Simple Mathematics

Kate finds herself wondering whether she will ever be able to feel anything other than friendship for Jack. Mostly comprised of Kate's neuroses. One shot with suggestions of Jack/Kate romance. My first 'Lost' fic. Please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost but I do own Found. Got you thinking, didn't I?

Simple Mathematics

Kate found herself sitting on an eroded boulder overlooking the ocean, rubbing her sore shoulder. The water sparkled seductively and begged her to just dive in and forget about life for a while. She wished it was that simple. Kate tried to block out the constant stream of images flashing through her mind, most of which involved Jack somehow. For a long time all Kate had been able to feel for men was animosity. Now that her first level of defense had been chipped away by her growing friendship with Jack, she could again feel warmth, maybe even compassion for the male species. Kate wanted to be able to feel love and wholeness again, but feared that she would be hurt in the process. If anything happened between her and Jack, she had to remember that they would be stuck on this island for God knows how long. If anything went wrong she would have to live with seeing him every day and trying her best to avoid his eyes. Kate couldn't put herself through that kind of hurt again.

She watched the colorful fish dart around the rocks in the water below her and wondered how she could feel such a maelstrom of emotion for a man she had only recently allowed in past her barbed wire fences. He was just another person and yet Kate wondered how come she felt so much for 'just another person.' Her head was beginning to hurt from all of the thinking.

Kate stood from her perch and walked over to a low hanging branch. Bracing herself with her good arm, Kate pulled herself up into the guava tree and sat on a higher branch, out of sight and out of reach of the world. She knew that eventually someone would either come looking for her or stumble across her hideout. Until then, however, she planned to get some peace and quiet whilst trying to sort out her emotions.

Jack had once told her that chasing away the fear was as easy as counting to five. It was simple mathematics, but it seemed to complicate everything for Kate. She closed her eyes and decided to try his technique.

One.

Kate could feel the breeze blowing through the leaves and brushing over her skin. She could feel the sun beaming down on her with all its might. She could feel something beneath the surface of her skin that was lost in translation somewhere between friendship and love. This was something that was more than pure lust and more than compassion. She was afraid to face it and let herself learn what this was and whether love really was just that simple to feel.

Two.

Kate thought about the past few weeks. She and Jack had become close. Closer, in fact, than she had ever been with anyone, except for maybe a few choice friends from back home. It was the closeness that made her want to push further away before she got in over her head. After all, how could she feel love for someone she hardly knew when she had never even been able to feel love for her family without doubt and resentment close behind? She watched as love and interaction went on between people each day on the beach. Boone and Shannon, despite their difference of opinion, loved each other unconditionally. Sun and Jin, despite their estrangement and temporary distrust are more in love now than ever before. The whole group seems to have developed some kind of a loving bond that Kate didn't feel a part of. She knew that the others cared for her and she also cared for them, but she couldn't feel with the depth that the rest of the group found came naturally.

Three.

Kate tried to shelter herself from the pain of love, but in order to be protected from pain there had to be the support of love. It was one big paradox that Kate didn't feel up to challenging. She doubted that anyone could help her see the light. Kate couldn't be the first to feel love for someone. She had to know that her feelings would be reciprocated. Kate felt tears threatening to fall and betray her feelings. She held them back with everything she had and prayed that this torment would end soon.

Four.

Kate figured that the only way she would be able to function would be to see Jack and try to face her feelings. If she felt friendship, she would be happy, if she felt love, she would be scared out of her mind but she would face it. Facing her fears would be the only way for her to be able to stay sane. If only it was as easy as it seemed on television or in the movies. Hell, Kate would give all she owned to be able to feel the no strings attached kind of love that all of her friends would constantly talk about back home.

Five.

Kate had maxed out on Jack's idea and still couldn't find the answer she was looking for. It didn't whisper to her in the breeze, it wasn't something she would absorb from the rays of the sun and it definitely wasn't going to resolve itself. Kate sighed and opened her eyes, startled at the bright sun now peeking in through the leaves. Kate decided then to get down out of the tree and find Jack before she lost any more of her self-respect.

Kate jumped down from the tree and landed gracefully on the forest floor. She heard someone coming towards her through the bushes and instead of heading toward that person; she quickly walked over to the boulder she had been sitting on earlier. Kate waited a few seconds for her guest to arrive. She turned her head when she heard the bushes behind her part and looked straight into Jack's eyes.

"Hey," he said lightly. "I thought I might find you here."

Kate smiled weakly and turned around to face the ocean again. Jack walked over to where she sat and settled himself beside her, tossing his backpack on the ground. Kate leaned back against another rock and hugged her arms around herself. She carefully supported her injured arm and tried to look inconspicuous.

"What do you need?" Kate asked.

"Nothing, just thought I'd come and see what you were up to," Jack replied.

"Just thinking, staring at the ocean, the usual," Kate listed.

Jack observed her intently as she spoke. He knew that she didn't want to seem weak in front of anyone, particularly him, but sometimes she was just too stubborn for her own good. He could see how she caressed her right arm, how she avoided moving it too much when she shifted around. He noticed the left handed salute she gave him when he walked up instead of her usual right handed wave. He sighed and decided that confrontation was the only way he would get anything out of her.

"What did you do to your arm?" He asked softly.

"What makes you think I've done anything to my arm?" Kate countered.

"Come on, Kate, I'm a doctor. You can't pull the wool over my eyes. I'm just trying to help," Jack reasoned.

Kate sighed and turned away for a moment before facing Jack and staring him down. She decided that arguing with him would be futile and that in the end he would get it out of her anyway.

"I was climbing a guava tree earlier and one of the branches broke. I tried to hold on and did something to my shoulder. At that point I decided it would hurt less just to let go and fall the ten or twelve feet to the ground," Kate explained.

Jack gently put a reassuring hand on Kate's left shoulder.

"Will you let me take a look at it?" Jack inquired.

Kate hesitated momentarily but quickly turned so that her right shoulder was facing Jack. Sure she trusted him, but could she love him? She decided that now wasn't the time to let her feelings run wild. Jack gently began to examine Kate's injured shoulder. She looked away and tried not to wince as he probed the more tender spots. Her shoulder had swollen a little and was beginning to bruise. Kate wondered whether she had done more damage to it than she had originally thought. She heard Jack sigh disapprovingly and turned to face him.

"What have I done to it now?" Kate queried.

"You've dislocated it," Jack replied simply.

"Great," Kate said sarcastically. "This is going to hurt, isn't it?"

Jack was silent as he continued to work on her shoulder. Kate felt him put his palm on her shoulder blade as he carefully rotated her arm back. After a couple of seconds Kate felt a mix of pressure and pain and then she felt no more. Kate turned to face Jack again and shot him a quizzical look.

"I've reduced it now so all you have to do is keep it in a sling for a few days until the joint mends properly. It'll be stiff for a while but at least it won't hurt too much now," Jack explained.

"Thanks," Kate said lightly.

Jack nodded and pulled a bandana out of his backpack. He moved over to kneel behind Kate. He deftly tied an expert sling around her injured arm before sitting back down next to her again. Kate smiled gratefully and stared out over the ocean yet again. Jack couldn't understand her fascination with it, but he could understand his fascination with her quite easily. He instinctively reached over and grasped her hand in a gesture of comfort. Kate was startled by his move initially, but quickly got used to the feeling. Jack could feel her heart racing by way of the blood vessels in her fingertips and palms. She was being bothered by something and he was determined to find out what it was.

"What's wrong, Kate? Don't lie to me, I can tell something's not right. You look like you've just seen a ghost and your pulse is racing. Let me in, Kate," Jack pleaded.

He felt her tense even more at his beseeching. Jack loosened the death grip he had on her hand and gave her some space to think. After a moment, Kate turned and looked into Jack's eyes. She found comfort there, amongst other things she could not discern. There may have been promise, even love in the mix, but she was too wrapped up in her own feelings, or lack thereof, to notice. Kate took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before collecting herself enough to speak.

"I'm scared, Jack," Kate said honestly.

"Of what?" Jack asked.

This time Kate went as rigid as a steel rod. She pulled her hand out of Jack's grasp and hugged her knees to her chest. Jack could tell he had hit a raw nerve. He was immediately sorry he had asked, but couldn't change it now. Instead he rubbed Kate's back comfortingly, encouraging her to go on. What seemed like an eternity of tense silence passed before Kate found her voice and her resolve again.

"I'm scared of loving you," she deadpanned.

This time it was Jack's turn to go pale. He was sure that somewhere deep down he loved her, but never expected his feelings to be returned. Kate was a scarred person and she carried a lot of baggage. Despite loving her, Jack wasn't sure he could carry any of that baggage for her yet. He took a moment to answer in which Kate had time to think up one hundred reasons for why she regretted just telling him that.

"Do you love me?" Jack inquired.

Kate stared at him.

"I don't know," she sighed.

"Could you?" Jack asked.

"I don't know," Kate replied.

"Are you really scared? Are you scared of letting yourself love me or are you scared of not being able to love me even if you want to?" Jack asked.

"Yes, yes all of it!" Kate cried.

"Then count to five with me," Jack breathed.

Kate looked at him and found momentary salvation in his eyes. Tears threatened to fall from her own and this time she didn't stop them. Jack brushed the tears from her cheeks with his delicate fingertips.

"One," they counted together.

Jack hugged Kate closely to himself and encouraged her to go on. He could feel her slowly relax as the tension and the fear faded from her muscles.

"Two," they continued.

Kate felt safe against Jack's chest and found comfort in the steady beat of his heart. She tried to slow her own frantic pulse and control her breathing but to little avail. It would take a lot more than simple mathematics.

"Three," they said in unison.

Jack launched a vendetta against his own doubts. If he wanted to make it easier for Kate to love him he would have to be free in loving her. In hopes of encouraging her to let herself feel that love, Jack brushed a light kiss on her forehead as they continued to count together.

"Four," they said simultaneously.

Kate no longer felt the urge to cry. On the contrary, she felt a warmth that she had never felt before spread through her like a brushfire. She closed her eyes and allowed the new feeling to seep into all of her tissues and feed her soul. Kate couldn't distinguish what it was that she was beginning to feel. All she knew was that she never wanted to feel cold again. Not physically cold but cold deep down like she had felt for as long as she could remember. She pulled away from Jack and looked deep into his eyes. They mirrored the warmth she felt inside and betrayed his feelings. Kate smiled and realized that after all the years of suffering, of waiting, wanting and wishing she finally found what she had been looking for in the unlikeliest place. On a deserted island in the middle of nowhere with a man she had only recently become acquainted with.

"Five," they finished.

Jack looked into Kate's eyes and saw a glimmer that he had missed before. It was impossible, however, that he had missed it. He knew Kate's eyes better than he knew anything else in the world. He was willing to bet his license on the fact that the glimmer he saw there was new and that he was the one who had put it there. He kissed her fervently and she kissed back with unrivaled passion. When they pulled apart Kate smiled at her newfound love and breathed in, expelling the stagnated air that had been with her for so long, weighing her down.

Kate had found love and all through simple mathematics. Go figure.

A.N.: Okay, how was it? My first Lost fanfic, so let me have it. What did you think? Just something that came to me while I was listening to Dragostea Din Tei for the thousandth time and watching a rerun of Deus ex Machina. Please review! Thanks! -Julia-