Went for something simple and fun, hope you liked it
Roman Torchwick, he was Roman fucking Torchwick, mass murdering, rich, intelligent, Roman Torchwick and he was currently sweating his ass off on some piece of shit cramped little van in the middle of Vacuo's desert with no air conditioning. Who the fuck drives through Vacuo without air conditioning. Well in any case life was going just fucking great. In fact today was a rare occasion, someone hadn't tried to kill him today. Gotta take the small victories right. The only thing that was weird about no one trying to kill him today was that he was on his way back from a dust robbery, a failed dust robbery, with a full team. The only problem with that fucking gem of wisdom is that there was no fucking dust to rob because they were in the middle of the desert so why the fuck would there be any guards to shoot him! he had wasted a week trolling around Vacuo looking for that god damn dust train that intelligence guaranteed would be there to find out that some, incredibly gifted, individual managed to give him and his men the wrong coordinates and not a single egghead manged to spot that they sent him to the middle of nowhere until AFTER they were in the middle of nowhere. The best part of this whole thing though, was the fact that he had to report this whole fuck up to cinder who was hands down the most psychotic bitch he had ever meet. Who also happened to be his boss. Who also happened to have magic bullshit that could kill him before he could piss himself. Truly this was a wonderful day. So like all difficult things he decided that a call was the best way to go about this properly was to call here to convey his sincerest apologies for the blunder that took place under his watch. Fuck it he was just gonna text her, BUT he figured texting her a big fat I FUCKED UP and how statement wasn't going to go over well. although a little conversation would go a long way in protecting his ass from the shit storm she was probably going to drop on him.
"Cindy?"
good a start as any
"What"
"how was your day"
holy shit he sounded like a pubescent teenager talking to his crush
"Fuck off Roman, and don't call me Cindy"
he could work with that
"Cindy, as a professional I consider it important to know my colleagues and harsh language isn't going to help that"
"..."
silence definitely wasn't a good sign
"Cindy?"
"You know generally when I tell someone to fuck off, they stop texting me. Soooooooo if you wouldn't mind kindly fuck off"
Ok, maybe a more straight forward joke to break the ice
"Wow, and here I thought we could be friends"
"..."
damn
"Cindy, you know when someone texts you it's considered rude not to send them a text back, lol"
Really hope she gets that I'm not being serious, I even added that stupid ass lol thing kids are doing so she knows it's a joke
"If you call me Cindy one more time, I'm going to break your fingers"
Hopefully that was a joke . . .I. . . I'm not gonna chance it
"Fine, Fine if it's such a sticking point I'll call you ember"
Please respond
"If you call me ember I'll break your wrists"
Shit. well I'm pretty sure I'm passed the point of no return, so I might as well have some fun with this
"Oh my God, do my eyes deceive me was that actually some semblance of a conversation. A one sided conversation maybe but two consecutive texts is definitely a start"
At this moment somewhere in the world, Yang broke into a fit of laughter
I never thought I'd sink so low
"..."
"Get it because a semblance is more or less magic and I was thinking that it was magic that got you to text me"
"..."
"Anyway, Funny story, the first time a meet a girl named cinder was actually in a gentlemen's club, so you can imagine how awkward it is for me to be receiving orders from a person named cinder"
And to think that I thought cinder was a sexy name before. . .
"..."
"In fact I think the first time I met an ember was in that same club, so I guess what I'm saying is I would really prefer If I didn't have to call you either Cinder or Ember, or anything fire related really. I suppose it was a theme theirs"
It was hot . . . phffffff hahahahaha, ah at least I didn't text this pun
"..."
"..."
"I swear to god that if you don't have a good reason for texting me I'm going to murder you"
Well I guess its time to bite the bullet . . .
"Well, you know that mission you sent me and my men on"
here it comes
"yeah"
This is gonna be rough
"Well I got the wrong coordinates and me and my team are in the middle of the desert, also the train most defiantly got away, but don't worry it was only a small shipment to a store called from dust till dawn. . .in vale"
"..."
"I'll rob it as soon as I get back"
Yippy damage control
"Roman I'm gonna burn you alive"
Why did I know she was gonna say that
"Your gonna have to beat the desert to that one"
"Lol, you finally made a decent joke"
Damn it
Hope you liked it,
PM about spelling / Grammar errors if you see any