A little one-shot thingy I put together.
I OWN NOTHING
She's not like this. Not at all. She never wants what she knows she can't have. She understands the concept of the forbidden fruit perfectly, and he, he is defiantly the fruit of which she should not eat. But the more she watches the more she yearns. In some ways she fells nasty. Completely disgusted at her love for him because compared to her he's a baby, but no matter what she says she loves him as more than a friend. She watched him grow. Just like her feelings for him had. The love she has for him surpasses that of a brother. He's planted deep within her soul, she feels him running through her veins. He had become ingrained in her, no matter what she tells herself. She leans on him. He's her rock and she needs him. He is the one thing in her life that must stay constant. One word, one action, one small thing that she may say or do and in one second her rock might crumble…and she knows she'll crumble right along with it. So she stays silent. To her, it is better to have him in her life as just a friend than not at all. She can't picture a life without him in it. And she doesn't know how she made it through so much of her life without him. But now that she knows what it's like with him. Living without him is not an option.
So she sits. She wears a tight smile on her face while parts of her slowly die away. She is on autopilot now. She knows when she gets home what she'll do. She knows she'll cry and wail his name until she can cry no more. But the crying must wait. Right now it's about him. How she must be happy for him. She tells herself he isn't going anywhere. She can still call him right before she goes to bed. Just as soon as she wakes up. They can still talk for hours, they can still be best friends. But she knows this isn't true. Yes, they will still be best friends. They'll always be best friends. But she has taken a back seat now. She knows the calls will become less frequent, a lot shorter. Their relationship will soon dim and fade away a little. But she still smiles.
She stands up and makes her way through the crowd of people congratulating him. Their speaking loudly their laughter to anyone else near by would be defining, but in her ears all of their voices are muted. She needs to focus on doing this without any distraction. She reaches her destination and sucks in a deep breath. Right on cue he turns to her. Flashes her a smile that never fails to melt her insides and places his hand on her shoulder. A simple gesture. But it always warms her insides. The more she looks at him, the more beautiful he is. She stays like that for a while. Trying to stir up the courage to speak.
She leans in taking in his sent, her lips mere centimeters from his ears. She pushes out the words she's dreaded since she found out. Those five little words that mark the beginning of the new him. The end of her.
"Congratulations on your engagement Corbin."
She's pulled into him. He's holding on tight and she holds on tighter. She doesn't care about the people who she knows by now are looking at their desperate embrace. She feels a tear drop to her shoulder and reciprocates with a few of her own. Swallowing the sob that she feels is coming on. She knows that this isn't, but all of her feels that this is…goodbye.
He had the biggest crush on her. Like a straight out teenage love thing going on. Right away he learned everything about her. And even now he knows everything about her. He knows her more about her than she does. And he rarely thinks this because he knows that it only confirms what he has been ignoring and neglecting for years now… he knows her more than he knows the woman he's going to marry. He tells himself that they are different. Coming up with every excuse he could think of. He's known her longer, he's spent more time with her, anything to excuse they way he knows her back and forth. How he knows everything she loves, everything that makes her tick. Every part of him screamed the excuses weren't true. Yes, they were fact, but they weren't the reason he knew all of those things. He knows it lies deeper than that. But that doesn't matter she doesn't love him like he loved her. Like heloves her. He always tells himself that she deserves so much more than he can offer. She's a women. She knows what she wants. He continuously tells himself that what she wants is not him. But even still he remains close to her. Getting to experience all of her without really experiencing all of her. He knows this is pathetic, he knows that it's a cheap fix. But he doesn't care. He'd rather have the cheap fix than nothing at all.
He met Heather two years ago. The similarities between the two women were unbelievable. Heather had become the human fix, his her outside of the real thing. He had grown fond of her, and he really did love her. He could see himself with her. But Heather had one fault, which in turn resulted in many. Heather would never be her. Heather's laugh didn't quite ring and shake similar to bells like hers did. When Heather called his name it didn't sound as angelic as her voice. And when she touched him it felt nothing like the slightest touch from her.
He tried to stop comparing the two. He knew when he did it would be easier to love Heather for who she was, not who she couldn't be. And he thought if he was committed to her he would. But that just made everything much more difficult.
Now as the people surround him with nothing but smiles on their faces he puts out his best one. Because this is his party, he's supposed to be happy but he can't help the empty feeling that's in his gut. The rational part of his brain telling him that this is all wrong. Parts of his body, soul, and mind will always be with her. But he'd deal with that later, she's coming. He can fell it, his body tenses in his breath catches, it was the way he knew she was near. He always had an immediate reaction.
He turns when he knows she's close instinctively smiling when their eye's meet. He places his hand on her shoulder, allowing it to linger at the surge that shot through his body from the slight contact. They had the kind of relationship where they could stay silent for minutes and say so much. She leans in and he knows what's coming. It's been said so many times tonight but coming from her he knows is when it'll be real.
"Congratulations on your engagement Corbin."
He swallows the lump that forms in his throat. He knows he's overreacting. He has a fiancée now, she shouldn't provoke this reaction. He knows that she really isn't going anywhere. But he still pulls her into him, squeezing her tightly. He can't help but think once he lets go everything for him is over. A lone tear breaks free from his eyes because to him she just said the words that he knows will stop his world from turning. To him she just said goodbye.