Konichiwa Motherhopers. Welcome, CJzilla is your authoress. Adding another fiction to the "Chowder" roster, CJzilla aims to entertain. I use the romance thing very loosely! NOT A VALENTINE'S DAY FIC!
So, sit back and enjoy this fiction from the crazy side of CJzilla's brain...
Disclaimer: I own nothing that pertains to Cartoon Network or its show... CJzilla does own her OC "Candy" and your reviews.
As I climb to the top of the Empire State Building in a monster-parody, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Flame and or Fluff, love or hate me... Blah blah...
Goodies
The morning was perfect, sunny and warm. The heart-shaped yellow sun reflected what was in store for the citizens of Marzipan City. Below, romance-themed parade floats dotted a corner of the city, giving just a glimpse of a festive love-struck procession to take place later on that evening. Throughout Marzipan City, people were scrambling as they prepared for the incoming festival. Our favorite culinary craftsmen of Mung Daal's Catering Company being no exception.
As we zoom in to the catering service's building, we could clearly hear the sound of pieces of paper inside of a bowl.
We find our favorite head chef Mung Daal, his Mushroom Pixie wife Truffles, the soui chef Schnitzel, the kitchen's bottomless pit of an apprentice Chowder and recently drafted southern cook Candy standing around the catering kitchen. The executive chef had his entire arm inside a deep stainless bowl, shuffling paper tickets without looking at them.
"Why are y'all doin' this again?" Candy asked, sitting on one of the counter tops as she watched her uncle-in-law Mung mix around some pieces of paper inside a bowl.
Mung smiled at his niece-in-law.
"It's for a dish," the head chef proclaimed with a smile. "It's-"
"For a dish?!" Chowder blurted out, his mouth watering as he looked at all the paper inside of the bowl. "What kind of dish?"
"Yeah, Mung is preparing a high-fiber paper dish," answered sarcastic Truffles before rolling her big green eyes. "For your colon."
The southern girl cocked a brow at her aunt.
"Y'all is kiddin'?" Candy asked, blinking.
Schnitzel, leaning on a counter across from the southern cook, chuckled.
"Radda ra," the soui chef went along with Truffles, as he kept a straight face at Candy.
Quieted Chowder snapped his eyes to Schnitzel.
"Don't give Schnitzel any more fiber," the kitten pointed at the soui chef. "He doesn't need to be anymore grumpy because of a big poo."
Candy and Truffles reeled with laughter at what Chowder had just said. Schnitzel's lips curled into a scowl as he cursed the kitten's innocent remark. Chowder merely blinked at him.
"What??" Chowder threw his arms in the air. "If you get anymore constipated, you'll be as nasty as Truffles."
Truffles, over her laughter, heard Chowder's comment. With the skill of a samurai warrior, the Mushroom Pixie wielded a cast-iron skillet and gave the kitten a golf-style whack with it. Candy, however had laughed so hard that she fell off of the counter she was sitting on. Mung, who was trying to stifle laughter at his wife's, soui chef's and Chowder's expense, cleared his throat.
"No, these pieces of paper are not for… (snicker, snort)… for eating," the head chef's mouth waved in a suppressed guffaw. "Today is an important Marzipan City tradition. Today is "Gooey Love Day"!"
Candy cocked her head at her step-uncle before Chowder gagged, pulling his knit hat down over his face.
"NOT AGAIN!" the kitten cried to the heavens. "WHY?"
The southern cook blinked at Chowder while the rest in the kitchen rolled their eyes.
"Chowder," Mung told his apprentice. "Gooey Love Day happens every year on this day in Marzipan City. It's been tradition for the last two hundred years! What's wrong with you?"
Chowder curled into a fetal position on the floor.
"Day of great ickiness, day of great ickiness, day of great ickiness…" the kitten chanted, sucking on his thumb.
Mung, Truffles and Schnitzel sighed.
"Day of what now?" Candy asked, now very confused.
"Old Marzipan City tradition Candy dear," Truffles replied. "It is a big festival that celebrates romance and love."
Chowder moaned on the floor.
"Icky Gooey Love Day… icky love-notes… ICKY girls!" the kitten whined.
The head chef sighed.
"And as tradition to tradition," Mung picked up, "it is customary for one Gooey Love Day dish to be made today. Therein why I have my arm in this blow filled with razor-sharp pieces of paper. We here at Mung Daal's Catering Company participate in said tradition and this is the method I use to choose which romantic dish to prepare. As you can imagine, there are tons of amorous foods to choose from, so I leave love to chance!"
And the executive chef shuffled the paper vigorously.
"Radda radda?" Schnitzel asked.
"No, no, I lost a bet and that's why I'm married Truffles," Mung said.
"WHAT?!?!" Truffles blasted.
The head chef snapped his fingers.
"I lost a pretty, shiny penny in that bet," Mung looked off with a thoughtful look on his face.
Truffles huffed and left the room, grumbling to herself. The executive chef spun the paper in the bowl for one last time.
"All right! I need a drum roll please!" Mung said over his shoulder as he held the bowl high above his head.
Schnitzel broke out a drum set and gave the head chef a drum roll.
"And the dish for Gooey Love Day is…." Mung dug around in bowl before yanking out a scrap of paper.
Opening the folded sliver of paper, the head chef silently read it. Everyone in the room hinged on what the executive chef was about to say.
"Oh Candy," Mung looked up with a relaxed look on his face. "Can you be a dear and go to the store for me? Our fruits and veggies are running low. Take Truffles, she can help you."
Everyone blinked at the head chef. The southern cook gave her uncle a confused expression.
"O-… Okay," Candy replied blinking. "I'll go do that."
"Thank you!" Mung chimed, a grateful smile on his face. "And take your time!"
Still confused, Candy left the kitchen for the lobby area to find Truffles. As soon as the southern girl walked out of the room, Mung shut the kitchen door firmly. Locking the door and swallowing the key, the head chef whirled around to his soui chef and apprentice.
"THE MOST FEARED DAY HAS ARRIVED!" Mung screeched zipping up to Schnitzel and took a hand-full of the front of his apron. "WE'RE DOOMED!"
"What?" Chowder asked.
Mung flew over to his apprentice and picked the heavy kitten clean off of the floor.
"Th-th-the d-d-d-dish!" the panicky head chef stuttered, pressing his forehead on Chowder's and looking him straight in the eye. "D-d-d-d-dOOMED!"
"Radda radda ra!" Schnitzel yanked Mung away from Chowder and slapped him. "Radda r-radda ra?!"
"Don't you tell me to calm down man!" Mung slapped Schnitzel back like he was crazy.
Just then a wave of water hit both of them. Both Schnitzel and Mung looked down and saw Chowder with an empty bucket in his hands, wild look on his face and nostrils flared.
"BOTH OF YOU CALM DOWN!!!" the kitten yelled. "Or so help me… I'll DO IT AGAIN!"
Mung and Schnitzel blinked at Chowder, who was probably crazy enough for both of them.
"Radda radda," the soui chef told Mung as he let go of him.
The head chef started to hyperventilate.
"Calm down! Calm down! Calm down!" Mung chanted to himself. "Go to your happy place! I'm inside my kitchen, cooking another boring, non-deadly dish."
Mung closed his eyes and was stirring an invisible pot of soup. Schnitzel was getting tired of his boss losing it.
"Radda radda r-radda?" the soui chef asked.
The executive chef opened his eyes, but was shaking like a leaf.
"What did the paper say Mung? What dish are we doing?" Chowder rushed, bouncing up and down in excitement.
Mung started to sweat and shiver.
"It is one of the most feared dishes in the entire known universe," the executive chef peeped, looking like he'd seen a ghost. "And I pulled it out of the bowl."
The head chef held up his hand and the piece of paper with the dish's name scribbled on it. Rolling his eyes Schnitzel snatched the paper out of Mung's trembling hand. But as soon as he read what was on the paper, Schnitzel's face went a whiter shade of pale. Now both adults were acting like they'd just seen death walk through the door. Chowder, now more curious than ever walked over to Schnitzel and grabbed the paper. Opening the folded paper, the kitten read what was on it.
""Whole Lotta True Love Chocolate Cheesecake"?" Chowder read it. "That's it?"
At the name of the dish verbalized Mung and Schnitzel pounced on Chowder, their hands clapped over the kitten's mouth. Mung shushed him loudly as he looked warily over his shoulder.
"Shhh! Do you want them to hear us?!" the head chef hissed.
"But Mung," Chowder squirmed out of their grasps. "It's just a cheesecake. There's nothing wrong with a wonderfully silky, cheesy, scrumptious…"
The kitten's mouth was watering profusely. Mung and Schnitzel knew better.
"The "Whole Lotta True Love Chocolate Cheesecake" is no ordinary cheesecake," the executive chef gulped as Schnitzel trembled. "It's… got a huge appeal to…………. women!"
Mung nearly screamed. Chowder was still confused.
"Doesn't all cheesecake?" the kitten asked cocking his head.
The head chef shook his head vigorously.
"This cheesecake has so much allure to the female species that women fall in love with the cake at the first whiff of it! And they will stop at nothing to get a piece of it!" Mung continued. "NOTHING!"
Chowder's eyes widened at Mung's display of fear.
"I once made a "Whole Lotta True Love Chocolate Cheesecake"," the executive chef's eyes widened at the frightful memory. "It was perfectly done. It was silky smooth on your tongue, the chocolate balanced out perfectly and the crust was extraordinarily buttery. But it wasn't long until… they smelt it! I had an army of women storming my kitchen. I had to make a decision. I either held onto the cheesecake and watch the women tear apart my kitchen or give up my perfectly cooked "Whole Lotta True Love Chocolate Cheesecake"."
"What did you do Mung?" Chowder asked, eyes wide as if he was listening to a horror story.
Mung gulped.
"I had no choice but to eat it," the head chef swallowed hard.
Chowder gasped and pulled his knit hat down over his eyes.
"Radda radda radda!" Schnitzel rushed, scared out of his mind.
"Y-yeah! We could just forget about the "Whole Lotta True Love Chocolate Cheesecake" and do something else!" Mung said quickly. "I won't tell if you don't tell Schnitzel!"
"Radda!" Schnitzel nodded.
"Wait Mung," Chowder stepped in front of Mung. "We can't just do another dish! We have to do this cheesecake! We'd be going against tradition if we didn't!"
The head chef looked at his apprentice with shock.
"NOW you decide to go with tradition?! You hate Gooey Love Day!" Mung told Chowder. "Who cares if we don't do this recipe?! I sure as heck don't!"
"Radda!" Schnitzel agreed.
"But a good chef always finishes a dish," Chowder said, plucking Mung's heart cords. "I wanna be a good chef Mung, I really do."
Chowder gave the executive chef the puppy-dog pout. Mung fell for the dreaded puppy pout. Schnitzel looked between the head chef and Chowder.
"Radda radda radda!" the soui chef snapped his fingers in front of Mung's face. "Radda ra!"
"Chowder does have a point Schnitzel," Mung told his soui chef.
Schnitzel looked at his boss like he'd just sprouted another head.
"RADDA RADDA RA!!" the soui chef carried on.
Mung nodded.
"I know the danger of this dish," the executive Chef nodded. "But we have honor! We are Mung Daal's Catering Company! The name stands for excellence!... The name… not you guys."
Schnitzel and Chowder rolled their eyes.
"And we shall cook this dish! Even if it KILLS US!" Mung proclaimed.
The soui chef slapped his forehead.
"Radda!" Schnitzel groaned falling to his knees.
Mung slapped his soui chef between his shoulder blades.
"Don't worry Schnitzel," the executive chef beamed. "We'll leave out a couple key ingredients. It won't taste right but we'll be safe from a female invasion."
Schnitzel stood, feeling just a little safer.
"What?" Chowder asked. "We're leaving out key ingredients? Mung, that's not right."
Mung walked to his recipe shelf and pulled out a pink book with red letters reading: "Loving Foods". Blowing a cloud of ancient dust off of the hardback, Mung opened the book. As he paged through the book the head chef walked over to Schnitzel and Chowder.
"These-," Mung opened the book and held to Chowder's nose, "are the ingredients that make the "Whole Lotta True Love Chocolate Cheesecake" irresistible to women."
One page was divided into two pictures of ingredients accompanied by captions. There was a big glossy picture of a fancy looking bottle and an unexciting looking jar of something. Chowder squinted as he read the captions under each picture.
""Liquid concentrated essence of… Belchen choco-licious cacao beans"…" the kitten read slowly.
Chowder blinked at the other caption under the bottle.
"And… "Unscented Bark Extract of a Hairy Rose Plant, clear"?" the kitten winced as Schnitzel and Mung trembled. "Bark? As in that brown stuff that is on the outside of a tree?? That bark?"
The head chef snapped the book close.
"Yes," Mung gulped. "Alone those two ingredients are harmless, but combined together… they become something that is overwhelmingly alluring to the female gender. The Belchen cacao beans and the Hairy Rose bark coupled with the rest of the required ingredients create a cheesecake that will get any woman's attention!"
"Do we have the caca beans or the hairy bark?" the kitten asked.
The executive chef passed a wary glance at a cobweb-covered spice cabinet with a heavy chain and bullet-proof lock around it, hanging in a dark corner of the kitchen.
"Those two ingredients are in that cabinet," Mung pointed. "I haven't used either of those accursed items in my cooking since my first "Whole Lotta True Love Chocolate Cheesecake". And I plan on keeping it that way!"
"Radda!" Schnitzel agreed.
In a flash, Chowder was over at the forbidden cabinet.
"Hey Mung!" the kitten cheered pointing at it. "Can I see the Belchen caca beans and the hairy bark?"
Mung tossed a harmless oven-mitt with such force that when it hit Chowder in the face, he was blasted off of his feet.
"NEVER!" the head chef blasted. "Those two things are far too dangerous even for warfare! There's no way I'm gonna let you touch them!"
And of course Chowder had to touch them. Getting to his feet the kitten passed a glance back at the cabinet.
"Can I just-?" Chowder began before another oven-mitt was hurled across the room and beaned him in the face.
"NO!" Mung shot back. "Don't touch, look or even smell it! In fact, you are forbidden to THINK about those two cursed ingredients! CLEAR?!"
Chowder frowned, an oven-mitt-shaped indentation on his fuzzy face.
"Fine," he relented.
""Fine" what?" Mung barked from across the room.
"I won't even think about it," Chowder recited, rolling his eyes.
"Good!" the head chef said. "Now get a broom and clean up that corner. The cobwebs have to be as old as I am."
Schnitzel laughed before the soui chef got hit in the face with an oven-mitt.
Obeying, Chowder sulked over to get the broom. Passing the boring broom over the floor, the chef's apprentice began making a pile. As he was bending over and held the dustpan to scoop up the cobweb dust-bunnies, Chowder's broom handle ever so slightly tapped the forbidden cabinet. In a poof of millennia-old dust, the heavy chain and bullet-proof lock around the cabinet disintegrated. The kitten's eyes widened as the cabinet's door opened seductively, only giving him a peek of something shiny.
Passing a wary glance over his shoulder at Mung and Schnitzel, Chowder saw that the adults were too busy to notice what he was doing. With a well-intentioned and curious finger, the kitten opened the cabinet further. There was a brown, shiny and slender bottle with the words "Unscented Hairy Rose Bark Extract" in fancy red letters. Beside it was a white jar with brown letters on it reading: "Liquidized Concentrated Essence of Belchen Choco-licious Cacao Beans".
Chowder had to know more.
R&R. Long live Rock!