and continued driving. By the time he finally stopped driving he was shocked to find out where he was. Had he really driven that far? He realized with a start that he was in Laramie, Wyoming. He could do this. He could start over here, he could outrun his past and hope that it would never catch up with him…it was official; Elliot Stabler had left New York City for good. He wasn't ever going back…not without her…

AN

Okay, there you have it. If you like it, if you hate it let me know! Please review! Thanks,

Nan