Hi! Future-Gamefreak here! When I should be working on chapter 2 of Rockman's Dreamland, I decided to come up with this bizarre little one-shot of about a Super Famicom game you probably never heard of AND for good reasons, Hong Kong 97. The perfect way to describe it is a Japanese college student's poor Newgrounds flash which very badly tries to recreate the Chinese revolution while throwing in a cringe-worthy sound clip, gameplay that shamelessly rips off Space Invaders and floating heads. TL; DR version: This game sucks.

Disclaimer: I'm indeed very grateful that I don't own this thing which I refuse to call a game. It belongs to some mind terrorists called Happy Soft or something.

Hong Kong 97

(Everything in italics is from the game, srsly.)

Hong Kong, 1997

The year 1997 has arrived. A herd of f***in' ugly reds are rushing from the Main Land.

As the colorful subtitle suggested, the herd of fugly reds came in gigantic crowds, carrying weapons in their luggage and thinking thoughts that were to despicable to be mentioned. They hadn't been singing the national anthem of Tienanmen Square, but had been singing such despicable things, that onlookers gasped in shock and worried mothers covered their children's ears, in an attempt to block out this wave of despicableness. These "reds" meant serious business if they showed no pity for the young children and their innocent minds. There were soon to be dark times ahead because of these intruders.

Crime rate skyrocketed! Honk Kong is ruined! Therefore, the Hong Kong government called Bruce Lee's relative, "Chin" for the massacre of the reds. Chin is a killer machine. Wipe out all 1.2 billion of the red communists!

"So Jacki- erm, "Chin", Do you understand your task of wiping out the reds?" The president of China -who looked suspiciously like Bill Clinton- had asked. Chin nodded, understanding the gruesome task at hand, even though it was extremely implausible for one man alone to kill off thousands of people but, since this plot has no logic or consistency, we must overlook this fact.

Armed only with some sort of flaming baseball shooter, Chin leaves, unaware of the danger of his task.

However, in Mainland China, there was a secret project in progress! A project to transform the dead Tong Shau Ping into an Ultimate weapon!

"Project TSP is finally complete!" A scientist clad in the stereotypical get-up announces to no one in particular.

The other scientists nod in agreement because they can't think of anything to say.

"Those reds are just a distraction," Mr. Unnamed Scientist rambles on, his colleagues paying little attention to him.

"Just something to keep that Cha-erm..."Chin" busy. Project TSP will reduce Hong Kong to ruins! Soon, the revolution will begin!"

Once again, his colleagues nod absentmindedly.

"But sir," A new voice speaks up. "Why do we want to ruin Hong Kong if we love it so much?"

Pause...

One boot to the head answered that question.

Swarms of reds came after Chin, armed with green doughnuts and similar flaming baseballs, but Chin, being the "killer machine" he is, wipes out the crowds with ease. More swarms arrive and the corpses pile up.

He even manages to blow up a few limos and become invincible! The swarms stop abruptly.

Is that It? Did I win? He thinks, very unsure.

Suddenly, everything starts to flicker around him, like some implausible boss is about to appea- oh.

Standing in front of him, is the decapitated head of Tong Shau Ping, looking as if someone fired up MS Paint, cut off the head, and saved it under JPEG. Chin stands frozen with fear at the horrendous sight in front of him. Suddenly the head rushes at him And Chin, conveniently snapping out of his trance, simply side-steps to avoid the attack. He starts shooting at Tong Shau Ping and he continues to try to crush him. The battle rages on, showing no signs of stopping. Unfortunately Chin somehow runs out of ammo.

Tong Shau Ping rushes at him, thinking he has the upper hand, but just as he's about to crush Chin, a shot hits Tong right in the eye. The shot causes the head to explode but Chin gets caught in the flames.

And then...

"The game ends?"

The player stares at the monitor, trying to figure out just what the hell she just saw.

"Last time I ever listen to reviewers from That Guy With The Glasses," she mutters as she fires up Tetris Attack on ZSNES.

Well, are you offended? Are you curious actually try and play this game? Well, then you are a brave soul and good luck to you then. And don't come back whining to me about therapy after playing! Feel free to flame or review.