Alec drew his legs up onto the couch, "Magnus, you called me over to talk about something, but you won't tell me what, actually you haven't said anything since I got here."
With a deep sigh Magnus sank down heavily on the couch, next to him but not close enough to touch.
"Alec, I think you should know more about me, my past, you were right, you do deserve to know more than you do, but I'm scared it will be the end of our relationship. And I can't lose you Alec. I love you, and I just want to ask one thing from you. Please be open minded about this, try to understand."
Magnus met Alec's eyes, looking more vulnerable in that moment than in their whole relationship. His gaze dropped to his hands as he started, not even waiting for Alec to reply.
"I know Camille told you about Will, but there was never anything between us. I know she hinted that I'd been with alot of people, and I hate to admit it but I have."
Magnus paused looking ashamed, trying to gauge Alec's reaction. Alec's face had settled into a mask of indifference, an expression he only wore when something hurt him to the point he couldn't even pretend anything.
"This is where I need you to try to understand Alexander. I've been alive for a long time. And eternity isn't all its cracked up to be. I spent over a hundred years lost and alone, waking up in bed with strangers, wandering from place to place. I tried having relationships, even just friendships, but in the end it was just me. No mortal could ever understand how lonely and desolate forever really is. I wanted to fall in love for awhile, but nothing seemed to last, so yea, I fucked guys, girls, fairies, vampires, werewolves, warlocks. I didn't even know most of their names. There are alot of pretty boys in my past. But as much as I screwed around I have never, in those hundreds of years loved and needed anyone the way I love and need you Alexander Lightwood. Talking about it now I'm ashamed, I regret everything, mostly because of the effect its having on us now. All those one night stands and short lived relationships were not worth risking us, our
future. I was alone in the world and the sex felt good, it made me feel wanted, even just for a little while, even if it left me feeling more worthless and alone later. I was a slut, and yes, pretty boys were my weakness."
Magnus' eyelids fluttered closed, tears sparkled in the corners of his eyes, his teeth bit into his full lower lip. Alec remained expressionless.
"Alec, none of that meant anything, especially compared to you. Please at least try to understand. I have done very little in my long life that I can be proud of. I killed my own parents on accident, that's not something anyone wants to remember even if their parents did try to drown them. Alec you are so much more than anything else I've ever had. And so much more than I deserve. But I love you, more than anything, I have never felt anything like this before, Alec..."
Magnus whispered his name, his voice trailing off, he reached out and took Alec's hand in his, relieved when slender fingers tightened around his instead of pulling away. He caught Alec's chin in his hand, his fingers splayed on the boys jaw he tilted his head up so Alec was looking at him instead of down at his hands. He couldn't read the look in Alec's eyes, after a moment Alec cast his eyes down again.
"Please. Say something." Magnus pleaded. Alec took a deep breath.
"How do I know I'm something different. Why should I think that in a few years I wont be just another fling, who's name you can't recall, the only difference being you wont even have sex with me. Why should I believe I'm special, I've never had much going for me, I've never been the one people noticed, I'm always in the background, why should I think any of this is true?"
Alec looked so hurt and insecure Magnus could feel his heart constrict as he watched him. "Alec, at that party, out of all those people, you caught my eye, there's something about you that makes you impossible not to notice. And the more I'm around you, the more I notice the little things that make you so amazing." Magnus stroked Alec's cheek, then pulled the shadowhunters lower lip with his thumb. "And as far as sex goes, well it sounds stupid, but I wanted our first time to be special, I wanted it to mean something, and to be different from all the one night stands I've had."
Alec spent a moment thinking about what Magnus had just said then realized he had one more thing he wanted to know.
"Why would you want this so bad, this kind of relationship, wont it only be worse for you later? I'm going to die and you never will, so why do you hold on? If there was a way, would you make me immortal?"
"Oh god Alec, no I could never do that to you."
"So you wouldn't want to be with me forever anyway?"
"No, oh no, Alec I don't mean it like that. I couldn't ask you to give up your whole life, your family, your friends, everything, just to be with me. Eternity is lonely, I couldn't put you through that."
Magnus took a deep breath, he wasn't sure how to go about what he wanted to say next, he hadn't planned on telling Alec until later, but now seemed like the time.
"Alec, I've been looking for a way to make myself mortal. I would rather give up forever to live a semi normal life with you. I don't want to live on without you, and I couldn't ask you to throw everything away for me if there was a way. Don't go telling me you don't want me giving up this life for you because I'm not really giving up anything. It comes down to thousands more years alone, or living and dying with you, maybe marrying you one day, hell maybe even adopting a kid. That's all in the far away future, but we have a future together Alec. That is, if you'll have me."
Alec blinked wide eyed and stunned, Magnus was crying openly now.
"You would consider doing that, just to be with me?" Alec whispered, Magnus just nodded as a few tears found their way down Alec's pale cheeks. Doubts, anger at Magnus for not being honest with him from the start, fears of what their future would hold, it all disappeared from Alec's mind and heart in that moment. Somehow their lips found each others through their tears. They tangled together, tears mingling adding a hint of salt to their kisses. They kissed desperately, each needing to be as close as possible to the other, Magnus lay down on the couch, pulling Alec on top of him. Slowly their kissing became less frantic and more languid as they enjoyed the simple pleasure of being near each other.
"Magnus, I want, I want to, I-I want you." Alec stammered and blushed, shy and embarrassed as usual. Magnus lifted his head from the the curve of Alec's shoulder where he had been busy leaving small bruises, marking the shadowhunter in his own way. Cat like green gold eyes met ocean blue. "This feels...right, no more secrets, no more hiding things. Just us." Alec murmured. Magnus pushed the angel boys hair out of his eyes lovingly, his fingers lingering on his face.
"Well I'm not letting you lose your virginity on my couch."
Magnus' smiled, teasing as he kissed Alec's jaw right behind his earlobe. Then he scooped him into his arms and carried him bridal style to his room. Laying Alec down on his bed Magnus somehow managed to remove both their shirts, admiring the smooth ivory skin of Alec's chest as he laid down next to him. Alec blushed fiercely as Magnus visually devoured every inch of him, "I, I know I'm not much to look at."
"On the contrary, I was thinking quite the opposite, you really are beautiful, every inch of you." Magnus kissed along Alec's chest, biting at his nipples, sucking hard enough to leave a mark just above his waistband, removing his jeans at the same time, his fingers tracing the delicate patterns of the nephilims marks. Alec involuntarily arched up, Magnus realized that for the first time in centuries he was nervous about this, he wanted to do right by his shadowhunter. He fumbled around in his nightstand drawer, his fingers shaking ever so slightly.
"Just tell me if I'm hurting you, I know sometimes I get rough, and I don't want to hurt you."
Alec was more nervous than he would willingly admit. Instead of responding he covered Magnus' mouth with his own. "I trust you."
Xxxx
Alec was vaguely surprised to wake up wrapped in Magnus' arms, but the night before quickly came to the front of his mind. He smiled into Magnus' neck, snuggling closer, watching as the sunlight filtered through the blinds and danced across his boyfriends face and shoulders. Magnus cracked his eyes open as Alec's shifting disturbed his sleep. He had never seen anyone look as content and blissful as Alec did, right then in that moment, he smiled sleepily. Alec rather characteristically blushed, his hair more disheveled than usual and falling in his eyes, Magnus pushed it back and kissed him sweetly on the lips. "Morning beautiful."
Alec looked up at him through half closed eyelids, still smiling drowsily, Magnus felt his heart skip a beat, "Morning." Alec softly bit Magnus' lower lip. Magnus tightened his arms around his shadowhunters waist, keeping their bodies pressed as close as possible, loving the way they just fit so perfectly together. Alec rolled over so they were spooning, Magnus buried his face in his hair.
Unconsciously a few tears slid down the warlocks cheeks. It seemed like he had cried more in the past two days than in the past two hundred years. He had slept around because it made him feel wanted, but it had always left him feeling more lonely and worthless than before. He had never felt as loved and needed as he did now, he had had plenty of morning afters but he had never woken up to snuggling and kissing like this. Alec made him feel so many things he'd never felt before. But at the same time he seemed so fragile, his life so fleeting. But somewhere deep down he had always known he would give up everything for that fragile life, just to be with Alec. All those stupid mundane stories about giving up everything to live forever with your paramour, that wasn't it, love wasn't asking them to give up their whole life and everyone in it for you, it was somehow finding a way to be part of that life. He had told Alec his plan, but he hadn't told him how close he really was to making it happen.
Xxxx
"Well Magnus, your pajamas are just as outrageous as your regular clothes." sitting on a kitchen counter Alec complained teasingly as he fidgeted self consciously with the short black silk kimono and probably designed for girls boy short underwear, the most normal things he was able to find in the whole apartment. Magnus gripped his thighs and kissed him on the mouth. He finally broke away and suddenly there were pancakes on the table along with black coffee for Magnus and chai tea for Alec.
"Those people at that little place down the street must get so confused about why their food just disappears." Alec observed. Magnus ignored his comment and stuck a bite of pancake in Alec's mouth. Alec glared at him, the effect ruined by the mouthful of food. Magnus grabbed Alec's hand and started playing with his fingers, needing to touch him, to just make sure he was real.
"So are you sure you're half demon not half vampire?" Alec asked nonchalantly, Magnus almost panicked, reading too much into the question. "Because you sure bite like one." Alec let the robe kimono thing slide down to reveal a myriad of hickeys. Magnus almost sighed with relief when he realized Alec had been teasing. Suddenly it took all of his self control to not jump over the table and ravish the shadowhunter.
Instead after breakfast they found themselves tangled on the couch, kissing and cuddling. "Don't ever leave me." Magnus whispered, not sure if he meant forever or even just for the day. "I wont." Alec laced his fingers through Magnus'.
"I had forgotten, I'm never sure I knew in the first place, how nice it is to actually have someone stay in the morning, still want to be around." Magnus buried his face in Alec's hair.
"Magnus, please, I might have decided to accept what you'd done in your past but please don't remind me of it." he met Magnus' cat eyes, holding a steady gaze.
"I'm sorry, I should have thought about that. I guess its just a misguided attempt at trying to make you understand exactly what this is for me, how different and amazing and real and just so much more than anything in my past, trying to make you realize exactly what to mean to me."
"Magnus Bane, I love you, every crazy, overly flamboyant, thoroughly fucked up, inch of you. And every single stupid, shameful thing you've done, that you wont even admit to and that you will admit to, that doesn't matter, I love you anyway. All your crazy, all your glitter, all your screw ups, whatever, your mine now, and it was never about the fact that you didn't tell me, I knew in hundreds of years you had had plenty of hookups, I wanted you to have the guts to tell me. I wanted you to trust that you could tell me without it destroying what we had. And I love all of you, mistakes included." Alec slid a leg over Magnus' hip, kissing him. Magnus moaned into the kiss, oh what had he done to deserve to even know this boys name, Alec was entirely too good for him, and as selfish as it was, he hoped the other teen never realized that.
So, I recently re read the books and I realized I really really don't want Alec and Magnus to ever break up, and knowing Alec wouldn't want to be immortal I started thinking about Magnus trying to find a way to make himself mortal, and this happened, please read and review :) oh and I know they both seem a little too open about their problems and such, but I don't think they're relationship would work if they never had moments like that.