Title: Through the Rain
Summary: Roy helps Carla in her darkest moment. OneShot.
Pairing: None. Carla and Roy friendship.
Notes: The one good thing the writers have done recently is the Carla and Roy friendship, it has such a gentle innocence to it. This is my attempt at an angst one shot.
Disclaimer: This characters of Coronation Street and the premise belong to ITV and not me.
"After all this has passed I still will remain
after I've cried my last they'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday I'll hope again."
Staggering across the cobbles Carla clutched an empty vodka bottle in her hand as she threw her shoes to the ground before continuing barefooted towards Dev's shop.
"The largest bottle of vodka you've got please," she slurred, putting her bag down on the counter as she tried to locate her purse.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Sophie asked, watching as the older woman struggled to unzip her purse.
Carla looked up at the young girl, her eyes narrow and glaring. "Yes. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."
"I-"
"I'm the customer," Carla reminded her. "And I'm telling you it's a good idea and as the customer I'm always right."
Not wanting to cause a scene Sophie relented and placed the bottle of vodka in front of her. "That'll be-"
"Keep the change," Carla said, cutting her off mid sentence as she placed forty pounds down on the counter before putting her purse and the vodka bottle in her bag.
Walking back out into the street she barely noticed the rain as it chucked down around her, making the cobbles practically shine beneath her bare feet as she headed back to the flat. Reaching the door she threw the contents of her bag onto the floor as she searched for her keys.
"I don't mean to impose," Roy began, walking across the street as he watched Carla get down on her hands and knees and start searching through the now scattered contents of her bag. "But is everything alright?"
Carla sat down on the ground, the rain soaking through her clothes. "I seem to have lost my keys."
"Would it be ok if I helped you look?" Roy offered, not knowing what else to say to the clearly distressed woman.
Carla nodded, leaning against the wall. "That would be great."
Carefully going through the contents of Carla's bag he soon came to the conclusion that her keys were in fact lost. "It seems you're right. Do you know where you last had them?"
"If I knew that I wouldn't be sat here taking a shower in the rain," Carla laughed bitterly.
"I realise that," Roy began. "It just seemed like the next logical question to ask."
Carla looked up at him, her eyes dark with exhaustion, pain and alcohol. "Logical. Logical. Logical. Nothing in my life is ever logical Roy why should this be any different."
Looking around Roy was all too aware that the rainfall seemed to be getting heavier by the second with thunder and lightening a very real possibility. "Perhaps we should go across the road. You're clothes are becoming rather wet and it's very cold out here."
"I like it," Carla lazily replied. "The cold. Feeling cold is better than feeling nothing."
Feeling out of his depth Roy tried to think what Hayley would do in this situation, because unlike him she was good with people and she always seemed to know the right thing to say and do.
"Can I call anyone for you? Michelle perhaps?" Roy suggested.
"Nope," Carla replied, the word practically popping from her mouth.
"Does anyone have a spare set of keys?" Roy asked, running out of options.
Carla shook her head, her soaking wet hair whipping at her face. "Nope."
"Well then perhaps you would like to come back to the café, I can make you a coffee and something hot to eat," Roy offered, reaching out his hand to help her off the ground.
"That's very sweet of you Roy but I have plans," Carla lied.
Roy looked down at her feet. "But you don't have any footwear on."
"These plans don't need footwear," Carla insisted, pushing herself into a standing position. "Just feet, and legs, it needs legs."
A concerned frown crossed his face as he handed Carla her bag. "Should you be on your own?"
"Gotta get used to it," Carla shrugged. "Gotta get used to it," she echoed.
"Right. Yes," Roy stammered, not wanting to leave her on her own but also not wanting to overstep the mark. "Well if you need anything-"
"I know where to find you," Carla assured him with a small ghost of a smile as she headed away from the flat and towards the end of the street.
Reaching the end of the road she stopped, looking both ways she seemed to contemplate her options for a moment before turning left. "Plans," she mumbled to herself. "Big, big, life changing plans."
- 0 -
Roy had never been one to eavesdrop on other people's conversations before, he believed people deserved privacy and also he feared that his own sanity would suffer if he started to absorb everyone else's problems, especially when it was taking everything he had just to get out of bed every day without Hayley.
"She looked a right state," David continued taking a large bite of his sandwich.
Roy put the empty cups he was carrying down on the counter before heading back to David and Kylie's table.
"I er, I do apologise for intruding but did you say you saw Carla?" Roy asked, facing the young couple.
David nodded. "Yeah. It was proper weird."
"Weird?" Roy questioned. "In what way?"
David shook his head, remembering back to a few hours earlier. "Mrs Lyle lives on the corner by the church and I go every Friday to do her hair, well today when I was coming out I saw her sat on the wall by the graveyard, at first I wasn't sure it was her because of the rain but then I got closer and it was definitely her."
"Did she seem alright?" Roy asked, concerned for the factory boss.
"That's the weird thing, I stopped to see if she needed a lift back to the street because of the rain and she was ages from a bus stop … and besides I don't really picture her as the bus of type person but she just smiled and said she had plans," David recalled.
"Plans," Roy repeated, remembering his earlier exchange with her.
David nodded. "Yeah. Weird right? If you ask me the only plan she had in mind was the half empty bottle of vodka that sat next to her."
Leaving David and Kylie to their food Roy untied his apron, hanging it up on the hook before making his excuses to Anna. Taking his car keys from the bowl he stood out on the street, driving had always been something that intimidated him and driving in the rain was not a concept he had considered before. It felt a bit too much like he was purposefully aiming himself into the eye of the storm.
Pushing his fear down he opened the car door, fastened his seat belt and started the engine. He didn't know exactly why but he felt drawn towards the graveyard, like he was being pulled by an invisible force. A force that was compelling him to help out his late wife's distressed friend.
- 0 -
Allowing himself to breath a sigh of relief as he reached the church safely Roy parked as close to the graveyard as he could, without even having to look he instinctively knew where he would find her as he opened the boot and pulled on a pair of rain boots before heading to the Southwest corner.
Stopping a few feet away he looked up, grateful that the skies seemed to be calming as the rainfall became lighter. Taking his hands out of his pocket he looked over towards the willow tree, it's green leaves hanging low over a flower covered mound of dirt with a small cross sat at the top.
Looking up to the sky he thanked her for leading him in the right direction as he walked over to the bench, sitting down at the opposite end of it from Carla.
"Hayley chose this spot herself," Roy said, breaking the silence.
Carla looked over at her close friend's final resting space. "It's a beautiful spot."
"For a beautiful person," Roy added.
"Hayley was one of the kindest souls I ever met," Carla whispered, wondering how Roy even managed to make it to the next breath without his soul mate.
Roy followed her gaze towards the cross. "She cared about you very much."
"I wish she was here now," Carla whispered.
A silence fell around them as Roy contemplated his next move carefully, watching nervously as Carla rolled a bottle of pills between the palms of her hands. "How is the plan coming along?" he asked.
"It seems to have hit a stumbling block," Carla admitted.
"A stumbling block in the form of what?" Roy queried.
Laughing bitterly Carla curled her feet under her. "Me."
"I can't help but fear this plan of yours can only end one way," Roy worried.
"That's kind of the idea," Carla shrugged, rattling the bottle of pills. "I only want it to end one way."
Roy slowly edged a few inches closer to her. "There are certain actions in life you can never undo, this would certainly be one of those."
"Well I won't be around to care," Carla pointed out.
"No but the people you leave behind will," Roy reminded her.
Carla looked down at the bottle of pills in her hand. "I'll probably fail anyway," she breathed. "Just like I fail at everything else, I've been married nearly as many times as Elizabeth Taylor, nearly tanked my business more than once. The police think I killed my husband's mistress and I couldn't even protect my little-girl long enough for her to be born."
"It may seem like there's nothing left to wake up for anymore and I understand that feeling, after Hayley died it felt like my whole reason for getting through each day was gone, but you learn, with time you learn to find new reasons and start living again," Roy said, moving another inch along the bench.
"There's only so many times I can find a reason to start over again. After Frank I thought that was the worst life could throw at me, I mean surely there was nothing worse than that? But it seems life had different ideas and decided to go all out to prove me wrong because this … this is the darkest it can get," Carla whispered, her voice low and void of emotion.
Roy took his hands out of his pocket. "But is this really the answer?"
"I thought it was once before, in another dark time I turned to pills and vodka in a bid to end it all, to make the world stop spinning but I failed … I couldn't even do that properly and at the time I was glad I did because things got better, the pain started to lessen and the fear faded and at the end of it all Peter was there, by my side helping me, saving me, loving me," Carla remembered, a maelstrom of emotions swirling in the green depths of her eyes.
"What's to say it won't happen again? Eventually the clouds will have to give way to the sun," Roy vowed, needing her to see that suicide was not the answer.
Carla shook her head, moving the bottle of pills slowly from one hand to the other. "Not this time, there is no rainbow after the storm or whatever other crap country singers whine on about. My little-girl is gone forever and Peter … he broke me, more than anyone else in my life before he broke me … because he's the only man that I ever allowed to have that power, I gave myself to him completely and he ripped me apart."
"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage," Roy quoted, not knowing what else to say.
"What?" Carla frowned.
"It's a quote," Roy explained. "I think what it's trying to say is that finding strength when we think there is nothing left to fight for is the greatest courage you will ever have."
Looking down at the ground Carla licked her suddenly dry lips. "I'm tired of fighting."
"But you are," Roy observed.
"I am?" Carla questioned.
Roy nodded. "If you really thought this was the only way you would have already carried out your plan."
"I was ready to," Carla admitted. "But then I saw Hayley's name on the cross and I don't know, something about giving up when she fought so hard to live felt wrong, like I was dishonouring her memory and our friendship."
Bridging the final space between them Roy reached out and took her freezing cold hand in his.
"Do you believe in heaven Roy?" Carla asked, gripping on tightly to his hand.
"I believe that Hayley is somewhere where pain doesn't exist," Roy answered.
Carla looked over at her friend's grave. "Do you think she's with my little girl?"
"I believe so. Yes," Roy said knowing that was what Carla needed him to believe.
"I didn't realise how much I wanted to be a mother until it was taken away from me, but knowing that I'll never get to see her face, hear her laugh or hold her in my arms hurts more than anything else I've been through in my life," Carla admitted.
Roy turned his head to face her. "After Hayley … when she … you said that she would always be with me, I believe the same is true for your daughter, though her time on this earth was far too short I believe she'll live with you forever."
"She didn't even get to have a name," Carla whispered, a single tear falling down her cheek.
"You could give her one now," Roy suggested.
Carla bit her bottom lip before speaking. "I don't think it works like that."
"According to who?" Roy began, watching as her tears began to merge with the falling rain. "Just because she was never born it doesn't mean she was any less your daughter, she lived inside you, you loved her, you have every right to honour her memory by giving her a name."
Carla dropped the bottle of pills to the floor. "I had a name in my head. Even though I didn't know until she was gone that she was a girl I think I did … I know that doesn't make sense but in my heart I think I knew because I only had a girl's name."
"Then use it, pretending she never existed, that she was never a part of you will end up destroying you so name her, love her and … let her go," Roy suggested, needing to help Carla let go of her pain.
"How can I let go of something that I never really had?" Carla wondered.
Roy looked over at his wife's grave. "From the minute you knew she was there she was yours, a part of you and always will be."
"I love her," Carla cried.
Without even realising he was doing it Roy reached up and wiped away her falling tears.
"She would have been beautiful," Carla whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder.
Knowing what needed to be done Roy carefully untangled himself from the crying factory boss. "I'd like to do something. For you. And you're daughter."
"Ok," Carla hiccupped, the word barely audible through her tears.
"Will you wait here?" Roy asked.
Carla nodded. "Ok."
Standing up Roy bent down and picked up the pill bottle without saying a word, heading towards the car he opened the boot, taking out something that he had almost forgotten was in there he headed over back towards the bench.
"What is it?" Carla asked.
"It's a rose bush, I was going to plant it when the weather cleared up but I thought we could do it together … for your daughter," Roy suggested.
Carla could hardly get the words out over her tears. "Where?"
"Right here," Roy motioned. "With Hayley."
"I'd like that," Carla smiled, a real smile that reached her eyes.
Moving over to the grave Roy cleared an area, parting the fresh dirt with his hands. "Would you like to plant it?"
Wordlessly Carla took the rose bush from him, kneeling down with shaking hands she placed it into the hole before filling the area around it with soil.
"Would you like to say anything?" Roy asked.
"No," Carla said, smoothing out the ground around the plant.
Roy watched as she ran her hands over the buds that weren't yet fully in bloom. "It's a Gabrielle Privat rose, they flower into an extraordinary shade of pink."
Carla felt like the ground was falling beneath her as she dropped to her hands and knees. "Oh God. Oh … God. Oh…"
"Did I say the wrong thing?" Roy panicked, seeing her increasing distress.
"No," Carla sobbed. "G … Gab … Gabriella … that was going to be her name."
Roy sat down next to her as she slowly made her way into a sitting position. "Gabriella. It's a beautiful name."
"She was going to be my little Gabriella," Carla whispered her eyes never leaving the rose bush.
Taking Carla's hand in his he used his free hand to help her arrange the bush so that it would have the greatest chance to bloom, a chance that her daughter never got. "For Gabriella. Now her and Hayley will be together forever."
Rendered speechless by his eternal gesture of kindness for both her and her daughter Carla tightened her grip on his hand as she finally allowed herself to let go, safe in the knowledge that although she never got to meet her at least she got to say goodbye to her daughter, and give her a final resting place alongside one of her closest friends.
"Thank-you," she whispered.
Roy nodded, his eyes brought with the emotion of the situation. "It's stopped raining," he realised, wondering how long ago that had happened.
Pulling herself to her feet Carla looked over towards the church where a rainbow peaked out from the edge of the grey clouds as the sun fought to take control of the rest of the day. Walking over to the cross at the head of the grave she rested her hand on top of it. "Give my little girl a kiss for me," she asked before walking back over towards Roy.
Once again taking hold of his hand she took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm ready to go home now."
Walking slowly towards the car Roy could feel her hand shaking in his. "We need to locate your keys first."
"Someday I'll hope again."