ShinigamiQueen: This is about Itachi's birthday, and we apologize about being a week late. I forgot about his birthday *headdesk* and I don't want to wait ANOTHER year because he'll be thirty by the time we get it right.
Death: What happens if you don't like Itachi in a year?
ShinigamiQueen: NEVER! I'll probably end up writing lemons about him.
Death: *nose bleed*
ShinigamiQueen; Sorry, we're still a bit giggly and perverted after lunch today. We had images of Deidara and his hands in certain places… thanks to a few members of our class.
Death: *laughs* Hahaheeheehohohaha
XxXItachiXxX"Happy Birthday! (un)" exploded as Itachi opened the door to his flat.
Hatsu, smiling, came and punched him playfully in the kidney. He doubled over, pretending to groan. From the floor, he saw her roll her eyes.
"Get your pretty Uchiha butt off the floor, we just vacuumed it,"
He got up, as the others all came out form their hiding places, laughing and jeering. Deidara waved almost menacingly at him and Tobi bounded forward.
"Open my present first!"
Itachi took the present from him and shook it. No noise. He tore the wrapping off and looked down to see…
A.
Pink.
Fluffy.
Bunny.
"I KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT! IT CAN BE YOUR SEEING EYE BUNNY!"
Itachi whacked Tobi around the head with the bunny and threw it aside. Hatsu caught it and pretended to comfort it, lovingly.
Kisame stepped forward and handed him a crudely wrapped present.
Itachi raised an eyebrow.
"Really?"
"Yes," Kisame grinned. "You didn't replace the last one."
Laughing Itachi unwrapped the present and saw a teapot decorated with pink flowers.
"Thanks!" he said, throwing it at Kisame. Kisame ducked as it zoomed towards him and smashed behind his head.
"WHAT'S WITH UCHIHA'S AND THROWING TEAPOTS?" Kisame yelled, jokingly, as he straightened up and lounged on the sofa.
"Runs in the family, dude," Itachi teased, winking at him, as Sasori stepped forward.
"Just a little something to make your ears match your eyes," he said, handing it to him, before retiring to Deidara's side.
Inside was a weasel puppet holding tickets. Itachi leaned forward to look closer.
Three Days Grace10th June
Inner Circle.
Laughing, he put the tickets in his pocket and gave the puppet to Hatsu, who put it on the sofa and mimed smashing it with a hammer, singing: "Weasel stomping day. Weasel stomping day."
"OH, YOUR TAKING TOBI AREN'T YOU ITACHI-SENPAI? I KNEW WE WERE BEST FRIENDS!"
Tobi ran forward and wrapped his legs around Itachi's waist and his arms around Itachi neck. Itachi began to try to fight him off, and he kept on clinging like a monkey, until Deidara wrapped his arms around Tobi's waist and threw him across the room.
"SENPAI!" Tobi yelled as he flew in mid-air finally landing on Sasori.
"Ow," came Sasori's bored tone, slightly muffled, from under Tobi.
"Here's my present. Well, actually I brought you two. Here's the first one. Un." He handed Itachi a small wrapped present.
Itachi unwrapped it and stared at the object.
He had no idea what it was.
"Um…thanks,"
"I brought it new, of course, but I took it out of the box so you couldn't take it back. Here's the next one."
Itachi took the slightly larger present off Deidara and unwrapped that.
He stared at the writing.
"A cleaner for… DEIDARA!"
"I thought you'd like it! Un!" Deidara protested.
"Hatsu…" Itachi dropped the cleaner and threw the first present at her. She caught it and screamed, whacking it away from her.
"I'M NOT TOUCHING IT IT'S FOR GUYS!"
"LET TOBI HAVE IT!"
"Tobi doesn't want it," Sasori cut in.
"TOBI DOES!" Tobi caught it and, quickly realised what it was. He held it out in front of him, like it was contagious. "SENPAI!"
"I'm not touching it, it's Itachi's! Un!"
"SASORI-DANNA!"
"I'm not having that!"
"PLEASE!" The present began to fly from each gang member, each one refusing to touch it.
Deidara threw it and it landed in Hidan's lap.
Hidan raised an eyebrow and raised it up to his face. It began to vibrate.
"Ah, fuck it. I'll just take the fucking thing," he said, laying it next to him.
Kakuzu shifted even further away from Hidan.
"But it's Itachi's! Un!" Deidara complained.
"Does Itachi fucking well want the thing?"
Itachi shook his head quickly.
"Well, then it's settled, isn't it?"
Everybody nodded, except Hatsu, who had her hand stretched out at arm's length.
"I'm just going to the bathroom," she said, running out of the room.
"Why?" Tobi asked, as they heard a door slam.
"Dude, if a girl needs to go to the bathroom, you don't ask her why," Kisame said, rolling his eyes.
"Sasori, Sasori-danna. Why? Why don't you ask why if a girl needs to go to the bathroom?"
Sasori face-palmed.
Hidan chuckled and threw Itachi a box. "Happy fucking birthday."
Itachi caught it and looked it over.
"It's a book, right?"
"No shit, Sherlock."
"Okay,"
"And not just any book. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge and all that crap."
Itachi lifted the lid of the box and took the book out of it before throwing the box into a corner. He looked at the cover.
Icha Icha Paradise"Erm…thanks,"
Hidan laughed.
Itachi began to flick through the book and found a rather graphic picture.
"ITACHI! IS THAT BOOK WHAT I THINK IT IS?"
"No," Itachi said, turning away quickly.
"Yes," Hidan laughed.
"GIMME THAT BOOK!" Hatsu yelled, jumping onto Itachi's back, trying to snatch it out of his hands. Itachi held it at arms length, running.
"PLAYTIME!" came the shriek of Tobi as he jumped on top of Itachi and Hatsu. All three went down in a heap. Hatsu grabbed the book and shoved it under a cushion, before sitting on the sofa. Tobi stood and bounced back over to Deidara. Itachi stood and sighed.
Zetsu came forward and handed a small plant in a pot with a pink bow wrapped around it. Grimacing, Itachi pulled the bow off and threw it aside. Hidan caught it and tried to tie it in Alice in Wonderland fashion on Hatsu's head. She stuck out a foot and kicked him. He let go of the ribbon and fell onto the floor, groaning.
"You just had to kick me there, didn't you?" He said, sitting back up on the sofa, one hand still in the place.
"Yes," she said, dryly, tucking her knees under her chin.
Itachi looked at the plant. "It's opening." Then he stuck a finger inside.
The plant's jaws snapped shut.
"AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
"It's a venues fly trap, Itachi," said the black half of Zetsu, while the other half screamed, "OHMIGOD! ITACHI!"
Hatsu covered her ears. "Fucking hell, guys! You are screaming bloody murder!"
Hidan leaned towards her. "I like a girl who swears,"
"Want me to kick you again?" she asked, sweetly.
"No, ma'am." Hidan leaned away from her.
"Good boy."
"Venues fly-traps do not let go of their foods until they have digested their prey."
"OHMIGOD!"
"It's 'OHMIJASHIN' actually,"
"Shuddup."
"AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
Tobi, to add to the commotion, began to hum 'jaws' at the top of his lungs.
"Jaws!" Hatsu yelled and the plant realised Itachi's finger.
Itachi threw the plant wildly and began to nurse his finger.
Everybody stopped talking, except Tobi, who caught the plant and began begging Deidara to let him keep it.
"PLEASE SENPAI! IT'S MY BEST FRIEND!"
Deidara reached into his bag, where his clay was, and Tobi quickly backtracked.
"I MEAN I KNOW WE'RE BEST FRIENDS, SENPAI. I MEAN, WE'RE LIKE THAT," Tobi held up his crossed fingers.
"No, Tobi, we are not like that,"
"WHAT ARE WE LIKE THEN?"
"This," Deidara tossed a clay model of a closed venues fly-trap.
"Don't you…" Kisame began to say.
"KATSU!"
"…Blow that up." He finished miserably.
The wall that separated Itachi and Kisame from Sakura and her mother blew up, leaving a big hole, big enough for several people to climb through. Sakura's scared face peered around the edge of it.
"Hey, Itachi,. Is Sasuke there?"
"No,"
"Oh," she drooped. "I'll go get my mum."
Everyone began to pick rubble off themselves.
"OUT!" Hatsu bellowed, at the group.
"You don't even live here!" Kisame protested.
"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A DAMN?"
"Quite frankly, sweetheart, you do,"
"AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
"But we haven't even given Itachi his cake," Tobi piped up.
Hatsu took a deep breath. "Give. It. To. Him. QUICKLY." She said through clenched teeth.
"Okay,"
Tobi picked the cake up from the table and threw it at Itachi.
It hit him squarely in the face.
Laughing, they all left hastily as Hatsu throw cushions at them. Deidara threw a clay one back at her, and made it blow up in front of her face. She snarled at him and began to march over until, Hidan whispered something in Deidara's ear and they ran off.
She crossed the room to a barley recognizable Itachi. She wiped her finger across his cheek and put the mixture that came on her finger in her mouth.
"Hmm. Vanilla,"
"Nice?"
"Yeah,"
Smiling, Itachi wrapped his arms around her and held her close.
Unseen, Kisame threw a pillow at them.
"I live here, you know!"
"Kisame!" They shrieked. "Go into your room!"
"Go get your own room," he called over his shoulder, shutting his door.
Death: I thought of the idea for Deidara's present… She didn't want me to put it in, but I did.
ShinigamiQueen: I can't believe I let you do that. *facepalm*
Death: You're laughing on the inside… You're in hysterics.
ShinigamiQueen: No, I'm not.
Death: Meanie… If you're wondering where Pein and Konan are.. their, um, "busy" *winks* and Kakuzu is on some kind of business trip.
ShinigamiQueen: But he got Itachi a pizza coupon… He didn't forget! The cheapskate.
Death: Pein and Konan are mean, I mean I wouldn't blow off a friends birthday, to, erm… you know. *blush*
ShinigamiQueen: They're going shopping!
Death: For beds! *laughs hysterically*
ShinigamiQueen: Oh, no not again… *sigh*